Stoner moment!!!

[chriscannabis]

Even the most expirienced stoners have moments were paranoia kicks in along with a stupid idea and plasters itself onto your thought proccess.

However, this one takes the cake in the number of weird shit my brain has scared itself with. I was walking home from my friends house after we smoked a gargantuan of weed in a short time. I mean, I'm talking everybody got two blunts for themselves, providing you could roll them. Basically, we had a lot of weed.

So, I had to walk home, it's maybe a ten minute walk, and somehow, I found the mental and physical prowress to get my motor functions in order and begin walking. I didn't get far before I realized I was robo-walking. "God I look retarded," I said to myself. My brain couldn't deal with thinking and walking at the same time and I stumbled as a large truck was passing me. I knew I looked pretty stupid so I turned around to watch the truck recede into the distance, why I do not know. However, the truck did nothing of the sort. Instead it stops. Now, in my obliterated state, I forgot there was a stop sign there at that intersection, though I pass by it everyday.

I figured the truck stopped because he had seen me stumble and though I was a lost retarded kid or something. Ironically, in less than two minutes an ambulance passes me. I figured they were gunna come help me, though it wouldn't do me much good to get carted off in an EMS stoned. They passed by, but I figured maybe they were just confused on who to pick up. I got to my street in short order and, well when fifteen red trucks pass you in a nieghborhood with a large amount of wannabe bloods, you tend to get a little antsy.

So I lost all control and sprinted for home. I made it inside without getting turned into a bullet sponge, but the fun didn't stop. Immediately I could have sworn I heard yelling outside. I figured it was either the cops or the truck guys or maybe even aliens. I figured they were going to seige my house and try and get me.

My grand plan for thwarting their efforts? Make a pizza of course. Fuck that, make that two pizzas. So after five minutes of looking like a crackhead at the microwave, holding a filet knife to fight the would-be house seigers medieval style, my pizza was down and i was munch out, still glancing out the windows like a dumbass.

I heard a noise at the door. Them again! Well this time I will face them in battle and smite them to defend my house and my pizza! I swiftly opened to door to slice and dice my many foes, and as the door creaks open.........








.................................................. ..............................

Gotta have some suspense here...........................

















My cat runs in, looks at me like I have been professionally committing animal cruelty and runs over to the food bowl and begans eating like it's been in Ethiopia for about fifteen years.

I sighed and put the knife back and just layed down on the floor and went to sleep.

[biohazard]

hahaha that sounds pretty close to how paranoid i get when im stoned :p. cooking + weed is a bad idea, i almost burned my house down the other day. i was ripped and wanted some food, so i turned on the stove for NO reason (since the food is microwavable), placed the food in the microwave and let it heat up. about 30 mins later i remembered the stove that was still going and a towel almost caught on fire. good times......

[Zoosh]

haha yeah man thats funny.

[smokeblunts3]

yo you ever be walking home mad blazed with friends and it feels like you skipped blocks and shit? it happens all the time to me i will be just chillin walkin mad blazed look at the street sign be like aight got mad far to go still. so the next time i look up at the street sign it feels like only a minute passed and i'm already like 10 blocks passed what i just looked at the shits crazy but i love it when that happens when you got mad far to walk :pimp: :thumbsup:

[silasbotwin]

hahaha great story. I once got scared that my dad was gonna see my red eyes when he came home, so i decided i needed and excuse. My excuse was that i was petting our little dog on the staircase, sitting down, and when I got up i slipped somehow and my knees poked me in the eyes, and they've burned ever since. Yeah, great excuse.

Also there's been times where i've just been lying down pondering my brain, and I'll all of the sudden think of something that's never even happened (false memories, i get them all the time when i'm straight baked), and then when I realize it isnt real or I forget what I was thinking about, I get almost upset because I'm thinking that I've had that memory my entire life. its pretty funny though.

[go toke up]

My cat runs in, looks at me like I have been professionally committing animal cruelty and runs over to the food bowl and begans eating like it's been in Ethiopia for about fifteen years.

dude holy shit i started geekin out when i read that shit!!!lolol

[.nina.]

lmao, that's hilarious. now that's paranoia!

