My Best Friend's Dead.

[Creeper]

Two days ago me and my friend's were stoned, chilling out, and playing x-box, when I heard my younger sister yelling for our stepdad to come quick. Curious I went and checked out what she was yelling for and she told me and my stepdad, that one out of my two best friends had killed himself, and she heard it from his girlfriend. I couldnt believe it, I grabbed the phone and called up a friend of his who confirmed it. I didnt know what to think, or feel. Im so fucking mad at him right now because I feel that he let us down. Its a waste of life, there are people fighting to live who have cancer and he just throws his life away like that. The kid had everything going for him, everyone liked him, he was going to college, had a hot girlfriend, good job. I dont know what the fuck. Im also sad because Ill never see him again, and I feel bad for his family because his dad commited suicide a year ago so his family must be going through hell.
Anyways I just wanted to vent, cause I dont know how to feel now. The wake is Monday and the funeral is Tuesday so hopefully it will give me some sort of closure.

[paddyahern]

it's his life, he can do what he wants with it.

[orangeman]

Well I understand you but everyone dont think the same. He might have even realized that people that have a disease that may cause a slow death but he probably got fed up with his. You never know whats going on, he probably just couldnt handle or take what ever he was going through anymore. I'm sorry man, I hope you feel better.

[Mr.Jesus]

it's really sad but at the same time i can understand why he would do it.

[Big Calhoun]

It's natural to feel upset at him. That is usually one of the first reactions in a situation like this, "Why did that person do this to ME?". Soon though, you'll have to look at the bigger picture. Your friend didn't do anything to you, he did it to himself. It's quite possible that maybe feelings of letting his friends and/or family down contributed. But you have to realize that when things like this happen, there can be many untold reasons that lead to this path.

What you are feeling is normal. The best thing to do at this point is to be supportive of his family and the friends that you share. Death is not finality, it is moving to another level, to another space. Your friend is with you and probably always will be. Maybe you should 'talk' to him, tell him how you feel. Let your emotions go. Remember all the good times, don't dwell on the bad. Death is the time to remember the very best of people because everyone has something about them worth remembering and holding on to.

[Psycho4Bud]

Had something similar happen when I was a teen. My friends dad was found in the basement, hung himself. Bout a year or two later my friend did himself with a pistol. From what I hear...the younger brother hung himself a few years back. I almost wonder if it isn't a hereditary disorder of some sorts.

Best of wishes to you and your friends family.

[orangeman]

Had something similar happen when I was a teen. My friends dad was found in the basement, hung himself. Bout a year or two later my friend did himself with a pistol. From what I hear...the younger brother hung himself a few years back. I almost wonder if it isn't a hereditary disorder of some sorts.

Best of wishes to you and your friends family.

Wooooow. Now that is really some messed up stuff man.

[Budman37]

Wow thats a tought..Iam so sorry to here about that and for you and his family...The only thing I can say is that he was obviously hurting pretty bad on the inside and perhaps couldn't get over his dads suicide so thought he could join him....I do study Gods scripture alot and do know that everyone who dies Goes back to be with God. The chirches might not teach you that but there more concerned about scaring you into there church to get some cash from you then about teaching Gods word correctly....I have no doubt that your friend and his father have been reunited...You see my friend NO one is judged until judegment day and thats not until AFTER the Lords day which has not begun..Dont get me wrong some who die and go back to heaven are kinda seperated from God spiritually if they didnt get it together in this lifetime but there still with God and not in Hell or anything like that..I can only imagine how this family is suffering, I study online at a very scripture based church i have learned alot perhaps it might help you and your friends family to check it out, now is a good time to seek God after a tradgedy like this...Best to you.
Your Friend
Bob

heres the site www.shepherdschapel.com

[Creeper]

Ya he was aslo in a car accident 2 months before his dad shot himself, and he watched one of his friend burn to death. He was a little bipolar I think, and on wednsday when he failed his drivers test for like the 5th time I think he just went fuckin nuts. I guess he flipped right out on the instructer, and went home and got drunk. Everything culminating and was too much for him to bear, is what I think. But still its fuckin stupid and hes a coward for taking the easy way out.

