Love can hurt... Alot

[someuser]

So I see my ex-gf from HS I hadnt seen in over 7yrs. We kept in touch since we broke up... She asked me several times to see her throughout the yrs but I always refused cause I guess I still had a hard time seeing her as just a 'friend'.

It wasnt easy seeing her last night but I immediately became glad I did. It was good seeing her, her son, and her family. I use to play with his younger brother who was hardly up to my waist when I dated his sister but now he is 16 and almost as tall as me... First thing he did when he saw me was give me a big hug and a long hand shake. It all felt so natural... Her family and I always got along so well you would think we were all best friends... Even her son who I met for the first time (little over 3.5yrs) took an immediate liking to me.

We didnt get to spend any real quality time together last night but we exchanged a few looks and she sat close to me every chance she got. She even wanted me to see my old camaro from back in HS that I had sold to her mom. That was my car for the first year we dated and we had a LOT of memories in that car. She seemed happy when I got in it and she even got in it as well.

Then I had just two Smirnoff ice (sp). I smoked all day but I can handle alcohol and weed. I usually drink beer or shots with pot... But I guess it was all the nerves and emotions. The room started to spin and I ended up spending probably an hour in the bathroom (didnt throw-up though) and another hour laying on the couch... It really took my focus off her just as we were warming up.

12am came too quick and I knew she had a long trip home the next day so I took my leave. She asked my twice if I wanted to crash on the floor but I couldnt handle a sleep over that didnt involve us atleast sharing the same bed (even if we did nothing). So I took my leave, gave her two BIG hugs and she promised she was going to stop by my house one more time before she left the next day.

Well, she calls one time at 10am on my house phone and doesnt leave a message. I didnt see she called but didnt expect her until 12pm - 1pm when she said she would be over. So I figured she wasnt coming over so I first checked my email and then called her cell. No pick up so I leave a voice message asking if she skipped town on me (light hearted way). No answer for an hour so I call her grandpa's house she was staying at around 3pm. He tells me she left 2 and 1/2 hours ago to go home.

She knew I was expecting her and she knew I wanted her to see my daughter for the first time. So I call her again. it rings all the way to voice again, and I leave her a message telling her I heard she left and asked her why she didnt call to let me know... I told her I would like to hear from her in person (VS email) mainly because I was worried maybe something happened and I just wanted to know she was ok and not have to wait till she got back to West Virginia to find out whats going on (I'm impatient).

She told me the day before when we were talking on the phone she had a shit load of minutes to burn so it wasnt that. I know for a fact she keeps her cell close so it cant be she didnt know I called twice by now. She is driving home with a friend so it isnt like one of the two couldnt pick up when it rang. Its obvious I was blown off.

I really dont understand. Last night might not have had fireworks going off on my part (I did hold back a lot) but she is married and was going home the next day... We still seemed to really get along well all night...

Part of the 2nd message to her I told her I was just overwhelmed seeing everyone again so I wasnt as myself... I made it clear though that I was happy I saw her, told her the two hugs goodnight made me very happy and that I really had looked forward to one more before she was gone again. She herself said she was coming back in the summer and for longer so it wasnt like it had to be a long goodbye anyhow.


I just cant understand how she left like that. She never broke a promise to me but she promised last night she wanted to and would see me today (I didnt even ask for the promise, she gave it). I bought her some x-mas presents and even went to the bank, got money out, and put it in her card to give to her little boy... I totally didnt see this one coming.

When we were together we couldnt go 3hrs without being stuck up each other's asses but after 7yrs I cant even get her to pick up the phone?! I wasnt even mad, I just wanted to know if she was coming cause my daughter wanted to see Santa at the mall. I mean she left the house an hour after she called the last time so she could have atleast left an email if calling was too hard for whatever reason.


The only thing that makes sense is she just felt nothing for me and figured it would be easier for her just to leave and email me later. If she cared, even if it was hard, she could have emailed me... Or left a BS message on my machine when I didnt pick up saying she couldnt make it (and then not answer my calls).

I know this sounds stupid but afterward I went for a walk to clear my head. So I am walking the dogs when I see this HUGE owl or eagle (sorry I'm not a bird person). I never saw anything like it before EVER... Especially just sitting on a low fence in the middle of the day. The minute I thought of Ruthann (the girl) the bird flew away from me. I think that is a sign or something.


