Long Lost Love - Advice Needed!

[katacus]

When I was in High School I met an great girl. We became very good freinds. We were both in other relationship and are freindshiip was very supportive for the both of us. She was married very soon after high school and moved to another state. We continued to write and only saw each other during the holidays. She soon started having problems with her husband. She confessed her feelings for me. She wanted to run away with me. I was in another relationship, I just thought it was a bad idea. I soon lost contact with her.

That was 20 years ago. Truth of the matter. I love her dearly. She is the love of my life. I knew it then, but I just couldnt start a relationship in that way. In the last couple of days, we were able to re-connect via email. She told me that she tried to find me and her mail was returned. She has been married for the last 15 years and has one child. Her husband betrayed her, but decided to stay in the relationship for her child. She never confronted her husband about his affairs.

In the last couple of emails became strong in emotions. She says she never knew how I felt about her. But she knew. Our love for each other is so strong, we really never had to open about it.

I know she wont leave her unfaithful husband. But now I feel that I should have just kept the past in the past. But then I wouldnt be true to my own heart. I'm despreate for good advice. I cant lose my best freind again.

[dutch.lover]

that's a really tough situation and i don't really know what you want to hear...but what i will say is that the worst thing in life (as you have realized) is regretting something. that being said, i think that if you two really do love each other, you should try to make a relationship work. i know there is another man involved but if he is being unfaithful it doesn't sound like he is too happy in the relationship, and perhaps he would just bow out when/if he is confronted about his cheating ways and his wife's feelings for another person (you). The fact that there is a child involved further complicates things, but that is a whole other issue that can be dealt with later down the road. i don't really know what else i can say... hopefully someone else has been in a similar postion to you and can offer some better insight.

all the best

*love*

[Storm Crow]

Cool down the tone of your emails, just try to continue it as a friendship for now. If her husband is the way I think he is, it is only a matter of time before he blows it again. Once, a woman can forgive, twice is a whole 'nother story. And ask yourself, seriously, can you be a father to her child? A child who likely will blame you as being the cause of the divorce? Having a child involved changes the whole story! Anyway,it is to your advantage to be as patient as you can, it's only a matter of time until she leaves him. - Granny :stoned:

[Skink]

Put an end to it now!!! tell her she needs to make a life decision and you are bias and can't get involved,,,Bye...

[stinkyattic]

A child who likely will blame you as being the cause of the divorce? Having a child involved changes the whole story! Anyway,it is to your advantage to be as patient as you can, it's only a matter of time until she leaves him. - Granny :stoned:
Ahh Storm Crow you are too wise.
I myself am the child of a marriage that ended in part because of unfaithfulness. I still scorn the 'other party' despite having forgiven the parent.... If the parent and the 'other' had ended up married, I would have been VERY miserable and full of anger for that person.

The only way to go through life is with honor and honesty.

If she is unhappy, why is she still sticking around? Is there an ulterior motive [security]?

Why can't she just shit or get off the pot?

And you... you have to respect the sanctity of marriage in your own way and not let your feelings harm her family, who are surely already suffering from the husband problems.

If she cheated on him with you, would you ever trust her?

If she leaves the marriage before she is good and ready to make that decision on her own without your involvement, will she eventually regret it and resent your involvement?

You just have to wait. Tone down the romance and remember that this isn't a high school sweetheart any more, this is a grown woman with a child.

Tread lightly and use your judgement.

[napolitana869]

keep in mind that people change over time. she might not be the same person you used to love, and you cant really figure that out over email.

[katacus]

Thanks to all;)

That is a lot of good advice. She doesnt want to leave because of her son. I certainly will tread lightly. Your right, if I push, I could be the one causing the harm. I cant do that.