advice please. Can he quit?

[boogabubbalou]

Hey! My BF smokes every day and is fed up with it ruining his life. It's ruining us. He has no libido (or is that my affect on him). He said he wants to quit.

Is this possible to do? After 17 years? Tell me it is, please

Bubs xx

[thebeancounter41]

never heard anyone complain that herb LOWERS sexual libido.Most say it makes 'em horny.Perhaps you should try smoking some and see for yourself.Cuase the only negative effect I ever saw come from weed is you might forget where you laid your car keys more frequnetly.It has a tendency to cause short term memory loss to some degree.Short term as in info you only need for a few moments,NOT long term memories like your BF's name or your favorite color.So If you dont mind hunting for your keys,or phone or whatever,once in awhile, I don't think that is much of a BAD effect to worry about.,

[graph]

Nope. You can never quit. Marijuana is more addictive than cocaine and heroin put together, or as I like to call it, coceroin.

Of course he can quit. Cannabis doesn't build a physical dependence, so he's not going to get sick from quitting. He may be a little irritable and have some sleepless nights, but he should be fine. In other words, he will quit on his own if he feels it is worth it.

Personally, I don't think it's the weed that's ruining your relationship, it's your boyfriend's attitude toward life that's being projected through his smoking habit. Cannabis only changes people into lazy, worthless slobs if they were already that way to begin with. Keep in mind, when a relationship starts to go bad, the couple usually blames anything they can before it all comes crumbling down.

[boogabubbalou]

Guess it must be me then. He says he has the desire but not the energy to do anything about it. Even though I have done my bit in the past to make sure I participate but he doesn't need the energy, he seems disinterested.

He has told me some wonderful things but when he is stoned he just can't seem to be bothered to even talk to me?

[halo]

No. He's hoplessley addicted. The only way he can quit is if you wean him off it with heroin.

[Kryzco]

graph's got it right

the downfall of your relationship is his negative attitude towards life, it's not the weeds fault he's feeling this way, it may amplify it, but its not the direct cause

all honesty maybe he should quit, because it seems now he's using weed as a crutch to deal with his problems

[boogabubbalou]

If it helps, he smokes skunk, with cigarettes. He is off work sick which I'm sure hasn't helped. Cos he can be permanatly stoned.

I need your info please...........

[graph]

Guess it must be me then. He says he has the desire but not the energy to do anything about it. Even though I have done my bit in the past to make sure I participate but he doesn't need the energy, he seems disinterested.

He has told me some wonderful things but when he is stoned he just can't seem to be bothered to even talk to me?
Maybe it's you.

I'm sticking with my first "he was probably a worthless slob before" argument. Desire but no energy doesn't even make sense to me. If you have the desire, you work for it. No offense, your boyfriend gives people who smoke cannabis everywhere a bad name. I believe he's just blaming his problems on something that can't fight back.

Keep in mind sometimes when people get high they feel silence is deafening. There's less of a need to talk when you can sit and enjoy life for what it is, you know?

And Kryzco, amplify was the word I was looking for.

[boogabubbalou]

He explained to me that when he is away from me and smoking with his mates, he has a crappy time but he still has the want there to do it. Though it puts him out for the next day and he hates that hungover feeling.

Before he smoked as much around me (only 6 weeks ago) he was perfect.....a real great bloke, so I'm hoping that he really is a great bloke and being stoned and fed up is making him less bothered

[Kryzco]

well if he quits weed then your gonna see him smoking a hell of a lot more cigs

you need to talk to your man plain and simple

weed doesn't ruin libido, at least for me, it enhances it, but excessive cigarette smokin can (don't quote me on that, but I do remember reading it somewhere)

he can quit but its gonna be because he truly wants to, if not your looking at a lost cause

[enthused]

hangover from weed? what?

[graph]

Honestly, you can blame weed all you want. I don't care, personally, and it won't affect me at all. However, in a few months after he quits and he still doesn't have a job and still treats you badly, I hope you come back here as a new member of the community and a new cannabis smoker.

[boogabubbalou]

could the libido bit be linked to the fact that he knows he's letting me down and feels a bit ashamed of how he's been treating me?
It's not a problem I've had to deal with before!

