My own son would rather live on welfare than live with me...

[CityBoyGoneCountry]

I was in such a good mood all weekend, too. But this has been the monday from hell for me.

I just got a notice in the mail that my son's mother is adding him to her welfare case, and I have to pay the state for it. In other words, I'm paying for her welfare check every month.

Fuck, I have a good job. I have land in the country. Come live with me, boy.

But he doesn't want to. :(

[TallulahGreen]

Man that sucks! I would totally come live in the country..
...just not with my dad haha.
My dad lives in the country, I fucking hope I get his house someday.

Anyway you probably have a much better relationship with your son than I do my dad.
Really, that is too bad. I'm sorry.

[TokinAsianGuy]

i'm sorry things turned out this way.

i dont' think i could say anything to make you feel better. in fact i'm probably making things worse right now aren't i?

i haven't seen my father for 11 years. not by choice of course. but for what it's worth, i think your son is bloody lucky to have a father who actually wants to see him.

[Buddahbear]

Hmm that's a rough deal! However I can understand that it's hard for a boy to uproot himself from his home and friends. Keep the offer open! Maybe it will take time for him to want to do it.

[CityBoyGoneCountry]

I'm the most laid back, easy going dad on the planet. I let me son get away with so much shit that I shouldn't let him get away with. Sure, I'll yell at him if he gets in trouble at school or something, but I've never hit him, or even spanked him. I let him stay up late, I let him watch R-rated movies, I let him do all the cool shit my parents wouldn't let me do at that age.

But he has chosen to grow up in the ghetto, where the only thing he will learn is how to fuck up his life. I just hope he's enough like me to change his priorities someday.

[Phire210]

how old is he? you seem like a great guy from the posts of yours i've read. Hell if you were my dad I'd jump at the chance to live with you in the country, for reasons other than the fact that you're a member at cannabis.com. There's really nothing we can say to make it better man, but hopefully he'll come to his senses one day soon, move in with you and start living the dream.

[CityBoyGoneCountry]

how old is he?

13


There's really nothing we can say to make it better man,

No, there's not. But it helps me a little bit to vent. I could go vent to the pig, but as someone pointed out in another thread, she doesn't even have regard for her own feces.

[Da Boy Genious]

What city are you from mang?

[CityBoyGoneCountry]

What city are you from mang?

Pick one.

Spent most of my life in the Bay Area. I lived in San Lorenzo, San Leandro, Oakland, Hayward, Union City, Fremont, Castro Valley. Most recently Modesto. My son is in LaGrange, wherever the fuck that is. I've never been there. But he's with his mother, and his mother is all ghetto.

[moorephened]

Listen, I don’t know if I’m the best person to offer parental advice but I do remember being a teenager. Those are some really messed up years when your relationship with your parents changes and your not always sure about the best way to handle it.

I think most boys go through a period where their relationship with their dad get’s a little testy. My dad and I used to fight every night, and one time when I was 16 I spent a week living on the streets rather than come home.

But here’s the thing: We got through that, and I love my father more than life itself now.

My advice would be to stay as involved as possible in your son’s life, be the best father you can be even in tough circumstances.

This too shall pass…

[rhino44]

It's really hard to move from everything you've known your whole life when you are that age. It's kinda scary. I got kicked out of my house when I was 15 and had to go live with my uncle, then grandparents in the country where I was in the middle of nowhere and knew nobody. It sucked balls bigtime but now 7 years later I cant stand the city and all the traffic and congestion. Having lived in the country for awhile i grew to love all the things I first hated about it and now I embrace it. It's hard to make him realize that it's the best thing for him. Believe me I know but he really is missing out and hopefully he will come to his senses and make the move for a better way of life.

[bavet]

mom must have better buds :(

[orangeman]

How old is he? Why doesn't he want to live with you? Tell him he can smoke weed freely if he does and he'll come :D.

[slipknotpsycho]

haven't you seen his views on underage smoking already? yeah i really don't think he sees that as an option

[greendragon420]

Listen, I donâ??t know if Iâ??m the best person to offer parental advice but I do remember being a teenager. Those are some really messed up years when your relationship with your parents changes and your not always sure about the best way to handle it.

I think most boys go through a period where their relationship with their dad getâ??s a little testy. My dad and I used to fight every night, and one time when I was 16 I spent a week living on the streets rather than come home.

But hereâ??s the thing: We got through that, and I love my father more than life itself now.

My advice would be to stay as involved as possible in your sonâ??s life, be the best father you can be even in tough circumstances.

This too shall passâ?¦

I was having alot of problems with my father too, so we went on a road trip to try to fix our relationship. Our trip was cut short though, when he had a heart attack, then another one, and then another one, and passed away July 13. RIP. Keep your parents close, theyre all you got.

