Abusive relationships

[BabyFacedAbortion]

Here you go ladies, rant/rave/ect. Share your stories and feel for others. I think it's sad that I can make a thread like this but I've noticed that a LOT of girls here have been in some type of abusive relationship, whether is be physical, emotional or mental.

I've been in a few emotionally/mentally abusive relationship and only one mildly physically one. Basically I got into relationships with older men starting at age 13 with a 17 year old. It ended at 15 with a 21-22 year old. I've noticed a lot of women here have reached a point in their life when they said enough is enough and that's why I think this thread will be okay..and maybe it will help someone too.

[Mrs. Greenjeans]

Right on BFA. I'm a little out of it right now. When I get more lively I'll post.

[napolitana869]

I used to be in a very emontionally abusive relationship. He was very controling and I was young and I thought I had found the love of my life. I just kept forgiving him for everything he did. He cheated on me and gave me an std. In the end hes the one that dumped me and I lost all of my friends because I knew all of them through him. I knew for the last year of it that I had to get out but I just couldnt bring myself to do it because I was so enmeshed with the life I was leading and I was scared of what things would be like without him and all of the friends I had. Now he still lives at home, isnt in school, and doesnt have a job. I dont know if he ever even got his ged. My current boyfriend is a million times better. I think that if anyone ever hit me I would kill them. I can be very emotionally unstable.

[stinkyattic]

Wow... it was only a matter of time before someone made this thread and I'm glad you did BFA.

My parents got divorced when I was 5 and my mom moved us clean to the other side of the state... I grew up thinking that since I was living with her, it was my father who pretty much abandoned us... and looked for male approval totally the wrong way when I was older.

I always have dated older guys, including a surpirsingly healthy and sweet 5 year relationship with a guy 19 years older that started when I was 20. We are still close to this day actually; the age difference was too much to really take it any further... but that is beside the point... just some background on what I think is a really common feeling that young women have of needing a man to approve of them.

So I was in a couple of emotionally abusive situations that I was too insecure to really deal with and get out of on my own terms but they all pale in comparison to another- I lived with this guy John for almost 2 years- he's a drinker- Well, I think that when you are drunk your deep hidden personality shows.
And his was not good.

I either didn't see or chose to ignore or was totally in denial about the warning signs- early in our dating he'd get drunk and rude, then drunk and verbally abusive, calling me names and all that lovely shit, and then apologizing the next day with that BS excuse "well I was drunk". Then he started throwing things.

First dishes, then furniture, then finally one night he picked me up by the belt and the throat and chucked me headfirst straight across the kitchen into a cabinet handle.
I still bear the scar to this day, a clean slice through my right eyebrow. I was too ashamed to even tell my parents, so I stayed with him for another month, until my face healed.

Never again.

After that experience I bought my own home and started living my life on my own terms.
You want to play rough, you're doing it on the lawn, and your shit will be out there with you.

[napolitana869]

I think a lot of women see the signs but choose to ignore them. Maybe because they're ashamed of the mistakes theyve made, they cant afford to leave, or they think its their own fault. I think the last one is the worst one.

[BabyFacedAbortion]

I know I definitly saw the signs, especially in my last relationship...everything pointed to NO, but I was so desperate for love and for someone to take care of me that I think I allowed myself to let him take control of me. It took me atleast 6 months after we broke up to realize that it wasn't ME that was wrong, but it was HIM.

I met a guy on here (not really a great idea..meeting guys on the internet), you all might remember that about a year ago, we dated for a few months and it was basically all fighting with a little bit of loving. Every fight we had was about my age or how I was basically not good enough because of it. He always complained that I could never go to clubs or bars and he made me feel like shit for being so young. We smoked and had sex basically all the time. He manipulated me into thinking some really fucked up things.

My mom caught us having sex one day and reported it to my psych, who legally had to report it to the police. He told the cops that he swore I told him was 16, which is the legal consent age, but in reality I was only 15. He had me believing I lied to him about my age and that I did the wrong thing when I confessed to the police. I began to hate my own mother because he hated her. He contacted me for months when he wasn't supposed to, brainwashing me into feeling like I just put him in jail for absolutely no reason. As soon as I was just finally begining to recover from my depression and suicidal thoughts, he'd pop back in my life and it would start all over again. All I can remember screaming at my mother the day she caught us was "BUT WE'RE IN LOVE!"..Hah!

