Birdgirl - birth control option for me?

[TheSmokingMonkey]

I have decided (with my husband) that I should stop taking the pill because it kills my libido.

But we do NOT want kids. We are still young, though, so when he offered to get a vasectomy, I told him NO, because we may change our minds and I don't want to try to reverse a surgery.

We don't mind using condoms but we are afraid they won't be effective enough.

I don't want to do an IUD; I don't prefer a diaphragm but would be willing to try it and see how it goes.

How effective is the temperature-taking method? I was thinking that along with condoms might be okay but I don't know how effective it is.

Help?

[L3G10N's wife]

Natural family planning takes alot of learning and watching your body. It takes alot of work and when done correctly its between 90-98% effective.


How effective are these methods in helping a couple avoid pregnancy?
These methods can help a couple avoid pregnancy if the couple receives training from a specialized instructor and if they carefully follow all of the instructions provided. (Ask your doctor how to find an instructor who is specially trained in teaching natural family planning.) Both methods can be 90% to 98% effective (2 to 10 pregnancies per 100 couples) when they are practiced correctly. However, if a couple doesn't follow the instructions completely, these methods will be much less effective. In practice, these methods may not be as reliable as other forms of birth control.

Personally, it was too much for me. If you both do NOT want kids I wouldnt pick a mothod with a wide window of effectiveness. Some women dont ovulate at the same time each month so you do have to take your temperature every morning.

I hear alot of good things about NuvaRing. You only change the ring once a month. Before I decided to go with my IUD I was planning to use Nuvaring. It does have a low dose of hormones. NuvaRing says its 99% effective. I believe with something inserted you dont feel the effects of the hormones as much because its localised and can use a low dose of hormones.


If you are pairing another method with condoms you will be pretty safe. With methods like Natural family planning you're taking a chance that your body isnt doing what its supposed to and if you skip a condom once you may become parents.

[birdgirl73]

Here's what I found on effectiveness of various methods.
Pregnancy Rates for Birth Control Methods (http://www.fda.gov/Fdac/features/1997/conceptbl.html)

Frankly, that top number in the natural family planning box would be a bit too close to comfort for me. I've always heard my doctor make jokes and ask things like "What do you call people who use the natural method? Parents." Now I see why. I surely found myself wanting to know what their N (number) fields were that they took those high and low percentages from, didn't you? Temperature with condoms would probably be quite safe, and if you're willing to go that route, you and your husband are a lot more accommodating than Dave and I would be. We both hate the way they feel.

There are a lot of ladies here who love that Nuvaring. I don't know how it can affect libido, though. Maybe some of them will weigh in here on that. I'd be curious to know.

I haven't been taking the pill for years and have a diaphragm, which I don't use either. It's messy and troublesome when it comes to spontaneity, and frankly about half the time I get it gelled up just right and ready to put in, it springs out of my hand and goes flying across the bathroom like a little Frisbee. Having to wait till the next day to take it out is gross, too. So now I'm simply relying on the assumption that, at 45, I'm not at all likely to get pregnant. I know that's risky, but that's what I'm doing. I figure my poor little body knows it cannot support a pregnancy right now and isn't going to conceive one anyway.

Good luck! I'll be eager to hear what the other girls have to say.

[napolitana869]

I use Nuvaring and I really like it. It doesnt have any impact on my sex drive. The only bad thing I would have to say about it is there is some discharge. Enough that I have to wear a panty liner everyday. I've never been on the pill so I cant compare them.

[Gatekeeper777]

try NORPLANT your her doctor will know what it is.

[napolitana869]

I thought norplant was discontinued in the us, and was in general not very safe. I could be wrong though so dont take my word for it.

[birdgirl73]

Yeah, looks like it's gone here in the U.S.. From what this link says, there's an approved newer version, Jadelle, but it's not being distributed. That often means Big Pharma doesn't want to let it come out if other competing contraceptive products, like Nuvaring or some of the new oral contraceptives, are particularly profitable and the new implantable might cut into those profits. This hold-out of an approved, worthy product ought not to be allowed, of course, but it happens all the time.
Norplant - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Norplant)

[Gatekeeper777]

well there is a new thing called the female condom, i can tell you IMHO its like having sex with a ziplock baggie.
Thats basically all it is.
It looks like an open ended baggie that she inserts and leaves the opening sticking out.
there is also foam and other forms of contraception.
but the only true way from getting preggo is abstinance, but since thats out, when your getting ready to cum, shove it in her mouth.
Its high in protein and less filling then an energy bar. lol

[TheSmokingMonkey]

No Norplant, no Depo, no pills.

Nothing hormonal; that is the problem in the first place with the pills.

Okay, continue discussion. Although I will ask about Nuvaring.