[officerleeroy]

I didn't meet my dad until I was 13. Even then he didn't even believe I was his son until it was confirmed through a DNA test. After that I went to see him every 2 weeks until I was 18(almost a year ago). I never felt comfortable around him. I truly think he didn't care to have me around, and I think he just felt obligated (sp?) to have to have me around. I really wish I could have had a dad from the start who wanted me around and wanted to be a part of my life.

What I'm trying to say is don't give up on trying to be a part of his life, if he wants to live with his mom let him but at least give a shot at being a dad, or a best friend, to him. I'm sure you're doing that as we speak but you know...

[bondy]

Bright side, worst case your offer will be some leverage with moms: "_________ or I'll go live with Dad!" Then it's just a matter of time. 13 is a lot of teenage years left.

[Buddahbear]

Offer to just have him over for school breaks or over the summer. Boy's can be attatched to their mother's especially around 13. See if you can't change his mind :-D

[dryst]

i never had a dad...a couple asshole moms bfs and one time a voilent drunk stepdad for a few years...but never a dad :p


so uhh why doesnt he want to live with u?

[Skink]

The child has a mind of his own... if there is discipline on one side believe me a child will pick the opposite,I would of... I hope you live long so you have a chance to hook up with the adult son...

not to mention mind manipulation on the part of separated parents...

[Cheery Cherry]

How does your son feel about his mother? How do YOU get along with his mother? Have you ever asked your son why he doesn't want to live with you? Have you told him how this makes you feel? Either way, always stay in touch with him whether it's by phone, e-mails, letters or in person. I grew up without a dad and it sucks!

Good luck to you.

[Greenport]

no wonder, you are the guy who said the forum should be closed to anyone under 21..... you're not exactly child friendly

he asks for help and you come and flame him? get out of here please and dont come back. Have a nice day. I have no harsh feelings for you, but what u just said is messed up. He really needs help and thats all u can say? comeon man... you can do a little better

[CityBoyGoneCountry]

no wonder, you are the guy who said the forum should be closed to anyone under 21..... you're not exactly child friendly

I'm going to assume you are under the age of 21, and that you haven't lived enough yet to really know how life works.

"Child friendly" is when you do what you know is best for your kids. You don't expect your kids to always understand your decisions, sometimes they may even resent your decisions, but you make them anyways, because you know that later in their life the things you did for them will make a difference, and eventually they will grow to understand it, and they will appreciate it.

I'm sorry I have to set limits for kids, but kids need limits, or else they will fuck up their lives. When my son is old enough, mature enough, and responsible enough, I won't have any problem with him smoking pot. I'll even let him smoke some of mine. But right now he is only 13 years old, and he behaves like a 13 year old. There's no fuckin way I'm going to get him high.

[slipknotpsycho]

told you <.<....

[xcrispi]

damn straight ,
his post has nothing to do w/ cannabis ? it's about venting and his feelings for his child . wheres this shit comin from ldn ? whats bein 21 got to do w/ anything ? more pwr to you man , i have many friends that shun their responsabilities to their children or have washed their hands of them all together , heres a stand up guy willing to do his part n you flame him "

[Fengzi]

Pick one.

Spent most of my life in the Bay Area. I lived in San Lorenzo, San Leandro, Oakland, Hayward, Union City, Fremont, Castro Valley. Most recently Modesto. My son is in LaGrange, wherever the fuck that is. I've never been there. But he's with his mother, and his mother is all ghetto.

Hey there cityboy, is he in LaGrange California? If so that is probably more "country" than were you are. It's between hwy 120 and 140, on the way up to Yosemite, in the Sierra foothills, pretty much in the middle of nowhere. I know because I just drove by the other day.

Anyhow, I wouldn't take it too personally. There could be a lot going on in his life that's causing him to make his decision. Maybe he's got a girlfriend, other friends, etc that he doesn't want to leave. I moved around a lot as a kid and I know it's hard to just pack up and leave. I didn't really have a choice because I was with both of my parents but I know that if I wasn't there would have definitely been times when I would have chosen to remain with whoever stayed put.

Whatever the reason, don't let his decision come between you and him. It doesn't sound like the two of you have a bad relationship, at least not yet. Just let him know you respect his decision and it will just improve your relationship later in his life.

[partyguy420]

ummm... that sucks that your son dosent want to live with you, and the ex is making you pay child saport or what ever it is that you call it.... i grew up with a EVERY OTHER weekend dad... some times it was fun, we always got along... and then i moved in with him, and it went fine for a few months, and he liked my GF, and he was alowing her to come over, and then one day, i asked if she could come down and vist with me, since i only had to go to one class a day, and he just started saying no... everytime i asked... even during summer break, i asked if she could come down. and he just kept saying no, so i started to get tired of him saying... so we ended up getting in fights everyother day, he ended up telling me not to come back to his house, and had me thrown in juevy, and he called me once while i was in juevey, just to acuse me of stealing a gun from him, that he ended up finding about the next day, and he didnt even call me, and say he was sorry....we havent talked at all in 2 months

[Fengzi]

I'm going to assume you are under the age of 21, and that you haven't lived enough yet to really know how life works.

