Mentally Disabled Neighbor need advice

[Dro_Princess]

I was at my sisters this weekend and one of her neighbors came over. His wife left him for his uncle and she isnt all there as well and they have a baby together. Anyways he is now living by himself with no water and no power. He hasnt had a bath in god knows how long and is living off of Doritos and hot pepsi.

The inside of his house is piled full of trash and you can smell it from his driveway. I feel so bad for him because I know he doesnt have the mental capacity to take care of himself. This weekend I took him to town so he could get some parts to fix his brakes on his van because he was having to use the emergancy brake to stop. My husband put new rotars and brakes on there for him because he had no idea what to do. He took everything off but had no idea how to get it back on.

He has his pet fish at my sisters house so it wont freeze to death because he has no heat and his poor dog is gettin so skinny. If i had money I wouldnt think twice about helping him out but were in no position to do that. I dont know what to do. I have thought of calling social services and talking to them about it, but Im extremly conflicted about the situation. I dont know if its my business to butt in to his situation. I dont want him hauled off and put into a home but he is the type who needs help because there is no way he can do it on his own. I cant quit thinking about it and I feel so bad for this guy.

[Ol Schwaggy Bastard]

maybe call social services and pose a hyopthetical to find out possible outcomes of their involvement, he's most likely eligable for financial aide....aside from that, it seems like a depressing situation, but one you don't have any control over. If I were you, I'd keep helping him, maybe throw a little money towards dog food and a little space heater. Maybe even talk to him about finding a low level job so he can at least kind of support himself. I hope everything works out for him.

[andruejaysin]

Good advice, but I can't help thinking if the guy is that messed up should he be driving?

[Dro_Princess]

Good advice, but I can't help thinking if the guy is that messed up should he be driving?

I have wondered the same thing. I havent ever seen his driving abilities wonder if he even has a license?

[napolitana869]

i think you should call social services or maybe try to get ahold of some of his family and let them know the situation

[Abattoir Dream]

thats a harsh thing to sit back and watch happen, and its nice to hear your helping as best you can, social services would probably be a good thing, im sure if he wanted to stay at home he could, they would probably send someone to look after him, you never know, it may be a good idea also to see if he could claim some type of welfare or benefits, at least its a start, i dont know, but good luck,

[intrepidus6]

What a great country we live in, where you can have electricity and water turned off because you don't have much money! God bless America!

[Pipe Dreams]

What a great country we live in, where you can have electricity and water turned off because you don't have much money! God bless America!


Happened to me before.


I think you should call social services. Theyll help him out. like the schwaggy bastard said first, speak hypothetically to them until they tell you what they could do.

Then again, going to a home somewhere could be better for him than living on his own anyways.

[dejayou30]

having heat and electricity cut off is normal. the fuels used need to be paid for.

as for the guy, call social services like everyone else said. i have worked with mentally disabled people for about 7 years and i there are programs and assistance he can apply for and will most likely get from the sounds of things. or they could find an agency that could help him out and give him some staff members to help him with stuff.

in the mean time, maybe you could help him clean his house or something, depending on how involved you want to get.

[Skink]

How old??? does he own his home??? there is a thing
called reverse mortgage,where he can get payments and stay in his home...

He needs to secure what he owns before someone slick gets over...

What part of the country is he in???

[napolitana869]

you should keep us updated on what happens to him.

[flamingskullballs]

you know, we pay taxes for this sort of thing

call social services and ask if they can help him out

[tootsie roll]

That's really sad princess. There has to be some agency that can help him, starting with the Food Pantry.
I'd sure hate to see a guy and his dog parted. I'd throw in a case of dog food if you want to set something up.

[Skink]

I would be willing to ship some dog food too...

[tootsie roll]

I would be willing to ship some dog food too...

(((((that's sweet)))))

I have 2, couldn't imagine them hungry.:(

[Dro_Princess]

Well I called them and they went by to check it out and he refused any help. He said he could make it on his own and didnt want any handouts. He mentioned a job at a local apple orchard, although I dont know what kind of work they could do in the fall/winter, and I know its not much pay but at least its a start. I just hope he is able to keep his job.

I have thought about offereing to help him clean his house but you guys dont understand how nasty it is. I have never seen anything like it in my life. He dont have any water so he cant flush the toilet so it reeks pretty bad in there. He had to borrow a bucket of water off of my sister just to flush the toilet the other day because it got so full and stinky he himself couldnt stand it anymore. I dont even know what color the carpet is because you cant see the floor. All of the house trash is bagged up and still in the house piled up and rotting. I dont know if he let soical services in but I do doubt it.

