The worst day of your life

[cannabis campbell]

just wondering so far, what you lived of your life what do you consider to be the worst day of it? :)

[birdgirl73]

My worst day came just recently. My sister died on Thursday, November 2, and the following two days, Friday and Saturday, tied for worst day. Friday, I think, was the very worst. That was the day we had to go to the funeral home and handle arrangements and see her for the first time and have the visitation. The entire day was like a long nightmare.

[cannabis campbell]

im so sorry birdgirl :( life can be hard

[slipknotpsycho]

hm... i could have a shitload of stories to give you, as many of my days rival other 'worst days' however, the one that sticks in my head the most is when i kicked who is now my wife out, after an 11 month relationship, that one day has taught me that i need to stop making decisions when i'm pissed... i'm sure i can't really say it's the worst day of my life, but after i had calmed down and realized she was leaving and there was nothing i could do about it (her parents were already engaged in a 9 hour-ish car drive, and they weren't going to leave without her).... to this day when i have the nightmares i usually have, of her leaving me, i feel that pain and anguish all over...

to this day i still beat myself up about that decision, because even tho now we're happily married (well atleast, as happily as anyone can be married ;) ) that day still haunts me, almost nightly.... and i'm sure only someone's whose been through exactly what i've gone through, could understand the pain i am talking about... and how haunting it can be...

so in short, i would have to say that day would have to be atleast a candidate for my worst day ever...

[Cooler Then Jesus]

in the ER
high on extacy
i was totally rollin balls and i played it off sober and got away.

[slipknotpsycho]

My worst day came just recently. My sister died on Thursday, November 2, and the following two days, Friday and Saturday, tied for worst day. Friday, I think, was the very worst. That was the day we had to go to the funeral home and handle arrangements and see her for the first time and have the visitation. The entire day was like a long nightmare.

yeah i know that feeling... my 17 year old brother was murdered, (yes that's another candidate) i am still in the nightmare, what makes it worse, is knowing this nightmare is never going to go away, the pain my subside, but those thoughts, (why, could i have saved them, what could i have done, what did i do wrong, ect ect.) are still there... i'm sorry i never posted in the thread about it birdgirl, but i really didnt' know what to say, except that i know your pain, very well infact, and that you're not alone on this subject...

just curious, but do you try to block it out... do you get really emotional at just the thought of reliving it? i try to block it out, as best as i can.. i refuse (for the most part) to accept he's gone, and still somewhat think of him still being here, i never mention him in the past tense, unless it's nessicary for the conversation at hand (for instance, remembering something he used to do, not nessicarily before he was dead, just things he used to do when he was younger)

[Inferius]

The day I realized how truly alone I am. Just thinking about that expirience...

The day my best friend, my pet rabbit, was accidentally pushed off my bed and MURDERED by his owner. When I woke up, right after that. When I realized..
I can't even type this stuff i start getting blurry eyed.

And the day my father watched while every last bit of freedom was ripped away from me. The day I was put in an insane asylum.

those are about it.

[birdgirl73]

Thanks, Cannabis, and Slipknot, for the kind words.

You know, Slipknot, I'm not trying to block out the grief itself or those emotions. I'm letting myself feel them and crying when I need to and doing my best to feel and acknowledge those emotions, and I did that while she was sick, too, because if I hadn't the feelings would have overwhelmed me, I think. But on most days right now, especially weekdays when I'm trying to focus in school and get back to my normal life, I do have to block out some of the images. I can't let the image of her in the last two days of her life, if you could call that period "life," come to the surface without dissolving into tears. And I can't think back right now on the image of her in the coffin at the funeral home. Or of the faces of my dad and my son, for instance, at the funeral. But I do let the sadness itself surface, and I think that's because it wasn't a traumatic loss in the same way your brother's was. I mean, sure it was traumatic to have her get desperately sick and die. But the death itself wasn't a surprise. I think that block-out response is completely normal and expected when it's a horrific, surprising death like your little brother's was.

When I used to work as a paramedic and saw the worst things in the world, which usually occurred as a result of drunk driving accidents, I had to block those sights and memories out in order to function. I also had to have some therapeutic help to deal with some of the worst of them. Most self-actualized fire-rescue people now routinely get that help if they work for a good department.