[FAllout]

haha nice

Its worse with shrooms man

One little thought gets in your skull and grow, untill your tripp is runied.
dont let it happen lol

[couch-potato]

I had one the other day too.

I was hungry, and I wanted toast. Put the bread in the toaster, flipped the little switch that makes the bread go down so it gets cooked. Got my cream cheese and jelly (try it, it's fucking great) with my butter knife and plate all ready to go. I waited, just staring into the toaster waiting for my toast to come out for a good 10 whole minutes.




The toaster was not plugged in.

[MastaChronic]

I had one the other day too.

I was hungry, and I wanted toast. Put the bread in the toaster, flipped the little switch that makes the bread go down so it gets cooked. Got my cream cheese and jelly (try it, it's fucking great) with my butter knife and plate all ready to go. I waited, just staring into the toaster waiting for my toast to come out for a good 10 whole minutes.




The toaster was not plugged in.


lmao, thats happened to me
funny story dude

[ToDrunkToFish]

Yea about a month ago when I could smoke I took the garbage out at night right before Futurama came on on Adult Swim and smoked a really fat bowl so I could laugh my ass off.

I came inside and made a bowl of cereal and sat away from my dad so he wouldnt know im high over on the couch and he looked at me and was like. What are you eating?

I told him I was eating Cinnamon Toast Crunch and he's like were is it? I look at my bowl and all I put in it was the fuckin milk and the spoon. No cereal. I didnt say a word.

[shoi]

the other nite i was walking home and a taxi drives past me on teh road and stops like 5 or 10 meters ahead of me and a lady gets out and starts walking towards me... i was sure that it was someone i had known but had left and had just gotten back from the airport wen the taxi happend to pass me and so she yelled for him to stop so she could get out and talk to me since it had been so long... but no she turned a corner

[3rdEyeVision]

ignore this post lol

[bud breath420]

that story made me lauf my ass off you should write a book about stoner stories .. id buy it

[SantaClawz]

One time I got nice and baked and went to put some water on to boil.(TOP RAMEN! w00t!) So I turn the stove on and go sit and watch some tv, and went to see if it was boiling about 5 minutes later, but it wasnt boiling so I gave it another 5 minutes. And as im turning the corner to check on it once again I hear this [what seemed like a] massive explosion and I hit the f'n deck. Once I realize im not gettin shot at with a 12 gauge I get up and see a bunch of tiny glass peices all over the stove(and my water still not boiling).
Before I got stoned i had actually done some dishes and put a big glass baking pan on the stove. And It was dark glass so I couldnt tell that i turned the wrong burner on and completly shattered a pefectly good hash brownies baking pan.
Im drilled right now, so if this doesnt make any sense...go to hell.

[couch-potato]

Yea about a month ago when I could smoke I took the garbage out at night right before Futurama came on on Adult Swim and smoked a really fat bowl so I could laugh my ass off.

I came inside and made a bowl of cereal and sat away from my dad so he wouldnt know im high over on the couch and he looked at me and was like. What are you eating?

I told him I was eating Cinnamon Toast Crunch and he's like were is it? I look at my bowl and all I put in it was the fuckin milk and the spoon. No cereal. I didnt say a word.


Oh God, I'm eating cereal right now and that just made my breakfast. Hat's off to ye.

[DragonForce1]

This has to be the funniest thread ever. Ok. Heres my contribution.

One day, I wanted to burn a dvd, so I put the dvd in, and press start. I go down stairs to watch a movie. So you know, I'm all hapy watching my movie, eating my munchies, and I decide to go check on the dvd. It says 64% done, and im all like "Yeyaya!" so I go downstairs and watch more. I come upp later, and it still says 64%. I thought it just got stuck. So I finish the movie. I go back upstairs, and it still says 64%.

So now im pretty pissed off. I whip my mouse across the room in rage, and then it busts. Im happy now.

So, I lay on my bed for a minute and then hear "pop"

I look at my computer.

Still says 64%...

You know what happend?

























The DVD poped out.














The computer screen was frozen the whole time but the disc was still burning.

