I need advice..seriously

[geonagual]

OK. Where do I start?
I have been married now almost 14 years...We have split up twice during that time. One time it was for almost 2 years. I have this huge obligation inside of me (which I hate) to be here for my daughters. I do not love my wife at all in a passionate sense. I love her for who she is (mother of my children) but really nothing else. I have tried to love her. I have went to counseling, Landmark Forum, extensive talks. Nothing helps. I am giving up. Our sex life is non existent and I have no desire to have sex with her, at all. It sucks. I want sex, just not with her. I am not with anyone else and do not plan on cheating...to me, it is a waste of energy.
We really dont have much in common...I like the outdoors, hiking and spontaneous travel..and she likes movies, chilling in the indoors and methodical planning.
I am planning on leaving her soon...Now, that my mom has passed, I dont have to look at the dissapopintment in her face when I tell her that I dont love my wife and I wish I wasnt married...
So, next week I am flying back to Ohio, again and I am helping my dad move out here to california...after that is done...I am telling my wife that is it, it is time to switch gears and re configure my life without her and I want her to do the same. I want no ill will. I want her to be happy too. I will always take care of my daughters...Plus, my plan (which is still developing) is to move to San Diego..about 100 miles from wehre I live now...Get my business started down there and start surfing again...

So, what do you think?

[cannavore]

just keep in touch with your daughters. most people overlook how important a male influence is. if youve tried to make things better and nothing has improved then leaving is fine. good luck. peace

[Mean Green Charlene]

For sure keep in touch with your daughters. Maybe every weekend, or every other weekend they come to dads house? Its never worth living your life unhappy, you only get one.

[birdgirl73]

If you can do that and still do justice to your girls, giving them the time, energy, support and attention they need and deserve, then I wish you the best of luck. I know that's a hard, awful situation. I suspect it's a decision you're going to struggle with even after you make it. As much as you hate that feeling of obligation, to me it indicates that you also recognize on a very fundamental level that having two in-residence parents is still the better situation for the children even if it's not the better one for you.

That being said, you also know that life is far too short and too precious to spend it miserable. And you know it doesn't do kids any good to have a flat, passionless marriage modeled for them, sustained only because it's what's best for them. You don't want them to grow up thinking that's how a couple should relate. I feel like I know you well enough to have a fairly good feel for your character, and I know you'll still be an attentive, loving parent. Just be prepared for the girls to have some ups and downs as the change plays out, and also be prepared for a change in your financial circumstances. Down the road, I think you have to be prepared for the fact that you or your current wife may remarry, which'll add new complexities to the family dynamics.

You've had a lot of change going on in your life recently. You watched that elderly friend die. Then the more recent loss of your mom. This impending move for your dad. The figurative-emotional loss of your marriage even if you haven't yet officially made that change yet. I think you're wise to take the time between now and when you get your dad settled back out in California to deliberate on this next big change so you can make sure you're not making a reactionary decision during a time of turmoil but rather a good, sound, decision for the future.

I love you, Geonagual. Wish you only the best, happiest life that's possible to have. Wish I could make your wife see that she's about to let one of the best guys and the best dads around slip right through her fingers. I think the trip to help your dad will be a good get-away/thinking opportunity. Hope the stuff I said made sense.

[geonagual]

Thanks Birdgirl...

My wife still does love me, but there is just nothing she can do or say that can change my feelings...

As far as my daughters go, I am very, very tight with them. I have always been there for everything with them. I continually teach them about reality and the world and want them to grow up to be completely independent women who will rely on no one to survive.
I will be driving across country with my dad next week in a moving van pulling his truck. So, my perspectives on things may change, but I do feel that NOW is the right time.

[Skink]

G think hard!!! sitting here with nothing makes me wish for your situation...

[friendowl]

good luck
i hope things work out
if not
lets hike the john muir trail

[TheSmokingMonkey]

Good decision but make sure you do the following:

1. Keep an even keel when relating to your ex-wife in front of your daughters. Be civil; act like friends.

2. Keep in touch with your daughters and do NOT make them be messengers to your ex-wife.

3. Send money but send more love than you do money.

You should be okay. Keep your chin up and remember to be a responsible adult setting a good example for your kids.

[BlAzInIt4:20]

or... you will always have me:thumbsup:

[rebgirl420]

Good decision but make sure you do the following:

1. Keep an even keel when relating to your ex-wife in front of your daughters. Be civil; act like friends.

2. Keep in touch with your daughters and do NOT make them be messengers to your ex-wife.

3. Send money but send more love than you do money.

You should be okay. Keep your chin up and remember to be a responsible adult setting a good example for your kids.

brilliant