[slipknotpsycho]

sometimes i wonder if it would have been easier on everyone but him, if it was a slow, expected death... but then i think about the pain i would feel sitting there staring at my beloved family, whithering away to nothing, with absolutely nothing to do, not even if you had the most money in the world... i think that would make it like, watching the same person die twice, make it twice as hard... i must commend you, you do seem to be a very strong person, and holding up well.... after my brother died, i didn't want to do anything, for atleast awhile, i had no desire for anything, it was just waking up, doing what it takes to stay alive (eating, drinking [i dont' mean alcohol, drinking as in staying hydrated] and the essientals)

well i hope you can stay strong, since i don't really ever show emotion (sometimes i think of myself as a mannequin, i rarely let my true feelings come out) i guess that made me the unannonymous (sp?) 'strenght' of 'the family' my mom blames herself, and it's hard trying to convince a mother that it's not her fault, death is really never anyones fault, unless there's a person that took another person's life... but it seems, anyone close to the deceased can always find a way it's their fault, either they didn't do enough, or they did too much...

i tell you, it's really hard to be the strength sometimes... especially when deep inside you're really cracking, and just wanting to give in..

[lagstronaut]

well may 15th 2003 i was supposed to finish watching the hockey game downstairs then go play hockey at the school next to us with my dad to let off some steam because he was fighting with my mom alot. Well i get upstairs and there's cops there telling my dad he should leave for some reason, apparently he told my mom he was going to kill her with his hockey stick and she said he needed mental help because he was talking to a handheld radio and using it as a phone. Both bullshit, the radio was dying and so he was singing with it up to his ear, the song was Disarm by the Smashing Pumpkins and the lyric he was singing was "the killer in me is the killer in you."

My mom completely fucks up her judgement on this because she yelled at him to stop listening to the Smashing Pumpkins a long time before that, so obviously she's familiar with that line [I know for a fact she is]. Also, he would never threaten anybody because overall he hates violence.

So anyway the cops say they are leaving and don't want to be called back. My dad then leaves to go for a drive, and so my mom gets my neighbour [they are best friends, I hate her] to call the cops on my dad saying he is making a run for it. I do not know why they came back because how can he be "making a run for it" when he's technically not in trouble to begin with. So anyway my mom tells these new cops that now he JUST threatened her again a drove off, and there's a province-wide alert going out for his arrest.

Meanwhile he is driving around the lake side, minding his own business, when cops pull him over, throw him out of the car, beat him up, and leave him in a cell for over 3 days, with him only being told why he was arrested on the 2nd day.

A year passes without me seeing him, and my mom telling me all these things like he is crazy now and blah blah blah. Turns out she is lying of course and makes up some bullshit reason to the court why he needs to have a restraining order against his entire family.

I finally meet him after about a year, he is now living on the other side of town and still has his same jobs and never even missed a day of work aside from calling in sick the day he got out of the jail cell.

Now, this part just was finalized last week: he now has to pay my mom $2000 a month when he only makes $3200 a month. Mathematically he cannot even afford to pay his own bills AND do groceries every month. He has to pay her so much because he was nice enough to let my mom stop working for a year and so the court based my mom's worth on the last year of her life to see how much child support he should pay, and since he was such a nice guy and let her stay at home, he now has to pay $2000 a month instead of $400. Also, my mom lied alot in court saying my sister lives with us but doesn't work, even though she does [an extra $200 a month for my mom for saying that], and the judge wouldn't give her a drug test even though she smokes more than my entire family. If she had been given that drug test and failed, she would get nothing for some reason. The one time a fucked up drug law would actually provide justice, and the lady judge sympathizes with my full-of-shit mom too much to grant the request of a drug test.

So now I see my dad once a week if I am lucky [he works alot and I don't live with him], I now see my mom as a self-centered bitch which everyone thought she was but is now confirmed, and my life is seriously changed completely...

why you ask?

because my dad wanted to play hockey with me and while he waited, he sung along to his favourite song on the radio.




i doubt 10% of the people that see this post will read it because it's so long and probably doesn't make much sense...but yeah..may 15th wasn't the best of days


ps. a week before this incident, my mom asked for a divorce because my dad refused to buy her pot anymore...something i think about when i toke sometimes

[SantaClawz]

to this day i still beat myself up about that decision, because even tho now we're happily married (well atleast, as happily as anyone can be married )

I feel ya.