[graph]

If you're so against it, why would you try to change him? It's naive to think you can change people, and I think he's just straight up lying to you about wanting to quit. If he wanted to quit, he would have quit by now. It's weed, not heroin. Jeez.

[boogabubbalou]

lol me smoking? nah i quit..........but that was the legal stuff.
He does work.........has been in the same job for 12 years, pays his mortgage etc so he's doing ok but he's off sick right now, due to go back soon.

What didn't help is that I told him to go ahead and smoke as much as he wanted because I didn't want to ruin his life by trying to control him. Every other woman in his life used to flush it down the loo and give him a hard time!

[halo]

Maybe he isnt sexually attracted to you. Has his libido always been a problem or is it something new. Maybe your not his type...

[boogabubbalou]

If you're so against it, why would you try to change him? It's naive to think you can change people, and I think he's just straight up lying to you about wanting to quit. If he wanted to quit, he would have quit by now. It's weed, not heroin. Jeez.

Yeah fair point, thanks for that. He should just bit the bullet and do it if thats what he thinks he wants to do. There have been several "just one more night with the boys".............and like I have tried to explain to him, it's not the drug I have a problem with, it's the way he is with me.

If he were stoned but lovely (like he is when he's had a beer) then I'd wlecome it!

[Genuine17]

WEED IS A SCAPEGOAT

[boogabubbalou]

Maybe he isnt sexually attracted to you. Has his libido always been a problem or is it something new. Maybe your not his type...


No, it wasn't a problem until about 2 weeks ago when he started smoking more. We were so hot! He felt like all his christmasses had come at once.

[Kryzco]

there is something he's not telling you

you better talk to him

how long have u been together might i ask

[graph]

You also have to understand, you're talking to a bunch of people who smoke weed. It's hard to convince us that weed's the problem when all of us here know it's not. At one time I think we all used to be like you, we believed the government at face value and accepted the fact that because it's illegal, it must be immoral, too. Then we all grew up a little bit and realized our own experiences should shape the path of our lives, not what someone else tells us to think. If you've never smoked weed, I'd suggest you give it a try, to at least see what all the fuss is about. When you realize it's no big deal, I think you'll realize that it's your boyfriend, not the weed, that has turned him the way he is.

[boogabubbalou]

You also have to understand, you're talking to a bunch of people who smoke weed. It's hard to convince us that weed's the problem when all of us here know it's not. At one time I think we all used to be like you, we believed the government at face value and accepted the fact that because it's illegal, it must be immoral, too. Then we all grew up a little bit and realized our own experiences should shape the path of our lives, not what someone else tells us to think. If you've never smoked weed, I'd suggest you give it a try, to at least see what all the fuss is about. When you realize it's no big deal, I think you'll realize that it's your boyfriend, not the weed, that has turned him the way he is.


This is exactly the reason I have come in here, because I want the truth and if my efforts are flogging a dead horse better to know now that now.

I did try it but many years ago. I didn't think it did anything to me really. After quitting cigarettes I do understand a bit about addiction and he says he has a need.
Maybe you are right, maybe something in me has changed him but he still says he wants me for life.

We have known each other 5 months. Not long but an amazing time. Maybe it's worth hanging on a few more weeks before writing it off

[graph]

Cigarettes are actually more addictive than cannabis. You have some research to do. Cigarettes create a physical dependence, your body feels that it needs the nicotine, and there are consequences when it doesn't get the dose it needs. I could go on, but you know what these are already. However, THC activates the cannabinoid receptors in the brain, no such physical dependence happens. There is a psychological dependence, but this just means that you like it. There's a psychological dependence to sex, too.

Cigarettes and cannabis are two totally different things. Cigarettes are terrible and contain horrible chemicals. Cannabis just makes you feel funny for an hour.

[Justin Incredible]

More blow jobs.

[boogabubbalou]

More blow jobs.

Been there, he said it was the best ever...................apparently im the answer to his dreams. But you say skunk won't change that?

[Justin Incredible]

I'm saying nothing I just wanted more blow jobs.

[boogabubbalou]

Thank you all. I do appreciate your honesty.