I dunno, I'm just venting. This cant be good. I know I'm going to get an email at some point that is going to 'break my heart' all over again... I accepted she and I werent going to be a item again but after all these years talking on the Internet I thought we were still close enough to be good friends... How can I be such a disappointment that I even ruined friends? Especially since she seemed sincerly happy to see me. I am freaking out that I really fucked up... She wasnt just the love of my life, she was my best friend.

Getting ditched by a friend is one thing... but your best friend? I trusted her so much I wanted her to be my daughter's God mother. I mean, how could I fuck this up? Maybe I should have kissed her... Maybe I should been more affectionate.


I'm 28yrs and I never felt worse in my life. Not even a 6 beers and 2 bowls helped. I feel like everything in my life that ever matter just walked out without saying a word...

Man, love can hurt... Alot.

[420purpHAZE420]

mabe she felt too much of an attraction and got scared, idk man, im just 16 and i already kno loves a bitch, just smoke a fat bowl n get over it i guess

[someuser]

mabe she felt too much of an attraction and got scared, idk man, im just 16 and i already kno loves a bitch, just smoke a fat bowl n get over it i guess

Man that the thing, I'm totally not enjoying weed or alcohol right now. That sucks just as much as what she did actually! Weed and alcohol always made me feel better. Fucking emotions. They completely suck.

[bavet]

Time to hit the gym.

[420purpHAZE420]

then just do more of it, ull either end up really drunk/high and 4get about it or ull have a emotional drunk/high and cry it all out and be fine in the morning lol...u prob shouldnt listen to me tho im just a 16 yr old kid lol

[partyguy420]

then just do more of it, ull either end up really drunk/high and 4get about it or ull have a emotional drunk/high and cry it all out and be fine in the morning lol...u prob shouldnt listen to me tho im just a 16 yr old kid lol

that sounds like fun.... i did that today... but i was sober... i also ended up breaking up with my GF... and i also shoved her onto my bed when i was trying to get away from her... and she wouldnt let go... yea... im going to find some weed....

[thcbongman]

You can't judge by words, but actions.

It's the only way to see the truth.............

[Pasofol]

Love bites, you always end up hurting each other and most of the time it's not even intended.

[spliffstar22]

something probably came up...She called you at 10am, so she didn't blow you off, maybe something just came up, just see what happens before you jump to too many conclusions

[someuser]

Well, on a good note I'm about to go pick up another O from a guy that usually has some pretty good stuff... Last time I smoked some of his stuff I got a huge mind high VS the body high stuff I have now.

[someuser]

Oh my fucking God. This dude still had 3ozs of the stuff that he sold to a friend before!!!! Come to find out, he isnt so much a seller but mostly a users who does just a bit of selling on the side.

So now I got a fucking O of that bad ass mind blowing ganja he had. Man does it stink too!!! I'm so excited :jointsmile:

Life is good.

[420purpHAZE420]

haha...if hes more of a user i mite suggest asking smoking a little with him, then asking him 4 his hookup, so u can get that weed all the time 4 cheaper then ur getting it now

[JeenYuss]

mabe she felt too much of an attraction and got scared, idk man, im just 16 and i already kno loves a bitch, just smoke a fat bowl n get over it i guess

idk but these are some of the wisest words i've heard from a 16 year old

[Great Spirit]

Attachment is the killer. Learn to love unconditionally, and you will be at bliss because you are loving without attachments.

Just about all "relationships" are based on attachments.

[birdgirl73]

This is partially how I know you're dealing with psychological and intellectual issues, GS. For one thing, if you don't realize that emotional attachements are the essence of relationships (our ability to make those attachments begins with the attachments we form with our parents as infants), then you've got things badly turned around in your mind. This is no surprise to me, but you prove this fact in statements like you made above. Do some reading about attachment theory so you can inform yourself.

You also seem to have missed the boat on the subject of conditional and unconditional love. I noticed this on Oneironaut's thread, too, where you mentioned unconditional love. Little tip here: Romantic love is conditional. Always has been. Always will be. And it should be that way. Unconditional love is something that sounds terribly good when people say it. And, under ideal circumstances, it’s the sort of love that parents give to their children or which, for people of faith, a higher spiritual power bestows. But between young adults in a romantic relationship, reciprocal love is very much conditional upon fidelity, trust, honesty, affection. Many things. Don’t fool yourself into thinkng otherwise. If people didn’t have self-respect, those conditions wouldn’t matter.