[LIP]

Walking home stoned. I used to hate it cos it took so long when i was stoned. I worked it all out that once it took me 2 hours to walk 1.5 miles.

[Maggz]

yo i fuckin HATEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE HATE HATE the paranoia!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! sometimes the shit kills my whole high man

[santacruz_organic]

roach clip in one hand, tootsie pop in the other, high as all hell, no need to explain the rest, yeah it burned.

[Cassiopiea]

Filming a carton of orange juice at a bakeoff one day, my mates were like wtf? And when they tried to take the video camera i just kept shouting "NO! Im making art this NEEDS TO BE FILMED!!!"

Good times, man im high.

[EmericanStoner420]

hahahahahahahahahaha dude that sounds alot like me, everytime i go out in public when im stoned i always think that everybody that looks at me knows im stoned and i get scared and shit its fucked up




:thumbsup: :stoned: :D :rasta: :smokin: :clap:
ede

[Bob the Awesome]

I always get paranoid whenever I hear sirens... I can't differentiate between ambulance and police sirens x_x

[Bubbleman]

Holy shit, towards the end I couldnt stop laughing. :rasta:

[jpt_132]

I love it when your hella baked... you see the world sooo differently! you think about things you would have never thought of!

Or when your hella baked and you think you came up with a good idea for something. I wrote a whole shitload of stuff down that i thought would work hela good. But when I read them the next day they seem completely ideodic!!! lol

[Purple Banana]

I was really high one night, in the shower, and it was one of those Time Stands Still And Passes In 30 Second Imcrements highs, and I had fun singing "Mr. Roboto" and trying the robot thing... My mom comes in the bathroom, and asks "What the hell are you singing?"

I tried to explain to her, but she just shook her head, and walked out the door.

[silasbotwin]

lol shit here's a good one. my friend calls me up he's like, hey bring over the hookah supplies, i've got a nice 2 litre bottle here. so i get there a little while later, all excited for a nice hookah. turns out he was smoking earlier, got amazingly baked, and needed to take a piss. but his aunt came home, so he got scared that she would be suspicious if he left his room.



he pissed in the 2 litre bottle.

[couch-potato]

This thread is too awesome to let it die, up to the top you go!

[justinsane]

blazed and threw a pizza in the oven with some friends and began watchin a movie waiting until the pizza was done..... bakedies forgot about the pizza and we all fell asleep. the next morning, theres a black circle on the kitchen table with a post-it on the pizza with the word STONERS on it... the dudes mom found it before she left for work in the morning... oops

[Buddha Man]

paranoia can kill you (not litteral) especially in school cuz you feel like everyone is watching you when they really arent. then u try to cover ur eyes and u act wierd and make urself look even MORE fucked up than u reall are haha

[biohazard]

blazed and threw a pizza in the oven with some friends and began watchin a movie waiting until the pizza was done..... bakedies forgot about the pizza and we all fell asleep. the next morning, theres a black circle on the kitchen table with a post-it on the pizza with the word STONERS on it... the dudes mom found it before she left for work in the morning... oops

LOL, he's got a cool mom for doing the whole post-it thing :p.


Paranoia in school is the worse thing ever... especially when the teacher asks you a question when you are trying your best to not make yourself noticed. All you can do is mumble something under your breath which is most likley stupid (especially in calsses that require math... anything but simple addition can be a very difficult task stoned).

The first day of school i got fucking RIPPED at lunch. I was so stoned i almost passed out (a joint and 4-5 bowls later of white widow). I got extremley lucky I did not have to talk at all with the teacher in my physics class which I had right after.

KEEP THE STORIES COMING, WE CAN'T LET THIS THREAD DIE!

[Nodnorb]

with my on friend whenever we smoke as soon as we flick the lighter we hear a siren so last time my friend yells out we are over here cops. i tell him to shut up. then the siren gets closer and i freak out cuz i have 4 joints in a bag in my pocket and sum dank there too it comes closer and closer...........................












and it goes right by. i got scared shitless and almost ran out of our cover i turn around and hes taking a giant ass hit with the biggest smile on his face and says "hahahahaha i just stole ur hit".....bitch

[chriscannabis]

Another one is I'll be driving around with my girl and I'll hand her the joint like down at her legs. She'll always gp"What the fuck are you doing?" and I always answer "Shh, they might see the joint!".