While he said he was considered a child molester by the state, I can't find him on any websites and all he got was a year's probation. At the time, I did everything I could to get him out of trouble and now all I wish was that he was in jail right now suffering like he made me suffer. I'm still scared he'll contact me again and I'll fall victim to him, and I'm even scared that he may read this, but all I can say to him is fuck you.


thanks for sharing your stories girls, I know we all can relate on some level. <3

If anyone ever feels like MAYBE, just MAYBE they're in an abusive relationship, you really need to get out. It will only get worse until finally it either ends *badly* somehow or someone gets really hurt.

[Skink]

I know I definitly saw the signs, especially in my last relationship...everything pointed to NO, but I was so desperate for love and for someone to take care of me that I think I allowed myself to let him take control of me. It took me atleast 6 months after we broke up to realize that it wasn't ME that was wrong, but it was HIM.

I met a guy on here (not really a great idea..meeting guys on the internet), you all might remember that about a year ago, we dated for a few months and it was basically all fighting with a little bit of loving. Every fight we had was about my age or how I was basically not good enough because of it. He always complained that I could never go to clubs or bars and he made me feel like shit for being so young. We smoked and had sex basically all the time. He manipulated me into thinking some really fucked up things.

My mom caught us having sex one day and reported it to my psych, who legally had to report it to the police. He told the cops that he swore I told him was 16, which is the legal consent age, but in reality I was only 15. He had me believing I lied to him about my age and that I did the wrong thing when I confessed to the police. I began to hate my own mother because he hated her. He contacted me for months when he wasn't supposed to, brainwashing me into feeling like I just put him in jail for absolutely no reason. As soon as I was just finally begining to recover from my depression and suicidal thoughts, he'd pop back in my life and it would start all over again. All I can remember screaming at my mother the day she caught us was "BUT WE'RE IN LOVE!"..Hah!

While he said he was considered a child molester by the state, I can't find him on any websites and all he got was a year's probation. At the time, I did everything I could to get him out of trouble and now all I wish was that he was in jail right now suffering like he made me suffer. I'm still scared he'll contact me again and I'll fall victim to him, and I'm even scared that he may read this, but all I can say to him is fuck you.


thanks for sharing your stories girls, I know we all can relate on some level. <3

If anyone ever feels like MAYBE, just MAYBE they're in an abusive relationship, you really need to get out. It will only get worse until finally it either ends *badly* somehow or someone gets really hurt.

I remember that prick,,,royal loser is what I thought of him from the start...

[slipknotpsycho]

women aren't the only ones that get in abusive relationships.... it's a too way street... just had to state that...

[stinkyattic]

women aren't the only ones that get in abusive relationships.... it's a too way street... just had to state that...

Yeah true dat.
Maybe this should have just been in the main sexuality forum.
Women just end up taking the brunt of physical abuse more often, as we tend to be smaller/weaker than our partners.

[napolitana869]

In a gender inequality class I took they told us that more women may hit their husbands more often, but men inflict more damage.

[Mrs. Greenjeans]

Every fight we had was about my age or how I was basically not good enough because of it. He always complained that I could never go to clubs or bars and he made me feel like shit for being so young. We smoked and had sex basically all the time. Nice. Your age didn't stop him from having sex with you. What a choad he is.

While he said he was considered a child molester by the state, Yep. By me too.

If anyone ever feels like MAYBE, just MAYBE they're in an abusive relationship, you really need to get out. It will only get worse until finally it either ends *badly* somehow or someone gets really hurt.
True. Stay strong BFA.

[Skink]

My uncle was deathly afraid of my aunts steak knife...

[BabyFacedAbortion]

I think there should be one in there too but I think some of the girls may feel more comfortable sharing their stories with other girls, 'cause some of us may be at a state where we think men just can't possibly understand.

I'm not like that tho, so if this needs to be moved...go for it!

[Samwhore]

Ive never been in an abusive relationship, but thats probally because if a guy ever tries to get physical with me, I turn him down and make him feel like a loser. Im the more abusive one, people even say to me "Sam, when your older, your going to beat your husband arent you?" Its kind of sad, but I can imagine it.

[slipknotpsycho]

oh you're young yet.. just wait.... one day you'll get abused, one way or anohter >.< no one is lucky enough to go through life and not be.... even those bully fucks who pick on every one and everything, were more than likely abused as a baby/toddler... and if not, it happened later on sometime

[Samwhore]

Slip, I was the bully, those days are over.