[Great Spirit]

This is partially how I know you're dealing with psychological and intellectual issues, GS. For one thing, if you don't realize that emotional attachements are the essence of relationships (our ability to make those attachments begins with the attachments we form with our parents as infants), then you've got things badly turned around in your mind. This is no surprise to me, but you prove this fact in statements like you made above. Do some reading about attachment theory so you can inform yourself.

You also seem to have missed the boat on the subject of conditional and unconditional love. I noticed this on Oneironaut's thread, too, where you mentioned unconditional love. Little tip here: Romantic love is conditional. Always has been. Always will be. And it should be that way. Unconditional love is something that sounds terribly good when people say it. And, under ideal circumstances, itâ??s the sort of love that parents give to their children or which, for people of faith, a higher spiritual power bestows. But between young adults in a romantic relationship, reciprocal love is very much conditional upon fidelity, trust, honesty, affection. Many things. Donâ??t fool yourself into thinkng otherwise. If people didnâ??t have self-respect, those conditions wouldnâ??t matter.Remember what I told you....and I hope I don't have to go over this lesson with you again. Claiming your enemies are mentally disturbed is a trademark tactic in fascist nations (USA).

True love is unconditional. It's called "compassion". Most people think of love as something just between man and woman and based on attachments such as level of beauty, money, etc.

I'll give you a good example. What if you were in a relationship for about 25 years..married and all. But as the years pass, both parties put on some weight and than they drift away from each other because they don't find each other physically attractive. But I thought they loved each other? Just goes to show that this kind of "love" was based on attachment and not compassion. It only brings temporary satisfaction, but when that drifts away, people are sad and miserable. Attached love is like a drug.

Loving unconditionally is a lot harder to do then to love conditionally, but it is far more rewarding and enlightening to love unconditionally. It's when we accept either parties the way they are without judgment. It's the middle of Light/Dark....aka balance.

You will save yourself a lot of pain if you just learn to love unconditionally and stay away from attached relationships. It's not worth it and I've seen too many people get hurt from it.

[someuser]

Wow, I'm surprised this thread is still 'alive' :)


Anyhow, I'm not going to endorse one argument or the other because I can see merits in both... All I can say is, in this instance, I love her unconditionally.

I dont care if she was a burn victim and in a wheelchair... I would spend the rest of my life taking care of her... I would give her a winning lotto ticket if it made her happy, I would send her my paycheck and live with my parents if she asked. I dont ask for anything in return... I wish I could atleast be her friend but even if she told me she hated my guts and wished I was dead I would still do anything for her.

It doesnt make sense, I've never been that way with any other girl before or after, I'm not clingy, a wuss, a push-over, or anything like that. I feel like I knew her my entire life from the minute we first held hands and laid next to one another on her bedroom floor. Even though I usually dont like people touching me, when I held her I felt like I was 'complete'. I dont mean that in a corny Jerry Maguire kind of way either! The first time we had to 'let go' after meeting the first day I felt this great sense of 'panic' and immediate emptiness and all I could think or feel was to be close to her again.


I also have a 4yrs daughter and I can say I would go to the same extremes (even further in some regards) with my ex as I would for my own daughter. If my ex ever died I already know I would kill myself and be buried next to her (whether she likes it or not!). If I married her it wouldnt be till death do we part but for a eternity together. I've been lucky to date a lot of beautiful and educated women but NONE can hold a flame to her. I know all that sounds obsessive but it truly is different... I know obsessive, and this isnt obsessive... This is a deep deep bond I feel with her... One I cant explain... I never felt it before or after.


Again, I'm 28yrs, I've dated a lot of women, I have a daughter, I would consider myself 'stable' and 'intelligent'... I even saw her recently, after 7yrs, and still didnt waver in what I would do for her... Not even after she just left and didnt say a word. I accepted she doesnt love me anymore but I still and always will love her 100% unconditionally. She is the most beautiful soul I ever met and this world would be empty and meaningless without her... I dont say these things to be over dramatic either. I would be dead in every sense of the word, emotionally and spiritually, if she wasnt in this world with me (even if she isnt next to me).