My car has tinted windows....

[chriscannabis]

There's so many other times where we just answered thing retarded. Here's a couple examples.

We're at my friend's house, his brother spills soda on the mattress. His mom comes in and asks what happened. My friend replies with "Carl smoked I mean spilled..something.." I just put my face in my hands and laughed.

My dad was watching an Liverpool soccer game and a black dude fouls an english player. My friend Jonathan(who's black) is sitting right next to me and we're all smoking.

Upon seeing the foul my dad yells at the T.V." You fooking nigger!!" He then turns and says to Jonathan,"Oh sorry Jonathan!"

The best is when my dad was trying to fix my T.V. high and my cat jumps on him to ask for food and my dad fuses the wrong wire and sparks fly out, he then grabs a can of Febreeze and sprays the cat in the face with it yelling "Piss off you little wanka!!"

[Grava Flave]

me and 3 buddies were smokin at midnight in the middle of a public park when a car pulled up, my bro yelled "5-0!" and we booked out


we were blazed as fuckin hell and we all had weed and pipes and shit on us (not to metion we've all been in rehab at one time or another) so we took off into the woods, i fuckin fell in the mud and everything

later that night we went bak and the car was there except..it was a saturn. not a damn cop



cant stand saturns since then

[Cochise]

Yea about a month ago when I could smoke I took the garbage out at night right before Futurama came on on Adult Swim and smoked a really fat bowl so I could laugh my ass off.

I came inside and made a bowl of cereal and sat away from my dad so he wouldnt know im high over on the couch and he looked at me and was like. What are you eating?

I told him I was eating Cinnamon Toast Crunch and he's like were is it? I look at my bowl and all I put in it was the fuckin milk and the spoon. No cereal. I didnt say a word.


lmao man that has to be the funniest one in here ahaha

Made my day!


But somethings for me.. ok

Well, im with a few of my smoking buddies, and the one kid has this phone that does a cat noise/horse noise as ringtones..

And the one kid always gets tripped out when he plays those ringtones, so were sittin in tim hortons (coffe shop in canada) and he plays the ringtones, instantly the kid who gets tripped out by them dies laughing) he continued to play them, then someone from tim hortons working walks over and says, "ok we know you guys have playin those noises" then another buddy of mine, ahahahahahah, hes like. "I dont know what your talking about, looks to the ceiling and like a person whio comes to your hosue to check for rats or mice in that voice sorta says (looking to the tile ceiling) "OK!, theres definetly 3 possibly 4 cats up there, and Maaaaaaaaaaybe a horse" we all DIIIIIIIIIIE laughing ahhaah

theres the contribution

[MastaChronic]

once me and my friends found $700 in a money clip and we bought a qp of WW for 600 and bought a bunch of booze, we mustve smoked a 1/4 before we decided we should go on a journey, a journey, to abbys pizza to obtain the legendary pie. it was only a 5 minute walk from my homies house to there and when we got there i ordered a giant pepperoni pizza...mmmmm... but when they were finished cooking it, they dropped it, but i was just like, "i want that one for free, and another for the the one i paid for" they did it and when they were finished we left, we tried to wait until we got to his house, but couldnt, the two giant pepperoni pizzas were gone within 5 minutes, never even reached his doorstep, then we proceeded to smoke a few more joints and get drunk off some captain morgans spiced rum

[psychedellics]

So many funny stories. LMAO at the tootsie pop story and the bow of milk story

Me and my buddies went to McDonald's drive thru late night and circled the drive thru 3 times cuz we kept forgetting to order shit/ wanted to get more food. the dude at the window knew what was up.

got more that i cant think of right now.

[couch-potato]

I've already told this story but what the hell.