[BobBong]

Creeper, I'm very sad to hear about the loss of your friend. It is a very sad thing when someone gets to that point in their life..it's just unfortunate that he did not decide to confide in his friends and family rather than doing this. Many things can cause a person to do these things.. or even attempt it and often nobody will ever know why or understand it.
Life is not easy.. some would say the easiest part of it is death. It's just sad that it is that much easier for some.

Things like this remind us just how precious life is... I toke a bowl for you and your friends. For it is all i can do.

Love life and it'll love you back.
Best wishes,
Bob.

[BobBong]

Scum, typical religious fanatic. Move in when people are at there weakest. He's hurting and your trying to convert him to your cult/religion.

Everyone is entitled to their opinion . He's simply expressing the way he and how he would suggest dealing with something like this. Do I agree with it? Doesn't matter.. he's still entitled to console and offer his :twocents: without being ridiculed.
Nobody is trying to convert anyone..
So please don't hijack the thread.

[NextLineIsMine]

If your going to kill yourself at least wait until your 21. Us teens make very irrational decisions at times.

[Big Calhoun]

paddyahern: You're an ass! Yes, that was a flame.

Creeper: You are entitled to have the feelings that you do. I very much feel the same as you, suicide is a cowards way out. But, there are just so many factors to it that eventually you have to put things in their proper perspective.

Several years ago, my brother tried to commit suicide. He was having difficulties in college, I think he was a little home sick, and he wasn't feeling like he could accomplish anything. One night, he got drunk and decided to park his car in the path of an oncoming commuter train. Thank God, a police officer was in the area, lit him up, and a short chase ensued. My brother was taken into custody (not arrested) and transferred to a hospital for evaluation.

When my family and I first heard this, we all felt the same way. "What the fuck is going through his head", "He's a punk to do something like that", etc. But when we finally had a chance to talk to him and get him to open up, we found out so many things that he had never shared...he was simply to embarrased or ashamed to tell us.

At that point, all of those negative feelings were gone. We realized that he was given a second chance and we had to help him. From anger to support is how we went. And he still had troubles for a couple of years after that, but we kept supporting him and trying to be there for him. I am so happy and proud to say that he's on the right track, close to finishing school for accounting, and is taking charge of his life. He still goes through his periods but he is also more apt to talk to us about what is bothering him and he has accepted that sometimes he needs help, so he's sees a social worker reguarly, just to talk.

Had my family and I held on to those negative feelings, it is my belief that he would have eventually attempted suicide again and made good on it. But we took advantage of that second chance. All this to say that, again, what you're feeling is normal, but you may never know all of the circumstances that led up to it. Everyone is not as strong as everyone else. Like with my brother, sometimes people don't know how to ask for help.

Feel what you're feeling, but keep it in perspective. You gotta stay strong, bro. Just hold on...

[4gan2ja0]

shit man, thats sucks. im sorry to hear about that. sounds like he had a pretty rough time for the past year. hope you and his family feel better soon.

[crudemood]

He must have been really disappointed in himself and the world to do that. I've been there too. Im just sad that had to happen to you.

[intrepidus6]

That sucks, I feel for you. Best of luck.

[MaryJaneintheCloset]

Creeper, I'm so sorry... :(

[white69zombie]

i know the feeling i feel it all the time specially moving to ohio hahah people are so fuked up here ........

[Creeper]

Thank you all for your kind words, theyve helped in me in a way and although they wont fill the void that his death has brought they will make me feel better. Again I thank all of you.

[FunkyMonkey]

I feel for you. I know that you are going through some serious emotions right now and your anger is understandable but I do hope you will find your way clear of it soon. Your friend was obviously in a lot of pain, too much pain for him to see clear of this moment in his life and beyond to some peace and happiness. People dont end their physical lives when they have everything going for them. That is your perception from your perspective. You will need to get past looking at it from your point of view if you are ever to heal the wounds you have from this. Losing a best friend like this is horrible and I am trying to find the words to help some of the horror leave you. I feel for you and his other friends, his girlfriend and his family.
In his perspective his life was too painful and he felt that there was no escape possible. There is nothing anyone could have done unless he himself decided to open himself to share his pain.
You said that his father committed suicide last year. I can imagine the hole that left in your friend. He was not the person inside that he portrayed on the outside. He likely never started to heal his own wounds.
For a boy/man to lose a father is beyond tragic...beyond words.
He obviously felt as though he could not go on through whatever pain he was feeling. You dont need me to tell you that. Why else would he do it?
Know that he is for now free of what tortured him, whatever that may be. In my beliefs, he is not dead. He is merely not in body. He will need to learn the lessons that his life was to teach him, in another way at another time. Your friend is eternal.
Celebrate what memories you have of him. Spend some time with his family, share your memories with them. Come together and heal together. Lean on each other, support each other. Learn from his life and his death.
Visit him in your dreams and dont bury your love for him under your anger. Try to release it because it wont serve you well.


