when theres no other direction

[Ammie]

do u ever feel lost? not like directions lost, i mean lost in side of urself?
so lost that u dont know if u will ever bring urself back or even if u can bring urself back? do u ever feel alone and scared and confused about what direction to take ur life in because its time to try again and start over? Or do u ever just want to give up and say fuck it? do u ever feel sad for no reason? do u get uncontolable bursts of happiness that only seem to last a breif moment? do u think that ur life will never seem to get any better? or do u just not take the time to think about it at all? do u shut urself off to everyone around u because u are afride that they might hurt u? do u ever feel like u are just not good enuff? do u try to put on a show for people and hide the real u because u think that its easier if they dont know u? or do u just shut urself off completely? have u gotten to the point when ur just so hurt by life that u have no more emotions? u cant even cry? do u feel like there is no one else like u out there in the world that could possibly know what ur goin thru? do u ever feel that ur no longer living and ur just exsisting?





sry guys i had to get this off my chest :o

[koshea]

welcome to 85% of my feelings ammie

[RESiNATE]

Yeps, Ammie....
Like Koshea said, I think you just described 99% of this board, my love :D

I was driving to work the other day, I had this feeling in me that I wanted to just pull over, and absolutely break down into a fit of tears...but, I knew that I couldn't cry.
A feeling of complete and utter despair...hopelessness and self-pity.
Then, when I got to work, I was cracking jokes and stuff...

..the masks we wear, init :rolleyes:

Ditto to everything you said...:(

*Res hugs Ammie*

[koshea]

id call a group hug but its be more like res and me jumping on ammie passionitley

[RESiNATE]

lmao..true, Koshea...but, I think that the hugs are genuine this time, init

*we all hugs eachother*
:)

[kuulbns]

Ammie hunny, I think we all feel that way at times. The important thing is that you are able to seperate yourself from these feelings and take care of yourself. And I know you do,...anyway you know we Luv you,...Mama

[jacquelyne]

Yep ammie i think we all go through that phase sometimes just some people get affected more than others as long as you are coping with general life things will be ok but if the feelings are consuming you then there there is help out there that you can get and always think of the positive side and the ones you love and it will help pull you through the bad times.

[SPLIFF ENJOYER]

im high right now :) but that has brung some stuff to memory ... only the smoke heals... times arent always the best

[Day Dreamin Faze]

Its Life.

[GooseBear]

Ammie!! I feel like that too. I only just realized that I have complete utter control over my life and can do whatever. I was living in a bubble and now that I am in college everything seems so much bigger. Not so big that I can't handle them but I have so many decisions to make in life and sometimes it's overwhelming.
I think we just have to fight through it and dig to find out who we really are. Even if it means not everybody likes you. I found that out. I always needed people to like me but now I see not everyone is going to.
I also wonder why am I here. What am I doing?? Then bursts of happiness and then back to what is going on. For now I decided just to live. (however that means?)

[bigstonedbearx]

do cheer up ammie you seem like a very nice person with a strong brain. now all you have to do is put it to use and make your surroundings fit your needs as best you can.
im not promising perfection life is always full of troubles and grief. and a bit of advice
ive been diagnosed clinically depressed since i way 6 and the only thing that makes it better are dank weed and my best friends and some good tunes but unfortunately we cant all just stay fucked up all the time so i have found the if you keep yourself doing something all the time you feel much better about everything. so if your not in school or are unemployed just go do something about it . i promise that you will feel better.
given that you are already not in school or working
im kind of fucked up right now so im having trouble getting my point across i hope you can make sense of all this and i hope you feel better

[The C]

Ammie!! I feel like that too. I only just realized that I have complete utter control over my life and can do whatever. I was living in a bubble and now that I am in college everything seems so much bigger. Not so big that I can't handle them but I have so many decisions to make in life and sometimes it's overwhelming.
I think we just have to fight through it and dig to find out who we really are. Even if it means not everybody likes you. I found that out. I always needed people to like me but now I see not everyone is going to.
I also wonder why am I here. What am I doing?? Then bursts of happiness and then back to what is going on. For now I decided just to live. (however that means?)


I think I still have to full realise what that means. I'm living for people alot right now, im just so damn insecure.
I'm also living in a way where i have to prove myself to myself, and i shouldnt be like that.
But i don't know for sure how to change, but i think i may be.
It's a cool thing, i think i've half come to terms with myself, i need a real good girl friend, but problem is i don't go to the bar cause most my freinds have been busy lately with 3rd year schooling and i don't have my car insured or a g2, I don't work and my last job was at a landscape company where i don't really get to meet poeple of the opposite sex, and I'm not in school, so i cant really meet to many girls.
Further more when i spend most my time stoned at a buddy's, or listening to tunes here at my place getting wrecked.
Add on that im pretty complicated and sometimes i think everything out too much before doing anything and end up doing nothing.

Now what? Where do i go from here, what should tommrow be like for me to be happy with myself, or what do i want, or what do i have to do to get where i want to be.

Why am i thinking this way?
Is this a result of clashing genetics, combined wiht situation and culture, am i an off shoot of these conflicts, ADHD maybe contribtes? How many other people feel this way.