I cant write him off.............

But it's been an education tonight, thanks xx

[JerryGarcia]

pot isn't addictive, yada yada yada. And it doesn't ruin lives.

[cuziwashigh420]

I dont care it something is addicting or not, in your case not, you can quit anything if you want to bad enough. He can quit easy. Just stop smoking.

[FunkyMonkey]

Graph has said a lot of intelligent insightful things here.
I want to add though that your bf is not a lost cause due to his outlook and attitude.
There are ways that both of you can work together to find the balance in your relationship if you both feel it is worthwhile to do so.
I would suggest that start by finding some activities that you both enjoy doing together. Sometimes when we get stuck in a rut a simple thing like trying some new recreation or entertainment will do wonders for giving us a mood pick up that will set us in a different mind set long enough to break out of negative and harmful thought patterns.
If you can enjoy life together , have some fun, some romance, some laughs and shed some stresses it has great potential to rebuild a bond that got neglected.
Relationships get stagnant and die if no effort is put into continuing to learn and enjoy time together.
This is the "spark" people speak of.
So, find a new way to spark it up rather than sparkin up a doobie.
Sit and look into each others eyes for a few minutes, holdding hands palm tp palm without saying a word.Look not "at" each other, but "into" each other. Feel the love welling up inside you. Then talk about things you used to enjoy doing. Talk about why you love each other. Motivation to get up and get out there living life can be found in this little excersize.
This is only the first step but it can do wonders.

peace.

[mrdevious]

Have you considered that your bf has been slipping into a depression and smoking more weed because he has more need for something to make him feel good? It's a classic case with most people who smoke weed, including myself.

But right now it may be good for him to quit for a while. Not because weed is making him depressed, but because he's using it as an emotional crutch with his depression, and when you constantly hide away in a bottle, a joint, a needle, junkfood, or even just hours of television, you're training your brain to just avoid what which makes you miserable instead of learning how to deal with it. I think the best thing is to find his solution for a better life through his own power.
How? nobody here can give a definitive answer but I could advise a few things. Learning meditation and getting more physically active would definately help, as he needs to learn how to push himself and still feel good about it.
He could also start taking large quantities of Omega 3, 6, and 9 fatty acids with sublingual vitamin-B12 tablets (this actually worked really well for me after taking them for a month).
Then, I'd advise helping him get a new perspective on life. Do something like go camping for a whole week, something that cuts him off from the basic comforts and indulgences of every day life, because these can be a real problem in numbing the mind into a comfortable yet miserable rut.
Then, and this is a real simple one, there's breathing. Believe it not, chaning the way a person breaths in every day life can significantly affect intelligence, mental clarity, quality of sleep, and depression. Quite simply, get him (heck, do this yourself) to mentally focus no breathing deeper and slower at all times. You'd be surprised what a difference it can make.

Best of luck to you.

[FunkyMonkey]

Have you considered that your bf has been slipping into a depression and smoking more weed because he has more need for something to make him feel good? It's a classic case with most people who smoke weed, including myself.

But right now it may be good for him to quit for a while. Not because weed is making him depressed, but because he's using it as an emotional crutch with his depression, and when you constantly hide away in a bottle, a joint, a needle, junkfood, or even just hours of television, you're training your brain to just avoid what which makes you miserable instead of learning how to deal with it. I think the best thing is to find his solution for a better life through his own power.
How? nobody here can give a definitive answer but I could advise a few things. Learning meditation and getting more physically active would definately help, as he needs to learn how to push himself and still feel good about it.
He could also start taking large quantities of Omega 3, 6, and 9 fatty acids with sublingual vitamin-B12 tablets (this actually worked really well for me after taking them for a month).
Then, I'd advise helping him get a new perspective on life. Do something like go camping for a whole week, something that cuts him off from the basic comforts and indulgences of every day life, because these can be a real problem in numbing the mind into a comfortable yet miserable rut.
Then, and this is a real simple one, there's breathing. Believe it not, chaning the way a person breaths in every day life can significantly affect intelligence, mental clarity, quality of sleep, and depression. Quite simply, get him (heck, do this yourself) to mentally focus no breathing deeper and slower at all times. You'd be surprised what a difference it can make.