A few months back I went on vacation in British Columbia, Canada with some buddies. We decided on a day of joyriding through the mountain highways to get to Victoria just to see what it was like. We blazed then hit the road. Ever been drifting on a highway with moderate traffic? Jesus Christ, we should have died about 16 times there, after a fucking adrenaline rush we decide to smoke some more then hit a Dairy Queen for the munchies. I was BAKED. Laughing my ass off because they sold different kinds of ice cream, and I couldn't stop doing dumb shit like climbing on top of the counter. So finally the manager has to come out, takes one look at my face and says "You guys are really baked, huh? Got any herb left?"

We smoked out the manager of Dairy Queen, and he bought us all ice creams after.

[TheFatKid]

Oh God, too many to count.


"Ok guys, put the shit in Sam's weed vagina"

"OMFG BIFF GET MY IPOD OUT OF YOUR VAGINA"

"Dude....wanna burn our feet?" "Alright, lets do it" *proceeds with Axe and lighter*

"I am the cannabis guru. Lets start a weed tribe. What should be the name?" "canabatecs, because they are mexican and smoke weed"

"Why are their Africans dancing in the clouds?"

"Dude, we caught the disease from infiltrating the lab." *both of us spin in circles down the street for like 20 minutes*

"Lets role play Pokemon style"

"What if Jackie Chan and Chuck Norris teabagged your car?"

"NUTHA BLUNT, NUTHA BLUNT"

The last story I could think of(Its not a quote =O)

I had the munchies, and I always have hot dogs at my friends house. I take two, put them in the microwave, take them out, they are all cold, but whatever, who cares. I put tartar sauce and mustard on them, and take a bite. I can't taste anything, wtf. Well, it happens that there is a plastic wrapper on the hotdog, and I already put all the sauce on and stuff.

I also drew an emo kid on my sock. =D

[chriscannabis]

Oh God, too many to count.


"Ok guys, put the shit in Sam's weed vagina"

"OMFG BIFF GET MY IPOD OUT OF YOUR VAGINA"

"Dude....wanna burn our feet?" "Alright, lets do it" *proceeds with Axe and lighter*

"I am the cannabis guru. Lets start a weed tribe. What should be the name?" "canabatecs, because they are mexican and smoke weed"

"Why are their Africans dancing in the clouds?"

"Dude, we caught the disease from infiltrating the lab." *both of us spin in circles down the street for like 20 minutes*

"Lets role play Pokemon style"

"What if Jackie Chan and Chuck Norris teabagged your car?"

"NUTHA BLUNT, NUTHA BLUNT"

The last story I could think of(Its not a quote =O)

I had the munchies, and I always have hot dogs at my friends house. I take two, put them in the microwave, take them out, they are all cold, but whatever, who cares. I put tartar sauce and mustard on them, and take a bite. I can't taste anything, wtf. Well, it happens that there is a plastic wrapper on the hotdog, and I already put all the sauce on and stuff.

I also drew an emo kid on my sock. =D

I know I've done tons of shit like that, I just can't remember any of it.

[Eraserhead71]

i figured something out last time i got baked:

since everything on our planet (and in our universe for that matter) has a start and a finish, the idea of infinity is something we cant truely grasp. This is why we will never understand any more than we already do about the "beginning". There was no beginning.

[couch-potato]

i figured something out last time i got baked:

since everything on our planet (and in our universe for that matter) has a start and a finish, the idea of infinity is something we cant truely grasp. This is why we will never understand any more than we already do about the "beginning". There was no beginning.


Right on bro I always find out the coolest shit when I'm high, time I spend stoned is quality time with myself.

[pu ekot]

One time I was stoned out of my mind and me and a friend went to a White Hen to get some food. I got a box of donuts, it was sooo good, like eating pillows and clouds, and we were sitting on the curb outside. Some old lady pulls up, stays in her car for like 10 minutes, comes out and says "don't worry, I won't hit you". Then she starts talking to us for like an hour, then pets us on the head and goes inside. I thought it was the funniest thing ever.

Also, I was in a CVS one time, trying to get a drink. For some reason I thought the root beer was $6.42, so I got really mad, then I thought about how the price of gasoline was going down, but root beer was going up. I fell over laughing and everyone was just like "wtf...".

