I need someone

[BlueCat]

I am alone and I am so sad....I don't know what else to do but come here
I got a phone call this morning and my best friend we met in 5th grade she was so dear to me we were 2 peas in a pod. We shared each others thoughts....she hung herself last night. Her husband awoke to police at the door and she was hanging from the basket ball goal in the yard. I dont undertand it. We just talked yesterday We were going to write a childrens book together. My heart feels like it is going to burst. There is no one here with me at my house. I am so so sad. I can't stop crying. She was like my sister. She lived with our family on and off. God why did she do it? I am so MAD at her and I love her at the same time. Someone talk to me PLEASE. I need someone. :(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(

[Nochowderforyou]

An interesting man the other day gave me an interesting piece of paper that had a funny saying on it. I'd use it, but it is too mean, even for me, to type up here.

I'm not good with helping people, but people dying is life, natural or not, and you will get passed it. :)

[JunkYard]

Love ya buecat, and i'm soo sorry for your loss. It's tuff losing someone close to you, I know the feeling all too well, but time heals all wounds.. .. remember that!

Write your childrens book anyway, and dedicate it to your friend. She would probably appreciate that greatly. Besides, it will motivate you to finish and get it published.

Hang in there, (((blue)))


Much Love,

[OniEhtRedrum781]

That's terrible. My condolenses

[benagain]

My thoughts and prayers are with you during you're rough time. I hope you can be with some friends and family soon. That's who you need to be with.

[BlueCat]

Love ya buecat, and i'm soo sorry for your loss. It's tuff losing someone close to you, I know the feeling all too well, but time heals all wounds.. .. remember that!

Write your childrens book anyway, and dedicate it to your friend. She would probably appreciate that greatly. Besides, it will motivate you to finish and get it published.

Hang in there, (((blue)))


Much Love,

I didn't think of writing the book alone but it might help you are right thank you I just need to get past the funeral first. I hate funerals they scare me...I wish someone was home with me :(

[JunkYard]

can you call a friend, blue? It helps to talk one on one to someone you know really well.

I wish someone where there, too. I remember when my ex-wife left me, I was devestated. I went straight to my aunties home, sat in front of the old wood stove on a comfy chair and talked to her for almost two hours straight. It really helps...

[Skink]

Hey Blue you grieve because of your loss,,,your friend feels nothing now and you are left with the leaky bag o shit... you can't bring her back so you will have to cry and get through it... remember the good times you had and focus on it... I know your pain ,but when i think about it,,, the pain is almost selfish,,, because we want the person to be here with us to comfort us and make us happy... to bad your friend could not find the same happiness... if there is a here after you Will meet again...

Peace,,, and the crying,,,well it's therapeutic so bawl your eyes out...

[lil josh]

Hey blue, i dont think ive ever spoke to you but ive read a few of your posts in the past and your someone i would like to help..

Could you not go and visit her husband/mother as these are 2 other people that will also be heart broken, i think you should write that book for sure even more so now that your friend is no longer there as it will touch everyones heart! it may be a idea to ask people that have also known you 2 for a verry long time for any memories they have that you may have forgotten.

Just remember that your friend will always be with you from now on, looking down on you and taking special care. oXxxXo

Hope its not to hard for to long blue xx

josh xx

Edit: Make sure you get some really soft tissues asap otherwise you will get a saw nose & eyes x

[ericwt]

My heart goes out to you. It is hard to loose someone close to you.

[Skink]

I hope you are talking to a friend right now...

[afghooey]

My sympathies BlueCat...

[BlueCat]

My son is finally home and we are going to watch donnie darko again to veg out and try not to think...I have been crying for hours my head hurts...

Her mom commited suicide at the same age 44 so I really don't understand why she would do this. She said she would never do this to her love ones. She wrote me a letter telling me she loves me on myspace but there was no hint of a problem.

I guess maybe it was genetic I don't know. I am going to be with her husband and kids as soon as I know the funeral date and can get a plane to the east coast...

I always thought weed was a cure all I was wrong it can't begin to take the edge off sorrow...

In the end it is your friends that matter.