[connector_robot]

True. Stay strong BFA.

Unless it was rape, you consented. I agree that it was a completly irresponsible move on his part, but it was also your decision. You think he should be in jail for what he did? I think probation was quite enough, as a punishment for his irrisponsibility. I agree that he sounds like a royal asshole, but you shouldn't place all the blame on him.

[BlAzInIt4:20]

Well my ex was 24 and i was 16, we were togeather for 3 years. After the first year we started to get verably abusive. Then it turned into physical abuse. I have never actually beat her but i have defended myself from her. She was the first to lay hands. She choked me out in her room and i remember falling to the grounf crying thinking how could she do this to me... she came over and held my head in her lap saying sorry.

Our relationship has never been the same since then,

I woul djsut punch her in the arm or something or pin her on the ground because she liked to hit and throw shit. She would push me so hard i would go flying. Im glad that's over with though.. i made a thread saying i missed her and I do.. but i dont need her.. She lost a good thing and in the end she will relize wtf she has done..

Stay strong BFA !

All we have is ourselfs in this world, and their's no point in being unhappy..

[GraziLovesMary]

This thread makes me sad :(

[420MissHighTimes420]

this thread makes me sad aswell. My heart goes out to all of u who have been through or are going through an abusive relationship.

When I was in 10th grade I dated a guy who was 19 a senior for the second time. He was a big coke head, a sociopath, and a big manipulator. He made me belive that he actually was in love with me. I think he really might have been (I was madly in love with him) but from all of the things he did to himself he was horrible at showing it. One day he would be so sweet, spoil me, treat me like a princess, then the next day he would be flipping out on me. Which I guess makes sense wut with all of the cocain and all. Twice he hurt me so bad. The first time was in feb wen I was 15 - only had sex with two guys and got really attached from it and I wasnt a slut - but one night he fucked me taped it, showed it to everyone. Ruined my repuation. Im proud of myself for going to the same school for 3 years after it because for a good 6 months I would walk down the hall way and all the guys would be asking me out because they thought I was a whore, and all the girls would yell SLUT WHORE PARIS HILTON and PORN STAR at me. It made me feel disgusting.

I have never told anyone this befor but I feel like it, mayeb it should go in the confession forum but w.e. One night after I had gotten back with him it was his birthday so he got the sickest hotel room in NYC at the four seasons. It was amazing. He ruined the speacical night by getting too fucked up. He threw and ash tray at me at one point. Thankfully he was os fucked up it missed me. After he did that I went to lay on the coach, and he kept trying to pull off my pants. I kept yellign at him to stop. And he lost it. Grabbed both of my hands put them behind my back threw me on the floor ripped my pants off and my sweater. Started screaming and cursing at me telling me I was a nasty whore and everyone was right and all of these terrible and untrue things, that I was dumb enough to take to heart. I kept trying to fight him. I managed to get one of my hands loose and starrted digging my nails into him, and all of a sudden he turned into a ragger and just lost it picked me up slammed me agaianst the wall and rapped me for a long time. I didnt kno wut to do after that. I always blamed everythign he did to me on the drugs and they were a lot to blame but it was him and his cowardly ways.He made me feel so dirty and useless. Im crying now just thinking about it. I hate it I saw him recently and still wanted him. He was so obssessed with feeling powerful that he never cared how miserable and degraded me made me feel.

If you abuse women let me tell you right now it makes you a COWARD to have to beat on a innocent woman or man is wrong. Get power from doing good!

[420MissHighTimes420]

:stoned:Now I feel dumb for posting that, because I am behind it and everything. But I hope someone can learn from all of these stories, and know that when a red flag goes up i nthe begginign GET OUT BEFORE THE BRING YOU DOWN WITH THEM.

edit: If someone is doing this to anyone of you know that it isn't you! It's never the victims fault for abuse. Some sociopaths and power hungry bastards will make you think you deserve the abuse, which can honstly make it addiciting.
Although I am in a shitty relationship Its not abusive, but I do sometimes think I might be with him because of what I went through. I swear having people make you feel less than you should is a feeling you hold on to.
I put some thought into it and realized that I think we repeat our traumas because we think if we experince the same issues over and over again that maybe just maybe we will be good enough to fix it.