Best of luck to you.

Great advice oh wise one, great advice.
Respect.

[thcgirl]

i have been smoking weed now for 16 years and im very proud of it, it has only ever increased my libido and gave me a sense of general all round well being i smoke weed nearly every day except when i cant get it. i think u should get him 2 vary differant varieties if u think skunk is a problem but personally i have never experienced anything like his symptoms

[boogabubbalou]

Graph has said a lot of intelligent insightful things here.
I want to add though that your bf is not a lost cause due to his outlook and attitude.
There are ways that both of you can work together to find the balance in your relationship if you both feel it is worthwhile to do so.
I would suggest that start by finding some activities that you both enjoy doing together. Sometimes when we get stuck in a rut a simple thing like trying some new recreation or entertainment will do wonders for giving us a mood pick up that will set us in a different mind set long enough to break out of negative and harmful thought patterns.
If you can enjoy life together , have some fun, some romance, some laughs and shed some stresses it has great potential to rebuild a bond that got neglected.
Relationships get stagnant and die if no effort is put into continuing to learn and enjoy time together.
This is the "spark" people speak of.
So, find a new way to spark it up rather than sparkin up a doobie.
Sit and look into each others eyes for a few minutes, holdding hands palm tp palm without saying a word.Look not "at" each other, but "into" each other. Feel the love welling up inside you. Then talk about things you used to enjoy doing. Talk about why you love each other. Motivation to get up and get out there living life can be found in this little excersize.
This is only the first step but it can do wonders.

peace.


Thank you thank you, this is exactly what I was looking for, some positiviety.
If he wanted to run away, I have given him lots of chances to do it. But he still says I'm the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with.

We are getting together tonight. Hopefully he will be sober enough for us to try out the romance you said. That's our problem the past couple of weeks, he has been constantly stoned so it's hard to talk at all.

Please keep any wonderful advice coming.

And for those of you who tell me you smoke and are proud of it, that's great! You should only do things in life you are proud of and get something good out of. I am not judging anybody. But for my BF and me it's not a pleasure anymore. He wants his life back and he wants to quit.
Not all smokers want to quit..........that's great. It would be like me telling someone who has grey hair to get it dyed............if they don't mind being grey then why should they!!??

[Wesley Pipes]

Hey! My BF smokes every day and is fed up with it ruining his life. It's ruining us. He has no libido (or is that my affect on him). He said he wants to quit.

Is this possible to do? After 17 years? Tell me it is, please

Bubs xx

yeah its not that hard to stop smokin weed, i smoked everyday for 6 years (and i mean EVERYday lol), i've been stopped for just over 3 weeks now, just try to keep busy and not think about smokin it... oh, and just dont buy any, thats all been workin for me so far :thumbsup:

Peace and Good Luck :)

[CYRAX]

I hate people that act like marijuana is so horrible, those are the ones that need to smoke the most, hahahah.

[paperlunatic]

No. He's hoplessley addicted. The only way he can quit is if you wean him off it with heroin.

lol, i just had a ten minnute laughing fit cuz of that:stoned:

my advice is start smoking with him, cuz he probly doesnt care about your feelings, lol jk:p


What if there were message boards like this, but with people who do heroine, and like someone went in there and was like "hey my bf is addicted to heroine what do i do?" and all she got was shit like "heroines not addictive fool!!!" lol

[dryst]

5 months?...u guys act if uv been married for 15 years...he sounds like a loser to me...drop his ass...and come live with me :D oh and by the way i have plenty libado to go around :D

[D1me]

wow i expected a flood of reply saying "weed's not the problem" but you guys all offer very valid points

[FunkyMonkey]

I offer a combination of what I have learned in hindsight and what I observe and what flows through me when I read of someone asking for help.

