nitepharmer
02-19-2007, 02:15 PM
I'm an old crusty crackpot, you've got to be to do what I do. I'm a outdoor marijuana grower smackdab in america's heartland, the cornbelt. Let me tell you the tension just builds and builds as the plants first grow huge then start packing on bud. You indoor marijuana grow boys ain't nothin but a bunch of pussies, carressing your indoor girls like they was persian lap cats. Outdoor buds arn't just big, they are obscene, buds the size of a womens calf. Buds so big the biggest problem in the fall is branches snapping off from the weight of them. Finally the right night comes and me and my trusty sidekick,
budboy head out to do the deed. Its twenty grand or two years at the buttfuck motel tonight baby, Its high stakes and its high tension.
"We're one hundred and fifty miles from Chicago, its dark and we're wearing sunglasses" A quote from the Blues Brothers movie.
Close, close indeed, except budboy has his night vision goggles on ready to hop out and head into the corn. I'm eating Tums like candy, in a few minutes I'll drop off Budboy and wait for his call for pick up. Budboy is young and fast, if the site is staked out he'll be off like a shot into that corn and no one will catch him. The plan is for him to call me later with his GPS location and I'll come pick him up.
"I've got a folded knife in my back pocket." Budboy announces in a wobbily voice.
I know what he's thinking, he watched the TV show cops and some poor bastard running from the cops had his ass chewed up by a police dog. He's terrified of police dogs. I don't go there with the conversation.
"The coyotes will be out hooting and howling, don't let them rattle you," I tell him. If some friendly dog comes up to lick his hand the poor critter will be attacked by budboy.
"You've got plenty of garbage bags in your back pack, makle sure you double bag 'em, I don't need the whole truck stinking any more than it has to . Tie two bags together with the rope I have in there and bring 'em out two at a time."
"I know, I know, how much do you think in there?" Budboy asks.
"When I walked by it two days ago, I counted fifteen plants, and I'd guess ten ounces per plant. Thats fifteen times ten, oh somewhere around ten pounds. It usually works out to two pounds of cleaned bud per jam packed garbage bag so thats five bags. Its going to take you three trips just to haul it out. Maybe two."
We are diving down some farm roads in the dead of night, getting close to the drop off spot.
"Have you got your cell phone turned off," I ask again.
" Yeah, yeah, its off," Budboy answers. They all have GPS trackin on them now, so we turn them off and use a two way radio for essential communication.
The drop off spot is right down the road now, I see no headlights in any direction, so its a go.
"Put that pocket flashlight in your teeth if you have to, do not throw any moldy buds in with the good stuff."
"I know, I know," he answers as he adjusts the strapped on night vision goggles on his head.
"Don't let a police train run you down this time." I added, trying to lighten things up. Last year while walking down the tracks hauling as much as he could carry a train came out of no where scaring the absolute shit out of budboy. He got all scratched up talking a flying leap into some bushes down by the side of the tracks. On our drive out he kept insisting I should have warned him about trains.
budboy head out to do the deed. Its twenty grand or two years at the buttfuck motel tonight baby, Its high stakes and its high tension.
"We're one hundred and fifty miles from Chicago, its dark and we're wearing sunglasses" A quote from the Blues Brothers movie.
Close, close indeed, except budboy has his night vision goggles on ready to hop out and head into the corn. I'm eating Tums like candy, in a few minutes I'll drop off Budboy and wait for his call for pick up. Budboy is young and fast, if the site is staked out he'll be off like a shot into that corn and no one will catch him. The plan is for him to call me later with his GPS location and I'll come pick him up.
"I've got a folded knife in my back pocket." Budboy announces in a wobbily voice.
I know what he's thinking, he watched the TV show cops and some poor bastard running from the cops had his ass chewed up by a police dog. He's terrified of police dogs. I don't go there with the conversation.
"The coyotes will be out hooting and howling, don't let them rattle you," I tell him. If some friendly dog comes up to lick his hand the poor critter will be attacked by budboy.
"You've got plenty of garbage bags in your back pack, makle sure you double bag 'em, I don't need the whole truck stinking any more than it has to . Tie two bags together with the rope I have in there and bring 'em out two at a time."
"I know, I know, how much do you think in there?" Budboy asks.
"When I walked by it two days ago, I counted fifteen plants, and I'd guess ten ounces per plant. Thats fifteen times ten, oh somewhere around ten pounds. It usually works out to two pounds of cleaned bud per jam packed garbage bag so thats five bags. Its going to take you three trips just to haul it out. Maybe two."
We are diving down some farm roads in the dead of night, getting close to the drop off spot.
"Have you got your cell phone turned off," I ask again.
" Yeah, yeah, its off," Budboy answers. They all have GPS trackin on them now, so we turn them off and use a two way radio for essential communication.
The drop off spot is right down the road now, I see no headlights in any direction, so its a go.
"Put that pocket flashlight in your teeth if you have to, do not throw any moldy buds in with the good stuff."
"I know, I know," he answers as he adjusts the strapped on night vision goggles on his head.
"Don't let a police train run you down this time." I added, trying to lighten things up. Last year while walking down the tracks hauling as much as he could carry a train came out of no where scaring the absolute shit out of budboy. He got all scratched up talking a flying leap into some bushes down by the side of the tracks. On our drive out he kept insisting I should have warned him about trains.