peace.

[HazmatTHC]

I lost a friend of mine a few years ago. she was really unhappy over so many things.

When pain exceeds coping resources, suicide is quite often the answer taken. To the person with the pain, its the only way to stop the pain. No its not the accustomed "Proper" way of dealing with pain, but to the person at the moment, it is. Even tho i disagree with suicide, i can understand why some people resort to it.

I feel for you man. In time things will heal, but not entirely :( *hugs*

[BigBlock]

That really sucks. I had a similar situation recently...I found my friend's body.:( He put a gun in his mouth. As much as it hurts I know he must have been feeling much worse to do such a thing. I used to think it was stupid/ridiculous/selfish/cowardly/ect too, but I think I understand why someone could do that now. It's just hard to imagine untill you have some really bad things happen in your life...then it seems so obvious.

If he was here now I'd give him a hug and them punch him in the face for doing what he has to his friends and family. I'll have the image of how I found him stuck in my head forever.

[Creeper]

what urks me though is that my other best friend had to watch his mom fight for life when she was dying of cancer and then My buddy who off'd himself just throws his life away like that, he never mentioned a goddamn word to us, and we all told him that whatever he had to say to just say it cause we knew hed feel bad, he event went to counseling and all the ohter bullshit you could go to, and then he just fuckin kills himself, Im sad and angry for his family, his problems are over with, its just his mom and his sis.....I feel so fucking bad for em. He always used to say how suicide was a pussies death before and after his died shot himself....but i guess he just didnt care anymore. I understand he was in pain, but people who have been through alot worse dont kill themselves. Its just fucked, I dont know anymore.

[Creeper]

That really sucks. I had a similar situation recently...I found my friend's body.:( He put a gun in his mouth. As much as it hurts I know he must have been feeling much worse to do such a thing. I used to think it was stupid/ridiculous/selfish/cowardly/ect too, but I think I understand why someone could do that now. It's just hard to imagine untill you have some really bad things happen in your life...then it seems so obvious.

If he was here now I'd give him a hug and them punch him in the face for doing what he has to his friends and family. I'll have the image of how I found him stuck in my head forever.

I tried to commit suicide before(I was horribly depressed for 4 years because of physical and verbal abuse from my dad), but the gun misfired, scared the fucking shit out of me. Afterwards I looked at my family and I understood how horrible they would feel, how selfish of me for even trying is how I felt. If you do that you dont even think about anything but yourself, and thats what I thought about when I squeezed the trigger: nothing but myself. I told him this and he agreed it was selfish...then 2 months later, hes fuckin gone.

[Its a Plant]

Coping with suicide is something that tests one's own inner-strength and courage. Plain and simple, it's tough.

Back in April of this year, my dad almost got away from us. And it was such a shock to everyone. Luckily my stepmom walked in on him trying to doze off for that long eternal nap after a cocktail of about 50 Tylenol PM's, half a bottle of vikes, and another bottle of various meds, all while the car is running in the garage at my grandpa's house. My pops had everything planned out, too. He had been scheming since at least 5 months leading up to the event. He made new, larger life insurance policies for us kids and his wife around January, so that told us right away he was mentally unstable. He had lost his business to bankruptcy about a year earlier, and had been out of work, and money, ever since. In his extreme state of depression and desperation, he tried to solve his money troubles. To him, at the time, taking his own life and leaving his family with oddles of money seems like the only answer. If it meant that we were okay, he would do it. Some might call him a bad father, but others might call him the most selfless man alive. Myself, I am still not sure.