Worst day of my life was when my friend came up to my job and told me that it might be possible that my mom had died in an accident that he saw on TV. Since he didnt know many women dump truck drivers it was a shot in the dark, but turns out he was right and my world came crashing down on me. My younger brother and sister get a hefty Social Security check every month till their 18. But im still stuck dishing out money to a fund that probally wont ever benifit me. I hate my gov't, but thats another topic.

[crudemood]

i guess my worse day doesnt measure up to all of yours.
im sorry birdgirl again. sometimes it doesnt sink in until later. its crazy. but i hope you're getting it through well, i know its tough. dont worry your definately not alone. same goes to you slipknot. im sure they're both in a better place though. keep ur heads up.

my worse day.. when i realized my life was a lie. and then realized that the real world will eat you up when you're friendless and lonely. or the person you fallen for hard doesnt look at you the same way, yeah the worse thing that happened in my life was love.:rolleyes:but still, cant say it hasnt changed who i am today. like i said, nothing compared to most of urs.

[tootsie roll]

The worse day of my life was the day my father died. The second worse was when I found out he was sick.

The third worse was when my Uncle was murdered.

The fourth worse was when my BF hung himself

The fifth worse nahhh, I'm already pathetic.:o

[Phire210]

I'd have to say the worst day of my life is when one of my best friends sister that was almost two years old drowned in the pool... bad times

[slipknotpsycho]

well may 15th 2003 i was supposed to finish watching the hockey game downstairs then go play hockey at the school next to us with my dad to let off some steam because he was fighting with my mom alot. Well i get upstairs and there's cops there telling my dad he should leave for some reason, apparently he told my mom he was going to kill her with his hockey stick and she said he needed mental help because he was talking to a handheld radio and using it as a phone. Both bullshit, the radio was dying and so he was singing with it up to his ear, the song was Disarm by the Smashing Pumpkins and the lyric he was singing was "the killer in me is the killer in you."

My mom completely fucks up her judgement on this because she yelled at him to stop listening to the Smashing Pumpkins a long time before that, so obviously she's familiar with that line [I know for a fact she is]. Also, he would never threaten anybody because overall he hates violence.

So anyway the cops say they are leaving and don't want to be called back. My dad then leaves to go for a drive, and so my mom gets my neighbour [they are best friends, I hate her] to call the cops on my dad saying he is making a run for it. I do not know why they came back because how can he be "making a run for it" when he's technically not in trouble to begin with. So anyway my mom tells these new cops that now he JUST threatened her again a drove off, and there's a province-wide alert going out for his arrest.

Meanwhile he is driving around the lake side, minding his own business, when cops pull him over, throw him out of the car, beat him up, and leave him in a cell for over 3 days, with him only being told why he was arrested on the 2nd day.

A year passes without me seeing him, and my mom telling me all these things like he is crazy now and blah blah blah. Turns out she is lying of course and makes up some bullshit reason to the court why he needs to have a restraining order against his entire family.

I finally meet him after about a year, he is now living on the other side of town and still has his same jobs and never even missed a day of work aside from calling in sick the day he got out of the jail cell.

Now, this part just was finalized last week: he now has to pay my mom $2000 a month when he only makes $3200 a month. Mathematically he cannot even afford to pay his own bills AND do groceries every month. He has to pay her so much because he was nice enough to let my mom stop working for a year and so the court based my mom's worth on the last year of her life to see how much child support he should pay, and since he was such a nice guy and let her stay at home, he now has to pay $2000 a month instead of $400. Also, my mom lied alot in court saying my sister lives with us but doesn't work, even though she does [an extra $200 a month for my mom for saying that], and the judge wouldn't give her a drug test even though she smokes more than my entire family. If she had been given that drug test and failed, she would get nothing for some reason. The one time a fucked up drug law would actually provide justice, and the lady judge sympathizes with my full-of-shit mom too much to grant the request of a drug test.