[birdgirl73]

well there is a new thing called the female condom, i can tell you IMHO its like having sex with a ziplock baggie.
Thats basically all it is.
It looks like an open ended baggie that she inserts and leaves the opening sticking out.
there is also foam and other forms of contraception.
but the only true way from getting preggo is abstinance, but since thats out, when your getting ready to cum, shove it in her mouth.
Its high in protein and less filling then an energy bar. lol
There are two curious things about your response, Gatekeeper.


You wrote it in a women's forum where ladies are talking to ladies, at least in theory. In this case, we're talking to each other about female contraception. That wouldn't normally preclude a man from joining in, obviously, if he had some informed guidance to provide. But in your case . . .

You worded your response to a guy, apparently never noticing that you were talking to all women. None of us here on the women's forum have anything that, when we're "getting ready to cum" we can "shove it in her mouth," as you so charmingly suggested.

I find myself looking forward to your participation here when it's a bit more engaged in the reality of the conversation and its participants.

[birdgirl73]

If you've never tried a diaphragm, Monkey, you ought to at least keep that on your to-be-considered list. When I was dating my husband and even the first year we were married (when he was in residency) and we weren't together regularly enough to justify the expense of the Pill, it worked great. You don't have deal with the de-sensitivizing effect of condoms, if that's something that troubles you, and it's an effective barrier method. Besides, you're young and still have the energy to deal with the prep-insertion details. We're so old now that we just wanna roll over and jump each other without having to expend any extra energy. By this stage in life, we gotta strike when the mood is hot or else one of us'll fall asleep.

[Gatekeeper777]

yes i thought i would put a lil something in there to stir the pot (pardon the pun) If my suggestions or coment are not welcome here i will gladly stay out.
Just giving you other options as my wife and i have been there done that.

[slipknotpsycho]

lol you must have a hell of a man to offer to have a vesectamy...

my wife brought it up once, even said if i had it we could have unprotected sex (my only real quaral with the sex we have now.. condoms take away so much feeling.... bleh!) i still refused... shiiiiiiiiit..... a needle in the sack? NO THANKS!

oh cause i just now went over one of birdgirls responses (the post i'm referring to should be kinda obvious :p) i'm just trying to let you know, you have one dedicated man... don't just let him walk out the door if it comes to that..


and bird c'mon... lol if a guy tried to pull away right as that first O was about to hit if he was downtown... YOU'D SNAP OUR NECK! (lol sorry i had to post it, it's actually from a stand up comedy..)

[birdgirl73]

yes i thought i would put a lil something in there to stir the pot (pardon the pun) If my suggestions or coment are not welcome here i will gladly stay out.
Just giving you other options as my wife and i have been there done that.
You're more than welcome here, Gatekeeper. I just hope since you're in a women's forum, you'll reply to us as women instead of as men. It reassures us when guys recognize that we don't have penises.

Slip, you almost lost me on that last one, but then I realized what you were referring to. (Have you by any chance had a nip or two of something containing ethanol this evening?) Because we wouldn't be likely to snap your neck if a guy pulled out as he was about to hit the top. But if it happened when we were, well, that'd be a different matter.

No neck-snapping, though, for me and my other half. If we ever got physical in the angry way, I'd be the loser. That's why we never do!

[slipknotpsycho]

no no no, that's not what i meant... i guess i have to go into detail...

when a guy's down there eating... and right when you were about to reach the big O we pulled away... you'd snap our necks..

but again, it was just something i saw in a stand up (martin lawrence - you so crazy) for some reason i found it fit to put it here? (i live to break seriousness with humor... helps keep from anyone getting to serious and generally in better moods o.0) but the rest of my post was serious.. she's got one serious man to volunteer for that lol....

and about the ethanol.... NO OF COURSE NOT! ;)

[birdgirl73]

OK, now I see what you mean. Well, yeah, that could be a tense-making situation with the pull-away, but most of us are capable enough that if we were that close, we'd just finish ourselves off! (And not let you watch, either. That would serve you right for the early exit!)

You mean Smoking Monkey's got a serious man to volunteer for the vasectomy? I'd say she has a very giving one, but I think they're wise to wait until their childbearing years are closer to being over. Vasectomies really are not scary at all. Nearly every past-35 adult man I know who's had his kids has had one, including my dad, and Dave's going to make an appointment within the next month himself. We started talking about it after he read this thread late last night and he said he felt strongly about doing that. (He's more worried about an accidental surprise pregnancy than I realized.)

[napolitana869]

hey birdgirl I have a question about diaphragms. I love nuvaring but I had my well woman check up last month and the doctor told me that a medication that I take makes it less effective. Stopping this other medication isnt really an option right now, and my boyfriend and I dont like condoms. Do you think a diaphragm would be a good back up method? And is it hard to put in and take out?