I think he said something about his grandma sending him some money but I dont know when. My sister and her boyfriend are annoyed by him. he comes to there house everyday to hang out and use the phone. I tried to explain to them that he has mental problems and he needs help but they keep on sayin he done it to himself and how he needs to leave because he is gettin on there nerves. Of course he done it to himself because he dont know any better. They have really dissapointed me because of the way they talk to him sometimes. It has totally changed my perception of there character. I think I am going to look into what kind of jobs there are that I can be able to work with the disabled. He has really touched my heart and opened my eyes. I always told my husband that if we ever won the lottery I would just pick someone in need and change there life forever and if I ever do this guy will be the first on on my list.

[TheSmokingMonkey]

deleted this... not relevant...see below.

[TheSmokingMonkey]

If he doesn't want help, he doesn't want it. It'll have to be his problem.

But, you should give him bags of dog food for his poor dog! I don't know how you could do it without it being "handout-y" but maybe you could just leave it on his porch at night :)

[flamingskullballs]

i would ship dog food, but the shipping would be like, $40

yeah, its sad when that happens...you know, they have programs where they can still live in their house, but theyre checked on once a day or so

and my mom has been getting disability checks for years out of "mental anguish"...im sure he can get em

[tootsie roll]

Well I called them and they went by to check it out and he refused any help. He said he could make it on his own and didnt want any handouts. He mentioned a job at a local apple orchard, although I dont know what kind of work they could do in the fall/winter, and I know its not much pay but at least its a start. I just hope he is able to keep his job.

I have thought about offereing to help him clean his house but you guys dont understand how nasty it is. I have never seen anything like it in my life. He dont have any water so he cant flush the toilet so it reeks pretty bad in there. He had to borrow a bucket of water off of my sister just to flush the toilet the other day because it got so full and stinky he himself couldnt stand it anymore. I dont even know what color the carpet is because you cant see the floor. All of the house trash is bagged up and still in the house piled up and rotting. I dont know if he let soical services in but I do doubt it.

I think he said something about his grandma sending him some money but I dont know when. My sister and her boyfriend are annoyed by him. he comes to there house everyday to hang out and use the phone. I tried to explain to them that he has mental problems and he needs help but they keep on sayin he done it to himself and how he needs to leave because he is gettin on there nerves. Of course he done it to himself because he dont know any better. They have really dissapointed me because of the way they talk to him sometimes. It has totally changed my perception of there character. I think I am going to look into what kind of jobs there are that I can be able to work with the disabled. He has really touched my heart and opened my eyes. I always told my husband that if we ever won the lottery I would just pick someone in need and change there life forever and if I ever do this guy will be the first on on my list.

Geez Princess, I wish you could get him to accept some help because the way he's living is a health hazzard. Not just to him but to those that live near him. Gotta be some rodents and maggots in that trash. I refuse to even talk in depth about the bathroom situation. gah
poor guy. Poor dog. The dog doesn't have a choice and now may be starving to death because this guy can't help even himself.:(

[partyguy420]

thats sort of sad that you guys would rather help out his dog then him... all i hear is ill ship a case of food for the dog, if you had the monney, what i would do, is call up the power comapny, and use your infromation to turn on the power, and same with water...and possibly phone.... but it seams as tho you dont have the monney, and how old is he, and do you know how he became mentaly disabled?

[birdgirl73]

Dro Princess, sorry I'm just now chiming in on this. I've had this thread in my mind to reply to since it first appeared. Just as an FYI, when people are in circumstances like your sister's neighbor, you can call your county's Adult Protective Services unit. Your police or fire departments can nearly always provide you with the number, and you can generally also find it in country phone listings because APS, like Child Protective Services, is administered through counties. (That may not be its exact name in your part of the country but it'll be something similar.) Anyway, APS offices have social workers and people who can make a visit and evaluate situations like this. If need be, they can even go to court if the person's a danger to himself or his home environment has become that way. Often case investigations play out just this way--the people in question don't want help but others can clearly see there are problems. Anyway, just for future reference, APS is an adult safety/welfare office that helps make sure particularly vulnerable adults are OK like the elderly, the disabled, etc. Your county MH/MR office is a good place to call, too, if the person is disabled. When I used to work as a paramedic, we ran into situations that needed referrals to these agencies all the time. Cops see them all the time, too. They definitely break your heart. I admire your concern and caring for this poor soul.

[tootsie roll]

thats sort of sad that you guys would rather help out his dog then him... all i hear is ill ship a case of food for the dog, if you had the monney, what i would do, is call up the power comapny, and use your infromation to turn on the power, and same with water...and possibly phone.... but it seams as tho you dont have the monney, and how old is he, and do you know how he became mentaly disabled?

The fact is this. I can't save the guy but I can help the dog.

There are city agencies that handle this kind of thing but they help the human not the animals. This way, both can be helped.