So now I see my dad once a week if I am lucky [he works alot and I don't live with him], I now see my mom as a self-centered bitch which everyone thought she was but is now confirmed, and my life is seriously changed completely...

why you ask?

because my dad wanted to play hockey with me and while he waited, he sung along to his favourite song on the radio.




i doubt 10% of the people that see this post will read it because it's so long and probably doesn't make much sense...but yeah..may 15th wasn't the best of days


ps. a week before this incident, my mom asked for a divorce because my dad refused to buy her pot anymore...something i think about when i toke sometimes

if it means anything, i read it, not really sure what to make of it all... don't get me wrong, i'm not saying you made all that up, but overall that just seems like one unbelievable, fucked up situation, but so amazingly "bullshit" (bullshit as in the fact it happened, not bullshit as in that didn't happen, if that makes sense? lol) i believe it....

[tootsie roll]

well may 15th 2003 i was supposed to finish watching the hockey game downstairs then go play hockey at the school next to us with my dad to let off some steam because he was fighting with my mom alot. Well i get upstairs and there's cops there telling my dad he should leave for some reason, apparently he told my mom he was going to kill her with his hockey stick and she said he needed mental help because he was talking to a handheld radio and using it as a phone. Both bullshit, the radio was dying and so he was singing with it up to his ear, the song was Disarm by the Smashing Pumpkins and the lyric he was singing was "the killer in me is the killer in you."

My mom completely fucks up her judgement on this because she yelled at him to stop listening to the Smashing Pumpkins a long time before that, so obviously she's familiar with that line [I know for a fact she is]. Also, he would never threaten anybody because overall he hates violence.

So anyway the cops say they are leaving and don't want to be called back. My dad then leaves to go for a drive, and so my mom gets my neighbour [they are best friends, I hate her] to call the cops on my dad saying he is making a run for it. I do not know why they came back because how can he be "making a run for it" when he's technically not in trouble to begin with. So anyway my mom tells these new cops that now he JUST threatened her again a drove off, and there's a province-wide alert going out for his arrest.

Meanwhile he is driving around the lake side, minding his own business, when cops pull him over, throw him out of the car, beat him up, and leave him in a cell for over 3 days, with him only being told why he was arrested on the 2nd day.

A year passes without me seeing him, and my mom telling me all these things like he is crazy now and blah blah blah. Turns out she is lying of course and makes up some bullshit reason to the court why he needs to have a restraining order against his entire family.

I finally meet him after about a year, he is now living on the other side of town and still has his same jobs and never even missed a day of work aside from calling in sick the day he got out of the jail cell.

Now, this part just was finalized last week: he now has to pay my mom $2000 a month when he only makes $3200 a month. Mathematically he cannot even afford to pay his own bills AND do groceries every month. He has to pay her so much because he was nice enough to let my mom stop working for a year and so the court based my mom's worth on the last year of her life to see how much child support he should pay, and since he was such a nice guy and let her stay at home, he now has to pay $2000 a month instead of $400. Also, my mom lied alot in court saying my sister lives with us but doesn't work, even though she does [an extra $200 a month for my mom for saying that], and the judge wouldn't give her a drug test even though she smokes more than my entire family. If she had been given that drug test and failed, she would get nothing for some reason. The one time a fucked up drug law would actually provide justice, and the lady judge sympathizes with my full-of-shit mom too much to grant the request of a drug test.

So now I see my dad once a week if I am lucky [he works alot and I don't live with him], I now see my mom as a self-centered bitch which everyone thought she was but is now confirmed, and my life is seriously changed completely...

why you ask?

because my dad wanted to play hockey with me and while he waited, he sung along to his favourite song on the radio.




i doubt 10% of the people that see this post will read it because it's so long and probably doesn't make much sense...but yeah..may 15th wasn't the best of days


ps. a week before this incident, my mom asked for a divorce because my dad refused to buy her pot anymore...something i think about when i toke sometimes


I read the entire sad twisted story.

If you love your dad, I would write a very very loooong letter to that Judge and tell him the truth.

Does your dad have to live in squalor while your mom milks him for all he's worth. that is just plain evil and nasty, imo.

I get to writting son.....