"Child friendly" is when you do what you know is best for your kids. You don't expect your kids to always understand your decisions, sometimes they may even resent your decisions, but you make them anyways, because you know that later in their life the things you did for them will make a difference, and eventually they will grow to understand it, and they will appreciate it.

.


As a parent I agree with you 100%. The minute my daughter was born, all those things my parents did and said, that I hated when I was young, suddenly made sense. When you're young you think you know everything, as you get older you realize that you knew nothing back then and still don't. I've come to realize that wisdom has less to do how much you know and more to do with the realization that there's so much more to learn.

[CityBoyGoneCountry]

I was 15 years old when I got involved with drugs. Yes, marijuana is a drug. It's not crack or heroin, but it is still a drug. The only way I could get it was by involving myself with people who were on a fast track to failure in life, i.e. thugs, thieves, dropouts, and losers in general. I went to juvenile hall 3 months before my 16th birthday, and I got out 1 month after my 18th birthday. I've done terrible things to people who didn't deserve it, and I've had terrible things done to me.

I've been homeless before. I've been hungry before. I've been lonely, I've been hurt, and I've been afraid.

It took me a long time to get my shit together and become a man that I am proud to be. A long, painful time. I should have listened to my parents, rather than thinking I knew better than them. If I had, it would have saved me from an awful lot of unnecessary hardships in life.

I want you to do something. Get yourself a notebook and make a list of everything that's important to you right now at this very moment. Put it away somewhere and don't look at it again for the next several years. On your 30th birthday, I want you to open that notebook and read it.

You will be amazed at how stupid it all sounds to you then.

[NextLineIsMine]

Have him over for a week at some point and it will probably change his mind real quick. La Grange is a shitty ass ugly dustbowl in the valley, living on wellfare in such a crappy place cannot be fun and I doubt his mom is anything to model after. A short stay could change his mind quick and he'd be much more willing to do that than just move.

[Fengzi]

Look at yourself when you were young. Did you make it out ok? I believe in giving kids a certain amount of freedom. Now I'm not saying let a 5 year old go party hardy rock and roll, but after they become teenagers, give them some space. Let them make some mistakes. That doesn't mean keep your eye off of them, just try not to invade or distress.

Making it out ok isn't the point. He doesn't want his son to go through the same things he did. I made it out ok, actually I've done pretty well for myself, but it was a long hard road to go from teenage burnout to where I am now. I know I don't want my own daughter going down that same long hard road.

My daughters only 3 now but I'm already grappling with the question of what I'll do if she starts smoking. On the one hand I don't want to be a hypocrite but on the other hand I want her life to be better than mine. As a (good) parent you want to give your child the world, and protect them from all the evils in it. You don't want to see them get into any situation where they "make it out ok". I hope this doesn't sound patronizing, but this just isn't something you can't truly understand until you've held your own newborn baby in your hands.

[CityBoyGoneCountry]

Look at yourself when you were young. Did you make it out ok?

I am who I am today because I have the strength of character and the willpower and the sense to stop doing stupid shit and do what needs to be done to have a good life in this world.

There are many, many others who did not make it. Some are still on the street. Some are in prison. Some are insane. And some are dead.

Yeah, you can point to me and say "well, you turned out ok." But I can point to my son's mother and say "she hasn't changed one bit. She's still on motherfuckin welfare!"

[slipknotpsycho]

have you ever thought of maybe he has malice towards you for 'leaving' and/or now he feels he has to be the man of the house and he doesn't want to 'abondon his mother too'... these could be some very real scenarios, me, i grew up without either parent, i still hold malice in my heart towards them for it, and i won't even be able to let it go, just some things to think about. my dad never even said he was sorry to me for lettting me grow up without him in my life, i hated him for it, and hated him more for not even acknowledging he could of done more to be there...

[CityBoyGoneCountry]

have you ever thought of maybe he has malice towards you for 'leaving'

I didn't leave him. He left me.

When he was younger, and before I left California, I went to court and I won legal custody. I was a single father. I did not make her pay one damn penny of child support in the 3 years he was living with me.

Then the opportunity came for me to take my shot at the American Dream. I had to move. How could I not? I wanted my son to come with me. I told him I was not happy in California, and by moving we could have a much better life.

He chose to go live with his mother. There's nothing I can do about that.