What a wild world.
Sorry for my long rambling ONCE AGIAN but I cant help myself :stoned::stoned::stoned::stoned::stoned::jointsmil e:

[GraziLovesMary]

this thread makes me sad aswell. My heart goes out to all of u who have been through or are going through an abusive relationship.

When I was in 10th grade I dated a guy who was 19 a senior for the second time. He was a big coke head, a sociopath, and a big manipulator. He made me belive that he actually was in love with me. I think he really might have been (I was madly in love with him) but from all of the things he did to himself he was horrible at showing it. One day he would be so sweet, spoil me, treat me like a princess, then the next day he would be flipping out on me. Which I guess makes sense wut with all of the cocain and all. Twice he hurt me so bad. The first time was in feb wen I was 15 - only had sex with two guys and got really attached from it and I wasnt a slut - but one night he fucked me taped it, showed it to everyone. Ruined my repuation. Im proud of myself for going to the same school for 3 years after it because for a good 6 months I would walk down the hall way and all the guys would be asking me out because they thought I was a whore, and all the girls would yell SLUT WHORE PARIS HILTON and PORN STAR at me. It made me feel disgusting.

I have never told anyone this befor but I feel like it, mayeb it should go in the confession forum but w.e. One night after I had gotten back with him it was his birthday so he got the sickest hotel room in NYC at the four seasons. It was amazing. He ruined the speacical night by getting too fucked up. He threw and ash tray at me at one point. Thankfully he was os fucked up it missed me. After he did that I went to lay on the coach, and he kept trying to pull off my pants. I kept yellign at him to stop. And he lost it. Grabbed both of my hands put them behind my back threw me on the floor ripped my pants off and my sweater. Started screaming and cursing at me telling me I was a nasty whore and everyone was right and all of these terrible and untrue things, that I was dumb enough to take to heart. I kept trying to fight him. I managed to get one of my hands loose and starrted digging my nails into him, and all of a sudden he turned into a ragger and just lost it picked me up slammed me agaianst the wall and rapped me for a long time. I didnt kno wut to do after that. I always blamed everythign he did to me on the drugs and they were a lot to blame but it was him and his cowardly ways.He made me feel so dirty and useless. Im crying now just thinking about it. I hate it I saw him recently and still wanted him. He was so obssessed with feeling powerful that he never cared how miserable and degraded me made me feel.

If you abuse women let me tell you right now it makes you a COWARD to have to beat on a innocent woman or man is wrong. Get power from doing good!

:( :(

[420MissHighTimes420]

:( :(

And it's still all good :thumbsup:

[GraziLovesMary]

And it's still all good :thumbsup:

:) it better be! Im the kinda guy that wants to "make it right" for everybody lol. Its a weakness :p

[psteve]

And it's still all good :thumbsup:
Then dumping the current asshole should be a piece of cake in comparison.
When you feel week, just remember what you have already overcome, and how bad things could get if you let them.

[nibbler]

Hi ye,

What's my story.....Well I was born into an abusive relationship. I was the sixth child of seven kids. My parents are still together happy bickering!!!!!! My father was also physically abusive and extremely controlling to us and my mam. I was a depressed and ANGRY teen I dispised men thought that all they wanted was to control you or use you but secretly underneath all that I was hoping a knight in shining armour would whisk me away.

Then at 17 I met John...He was the first male in the world that was extremely nice loving giving a bit jealous but nothing but love was between us...We married me at25 john was 29 and two years later I was pregnant with our first child a beautiful boy.....Here's where things started to change. I fell pregnant whilst breastfeeding. A huge shock as I returned to work off maternity leave pregnant...I hid it for 5 months. Think I was just trying to get my head around it.

John hit me for the first time whilst holding our 8 month old son I was 4 months pregnant. I was in absolute shock, I coulln't believe that he could do that to me. He knew full well all about my backround. He also knew that I had said in the past that I would find this intolerable behaviour......All I felt was stuck powerless.....It happened on and off over a 5 year period.

Why did I stay....I was ashamed, I felt trapped,I thought I was a failure as a mother a wife an employee.......

It all came crashing down when I drov my kids to my mam's and drove straight to the doctor as I could feel I was on the egde no longer able to tolerate what my life had become....I am still being treated for depression now, every day is a struggle sometimes. I am clawing back my self respect but I am still here still learning, still living, still loving...........I now know things like boundaries, expectations, self belief, so as much as I didn't enjoy it in any shape or form to be treated so viciousley I now have a deeper understanding ..................