[lagstronaut]

if it means anything, i read it, not really sure what to make of it all... don't get me wrong, i'm not saying you made all that up, but overall that just seems like one unbelievable, fucked up situation, but so amazingly "bullshit" (bullshit as in the fact it happened, not bullshit as in that didn't happen, if that makes sense? lol) i believe it....


well thanks for reading, and it is bullshit. what's even worse is that I could've testified but my mom never told me, and my dad legally couldn't talk to me so there was no way for me to know. my mom knew if she let me testify then she probably be in shit for lying her ass off, which is not nearly as good as $24,000 in her pocket every year for the next 16 [she still gets money even after i move out for some reason..]. with the type of mother she is also, i know she loves me, but that child support money will not go towards me at all. she'll pay bills and groceries with it to make it look like she needs it, all the while keeping her own paycheque unused until she wants drinks/smokes/dope. Apparently $570 or something a month is legally supposed to be spent on me, but I am not allowed to recieve the cheque. I am not a greedy kid and I don't need this money, but my mom should not even have this money at all, I am going to make it Priority #1 to be on her ass about buying me shit. "Legally" she has to now ;)

what really blows from the point of view of being their kid, is that my dad was the parent that did stuff with me all the time and brought me places while my mom stayed home and did nothing with anybody. now my dad can't afford to even go out to a movie, and the person who ended up with all the money my dad spent on his kids is the one person who won't do anything with anybody

wow this is gettin kinda long like the last one

thanks for reading again, if you did ;)

[birdgirl73]

Well, until this recent event, I didn't have much to complain about, either, Crudemood, and just because you haven't had people close to you die doesn't mean you're not allowed to regard events in your own life as having been comparably bad. "Worst" is a subjective, comparative thing. Before losing my sister, about the worst I had to complain about was when I was real sick from a ruptured appendix, and I wasn't fully informed about how bad that really was, apparently, and so didn't even realize it till I got sprung from the ICU and eventually got well how bad it had been.

The more I think about it, Slipknot, the more I think there really is no good way to die. A slow death from disease is awful. And a sudden, violent death is awful, too, and, in my book, much worse. Ideally, I hope when my time comes, I'll be 118, in good health, in good mind, and will just pop off in my sleep from a stroke or something else fast and final. I know in time I'll get to feeling better about losing my sister. It's all just too fresh right now. But it helps that I've got a husband and son who need me--and parents and a younger sister, too, for that matter. Somehow it's easier to go on when others are depending on you. Don't you agree, Slipknot?

[S.P.Q.R.]

"Each day of my life just gets worse... making every day, the worst day of my life."

[lagstronaut]

I read the entire sad twisted story.

If you love your dad, I would write a very very loooong letter to that Judge and tell him the truth.

Does your dad have to live in squalor while your mom milks him for all he's worth. that is just plain evil and nasty, imo.

I get to writting son.....



It's too late. The case officially "closed" before I knew I had the chance to pipe in, before I even KNEW there were court dates. From what I heard from everybody there, it was basically a female judge listening to all the cries that the grief-stricken mother had to say and gave no bother to the "dangerous unfit father"

My dad now cannot even live in his run down apartment and the most affordable place he says he can move now is a 3 hour drive away.

I don't have to write him anything because we talk about this numerous times a week, but I do my best to remind him that I'll always be there for him

And yes, I honestly can't look at my mom without deep down seeing a twisted and evil person underneathe. What's most disturbing is she's calling this a "start" and expects even more out of him. She got 90% of what our old house sold for, all of the possessions [both hers AND his], and also conveniently "lost" all his documents saying what he entered into the marriage with [$25,000], so the record says he entered into the marriage with no assets.

I used to laugh at jokes about the wife taking half of everything, now I realise the only joke of it is that you're begging they only take half

[justinsane]

lets enjoy a bowl and lay down some of our best days eh? :)

[Inferius]

Lagostronaut, your story reminds me SO MUCH of my own parents divorce.
Yours was worse though, becuase I managed to get away from the twisted, evil thing that used to be my mother. I live with my father now.
The worst part of it for me... was that I did testify. I testified lies. Lies fed to me by that evil bitch.
Nothing to do now but forget.

[Inferius]

lets enjoy a bowl and lay down some of our best days eh? :)

Theres another thread for that.