[slipknotpsycho]

OK, now I see what you mean. Well, yeah, that could be a tense-making situation with the pull-away, but most of us are capable enough that if we were that close, we'd just finish ourselves off! (And not let you watch, either. That would serve you right for the early exit!)

You mean Smoking Monkey's got a serious man to volunteer for the vasectomy? I'd say she has a very giving one, but I think they're wise to wait until their childbearing years are closer to being over. Vasectomies really are not scary at all. Nearly every past-35 adult man I know who's had his kids has had one, including my dad, and Dave's going to make an appointment within the next month himself. We started talking about it after he read this thread late last night and he said he felt strongly about doing that. (He's more worried about an accidental surprise pregnancy than I realized.)

oh i'm not exactly scared of the thought of what they'll be doing...

it's the needle in the sack that scares the living hell outta me.. i hate needles (sincei was stitched up like a rag doll after i was attacked by a cat at 5) i've offically passed out 2x in the dentist chair now, and the last one i started having seisure type shaking... the dentist wasn't even gonna finish the job >.< i was like bullshit, that was the last needle you needed right? "yes" well then get to work!

lol a needle in the sack.. i just couldn' ttake that..

[birdgirl73]

hey birdgirl I have a question about diaphragms. I love nuvaring but I had my well woman check up last month and the doctor told me that a medication that I take makes it less effective. Stopping this other medication isnt really an option right now, and my boyfriend and I dont like condoms. Do you think a diaphragm would be a good back up method? And is it hard to put in and take out?
I found it to be a good method for me, and as an extra backup to the Nuvaring, I'll bet it'd be great. If you make an appointment to get fitted for a diaphragm, ask to see if your doctor/nurse practitioner agrees.

Putting it in takes a little practice at first, I found. It's a little rubbery disk with a strong ring around the edge. There's a picture on the link below, along with detailed instructions. You put spermicide cream or gel around the edge and then in the center of the diaphragm, which'll go up against your cervix. To put it in you fold it in half so it's narrow enough to insert into yourself, and you basically insert it so the top end is up as far as it can go toward the back of the vagina, and when you let go, it springs into place, held in place on the front edge by your pubic bone and on the back edge by your levator muscles. The trouble I mentioned above about it springing across the bathroom like a Frisbee happens occasionally when my hands are slippery from the gel and in the attempted folding-before-insertion process, it just goes SPROINGG!and gets away from me. No worries about internal Frisbee problems. Once it's in, it's in.
HealthCentersOnline: Heart Disease, Allergies & Asthma, Diabetes, Cancer and more! (http://obgyn.health.ivillage.com/contraception/diaphragm.cfm)

The advantages as I see them are it's easy, safe, and relatively inexpensive. The disadvantages are that you have to use them if you want them to work and sometimes when I'm going with the mood and being spontaneous, I'm just too horny to stop the fun and go put it in. Also, you have to leave it in for at least six hours after sex, so you definitely have some "drip" afterwards from fluids, semen, and spermicide. And getting it out can be a challenge. You have to squat down and reach your finger (can't have long nails easily and use a diaphragm) up to the front edge of the ring, the one that's hooked behind your pubic bone, and sort of scrape it down and out.

At your clinic or doctor's office, they'll often have you practice putting in and taking it out the appropriately sized fitting ring while you're still there to make sure you can do it. Oh! There is one other advantage, and it's this. I use it for this purpose every month or two, actually. If you want to have sex during your period, you can put your diaphragm in and it'll keep period sex from being so messy because your mentrual flow will just collect in the little dome of the diaphragm. Helps protect your sheets and bedding a little more during that time of the month, assuming you feel like having sex when you're having your period.

Hope that helps. Good luck, Napolitana!

[birdgirl73]

Napolitana, don't let the name of that link above fool you. It should take you to the iVillage contraception information, but they have it coded so it shows up as a promo instead of a specific diaphragm link. (Those marketing rats!)

[napolitana869]

Yes, thank you, that helps a lot. I think I'm going to look into it.

[TheSmokingMonkey]

There are two curious things about your response, Gatekeeper.


You wrote it in a women's forum where ladies are talking to ladies, at least in theory. In this case, we're talking to each other about female contraception. That wouldn't normally preclude a man from joining in, obviously, if he had some informed guidance to provide. But in your case . . .

You worded your response to a guy, apparently never noticing that you were talking to all women. None of us here on the women's forum have anything that, when we're "getting ready to cum" we can "shove it in her mouth," as you so charmingly suggested.

I find myself looking forward to your participation here when it's a bit more engaged in the reality of the conversation and its participants.