[wayoftheleaf]

Just remember man, there are most likely more circumstances than that. Dont think of it as living on welfare than with you. His mom is most likely guild tripping him/offering him something that you can't give. Like my mothers boyfriend's son lives with his mom because she promised to kick her bf out if he lived with her and he hated him. He loves his dad but the reason he moved in with his mom is because the guy she was with wasn't good for her.

[partyguy420]

be like my dad, kick his ass, and tell him "your going with me" dont realy do that thu

[slipknotpsycho]

I didn't leave him. He left me.

When he was younger, and before I left California, I went to court and I won legal custody. I was a single father. I did not make her pay one damn penny of child support in the 3 years he was living with me.

Then the opportunity came for me to take my shot at the American Dream. I had to move. How could I not? I wanted my son to come with me. I told him I was not happy in California, and by moving we could have a much better life.

He chose to go live with his mother. There's nothing I can do about that.

i understand that, and you understand that but the question is does he? i mean have you ever talked to him about how he feels that his mom and dad are apart? maybe he does feel like you walked out on her... just trying to help you where my dad failed...

[CityBoyGoneCountry]

i understand that, and you understand that but the question is does he? i mean have you ever talked to him about how he feels that his mom and dad are apart? maybe he does feel like you walked out on her... just trying to help you where my dad failed...

Who knows what he really thinks. His mother is a master manipulator. She's made her way through her entire life by getting people to believe her lies, and avoiding responsibility for anything she does. I know she talks bad about me to him, and I know he has to believe at least some of it.

[wayoftheleaf]

Cityboygonecountry, i know exactly what you are going through here is the situation.

My ex-stepdad is a compulsive liar. He has never worked an honest day in his life. He lies to the courts and the police and they believe him. He lied to the court system and recieved emergency custody of my sister right before we moved to knoxville. This was his first mistake in 13 years. We are getting back custody of her soon so its all good but this isn't the real story.

He has fed my sister lies about my mother all her life. And she has finally seen him for what he truly is. Eventually your son will realize it for what it is and see what his mother is doing and he will despise her for it. If not despise her he will atleast give up hope for her and go back and live with you. Of course a lot of people can't stand living in the country. I love to live outside of a big giant town in the country. Where it is a beautiful open field or such but i can still go to town when i wish.

[potsmokingnome]

All you can do is keep the lines of comunication open and hope that one day he'll realize how better off he would be out there with you, then on welfare. If that fails bribe him with weed, nothin says "come live with me son" Like a big ups package of weed LOL just jokin, although I'm sure you don't find that funny. Just be patient, and try to convince him otherwise, but don't over do it. I hope he comes to live with you though, sounds like he'd have it good living with you :) :D

[CityBoyGoneCountry]

Of course a lot of people can't stand living in the country. I love to live outside of a big giant town in the country. Where it is a beautiful open field or such but i can still go to town when i wish.

That's how it is here. It's only a 15 minute drive from my land to town. A beautiful 15 minutes filled with trees, cows, horses, goats, emus, and even the occassional trio of deer running across the road. Once you get to town they have walmart, sonic, a movie theater, and all the other shit you would find in any city.

[Fan o KmK]

man im sorry. me being just a kid myself i dont feel that qualified to give a wise response but just know that some dude named fan o kmk on cann.com actually feels for you and hopes you get your son back. good luck man.

[suhl]

unless his mother completely turned against him then you probably have yourself to blame. my dad always treated my sister worse than everyone else in my family, though not as bad as she makes it sound, and was still shocked when she said she didnt want to live with him. and here is a tip, though i am not a parent, i would care more about him being a good father than having a good job and a home in the country. in fact my dad had a good job and a nice house when she moved out. hmmmm i guess there are things more important than material

hopefully things get bettter and he forgives you for whatever you did or didnt do, like i said unless his mother completely turned him against you i cant believe he just up and decided to hate you. then again i only read the first post

[slipknotpsycho]

Who knows what he really thinks. His mother is a master manipulator. She's made her way through her entire life by getting people to believe her lies, and avoiding responsibility for anything she does. I know she talks bad about me to him, and I know he has to believe at least some of it.

then maybe it's about time you sat down and talked to him to get his take on everything, just caring what he thinks can mean more to him in the end, than most everything else you could do in this situation, it might open up doors to get to know each other, and him to know the real you, not the lies (my mom was that way about my dad, i didn't grow up wtih either in my life really, but my mom lived near me enough i saw her once in a while) just some advice.

[Cooler Then Jesus]

Pick one.

Spent most of my life in the Bay Area. I lived in San Lorenzo, San Leandro, Oakland, Hayward, Union City, Fremont, Castro Valley. Most recently Modesto. My son is in LaGrange, wherever the fuck that is. I've never been there. But he's with his mother, and his mother is all ghetto.

i live in that area. a bit far away from modesto, but im in the east bay.