[lagstronaut]

Lagostronaut, your story reminds me SO MUCH of my own parents divorce.
Yours was worse though, becuase I managed to get away from the twisted, evil thing that used to be my mother. I live with my father now.
The worst part of it for me... was that I did testify. I testified lies. Lies fed to me by that evil bitch.
Nothing to do now but forget.

the only thing i take comfort in during this is knowing the truth, and learning how to be a proper parent. if there's ever a way to make sure you turn out to be a good mom or dad, why does it have to be because you know exactly what NOT to do? at least my kids will have a better childhood because of what i've gone through, and i hope you can say the same thing too

[Inferius]

the only thing i take comfort in during this is knowing the truth, and learning how to be a proper parent. if there's ever a way to make sure you turn out to be a good mom or dad, why does it have to be because you know exactly what NOT to do? at least my kids will have a better childhood because of what i've gone through, and i hope you can say the same thing too

I've found that to be a common response from people who've had bad parents.
I get kind of scared when I think about this, becuase my mother herself had an abusive childhood, and that train of thought caused a lot of the bad parenting due to her neurotic behavior of trying to force the opposite of what she expirienced. I honestly have no idea how to be a parent, and I don't think I should ever bring children into this world. I'd like to be an uncle who's not really an uncle though. That would make me happy.

[lagstronaut]

I've found that to be a common response from people who've had bad parents.
I get kind of scared when I think about this, becuase my mother herself had an abusive childhood, and that train of thought caused a lot of the bad parenting due to her neurotic behavior of trying to force the opposite of what she expirienced. I honestly have no idea how to be a parent, and I don't think I should ever bring children into this world. I'd like to be an uncle who's not really an uncle though. That would make me happy.

don't think that you shouldn't man. i don't wanna tell you how to think but, in my opinion you should only choose to not have a kid because it's just not for you, not because you're afraid of how you'll turn out as a parent. Everybody is. but everybody has the power in them to be a good parent, its just people like me and you know the consequences of not using that power for your children's benefit

[slipknotpsycho]

Well, until this recent event, I didn't have much to complain about, either, Crudemood, and just because you haven't had people close to you die doesn't mean you're not allowed to regard events in your own life as having been comparably bad. "Worst" is a subjective, comparative thing. Before losing my sister, about the worst I had to complain about was when I was real sick from a ruptured appendix, and I wasn't fully informed about how bad that really was, apparently, and so didn't even realize it till I got sprung from the ICU and eventually got well how bad it had been.

The more I think about it, Slipknot, the more I think there really is no good way to die. A slow death from disease is awful. And a sudden, violent death is awful, too, and, in my book, much worse. Ideally, I hope when my time comes, I'll be 118, in good health, in good mind, and will just pop off in my sleep from a stroke or something else fast and final. I know in time I'll get to feeling better about losing my sister. It's all just too fresh right now. But it helps that I've got a husband and son who need me--and parents and a younger sister, too, for that matter. Somehow it's easier to go on when others are depending on you. Don't you agree, Slipknot?

yes i compeltely agree, when everyone is depending soley on you, you have no choice but to go on, maybe it's just us two, but giving in is not an option, i don't want to say us or we too much, becuase everyone acts diffrently, but atleast i, have no option in the matter... i have another brother, not much younger than the one murdered, i must stay strong for him, i feel i have to lay down the guidelines, so he doesn't follow the same path as the first.... it's hard, but sometimes, people get indirectly designated as the 'shit taker' (that probably sounds worse than it is? i coudlnt' think of a better word(s), i meant the ones who take in all the pain, of the entire family, who act like nothing is wrong, who act liek they are strong, and have no choice but to hold up, cuz they know they are the strongest of the ones deeply effected..) and they have no real choice but to hold up, for fear the enitre family will fall apart...

it is alot easier when everyone's depnding on you to stay strong, and help everyone through it. say the words that everyone needs to hear, and want to hear, but that doesn't mean it doesn't take it's toll, not in the least. if you're in the same boat as me birdgirl, you know what i mean. i'm far from a position to say who in your family is they 'shit taker', but from your words i can only imagine it's you... i only hope you make yourself as strong as my exterior shell makes itsself, it's a hard task to undertake, and only the strongest will make it... i only hope that it's really a test of character, and not just some game that someone else is enjoying (i won't say names as i don't want to stir up some religious debate, atleast not here.)

