i have no clue

[UMrocksmysocks]

why im posting this, i gotta get it off my chest tho- even if its to people i will never meet..

my dads got ups and downs with depression, i was said to get it maybe... well right now i could start crying for no reason... i cant stop thinking about the future, i dont know what to do or how im even going to do it, or get out of my parents place for that matter.. i didnt graduate high school, im almost 20 and im fuckin scared, scared of going insane cuz i can feel myself slipping.. thoughts of growing old alone and dying,,, or losing my parents

im shy- i have a hard time being myself to strangers

i didnt hit the backspace on this post, all just what came to my head as i was typing,,,, leave what you what about this--

[Samwhore]

why dont you ask the doctor for some depression pills and see if you feel better?

[FUNKNUGGET]

are you out of weed or something?

[UMrocksmysocks]

ya, ive thought about it, but ive also thought maybe im just really fucked up in the head.. i was a pretty popular guy in high school, pretty good looking i'd say. then i started smokin weed hardcore sophmore year. my grades already sucked so i started failing everything. junior year i got 1.5 credits all year(only passed 3 courses all year)

idk when i became so obsessed about how i look, but now when i look in the mirror im ashamed. my teeth look bad in my opinion, and my left eye is a little lower than my right, never used to be-- cuz the amount of weed ive smoked and just sitting around..

in the last couple months its gotten so bad that ill just sit at my house by myself... all day.. and smoke by myself--- like today

my friends will call me but ill blow them off becuase i get the feeling they are using me to smoke at my house, but then i let them over cuz im depressed and they make me feel like shit.. but its in my head because i think im picking up on vibes.. like- 'he looks like a crackhead' and shit like that

[UMrocksmysocks]

and its like, when i dont smoke i cant eat very well.

and that leads to my stomache hurting, then when i go out(rarely) my social anxiety has led me to puke on some occasions, never in front of people but in the bathroom--- i remember being normal, and i honestly miss it--idk what the fuck happened

sometimes i link my unhappyness to my mom, who is sooo nice during the day, then a raging drunken bitch at night smoking cig after cig, and shes 53--im very worried about her health

[UMrocksmysocks]

ok im done being a weird ass, i dont mean to bring ya'll down with me

[420marijuana420]

It sounds like you should go see a doctor like Sam said. Even if it dosn't help do you think seeing a doctor will make your life any worse?

[UMrocksmysocks]

are you out of weed or something?

do you, or anyone, get like that when you dont have weed?

[UMrocksmysocks]

It sounds like you should go see a doctor like Sam said. Even if it dosn't help do you think seeing a doctor will make your life any worse?

ya i used to see a psychiatrist once a week for a DPA when i was 16, but i bullshitted the whole time.. im thinking of going back to that same guy and being straight with him this time

btw i smoked a bowl 10 minutes ago and i feel fine now

[Samwhore]

happy you feel fine, but you should still see a doctor

[Skink]

Dude relax... just work on it slow and go see the Doc... sometimes life can look like shit to me but,,, luckily I got a good sense of humor...

[thCA livin]

You seem to lack interpersonal skills/Social life.
Why not give it a shot? You have nothing to lose. We live once and you cant let yourself live it the lazy way.
Let me guess... You smoke all day everyday and sometimes it seems the day just goes by too fast..?

[JeenYuss]

i know how you feel it happened to me when i was on adderall for like a week didnt eat anything, didnt sleep, didnt even go out or anything just sat around thinking

the main thing i realized is:

THERE IS NO POINT TO LIFE

after i ate, slept, and smoked me a bowl i realized another important thing:

I DONT GIVE A FUCK:rastasmoke:

[Mean Green Charlene]

Start with getting your GED..then maybe some type of job? That could lead to co-workers becoming friends, and meeting some of their friends..
it'll all start rolling once you give it a push. :)

[dusto2k3]

Yeah UMrockmysocks, for sure, get you gED, that will make you feel a hell of a lot better. You feel the best when you accomplish something for yourself. Start by setting small goals, like im not smoking for a week, or something smaller. Anyone can start things, but few will finish. Where do you want to be?

[Bong30]

Start with getting your GED..then maybe some type of job? That could lead to co-workers becoming friends, and meeting some of their friends..
it'll all start rolling once you give it a push. :)

One step at a time like MGC says, Get your ged, Get a job you like, go work out....get some exercise, get a hobby..... youll be allright.

[geonagual]

Please...Before you conquer the world...Go to the bathroom and brush those fangs. You NEED to take care of your teeth. Good luck man, just pull up your pants, put your head down (for now) and get some stuff done.

[affasd]

I'm in kind of a similar situation, dropped out of high school two yrs ago but im actually almost done gettin my GED now(im 18 btw). I also hav bad social anxiety to, and right now i pretty much sit at home playing computer games smoking weed. I have no idea what im gonna do either casue i have done nothing for 2 years, and i cant hold a job anywhere cause of the anxiety and also im lazy as shit. O well, at least I have weed

[Nochowderforyou]

Go see a doctor. :)

I didn't graduate HS until I was 22. At that time, I couldn't even go to a public school anymore as I was too old, but for years, I had the same thoughts. Will I be able to support myself, will I end up alone, will I be happy or sad working this job? You know. You get the same pattern of thoughts that run through your mind non-stop, and after awhile, those thoughts lead to depression.

You could have gotten your dads depression. I got mine from my mom as it runs in the family, so I would suggest go seeing a doctor.

If he prescribes you any kind of medication after only 1 or 2 visits, go see a different doctor. It takes time and lots of talking to determine what kind of meds. you should be on. Too many doctors hand out these pills like candy after 1 or visits, and that is not near enough time to do a full diagnoses.

