I'm in an icky situation, and I don't know what do do anymore.
I was best friends with this girl. Her older brother is 20. I hung out with him once or twice before my winter break since we were matching and I was the hook up and all that. She warned me repeatedly not to get involved with him. I told her I would never do that. Plus I'm five years younger, what the hell would he want with me?
So the Thursday before winter break started, she told me that he was going to come pick up money to get us liquor. So he called me and told me he was on his way and he asked if I wanted a few beers so I said sure.
We hung out [me and we'll just call him Ted] with my other friend. We smoked and watched Loose Change and the whole time he flirted with me. But, me being young and stupid, didn't catch on. So when it came time for my other friend to leave, he said "Well, I better go too then." and I said "No, why don't you stay, I'm gonna be up for a while anyway." So he did and I ended up having sex with him.
The whole winter break was a big secret from his sister. We would meet up at her house at seperate times, and no matter how much we slipped about him, she never knew. Even when we both would go back to the house hungover, nothing. She never fucking knew.
Then one night we decided to go for a little drive in my mom's 2005 schweet ass Durango. He was driving on a revoked, has been arrested 18 times and was under the influence of 3 substances, as was I.
"Ted" fell asleep at the wheel and ended up fucking the car up pretty bad. At the end of the adventure, when we got arrested at 6 in the morning, the car was missing two tires, had a cracked passsenger window, missing a side mirror, and the sensors for the brakes were shot.
He was in jail for 3 months and I talked to him quite often. So often that it rang up $200 on my phone bill.
When he got out, he was here every night, despite my mom's orders not to have any contact with him. Then he was put on house arrest so I started going over there when his sister went to bed. We still have sex.
But...here's the thing...he says that a part of him really does love me and all this bullshit about how he cares about me. How if I ever got pregnant he's take care of it and all that.
But some nights I don't get a call from him, sometimes when I go over there I leave right after we fuck because he has swap in the morning and I get pissed off and tell him that I'm not going to put up with it. Then he brings up valid legal-related issues and I go home, still kinda pissed. It all fucks with my head way too much. One minute he wants me and the next he's afraid of me.
I don't know why I keep going back. He's a felon, never able to get his license again, he's been in jail twice, I'm pretty much jailbait, but he's the only male in my life that shows me any affection. And that's all I want.
Am I just treating him as a temporary solution to what I really want? What the fuck do I do?
:(