I hope everyone one day can find that kind of bond in their lives... It goes even deeper then what you feel for your own child... I cant explain it but it is the most beautiful thing I ever felt and a FAR FAR FAR better high then ANY drug I ever did :)

[birdgirl73]

Great Spirit, the fact is you're a deeply disturbed, distorted individual. People who interact with you know this, and we aren't fascist nations. We're just people who see that your thought patterns are way off the norm. We've seen you distort facts. Threaten to hang yourself. Predict wildly absurd political events that will never happen and distort events that have happened in the past. Even your family worries about your mental health, as you've related before. Also, as you may remember, I used your voluminous paranoiac political rantings as an ongoing case study in the first semester of my medical psychopathology class at med school. So that's also how I and the board-certified M.D.-Ph.D. psychiatry professors who taught that class know you live in Crazyville. And isn't it funny how we've never been granted status as nations at all, much less fascist ones?

You can dream your high-minded dream all you want about ideal, unconditional love and absence of attachments. That's because you can't understand the concept of emotional attachment and can only associate the word "attachment" with material or visual things. You also can't conceive that there's actually a self-esteem foundation in conditioning love upon affectionate treatment from a partner. I know from reading your response in another thread that you've not yet had a successful relationship with anyone, and so you probably can't fathom what I'm talking about anyway simply from lack of real romantic experience. It will not surprise me if you never have any lasting romantic relationships because I suspect you're as impossible to interact with sanely in person as you are in cyberspace.

Come back here with your high-minded relationship aspirations after you've had an actual relationship with a young lady (not just your short sexual attempts with two different partners). Or, better yet, do as my spouse and I have and make a marriage succeed--happily--for 24 years. Then once you have some actual experience upon which to base your theories, you'll be in a better position to discuss real relationships.

[Great Spirit]

Great Spirit, the fact is you're a deeply disturbed, distorted individual. People who interact with you know this, and we aren't fascist nations. We're just people who see that your thought patterns are way off the norm. We've seen you distort facts. Threaten to hang yourself. Predict wildly absurd political events that will never happen and distort events that have happened in the past. Even your family worries about your mental health, as you've related before. Also, as you may remember, I used your voluminous paranoiac political rantings as an ongoing case study in the first semester of my medical psychopathology class at med school. So that's also how I and the board-certified M.D.-Ph.D. psychiatry professors who taught that class know you live in Crazyville. And isn't it funny how we've never been granted status as nations at all, much less fascist ones?

You can dream your high-minded dream all you want about ideal, unconditional love and absence of attachments. That's because you can't understand the concept of emotional attachment and can only associate the word "attachment" with material or visual things. You also can't conceive that there's actually a self-esteem foundation in conditioning love upon affectionate treatment from a partner. I know from reading your response in another thread that you've not yet had a successful relationship with anyone, and so you probably can't fathom what I'm talking about anyway simply from lack of real romantic experience. It will not surprise me if you never have any lasting romantic relationships because I suspect you're as impossible to interact with sanely in person as you are in cyberspace.

Come back here with your high-minded relationship aspirations after you've had an actual relationship with a young lady (not just your short sexual attempts with two different partners). Or, better yet, do as my spouse and I have and make a marriage succeed--happily--for 24 years. Then once you have some actual experience upon which to base your theories, you'll be in a better position to discuss real relationships.Please refer to my last post. You are living in a fascist nation. Making your enemy into being this mentally disturbed monster is a classic trademark of fascism.

You are free to believe your government sanctioned fairy tales that CIA asset Tim Osman...I mean Osama Bin Laden carried out the 9/11 attacks.

Its not that I hate you. Its that I just don't like fascists! ;)

I was more then expecting you to disagree with me about the whole love thing too. :p

I guess we highly evolved/higher dimensional entities are not welcome in your 3rd dimensional reality because we can see a deeper meaning to things.

[birdgirl73]

I don't think you're a monster at all, GS. Just a disturbed, sad, and often crazily angry individual who distorts reality. You're calmer since your most recent return to the boards, and I wonder if you're on some type of meds now.

As for our disagreement about love-related matters, as I said above, we can talk about that again when you've had some real relationships.