[BabySnookums]

my worst day was when my dad passed away...

when i was younger he was passing blood in his urine. he went to the ER and, with us being poor, they did NO tests, and told my parents they were cheating on each other and he had an STD, or he wasn't keeping clean enough. my parents had to haul water for us to live on, and we lived in a travel trailer. they always made sure i had what i needed, and my dad often went without so we had stuff. but anyways...flash forward a few years...he tried to get disability, but they denied him, citing that since he could drive my mom to the store each month he was perfectly healthy.

then in 2003 he got really really miserably sick. his stomach was hurting him horribly, and he was still passing blood. we went to an ER in another place (we had moved) and they did a blood test or something and the doctor walks in and kinda nonchalontly says "you've got cancer" when my dad said "well doc?"

my dad burst into tears, holding my mom and saying "20 years isn't enough". i tried not to cry in front of them, cuz seeing me losing it would've made it worse for the both of them.

my dad ended up having his bladder removed (fist sized tumor) and the remnants of his right kidney removed (that's what the "blood" he'd been passing was...pieces of his kidney...fuckin STD my ass >< ) and was given an ostomy bag. he took chemo, and was on pain meds, which werent even taking the edge off.

every night i'd hear him crying in pain, begging god to just take him away. he'd cry saying he wanted to go home (home was in Texas, and we were living in Arkansas) but he couldn't even survive a trip even if we could've moved.

he was in and out of the hospital, and finally came home. i was supposed to wake up early one morning to have breakfast with them before his next thing of chemo, but the night before i'd spent at a "friends" house (something i never should've done, as well) and by the time i came crawling home in the wee hours of the morning, i was too sleepy to get up. i remember sort of opening my eyes when they went out the front door, and i dont even think i said bye.

i got home from work that afternoon only to find out when he'd went for his chemo, they found that it'd worsened or spread or something. he had to immediately be admitted. i saw him a few times after that. i went and visited a bit, and then me and my now-husband decided to get married, and i moved back to texas, while my dad was still in the hospital.

our ex-landlord went to visit my dad and took me and my husband with him, and we stayed the night in my dads room with him. my mom begged me to stay for a week or so, but i was scared of seeing my dad like this, and i declined. the next day my dad came home, and they had a hospital bed at home for him to stay in. i went home (Texas) and the next week, i get woke up by a knock on our door. it was the phone...for me...and it was an emergency....

my mom was crying...dad died 3 hours ago, she said...but she waited 3 hours so she wouldn't wake me up too very early. i got the info bout the funeral and all that and we said our goodbyes. i was hysterical and panicing. finally i called my half-sister...i was like omfg...i have to call her and tell her our dads dead. i cant do this! (my dad had 2 ex wives and 2 other daughters...he'd been in the process of rekindling a relationship with his oldest when he passed, so his dream of being in a room w/all 3 off us never happened) i told her and then cried all day long...only stopping to get FUBAR'd on Triple C's (DONT TAKE THEM THEY'RE NOT SAFE!)

went to the funeral, got FUBAR'd again upon coming home. i stayed kinda catatonic for a month...then found out i was pregnant...decided to honor my dad by naming the lil boy after him...the day we found out it was a boy, was the day that my husbands little brother was murdered...so we named our son after both.

sad but sweet thing is...my dad was already becoming cold...death was setting in...and he threw up on himself...my mom cleaned him...she leaned close to him, he said "i love you" and died....

his dying thoughts were of her and his love for her. i think that is the sweetest thing ever.

the time from his diagnosis to death was 8 months...

it isnt' easier on anyone, whether its drawn out like his was, or quick like my husbands brother....but at least us losing someone over a period of time are able to "prepare" (as much as one can) for losing them. people who are killed, its too sudden. but either way...it takes awhile to sink in...both me and my husband said after losing our loved ones "it doesn't feel real"

sorry for writing a novel...i just needed to get this out...i've been having memories rushing back to the surface...felt it time to let them escape

[Cassiopiea]

When my grandad died the funeral home left the casket open even though he had not been prepared for an open casket and we had said that we didnt want an open casket. Seing the corpse of my Grandfather who was always so strong and defiant layed out like that, I just dont want to describe it. Then after that being next to a coffin that I knew my grandfather was in was just unbearable, I mean a situation that I just completely culdnt handle, ive never cried so much or so desperately in my life.

Sorry if im not making much sense its just that it was incredibly emotional.

I feel so much for someone who has lost a close member of their family, the grief is undescribable.

[mushypeas]

My worst day came just recently. My sister died on Thursday, November 2, and the following two days, Friday and Saturday, tied for worst day. Friday, I think, was the very worst. That was the day we had to go to the funeral home and handle arrangements and see her for the first time and have the visitation. The entire day was like a long nightmare.

wow sorri to hear that i nearly lost my sister i feel for ya.....