What makes it harder for me, especially, is that I stumbled upon the 'crime scene', quite by accident, the day after it happened. Since I hadn't heard from him all week, after I got off work, I went over to my grandpa's house, whom he was house-sitting for the time being. No one was there, so I walked around the back and into the garage, only to see a long black tube from the gutter sticking out of the back of my grandpa's Towncar, with the window slightly cracked. At first, I thought maybe he was vaccuming the car out and just didn't clean up the mess, but then it hit me. It was like being hit with a million bricks in the stomach. Naturally, my mind went into a frenzy trying to figure out anything I could.

I looked in the car and saw a picture of my sister and I, him and his wife, and one of my grandpa and his girlfriend. There was also his empty pill bottles and a lone empty can of beer on the floor. He had a bible in the car too, surprisingly enough. I never thought of him as a religious man, but he had a few verses marked and I'm assuming he read over those as he nodded off. I sat there for probably a half hour just sobbing. Mostly b/c it was just SO depressing to go like this. He was so alone. I just kept envisioning him, sititng in the running car, sobbing, reading over the bible. I was really curious as to what, if any, music he was listening to, but the keys were gone. What's funny is that I looked up info on death by carbon minoxide poisoning from car fumes and found out it is no longer lethal after all motor companies opted on installing catalytic converters in all mufflers to stop almost all the toxic CO2 from coming out the tailpipe. So he might have gone, he might not of. The pills alone were enough I'd think. He was in a drunken stupor for 3 days straight.

I sincerely apologize for the lengthy post, but I had to get that out I guess. My point is that you just have to take into account what was going on in your friend's life, and also their head. Everyone's different. Take my dad: he saw suicide as a way to solve our money troubles, when in reality it would not only have left a bunch of people without their favorite 'big guy', but the insurance company would probably not have paid off a suicide. Most, if any, do. And in your friend's situation, it looks like he just couldn't take the depression anymore. The pain was too much, and I totally believe it. Hell, I didn't even lose my dad, and it was still enough to make me shudder and breakdown at the thought of losing him. I can only imagine actually losing a close friend or family member.

Hope you get through this okay, man. Others, including the fine folks in our cyber-cannabis-culture, are here for you. Best wishes ~

[Cheery Cherry]

*HUGS* I'm sorry to hear about your friend, Creeper. The only thing you can do now is to remember the great times you had with your friend.

I can't imagine feeling so trapped and so alone. Feeling like there's no way out of pain one feels except to die.

[tootsie roll]

I'm sorry for your loss Creeper.:(
Back when I was in hs/college there was a rash of suicides and deaths. It hurt so much back then and now again when I see another generation go thru it.
I know nothing I say will make you feel better but I can leave you with this. A quote from the older brother of a suicide victim.
"Can you even imagine the strength it takes to kill yourself like that"
(it was a hanging):(
It's hard Creeper. Real hard but you gotta stay strong. If you feel you need professional help to cope do it and do it for yourself and your well being.

>>>hugs to you Plant>>>

[Budman37]

Paddyahern..
Guess your talking about me...Jeez your a real comfort..Im not trying to convert anybody just thought id try to give a little hope that creeper and his buddy will see each other again...
Creeper if I offended you i am trully sorry!!!!! I meant no disrespect

[shoi]

shit man this actually made me sad i would be rlly sad if my best friend died....

i hope u feel better soon

[tyrantowns]

I'm sorry creeper:( , stay strong.
Same to you Plant.

[likemclever]

Paddyahern..
Guess your talking about me...Jeez your a real comfort..Im not trying to convert anybody just thought id try to give a little hope that creeper and his buddy will see each other again...
Creeper if I offended you i am trully sorry!!!!! I meant no disrespect

Donâ??t take him to heartâ?¦just another resident asshole (probably a member thatâ??s been banned before for the same kind of shit.)

Sorry about your friend Creeperâ?¦I would be very mad as well. Itâ??s the most selfish thing a person can do.

[buddymyfriend]

Do Not Stand At My Grave and Weep

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there.I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there, I did not die.