Services will turn back on his electric and water and he'll have a phone where he can call for help if needed. He'll get medical and food credits.
First, he needs to agree to be helped which so far, he hasn't. He doesn't want handouts etc..

I can only do what I can. At least I try. Ya know?

[tootsie roll]

Dro Princess, sorry I'm just now chiming in on this. I've had this thread in my mind to reply to since it first appeared. Just as an FYI, when people are in circumstances like your sister's neighbor, you can call your county's Adult Protective Services unit. Your police or fire departments can nearly always provide you with the number, and you can generally also find it in country phone listings because APS, like Child Protective Services, is administered through counties. (That may not be its exact name in your part of the country but it'll be something similar.) Anyway, APS offices have social workers and people who can make a visit and evaluate situations like this. If need be, they can even go to court if the person's a danger to himself or his home environment has become that way. Often case investigations play out just this way--the people in question don't want help but others can clearly see there are problems. Anyway, just for future reference, APS is an adult safety/welfare office that helps make sure particularly vulnerable adults are OK like the elderly, the disabled, etc. Your county MH/MR office is a good place to call, too, if the person is disabled. When I used to work as a paramedic, we ran into situations that needed referrals to these agencies all the time. Cops see them all the time, too. They definitely break your heart. I admire your concern and caring for this poor soul.

Hey ms. mod :D , I was looking for you yesterday. I was wondering how your sister is feeling. She's been on my Prayer list and I think of her. I hope she's still interested in that soup or I'll have to come up with something else.
(((hugs)))

[wonderbear]

What a great country we live in, where you can have electricity and water turned off because you don't have much money! God bless America!

uhh, you expect it given to you by the gov?

[the joint meister]

i feel bad just reading this and knowing that theres things likes this that go on everyday and theres nothing i can do about it.

peace

[birdgirl73]

Hey ms. mod :D , I was looking for you yesterday. I was wondering how your sister is feeling. She's been on my Prayer list and I think of her. I hope she's still interested in that soup or I'll have to come up with something else.
(((hugs)))
Hey, girl! I haven't gotten a chance to catch up with you. Thank you so much for including my sister on your prayer list. That touches my heart to know that. Thanks for your congrats on the mod gig on the other thread, too. I know it seems like too much for me to take on, what with school and home such priorities, but I think when this situation at home resolves itself as we know it will, it's going to be a good distraction for me in the long run even if the timing of everything combined is potentially stressful right now.

I dropped you a reply in one of our other threads (I can't remember which) that I'd made the soup on Sunday. It turned out great. Was a huge hit with everyone here. My parents are here, too, now, and my aunt and younger sister have been in and out a lot more, so we're feeding a crowd. We spooned a little broth into Bess' mouth and she seemed to like it, but she's not really eating/swallowing any more in just the last day and a half. I wish I'd made the soup a week earlier when she still was. Today she's been nearly totally comatose, and the hospice team says that'll just continue to deepen till she eases through the transition. We're turning her and keeping her comfortable, keeping her airway clear. I sing to her and talk to her and stroke her skin and hope she's aware of that, but it certainly doesn't appear that she is. Anyway, the death vigil has begun, and it's heartbreaking, of course, but I'm glad she's no longer aware of any pain or suffering.

Thank you, as you always are, for being so caring and concerned. Much love to you, Tootsie.

[slipknotpsycho]

i don't know if it's been said, but just call and tell them the situation, dont' give them any info, ask them what can be done, and what they would do if they were to have the right info... i mean that's no way to live, if he needs help to be taken care of that's all there is to it... i've known situations where people have care takers given to them by state where someone comes out to help them do everything all day... or depending on the money he has maybe you could help him find a nanny to take care of him...

[The Figment]

Dro Princess, sorry I'm just now chiming in on this. I've had this thread in my mind to reply to since it first appeared. Just as an FYI, when people are in circumstances like your sister's neighbor, you can call your county's Adult Protective Services unit. Your police or fire departments can nearly always provide you with the number, and you can generally also find it in country phone listings because APS, like Child Protective Services, is administered through counties. (That may not be its exact name in your part of the country but it'll be something similar.) Anyway, APS offices have social workers and people who can make a visit and evaluate situations like this. If need be, they can even go to court if the person's a danger to himself or his home environment has become that way. Often case investigations play out just this way--the people in question don't want help but others can clearly see there are problems. Anyway, just for future reference, APS is an adult safety/welfare office that helps make sure particularly vulnerable adults are OK like the elderly, the disabled, etc. Your county MH/MR office is a good place to call, too, if the person is disabled. When I used to work as a paramedic, we ran into situations that needed referrals to these agencies all the time. Cops see them all the time, too. They definitely break your heart. I admire your concern and caring for this poor soul.

Some Very Wise Advice...I have famaily members with mental illness and some times this is the best one can do for folk in this situation.