Being alone is a terrible thing when you get bad news...thanks for being there when I needed you,Junkyard, Oni, Josh, benagain, Skink and Eric..I am sure you are all blessed with good Karma

You guys are truly wonderful.
I love you

Cat

[Skink]

Sometimes my words are harsh but they are spoken with good intent... good to hear you are feelin better...

[Psycho4Bud]

Best wishes my friend!:)

[lil josh]

Yea im not usually to good at making people feel better ,easyer just to give someone a hug :)

Groupe hug :)

[Samwhore]

Im sorry, go ahead and cry. bottling up pain is a horrible thing to do, ive done it for years and it finally became enough and i cried for so long, and gave me the biggest headache of all. The pain is gone, but now, Im bottling up the anger and i dont know what im going to do

[BlueCat]

HUG received and heart felt.....thanks lil Josh

[make it legal]

I'm sorry. I know how you feel. A freidn of mine hung himself over Christmas break. I just couildnt understand why...

Everything you said you felt I also felt.

[BlueCat]

Im sorry, go ahead and cry. bottling up pain is a horrible thing to do, ive done it for years and it finally became enough and i cried for so long, and gave me the biggest headache of all. The pain is gone, but now, Im bottling up the anger and i dont know what im going to do


Why are you angry,Sam?

God crying gives you such a terrible headache!!!

I could do with a couple percs about now....

Just talking to someone helps me..I panicked when no one was home but talking to you guys helped I am not talented enough to cry type and read

[BlueCat]

I'm sorry. I know how you feel. A freidn of mine hung himself over Christmas break. I just couildnt understand why...

Everything you said you felt I also felt.



I often question if a forum is the place to look for help but it feels right to come here.

I am sorry ....I probably brought it all back to you :(

[birdgirl73]

So sorry for your loss, Blue Cat. That's a horrible thing to have happen to your friend, and my heart goes out to her family.

Three years ago this week, one of my oldest friend's brothers took his own life. He was older than us and I didn't know him too well. But I'm starting to believe it's true what people say about this time of year being the most depressing.

I honestly think that if depressed people could see the agony that survivors go through first-hand, it might stop them from making such a horrible, self-destructive, angry decision. The families and friends who are left behind are overwhelmed by guilt and what-if questions and pain. My friend will never really recover from his brother's loss. The one thing his family took comfort in, though, was what one of their brother's doctors said to them, which was "Ultimately, he thought he was acting in a way that would bring him peace and end his torment. It is an awful thing for us, but it's what he wanted."

My heart goes out to you, Blue Cat. Keep feeling and expressing those feelings.

[partyguy420]

i know this may not help you... but last night i came up with the best reason for life i myself or anyone else could ever think of... the only thing you do in life is eat, sleep, fuck, drink and drugs... eat sleep fuck, drugs and alcohal... and we repeat this almost everyday of out lifes... from the time we are over the age of 13... many will repeat this well into our 80's and 90's...

i know how it feals to loose some one that close to you... and i dont know what i would do if i lost my "brother"(hes like what your friend was to you... we grew up together)came close to loosing him over the summer... and i was in tears until his mom called me at 3 in the morning about 2 days latter...

[Samwhore]

Why are you angry,Sam?




Lets not go there....

[potsmokingnome]

Wow sorry to hear that Blue Cat, thats very horrible, suicide is allways horrible and hard to deal with. Hang in there and take it one day at a time...I wish i knew what to say...
Edit: My Mom also committed suicide when i was 10 years old, so I can symphaze with your pain. Surving suicide is never an easy thing...hang in there and evevntually the pain fades, but you have to deal with your emotions a feelings your own way...I dealt with my pain with poetry :) I hope you find an outlet......

[Demeter]

Oh Blue Cat, I gasped when I read your post. I am so sorry! I can't imagine how horrible it must have felt to deal with that alone, but I am very glad you took care of yourself and reached out for help here- it's strange, we don't see each other with our eyes on this board, but I sometimes think we can feel with our heart even better when we are not distracted by appearances.