Sometimes, like this, I imagine how different my life would be today if I had used the advice I offer now.
I could have done more and kept my heart open longer instead of closing it out of fear. Instead I closed it, acted and reacted in ways that closed hers. I distanced myself when I should have sat holding hands looking into her eyes and felt the love melting away all the bullshit and resentments I held for her and myself and life in general. I smoked too much, I ignored too much, I focussed on my love for the kids and neglected my love for her. I spent all my time and energy on them. They were my world.
I participated, along with her, in allowing it all to die. I lost the motivation to forgive because I feared that love was weaker than the pain we sometimes feel in life.
I gave up and now, today....*sigh* ...I struggle to overcome the feelings I am left with.
Mine is a path I cannot return to. My path leads away from those moments and into a new unknown place. I struggle sometimes to find the courage to take the next step.
My heart does not yearn for a return to the past but yearns for the peace that i once had to be here and now incorporated into my new life as it once was then.
Our relationship has died. I couldnt stand her anymore and I ended it.
Somewhere in my heart I still love her but I continue to bury that today, as does she. I love her soul but her actions attack this love constantly.
Our son is the rope that binds us but here and now it is a tug of war with no balance.
Each day I find a new piece of the puzzle that will one day reveal a wonderful new picture to me. I am human and somedays I pass these pieces by without noticing them. And those days are filled with sorrow and regrets, anger and frustration.
So when i read of someone struggling to find this balance in their love now...how can I not offer what I have learned in my own heart.

I share this all with you now to show what can become of a love that is expected to feed itself. It dies as a infant left to fend for itself will.
Feed it and nurture it daily . Or.....

[Kryzco]

I feel for you FunkyMonkey

Me and my bf have serious issues, and now we have both realized the wrong we've done to each other, so now we are in the process of making it work

You said it best

Love/Relationships are like an infant

If you don't take care of it, it will die

[Storm Crow]

Lou, I'm old enough to be your mom, if not your granny. Cannabis rarely affects the libido in a negative fashion. Most people get horny, to put it bluntly. Actually, tobacco is much more of a problem in that department. Tobacco reduces the level of male hormones, causes impotence and lowers the sex drive. Read it for yourself!
http://66.218.69.11/search/cache?p=tobacco+reduced+sex+drive&fr=FP-tab-web-t500&toggle=1&ei=UTF-8&u=www.viagracures.com/pdf_doc/article23.pdf&w=tobacco+reduced+sex+drive&d=UF70xyQ8NR7A&icp=1&.intl=us
Another thing is to tell him to get sativas, not indicas (which are the more common variety). Sativas have a more energetic high, while indicas make you want to watch TV (or sleep). Sweetie, he will NOT give up pot, not even for you! I've been trying to get my man to quit tobacco for 40 years! He doesn't smoke 2 packs a day like he used to, but he still smokes. You might want to try smoking pot (my observation is that user/nonuser relationships do not last-sorry). It has been shown to take care of monthly cramps- for that alone, it should be legal! You say you didn't get much of an effect when you tried it. That is fairly common. Give it a try again. Since you have the will power to quit tobacco, if you decide you don't like pot, you can quit. Pot is FAR less addicting than tobacco. Now, run along, get stoned and go dancing with him and have a nice time. :thumbsup:

[Inferius]

Also, on the subject of getting him a sativa strain, a vaporizer would help as well. The other chemicals that are left in the vaporized marijuana tend to be the source of dreamy, lazy highs, while the vaporized onces (mainly thc) tend to be the more uplifting. It would go well with the plan to change his strain.
Good luck.

[cole]

if he truly loves you hell do anything so yes hell quit , if he truly loves you

[BabyFacedAbortion]

I used to be a complete fucking bum. I dropped out of school, I woke up later and later every day, I lost half my friends and almost a year of education. BUT I changed my life because I WANTED to. He has to WANT to, not just think quitting will change his life. Because now, I've made up all my school work and my life is completely on track agian (obviously JUST school didn't fix it but rather everything that was making me feel negative). Yet in the midst of the success I still smoke pot, more then ever.

[blunt hunter]

Smoke a joinT.... you will feel better!

[Kenn]

I ve been bonging for 15+ years, my girl haas been with me for 10 of those years ,somtimes she gets pissed if im too wasted so i agree to chill on those days .But she accepts my habit mostly and lets me bong on . I have friends who have to hide it frm their gf cause they hate it so much,guess im lucky to have an understanding girl.