Nibbs:rastasmoke:

[stinkyattic]

Heya Nibbs, good work on finding the strength to leave. It's the hardest part.

[DarkHairedSativa]

Here you go ladies, rant/rave/ect. Share your stories and feel for others. I think it's sad that I can make a thread like this but I've noticed that a LOT of girls here have been in some type of abusive relationship, whether is be physical, emotional or mental.

I've been in a few emotionally/mentally abusive relationship and only one mildly physically one. Basically I got into relationships with older men starting at age 13 with a 17 year old. It ended at 15 with a 21-22 year old. I've noticed a lot of women here have reached a point in their life when they said enough is enough and that's why I think this thread will be okay..and maybe it will help someone too.

Ok,so I've waited a little while to post in this thread.... mostly cuz I've been through alot when I think about it and I try not to.No point focusing on the past,eh?My history with men also started at 16 with an 18 yr old.He was mentally verbally and emotionally abusive.he cheated on me all the time and told me I was fat and ugly,when I weighed 90 lbs soaking wet at 5' 7".Of course I believed everything he said to me due to being extremely naive and him being my first serious b/f.That lasted until I was 20 almost 21 and 2 kids later.He also started using heroin and meth intraveniously without telling me.He was not clean about it and didn't ever use condoms when cheating.THANK GOD I didn't ever catch anything while we were together.I was terrified of coming up HIV positive and have had tests done every year for the last 10 yrs.... Of course having kids they do that automatically now.I think it's a good thing.;) Anyway,after that one I was trapped in a relationship I felt I couldn't get out of and then when i tried he stalked me.That really sucked!! That was a physically abusive relationship and he did time on a felony assault 4 charge.It was 2 yrs long but felt like 10.... then I was with "the one".Everything was great we didn't fight, had the same sense of humor and alot of the same goals.Unfortunately he decided to cheat the night I told him I was pregnant,then bailed with someone else.Then I got with my ex-husband the only one I was married to and after 8 yrs of him not paying the bills,us losing our home 2x and alot of debt and grief later.... we decided to end it too.Seems like there are no truly faithful men out there.... but that's a disheartening thought and I'd like to hold onto some hope....lol :) Now I'm with my current man and we have a new baby together with quite a gap of 6 1/2 years between my 2 youngest.I love him very much and even though things aren't financially the best at the moment, he loves me and I love him with my whole heart.So that's my list in a nut shell.... 5 relationships,32 yrs old, and 6 kids later.... things are finally looking up. :cool: Anyway,BFA, live while you're still young deal with the kids your age and grow up without the mess,Babygirl!!! You got a LONG time to worry about being involved in anything serious,be fickle while you can and enjoy the time you have for fun things and great memories with friends and family.... that's all you really need at your age the there's plenty of other stuff later!!! Love ya Baby!!

Love,Tiva

[Blondasian]

I got rid of my BF on Sept 1st. He was text messaging another chick with romantic text messages. He had cheated on me with her before. When I confronted him he threw me all over the room, started choking me, and trying to force me to suck him so I would know that he hadn't f'ed anyone else that night. I still have a couple marks on my neck. Needless to say I threw all his stuff out the window and told him goodbye. I don't need that in my life.. I have zero desire to talk to him or anyone in his family. There is nothing left to say.

[birdgirl73]

I admire few people more than the people--men and women alike--who get up the courage to leave abusive relationships. It is an immensely hard thing to do, but nothing is a better choice for your life or that of any kids you have. Much love and admiration to you ladies (and any guys to whom this applies, too) who've done this!

[ghosty]

IMO no "man", will ever hit a lady... Any guy that hits a lady he's in a relationship with aside from being a chump, is not a man, but a child, resorting to childlike reactions to frustrations. Props to those who find the courage to leave the abusive relationships, I watched a freind go through one once and tried to talk to her about what was going on, it was a hard thing to watch. No matter how frustrated I get, I will not hit a female ever, not even in self-defense really, that's just how I was raised... I've had a chick flip out on me for no real reason and start screaming at me and slapping me across the face, hard, and I kept walkng away.. IMO it takes a stronger man to not lash out in violence, than to raise a hand up and strike someone you claim to love.