LOL Thank you for your level-headed and coherent prose birdgirl. Very charming, indeed.

[TheSmokingMonkey]

Okay, update. Talked to my doctor about it, she said she is comfortable with us using condoms as long as we used spermacide with them (like, the separate kind, not the kind that is pre-layered on the condom itself) and I am also doing the basal body temperature thing although it will take a few months to really see if any pattern is going on with my cycle.

[dutch.lover]

Napolitana, I use Nuvaring too and I think your doctor might be wrong when she said that your medication makes it less effective. My understanding is that since Nuvaring is not an oral contraceptive, and is absorbed through flesh, other medications don't interfere with it's effectiveness. I was just put on some antibiotics a few weeks ago, and my doc asked me what kind of birth control I was on, and when I told her Nuvaring she was all like "oh, well in that case you don't have to worry about this medication interfering with it cause it's not an oral contraceptive." So I would do some research on your own, or talk to another doctor to see if yours actually knows what she's talking about.

My experience with Nuvaring (for SmokingMonkey): best part about it is it's convenience, and effectiveness. My sex drive is quite low, but I have been with my bf for almost 3 years (we have been having sex for most of that time) so I don't know if the low desire is due to familiarity, or Nuvaring. But Napolitana said hers wasn't effected, so there you go. It has the least effect on my mood(swings) than any pill I have been on (i have also tried Alesse, and Triquilar). The only thing I am not completely satisfied with, is the fact that it doesn't lighten my period, or stop cramping. No pill has ever done that for me before anyways, so maybe none ever will. Hope all that helps!

[dutch.lover]

AHHHH Monkey! Doctor gave bad advice!! DO NOT USE SPERMICIDE!

Here's why: The world health organization has condemned it because they have found that nonoxynol-9 (main ingredient in spermicide) irritates the lining of the vagina, leading to subsequent infections, and a higher rate or STIs. All ethical condom companies (I say all, but there is only one I know of that has done this- Mayer Labs) have destroyed their stock of spermicidal condoms. Here's the link to the WHO press release...WHO Spermicide Press Release (http://www.condomdepot.com/non9/who-press.cfm)

Spermicide only has an effectiveness rate of around 15%, so IT IS NOT WORTH IT. Your sexual health is much more important.

[dutch.lover]

Here's a statement from a guy talking about his adverse reaction to spermicide:

"My girlfriend and I first started having sex about 3 months ago, using Trojan condoms with this spermicide in it. After the very first time, she experienced some irritation in the vagina and I had a small irritation on my penis. We continued having sex using this same condom with this spermicide in it and we continued to experience really bad irritation. It would go away in a day or two, but immediately return after having sex. I freaked and thought some how we had given each other an STD, which didn't make much sense because we had used condoms, and we were also having very similar irritations, like a rash with little sores. We were unaware that this spermicide was the culprit. Instead we changed lubrications and condoms, BUT we even bought another brand that had this spermicide in it, figuring that we should just be extra careful, not knowing this was the cause. Well, that was the last time we did that, because after we had sex with those condoms, I contracted a big red, irritated rash right on the tip of my penis (near the opening) and it freaked me out. I went on-line and did research and wouldn't you know it, this is what came up! We have since changed condoms (after letting my penis heal for close to a week!!) and got back to doing the humpty and having fun. It's only been once but so far so good."

[birdgirl73]

When I used to use my diaphragm more a long time ago, there were certain types of Ortho spermicide (the cream version was the troubling one, as opposed to the clearer gel, which was tolerable) that were irritating to me and him both, particularly if I used too much of it around the edges of the diaphragm.

My husband has an appointment Friday the 16th in the afternoon to get a vasectomy. This thread is what motivated him to do it, too. (That and fear of a late-in-life pregnancy and the fact that that would be downright dangerous for me.)

[pandorasbox]

I haven't read through the whole thread yet, so you may have already covered this. :)

Have you considered using a gel or foam spermicide? Personally, they irritate me.... but they are a good option nonetheless if you don't have that problem.

Also, if you're considering using a natural method, you should ALWAYS back that up with a condom or spermicide (or diaphragm, or anything really). And if you are planning on using a natural method, you should use more than one... such as temperature and vaginal secretion. It takes a while to get to know your body, but it can be done with a lot of precautions and time. Your body temperature can fluctuate for many reasons, and infections can cause your secretions to be "off" just for example. :)

Good luck... I'm in a similar situation with my husband. We're pretty sure we don't want kids, so he wants a vasectomy. That would be a huge relief for me. Plus, you can store frozen sperm for years, right?;) In all honesty, we actually feel it would be more responsible to adopt a child in need instead of have our own. But, his mother would disown us if we did any of that. She's already upset that we don't have kids, and that I had a miscarriage.