Some people have the opposite reaction when put on some meds. and that can lead to harming themselves. So find a doctor, a real doctor, that is willing to take some time to find out what kind of meds. you should be on.

It sounds like you have some mild depression though. Make some lifestyle changes to help yourself as well. A pill alone won't do the job. It takes change from yourself along with medication to feel better.

Consider finishing school. That's a first step. :)

[Storm Crow]

Ok I'll try it again- I lost the first post, but here we go again!

(1) No one's face is symetrical! Cut any photo in half and hold it up to a mirror. Looks like 2 different people. Usually it is girls who have this problem, but seeing your physical faults as being hugely magnified is not that uncommon. Lighten up! Anyone who judges you on just physical appearance is likely not worth having as a friend!

(2) Mom is hitting menopause (sorry if it grosses you out). She is feeling insecure and less of a woman. Dad is depressed and that isn't helping her at all. Their sex life is likely ziltch (again sorry, but parents do have sex or you wouldn't be here). She is keeping a "brave face" during the day, but slips at night when she is tried. Try doing little nice things for her and she may do a bit better. (Make dinner for her, wash dishes, buy her a single rose for no reason, compliment her on something, tell her you love her- just little stuff) You might tell her that Granny says that hot flashes are made way worse by drinking (I'm 59 and know!) And smoking gives you facial lines.

(3) GET THAT GED! You don't have a chance without one! My eldest son has a GED and works with computers at a school. You CAN make it with just a GED, but it won't be easy! Go back and get your diploma if possible.

(4) GET SOME HELP! A good buddy, a school counselor, the mental health clinic or a doctor is needed here. Talk it out.

(5) Get stoned and make a list of "to do's". I have a touch of bipolar (my Mom was really bipolar, as well as suicidal and alcoholic- so I know how your home life must be- been there, survived that!). Having a list helps keep you on track. Have both big and small things on the list. Try to get at least 1 big and 2 smalls done each day. I think your first "biggie" should be "how and where do I get that GED"? Mine for yesterday was "do income tax" (something I hate doing) plus I did the wash and the dishes. 3 things off my list and I reward myself with a toke. It also gives you a visible way to keep track progress in your daily life. When you are depressed, even if you are doing things, you tend to "lose" the fact that you are getting things done. A marked off list validates that things are getting done.

(6) Take care of yourself! Depression is linked to a lack of exercise, poor nutrition (especially lack of "B" vitamins), boredom, and not enough sunlight. Turn off the TV and video games and go for a walk in the park. Get some "B" vitamins (a month's worth will run you less than $3 at Walmart)and take them daily. Volunteer at the humane society, a food bank, Meals-on-Wheels, anywhere folks need help. Helping others really beats depression. If you can't handle people, then just grab a trash bag and clean up the park on your walk. The thing is to DO something.

(7) What music are you listening to? Regae is a good mood lifter. Yesterday, I "belly-danced" my way through the housework.

(8) Get a kitten or puppy. They are love and joy wrapped in fur. It's dang hard to be depressed while watching their antics.

Remember, depression is a temporary state of mind. Joy is out there waiting to be found. You will get through this. Love ya- Granny:hippy:

[Samwhore]

(8) Get a kitten or puppy. They are love and joy wrapped in fur. It's dang hard to be depressed while watching their antics.


my kitten is the only reason i wake up in the morning

[UMrocksmysocks]

sorry i havent been around lately. i truely appreciate all of you posting here. reading thru the comments made me feel good :) but the reason i came back to this thread was because i just had a serious mood swing. its saturday night, my only night off work that my friends go out and party... well...

we were chillin up in my room watchin The Departed when someone called knowing of a party... now this is what kills me (i used to have a good amount of self confidence, but now i have NONE what so ever, which cant be healthy. anytime anyone laughs at something that i dont get, i think they are laughing at me) so i told my friends i had a baby shower to go to tomorrow mornign and that i didnt wanna get hammered tonight.... well ya, so they just left and now i really feel like shit. honestly.

my brain is scattered so this post will probably be close to that

i used be a smart guy, still am i think, i just have a hard time getting my point across in words.. kinda like this post

on a different note, in high school i was very self centered too. at least, i think i was.. i was very easily influenced by others.. example:: if i thought some dude was a coool person to chill with, if he was labeled as a "loser" i wouldnt ask him to chill with us-- now i am the loser so it seems

idkk if i was oblivious but it seemed like i was a smooth talker back in the day too, i was good at lying and hiding my emotions

another thing, idk why.. but every girl that i was attracted to that i thought maybe i could hook up with, once i got the chance- i wouldnt make a move-- and not to toot my own horn but some of these girls that i passed up sex on were very good looking(and young). ive gotta be one of the more crazy ppl in this world

its hard for me to explain my situation, but i hope this helps with.... oh wait, its my problem, and idk why im telling all you guys this stuff

btw i never hit delete in this post

[UMrocksmysocks]

i came across this quote just now,,, its from a song i found in someones away msg on AOL

he's a real nowhere man sitting in his nowhere land making all his nowhere plans for nobody. doesn't have a point of view, knows not where he's going to, isn't he a bit like you, and me.

thats sorta how i feeel right now, btw i tend to agree with ppl just to be nice, thats why it feels like no one really knows me, and i dont have anyone to talk to about this, moms a drunk, dad never shows and compassion, cept when he takes his depression meds, but that only lasts so long..

[UMrocksmysocks]

i know some of my friends from the real world know i have this handle here on cannabis.com if you are reading this, dont think im fucked up, im just really confused--call me, id like to talk to you