Peace

Buddy

[Nochowderforyou]

Two days ago me and my friend's were stoned, chilling out, and playing x-box, when I heard my younger sister yelling for our stepdad to come quick. Curious I went and checked out what she was yelling for and she told me and my stepdad, that one out of my two best friends had killed himself, and she heard it from his girlfriend. I couldnt believe it, I grabbed the phone and called up a friend of his who confirmed it. I didnt know what to think, or feel. Im so fucking mad at him right now because I feel that he let us down. Its a waste of life, there are people fighting to live who have cancer and he just throws his life away like that. The kid had everything going for him, everyone liked him, he was going to college, had a hot girlfriend, good job. I dont know what the fuck. Im also sad because Ill never see him again, and I feel bad for his family because his dad commited suicide a year ago so his family must be going through hell.
Anyways I just wanted to vent, cause I dont know how to feel now. The wake is Monday and the funeral is Tuesday so hopefully it will give me some sort of closure.

Are you from Edmonton? This sounds just like a story that I recently heard.

A kid who was back home from college, he was on his way to the Folk Fest. and he never met up with his friends. A week later they found his body in the river and they confirmed that he killed himself. A very bright math student too from what I read. I actually felt really bad when I heard this. I'm just curious if you're around that area, because it would be weird if you were and it was the same person I'm thinking of.

Anyways, just keep your head up. I had a friend kill himself with drugs 5 years ago and I got through it. Just don't dwell on it too much. Go to his funeral, say goodbye, and goodbye is goodbye. Try to stay in touch with the good times and don't let it upset you.

Good luck.

[Euphoric]

i am sorry that your friend decided to check out rather early. u will probably always miss dude. maybe u can chat him up on a ouiji board or some thing? i am sure he lives on...somewhere...

-_-

[tbailey]

dude im so sorry for you. thats one of the worst ays to lose someone, especially a best buddie.
RIP dude, hes toking with jesus now (or whatever religion he believed in, same diff)

[Nylo]

Man, the second I read that I felt really hurt man. I jut had an instant flash of how sad I'd be if my best bud died; we've been buds since like four years old.

You've got a right to feel mad, man. I know that must hurt. A friend of mine committed suicide my freshman year; it was the first suicide experience I ever had. Sure it's their life, but does it make the pain any less intense? Does it make you any less disappointed? I still think selfishness shares other attributes in a suicidald state. It's not wrong at all to feel like what he did was selfish. It's not like I hold it against the guy I knew.

I'm sorry about that, man. Just remember the good times. Honor the influence he had on you when he was alive.

[Fabolous]

man people need to stop being so damn emo. and just deal with what ever life throws at them

[smok3y]

Damm man, sorry to hear about your friend creeper, sucks big time.. Keep your head up in be strong..

[Creeper]

Well everyone after a week of staying rip-roaring drunk, Im starting to feel better, I know Ill see him again sometime, and hes definitely gettin an ass whooping when I do see him. Thanks again for your comments.

No NoChowderforyou Im not from Edmenton, let alone Canada.

[budzy malone]

Creeper, you're gonna have to learn that nothing in life is static. Friends come and go all the time. My ol' friends who I used to love and party with might as well be dead to me - cause we don't talk to each other anymore.
I think right now you are just jealous because you're friend is up in heaven smokin' a big fat doobie with God and you're stuck here on this miserable fuckin' planet. Get used to it!

[Cleveland]

suicide is not a way out. everything will be ok in the end. if it's not ok, it's not the end.

hear you me

-the colonal

[Anathema2121]

Man, I totally know what you're going through. The summer before my junior year one of my best friends killed himself. It was unreal. Until then my life had been completely normal for the most part, and the worst part was I had been with him 20 minutes before he did it. I was the last person he saw besides his brother he took home with him. I blamed myself for awhile cause he was acting weird and I didn't notice or say anything, he was like giving me stuff he had just bought and saying to hold that he wouldn't need it for awhile and tell his friends he might not be back for a little. It fucked me up pretty bad for a few years, especially with school. I ended up transferring high schools in the middle of my junior year to get away from that shit, because it reminded me of him alot. I still miss him and its been like 4 years, but i've accepted it by now.

I'm sorry to hear about your friend, be there for your friends and his family, they need you as much as you need them right now. Remember, life goes on and your friend chose a permanent solution for a temporary problem, whatever it is its not worth killing yourself over. Also, talk about it, it helps.