The C

[never 2 much]

Great minds think alike! :D

I feel like that most of the time... you described me to the T. I actually havent felt like this in a long time but here lately its coming back..I hope its not my depression,My nerves get the best of me!? :(

Its nice to know that im not the only one though!

just keep your head up Ammie and keep on token, things will be better soon! ;)

[RESiNATE]

Depression is a state of mind..and if you knew the state of my mind, you'd be depressed....'cos I am...

Yeah, life is.....init :rolleyes:

I cling to my responsibilty to my children...it is/they are my life-line...I look forward to the weekends...it's when they are with me..they remind me that there is something worth sticking around for..I love them more than life :)

[RESiNATE]

They keep me strong :)

[Ammie]

They keep me strong :)
omg there so cute :D
that would keep me strong too ;)

[ItokeALLday420]

no disrespect but the sounded like a zoloft commercial or something

[RESiNATE]

Thanks, Ammie...they're the only thing I did right in my life :)

[Imotep]

no, ive always got a direction and a will to live.
its not being able to accomplish it that drives me crazy. :( :mad:

[never 2 much]

Depression is a state of mind..and if you knew the state of my mind, you'd be depressed....'cos I am...

Yeah, life is.....init :rolleyes:

I cling to my responsibilty to my children...it is/they are my life-line...I look forward to the weekends...it's when they are with me..they remind me that there is something worth sticking around for..I love them more than life :)
yea, i know what you mean...I know that im only 16 and all and you guys probably think im crazy but..i've always wanted a little sister..like my whole life and my mom cant have anymore children..my mom still has a christmas list i made when i was little, i had baby sister on it!(#1) but anyway(long story short), this friend of my family was going through some rough times and had no place to stay so we offered her to live with us, and she did for like a year or two. while she was with us, she discovered that she was pregnant,(she's not the mother type, shes had 5 kids and doesnt have any of them),she didnt want the baby so she was going to abort it, and wqe all said"Fuck no your not, we'll help you, we'll take her if we have to" so in the end we ended up adopting her, me and my family have been with her pretty much since she was conceived, so shes kindof like her own, i was 13 or 14 when she was born, 14. i went in the delivery room and OMG i swore i'd never have kids, but i was the first one to hold her, it was weird it was like the docter knew that the baby was going to be ours, they cleaned her up and handed her straight to me..ever since, I've been nothing but a mother to her(well a sister too) but i feel like she is my own, its so weird. I love that baby more than my life itself, I live for her! She means so much to me! I dont know what i'd do without her! :( :o :)
She has definately changed my mind about children, but i also know that i am going to wait until i know im ready and im with the right person...its not easy raing a child! but i couldnt be happier knowing that i was a big part in it!


sorry, i just thought i would share that!

[GooseBear]

Hey C........find yourself.......I don't want some psycho bitch two faced girl making you think that she is the best thing on earth and then bashing you down.....okay maybe that was a little to blunt but dude find out what you like and know yourself. You have to be able to know yourself before you can really find someone who is compatiable with you!! She is out there!!!!!!!! Ever seen the butterfly effect.....every little thing that you do...that girl that maybe smiled at you.....buy hey don't get paranoid...lol... some of your posts about the cops getting you on this sight!!
:) good luck!

[RESiNATE]

It was a nice story, N2M :)

I was the same, about kids, I mean...didn't really have alot of time for them.
But I'll tell you what..when my first was born (I was at the birth), and I heard that first cry..man, I thought that my heart was gonna explode. It was like a rush of emotions - fear, awe, and uncontrollable pride :D
I will never forget that moment.

You're right to wait, N2M...you don't need me to tell you that babies are a whole lot more than just cute. They're hard work, and need loads of attention.
But, they are also very rewarding.
When they are with me, I try to balance good grounding and child-like play - not always easy, especially as I only see them at weekends...I don't want to spend the whole time being the 'strict' father..but I also want them to be good people, and sometimes, you have to be 'cruel' to be kind.

But no matter how down I feel, when I tuck them into bed at night, and they look up at me and say "I love you, Daddy"...sheesh!...lmaoo...you know what I mean.
Soppy old git, aint I?

I could tell how much you love your sister, N2M, from those pics you posted back along.
And she you :)

Kids, eh? :rolleyes:

[Ammie]

It was a nice story, N2M :)

I was the same, about kids, I mean...didn't really have alot of time for them.
But I'll tell you what..when my first was born (I was at the birth), and I heard that first cry..man, I thought that my heart was gonna explode. It was like a rush of emotions - fear, awe, and uncontrollable pride :D
I will never forget that moment.




i know what u mean i still remember all my babies first cries :D
it was the most amazing moment of my life!
i feel bad for people who choose not to exsperiance it :(

[assman989]

Ammie, Hey babe,dont let that shit get you down ,it s the way we all may feel at some point in our life,I rely on my faith and my strong will to get me through and at some point ,everything in your life will start to seem much clearerand you will understand that lifes just a carnival,enjoy the ride,and when you get to scared rely on your faith,and take a break ,do something for someone you dont know someone that could really use a hand,and you will feel better after you do,but just remember you are very important in this equation,and to flourish you must move foward and not stay idle.well,im not all knowing,i just feel a deep concern for you.Stay focused,everything will get better.Im sure.

[never 2 much]

yea, babies are great!
I loves the little crys too, you can always tell the difference between a hurting cry and other crys...I do love my little sister and i feel sorry for ppl who dont choose to have kids or just cant have kids too Ammie, its a great experience, and loads of joy!
It may be hard at times, but its worth every second!