[Cassiopiea]

my worst day was when my dad passed away...

when i was younger he was passing blood in his urine. he went to the ER and, with us being poor, they did NO tests, and told my parents they were cheating on each other and he had an STD, or he wasn't keeping clean enough. my parents had to haul water for us to live on, and we lived in a travel trailer. they always made sure i had what i needed, and my dad often went without so we had stuff. but anyways...flash forward a few years...he tried to get disability, but they denied him, citing that since he could drive my mom to the store each month he was perfectly healthy.

then in 2003 he got really really miserably sick. his stomach was hurting him horribly, and he was still passing blood. we went to an ER in another place (we had moved) and they did a blood test or something and the doctor walks in and kinda nonchalontly says "you've got cancer" when my dad said "well doc?"

my dad burst into tears, holding my mom and saying "20 years isn't enough". i tried not to cry in front of them, cuz seeing me losing it would've made it worse for the both of them.

my dad ended up having his bladder removed (fist sized tumor) and the remnants of his right kidney removed (that's what the "blood" he'd been passing was...pieces of his kidney...fuckin STD my ass >< ) and was given an ostomy bag. he took chemo, and was on pain meds, which werent even taking the edge off.

every night i'd hear him crying in pain, begging god to just take him away. he'd cry saying he wanted to go home (home was in Texas, and we were living in Arkansas) but he couldn't even survive a trip even if we could've moved.

he was in and out of the hospital, and finally came home. i was supposed to wake up early one morning to have breakfast with them before his next thing of chemo, but the night before i'd spent at a "friends" house (something i never should've done, as well) and by the time i came crawling home in the wee hours of the morning, i was too sleepy to get up. i remember sort of opening my eyes when they went out the front door, and i dont even think i said bye.

i got home from work that afternoon only to find out when he'd went for his chemo, they found that it'd worsened or spread or something. he had to immediately be admitted. i saw him a few times after that. i went and visited a bit, and then me and my now-husband decided to get married, and i moved back to texas, while my dad was still in the hospital.

our ex-landlord went to visit my dad and took me and my husband with him, and we stayed the night in my dads room with him. my mom begged me to stay for a week or so, but i was scared of seeing my dad like this, and i declined. the next day my dad came home, and they had a hospital bed at home for him to stay in. i went home (Texas) and the next week, i get woke up by a knock on our door. it was the phone...for me...and it was an emergency....

my mom was crying...dad died 3 hours ago, she said...but she waited 3 hours so she wouldn't wake me up too very early. i got the info bout the funeral and all that and we said our goodbyes. i was hysterical and panicing. finally i called my half-sister...i was like omfg...i have to call her and tell her our dads dead. i cant do this! (my dad had 2 ex wives and 2 other daughters...he'd been in the process of rekindling a relationship with his oldest when he passed, so his dream of being in a room w/all 3 off us never happened) i told her and then cried all day long...only stopping to get FUBAR'd on Triple C's (DONT TAKE THEM THEY'RE NOT SAFE!)

went to the funeral, got FUBAR'd again upon coming home. i stayed kinda catatonic for a month...then found out i was pregnant...decided to honor my dad by naming the lil boy after him...the day we found out it was a boy, was the day that my husbands little brother was murdered...so we named our son after both.

sad but sweet thing is...my dad was already becoming cold...death was setting in...and he threw up on himself...my mom cleaned him...she leaned close to him, he said "i love you" and died....

his dying thoughts were of her and his love for her. i think that is the sweetest thing ever.

the time from his diagnosis to death was 8 months...

it isnt' easier on anyone, whether its drawn out like his was, or quick like my husbands brother....but at least us losing someone over a period of time are able to "prepare" (as much as one can) for losing them. people who are killed, its too sudden. but either way...it takes awhile to sink in...both me and my husband said after losing our loved ones "it doesn't feel real"

sorry for writing a novel...i just needed to get this out...i've been having memories rushing back to the surface...felt it time to let them escape

Im so sorry for what happened to you, I know nothing I can say really means anything, but at least hes in a better place now with god.

[slipknotpsycho]

I feel so much for someone who has lost a close member of their family, the grief is undescribable.

you got that part right...