I've been feeling terrible today

Well guys, I have a little story I'd like to tell you. This isn't an easy thing for me to say to people but I think I can trust the people here and their judgement, you are after all, for the most part, very good people.

Anyway, lately I've been very upset with regards to my mom. This has possibly began on friday night at around 2 in the morning when I got home. I was at work until 10:30 and then I went to my friend's. It had also snowed a lot that night. Anyway, when I got home, my mom was yelling at me that she was really worried and she was very mad that I didn't call her.

You see the thing is that this is all related to my father. My father died days before I had turned 12, and I am now 17. Truthfully, he had commited suicide. He had left the house at night and drove over to some other mountain to the woods. When my mom woe up in the morning he wasn't there and she soon told me.

Anyway no need to go into the details but you get the idea. She's worried as fuck when I go off like that without telling her. Once after grade 7 when I was 13, me and my friend stayed downtown for an entire night without telling our parents.

This all leads to the fact that I don't treat my mother with enough respect. But I don't do that by being a bad kid or anything. I was never really like that. I'm just really really smart, maybe even a smartass, and she isn't. I use that, as well as the lack of a father in the house, to my advantage, mostly when we fight (which happens pretty often mind you). I use derogatory language sometimes (too often even), and I point out many things which are most definitly true but are not things that should be said, especially not to my mother. Realiszing that this happens for those reasons made me feel even worse, as it just occured minutes ago.

What probably bothers me most though, even to the point of being disturbing, is that after a night's sleep, all is forgotten. My mom hardly ever mentions stuff that happens between us when we fight. She never uses anything against me. On Friday night she told me that I have no idea what it is like to be considerate, which really, really hurts me. I'm very considerate towards my friends, at least I try to. I guess I don't give enough consideration where it's due. Still, telling me that had made me feel like shit.

Other then that, like I said, she forgets the arguments we have. And once she does she's pretty cool. We have pretty chill conversations and everything is cool, I smoke her riggs and she doesn't say anything, unless she hasn't realized yet, which would give me a heart attack of I found out was true.

Anyway, what are your comments? Do you have any advice to improve ,y relationship with my mother? I mean I'm pretty sure what I need to do and that is treat her with respect, although that is hard considering that I completely and totally outsmart her in every occuring situation. I want to discover more about her too, why she acts the way she does, why she's so damn careless. But she's my mother, and I do want to make sure you all know that I love her.

maby every once an a while u should jus give in, tell ur mom shes right an that u fucked up. at least till u move out.

That's not a half bad idea.

And you just told us you love her, do you ever tell her?

42

it doesnt matter what u do or say to ur mother. A mothers love for her child over comes it all. It dont matter what u do or say to her she is always goin to be there and love u unconditionally. But even tho this is true i can see y she gets upset when u dont call her or tell her ur stayin out. Losing ur father was prolly the worst thing that has ever happened to her. U are him and u are all she has left of him. She is prolly thinkin all kinds of things when u dont show up. I couldnt imagin bein in her shoes. U need to just show her everyday how much she means to u. Tell her u love her and show her. If ur not goin to come home and ur goin to stay out atleast make sure she knows what u are doin. There is nothing worse then waiting and wondering whats goin on. Make sure that when u fight u dont just let it go. Tell her that ur sry and want a better relationship with her. Moms love haveing and open relationship with there kids. We want to be ur friend. Just sit down with her and tell her the things that u shared with us. Tell her "mom i want to talk to u about sumthings that have been buggin me, and i just want u to listen til im done then tell me how it makes u feel." Be as open and honest as u can be. Trust me she is waiting for this. I hope things work for u sweety and good luck. Hug ur mom for me too k ;)

It is amazing how words used at an exact moment of someones vulnerability can cause so much pain. I as a teenager was also gifted with a very smartarse mouth and considered myself to be smarter than my mother. Now I realise the reason I was "smarter and righter than her" was because my reasoning did not consider her experiences, or things through the eyes of a concerned mother, it only considered my life and my experiences and me twisting things to suit me and no one else.

Your mum probably doesn't talk about it all the next day because when she is angry or upset she vents her feelings as soon as she sees you and maybe just like you after calming down she sees that she may have been hot headed or cruel in her reaction or that she has said all she has to say.

She is bringing you,up on her own (am I right?) she has no partner to help her read warning signs or confer with on how to bring you up or take care of you. All she has is your word and physical presence showing her that you are ok and her own experiences (one of which is the loss of your dad).

Not having a father figure around in your teenage years means that maybe you may forget or lose track of what it means to respect your mum, but from what you have said you do recognise that your behaviour can be hurtful and you are one step ahead of many teenagers in that respect. I can't imagine the pain you and your mum have gone through but remember, friends come and go but family is forever.

Consider things about your mum such as her upbringing, family, life time of relationships, school years, years as a wife and as a parent. The beliefs she has formed of what it is to be a mother and a child are formed through these experiences and everything you do will either help her to confirm or modify these. Her comment about you being inconsiderate may have been hurtful, but maybe it is her way of saying she needs to see that you care for and consider her feelings as much as she does for you.

Mum's like to feel loved and cared for too just like they do for their children (it is one of the biggest rewards of parenting), but also she wants to see that you care enough about yourself and your life too (the other big reward seeing your child all grown up and ok).

Any how you sound like a really normal but sweet teenage son and a proud, thoughtful and intelligent young man. Your mum knows this and just wants you to know it and for you to be the best person you can be. :)

Anyhow sorry to sound all motherish and preachy on you and I know I don't really know you or the real situation, but I am stoned. :o

Mrs P

it sounds like she is just really scared of losing you. SHe doesn't want to lose you like she lost your dad. Like Mrs P said sometimes we think we know more then our mothers and think we are tricking them. But they do have more experience and have a third eye.
For example I was taking birth control and "thought" that my mom didn't know. One day just out of the blue she was like "I know your having sex" At first I thought she was going to flip because sex before marriage was not cool in her book. We talked alittle but not much was said. I guess she understands.
I go to my mom and ask her opinion on things. That makes them feel needed. I think that she just really wants to be a part of your life and know what your up to. Not every detail must be reveled but moms have to know whats up.

you sound like you know what you need to do so do it!

TELL HER U LOVE HER AND SMOTHER HER WITH HUGS AND KISSES

REASURRE HER

DNT ARGUE AND LOOSE UR MUM

FRIENDS CAN BE REPLACED!
MUMS CANT!

Yeah bro, tell her you love her and be considerate give her a damn call, my parents are the same way, all they want is a call, who doesn't have a cell phone nowadays. You two are the only family so you gotta stick together and be strong bro, love eachother, I know its hard man but fuck I can't even imagine loosing my father. Try puffin' with her, it would make your relationship soooo much better, and just talk don't argue, Ask her how she feels and then say what you feel and then some up with a compromise. Good Luck Man, be happy love eachother, try to puff with her hehe.

much appreciated guys.