A long time ago, a close friend of mine killed herself, she shot herself in the face, and I kept asking why why over and over, and tried to think of the signs I must have missed, and what I should, could, would have said if I had known she was going to do that. She killed herself the day before we were going to meet and have lunch, and I was so mad with grief I blamed myself- I should have made plans with her sooner..etc. When someone dies from an accident or illness, it is painful, but when someone takes their own life, it is excruciating for those loved ones left behind. Please know that it is natural to obsess over all the what if's, and also that there will probably never be the answers you want to explain why. It just is.
You will be recovering from this for awhile, so be extra kind to yourself. Grief is the most human of emotions I think. It rips you open, but if you are able to eventually heal, it will bring you strength - just knowing that you can survive a loss of that magnitude.
The next few weeks are going to be really rough, I hope you will post often and cry on our shoulders whenever you need to. I'll be holding thoughts of you in my heart-

[2600HERTZ]

I pray and give you love.

[Dutch Pimp]

...your son is home?...good news buried inside...bad news....

..I am sorry for your loss...

[BlueCat]

No Dutch my oldest is not home:( (I wish)
I have 3 sons...the youngest came home. He is in college.


Thanks for the well wishes though. Thanks everyone...:)

Demeter thanks for sharing your story it really helped me on so many levels. I AM STILL saying why and what could I have done...over and over.
I borrowed a quote from your post for my signature I thought it explained this place really well. I hope you don't mind.

Some times I have this fear of being alone but then I can find solace in being alone. It makes no sense.

Yesterday I found myself alone. SO really alone. . I really panicked. The house was so empty I just fell to pieces. Me and the cats on the floor. Me crying and them looking at me like I was crazy but with concerned little faces. Bless their little furry butts.
I guess this is empty nest in overdrive. Maybe that is why Smudge (my cat) brought me a dead bird. It was a nice gesture but it didn't help AT ALL.

I am glad I could come here and open my heart.
I feel a connection to this place and the hearts that collect here.
I have posted on lots of forums but there is no better collection of good people than here.

I guess I am off to Virginia Beach, I'll find my way back. Talk to you soon

Much love
Cat

[Hagbard Celiene]

Best wishes in your time of sorrow... I to have lost friends to suicide, as well as loosing a son... I can relate a little, i guess.

All i can tell you is that you should look at the funeral as a time to be with the people that were close to your friend, and a celebration of the person you all loved, not as a time to mourn.

I hope that you can find the comfort that you deserve. I definitly agree that you should write that book. that sounds like the best way of healing.

[mamma puffpuff420]

im sorry u lost a great friend
most of the people here have lost some 1 they loved
and have felt the hurt
but in time the hurt will fade
and the memories u 2 made will b always in ur heart

God be with her
and u

puffpuff pass
this puff iz 4 u

[BlueCat]

Sigh...I am home and doing ok...the funeral went well and I made some new friends...

Thanks for being there when I needed you. ((((big kiss))))

[ericwt]

Glad to see you back.:)

[geonagual]

Sigh...I am home and doing ok...the funeral went well and I made some new friends...

Thanks for being there when I needed you. ((((big kiss))))


Glad you are back and feeling better:jointsmile:

[Metaphor]

terribly sorry to hear about your loss.. you just have to be strong in troubled times.

[Skink]

welcome back...

[BlueCat]

Thanks guys :)

I love your avatar Metaphor!

[Bong30]

BC,
I didnt see this post back in Jan. IM sorry for your loss. She must have been in a bad place.....

Im glad you are home, and doing better.

I would give you a big ole bear hug......

Keep your self busy, and keep great memories close.....

B30


PS there is a "where is Bluecat" thread going around here somewhere

[Demeter]

Sigh...I am home and doing ok...the funeral went well and I made some new friends...

Thanks for being there when I needed you. ((((big kiss))))

Hi Bluecat- I did a search and found you! Yea!!!I didn't see your post, and was worrying about you. I am glad you are healing, and connecting with others. don't be a stranger- I miss you!

[hazetwostep]

Bluecat... i hadn't bumped into you on here in awhile so i searched for your posts and read this one first... i am so sorry that terrible things happen in this beautiful world and to beautiful people.

my prayers go out to you.. i hope you feel them. peace be with you...