bondy
11-04-2006, 10:12 AM
Just a quick little vent here, not much anyone can do but you're welcome to commiserate if you're in a similar spot. Maybe we can get uselessly drunk together and post on here some time.
So I moved from my home state this summer after graduating from college. My fiancee found a pretty good job opportunity in this new state, and she likes the field but we're already counting the months (7) until we can get out of here.
The police are corrupt here, I've seen them turn the sirens and lights on to make otherwise illegal traffic moves (turning right from the left lane, getting through a clot of slow traffic) and turn them off a half-block later.
Maybe that's part of the reason everyone in this small city's so paranoid. If you weren't born in this dying former industrial city, 80% of people I've met in all parts of town would like to make life unpleasant for you until you leave or get used to it, no matter how friendly you might try to be. Once you get past that, apparently I'm Frank fuckin Serpico, and I've never been called or harassed as an "undercover cop" before in my life, but it's happened at least two dozens times in three months here. For a pointless contrast, I went to SF last summer for a three-day weekend and someone came up to me on Market St in the middle of the afternoon and asked if I had any cocaine to sell.
So ignorance is a big problem, probably the biggest by far. Apparently the rate of alcoholics is very high here, and people don't really seem to come or leave. I had the impression for a couple of reasons that there would be an at least accessible pot culture here to tap, and now I have the feeling that in this broke-ass town, if anyone would talk straight to me it would be complete ditch shit that I'd pay too much for. Booze is enough for most dumb wastes of flesh to play Jerry Springer outside my windows and play tough but if your soul is a turd you can't really be too hard.
I definitely keep an open mind and stay friendly while giving everyone the benefit of the doubt and multiple chances. Even after deciding 9 of every 10 people here are clinically retarded and mean and dishonest beside, I stick to that golden rule but have ended up spending more and more time in the apartment (bright spot, by the way, cheap rent for a better place than I'm used to) and there will always be times when that brings you down.
I've been working hard from home and mostly grateful to not have to spend another 40 hours a week out there (although I admit it could have made meeting people easier) and am coming to terms with not really getting blowed except maybe on a vacation or two until I can learn from life, move away and never come to a place like this again. I don't like driving with product but lately I've really been wanting to get somewhere and come back with like a zip or more and try to find a way to stay productive and make it last.
This city is a big enough downer to fuck with even the most positive mental attitude. I hope to come out stronger and take some positive things away from this time no matter how it plays out. I also hope to find a way to be less bitter during the toughest down times, it's been a long time since I've felt this way. I walk around and want to throw bricks through windows and go on shooting sprees. I can relate to everyone and I don't like the idea of writing off (generalizing as lost causes) an entire small city but I'll only take so much in the name of being the new guy and "there's some shit I won't eat."
One side note: fiancee's great, but the nature of her job keeps her away close to 95 hours a week (counting night sleep time many days) during her normal schedule (honestly, I just added it up - don't ask)
I don't ask this town for much, but no, they're sending undercovers to all the piece of shit neighborhoods in the hopes they can repossess some $30,000 houses and fucking barking guard dogs.
So I moved from my home state this summer after graduating from college. My fiancee found a pretty good job opportunity in this new state, and she likes the field but we're already counting the months (7) until we can get out of here.
The police are corrupt here, I've seen them turn the sirens and lights on to make otherwise illegal traffic moves (turning right from the left lane, getting through a clot of slow traffic) and turn them off a half-block later.
Maybe that's part of the reason everyone in this small city's so paranoid. If you weren't born in this dying former industrial city, 80% of people I've met in all parts of town would like to make life unpleasant for you until you leave or get used to it, no matter how friendly you might try to be. Once you get past that, apparently I'm Frank fuckin Serpico, and I've never been called or harassed as an "undercover cop" before in my life, but it's happened at least two dozens times in three months here. For a pointless contrast, I went to SF last summer for a three-day weekend and someone came up to me on Market St in the middle of the afternoon and asked if I had any cocaine to sell.
So ignorance is a big problem, probably the biggest by far. Apparently the rate of alcoholics is very high here, and people don't really seem to come or leave. I had the impression for a couple of reasons that there would be an at least accessible pot culture here to tap, and now I have the feeling that in this broke-ass town, if anyone would talk straight to me it would be complete ditch shit that I'd pay too much for. Booze is enough for most dumb wastes of flesh to play Jerry Springer outside my windows and play tough but if your soul is a turd you can't really be too hard.
I definitely keep an open mind and stay friendly while giving everyone the benefit of the doubt and multiple chances. Even after deciding 9 of every 10 people here are clinically retarded and mean and dishonest beside, I stick to that golden rule but have ended up spending more and more time in the apartment (bright spot, by the way, cheap rent for a better place than I'm used to) and there will always be times when that brings you down.
I've been working hard from home and mostly grateful to not have to spend another 40 hours a week out there (although I admit it could have made meeting people easier) and am coming to terms with not really getting blowed except maybe on a vacation or two until I can learn from life, move away and never come to a place like this again. I don't like driving with product but lately I've really been wanting to get somewhere and come back with like a zip or more and try to find a way to stay productive and make it last.
This city is a big enough downer to fuck with even the most positive mental attitude. I hope to come out stronger and take some positive things away from this time no matter how it plays out. I also hope to find a way to be less bitter during the toughest down times, it's been a long time since I've felt this way. I walk around and want to throw bricks through windows and go on shooting sprees. I can relate to everyone and I don't like the idea of writing off (generalizing as lost causes) an entire small city but I'll only take so much in the name of being the new guy and "there's some shit I won't eat."
One side note: fiancee's great, but the nature of her job keeps her away close to 95 hours a week (counting night sleep time many days) during her normal schedule (honestly, I just added it up - don't ask)
I don't ask this town for much, but no, they're sending undercovers to all the piece of shit neighborhoods in the hopes they can repossess some $30,000 houses and fucking barking guard dogs.