One time I got really stoned and wanted some pizza, a slice of pizza and fries cames to exactly $4.20. Greatest moment of my life.

[TheFatKid]

Another one I forgot to put

"Speaking of metal, lets go listen to some reggae!"

[Frozen Sativa]

Second day of school i burned at lunch. I had triginometry right after, and we were passing around a seating chart where we singed out names on a blank picture of the classroom in the right order. We also were getting books and filling out recipts for the books. The books were numbered. So I get my book, and im trying to find the number, looking everywehre. So I asked my teacher wehre the number was, and he like rolled his eyes at me and it was writen plainly visible on the edeges of the pages. Then Instead of passing back the seating chart, I pass the person behind me my book and keep the seating chart on my desk. After like a minout their like "What am I supposed to do wtih this?"
shit...

:stoned:

[psychedellics]

^hahahaha i wonder what the person who got your book thoght

[ToDrunkToFish]

Well since I was the author of the no cereal story ill post another but mayby not as funny but hillarious at the time.

I was in my friends neighborhood and his neighborhood is that type with nice houses with HUGE lawns. And woods all around.

But we smoke at this huge willow tree at the beginning of this Private Drive. We have had a VERY close encounter before hand with the cops showing up but it wasnt our fault. So it was just me and him sitting/standin next to this HUGE willow tree at the beginning of the private drive. We just got done smoking and we both heard some Rocks Crumble since it was a non-paved road.

Now this willow tree is huge. Mayby 6-7 Grown men reachin hand in hand around it.

So I was like dude you hear that? He was like yea dude so we started to circle around the huge tree thinking that a car was coastin down the side. Or that it was a cop car goin really slow down the driveway.

After we circled almost the whole tree we realized it was two racoons chasing eachother... And not a car.

[Pius]

ignore this post, didn't realize there was a page 2:D

[MelT]

Yea about a month ago when I could smoke I took the garbage out at night right before Futurama came on on Adult Swim and smoked a really fat bowl so I could laugh my ass off.

I came inside and made a bowl of cereal and sat away from my dad so he wouldnt know im high over on the couch and he looked at me and was like. What are you eating?

I told him I was eating Cinnamon Toast Crunch and he's like were is it? I look at my bowl and all I put in it was the fuckin milk and the spoon. No cereal. I didnt say a word.

LMAO!:)

This painted a whole story for me of part of your life, d'you know what I mean? Does anyone else know what I mean? In just a few sentences you outlined pretty much a whole evenings routine and stuff about what you usually watch and on where and why, and what you do. It's got a good ryhthm too. I am ripped of course.:) But I write (non-fiction) for a living, that's a good style you got there as long as it stays natural. Try writing some more, some other thing that's happened, I'd be interested to see it. Something where you're talking to each other more... It reminds me of Catcher in the Rye for some reason.

MelT

[ToDrunkToFish]

LOL MelT. Well thanks for the complement. Read my other story on the bottom of page 2 I also wrote. Mayby when I toke up alot later ill think, *or not* another story I can do =).

[pu ekot]

Alright so one time me and my friend had just smoked outside, so we cam inside and we had to lock the door. This door is kinda old and you need to push on it so you can turn the deadbolt. Well I was pushing as hard as I could, and couldn't get it turned. I called my friend over and we both pushed as hard as possible, and we still couldn't turn the deadbolt. So we tried opening the door to see if it was broken, and "OH SHIT! WE PUSHED IT TOO HARD!". We pulled on it as hard as we possibly could, and then I went back to push from the other side. Finally I notice the door is moving, but is stuck somewhere. That somewhere happens to be the deadbolt, I told my friend to turn it and it unlocked and opened easily. Laughed for about 30minutes after that, heh.

[huh]

i just had a moment like 10 seconds ago, it was pretty fucked up.

[chriscannabis]

Here's another one from me.

We blazed at a highschool football game(some blueberry shit).

So me and my friend Andrew get back to my house and I load up like five pieces of pizza and walk to my room with the plate. I sat down and got all comfortable and shit and then I hear my mom say "How do you think it'll take before he realizes he didn't heat his pizza up?"