[Kid Dynamite]

go away somewhere where he will be active and busy but not be able to smoke. A break from weed would probably help him get everything in perspective, especially if hes bored and fed up.

[FeastonThisSHITT]

Are you sure he is 100% comfortable with you being around him while he is high?

You say his girlfriends in the past gave him a hard time about it? If a smoker gets bad vibes from non high people when he/she is high, sometimes that can make them uncomfortable around non high people. There might be leftovers in his subconscious that send him the message "don't get high in front of the GF!".

Even though he knows you are ok with it, the subconscious is a powerfull thing. He might just be feeling awkward because he knows he is high and you are not. He might be thinking things like "she is pist or disappointed in me". Even if he doesn't admit it, these feelings could be happening.

I know when I am high and around people who had a problem with weed in the past, (like bosses), and I am around new people who don't mind (like my new boss), I still get that leftoever feeling of "Are they pissed at me?"

It is not always rational, but when your high, rationality takes a back seat to emotions. Sometimes this creates paranoia. I blame the Governments of the countries that made marijuana illegal. It created a whole stigma.

[9bob]

Nope. You can never quit. Marijuana is more addictive than cocaine and heroin put together, or as I like to call it, coceroin.

You are genius, Graph. Please may I signature-quote you? See how nice it looks!


Of course he can quit. Cannabis doesn't build a physical dependence, so he's not going to get sick from quitting. He may be a little irritable and have some sleepless nights, but he should be fine. In other words, he will quit on his own if he feels it is worth it.

I love a doobie last thing at night. It cosifies the world, and makes me feel all swirly.

[ChronicMike]

[quote=graph]Nope. You can never quit. Marijuana is more addictive than cocaine and heroin put together, or as I like to call it, coceroin.

[QUOTE]

Thats some funny shit

[NextLineIsMine]

hes got problems and hes stressed thats why hes smoking cannabis. Cannabis was not the source of it alone

[2600]

Well I guess I'll be the only one here to admit that weed can in fact be a problem, and it would not necessarily be a bad idea for him to quit.

Speculation as to underlying causes of these problems is relevant. They might go alot deeper than just weed, but smoking can only excacerbate them. Of course it can be addictive, of course you can get a weed hangover, of course it can undermine motivation. Just because many of us may or may not experience any or all of these negatives does not mean they not a reality for some smokers. We don't know the whole story, we don't know how much he's smoking, we don't know what else is going on in their lives, don't know the guy. And I for one won't pretend to. It ultimately might be a good idea to quit, but if so, it's going to be HIM deciding it, and no amount of work by his gf is going to convince him (beyond initial efforts or just).

[boogabubbalou]

I have had some wonderful advice on here from you all and I am truly thankful for that.

He's had a few smoke free days which were wonderful and he said he felt on top of the world. Then his mates asked him out so we have agreed that he's not going to quit, but will make it a habit he only does with his mates. That way there is less stress on us.

He can go out as often as he wants.........if that means I only see him once a week (when he's not stoned) then so be it. Cos when he is stoned he pushes me away. End of.
I guess the weed will effect everybody differently but either he's a great actor or it does kill his libido.........as when he hasn't smoked he's so HOT!

If I were to email this link to him for him to read.........what advice would you give him? Of the serious sort, not "try some coke" or whatever!

Thanks for all your positive views, and even those not so positive, I really appreciate the honesty. Obviously I care about him else I wouldn't have gone to all this effort to get educated and try to understand his point!

I know loads of you have said it seems like he doesn't care...........but I want to work at this relationship, as he is all I've waited for.......and he says the same of me. So, if that means we spend a few nights a week apart, while he is getting in a mess (and would only be hurting me if he's here) and I can enjoy the other times we are together, then it's my problem to work at dealing with that and not allowing it to be a problem.

However, if I see less and less effort coming from him then maybe you are right, and I should quit the relationship. I can't hold it together single handedly. I do feel it is worth trying to work at for a while longer, else I will look back at something I have thrown away without a second glance, and have so many regrets about a wonderful guy who just needs to get his head together.................

[shoi]

You also have to understand, you're talking to a bunch of people who smoke weed. It's hard to convince us that weed's the problem when all of us here know it's not. At one time I think we all used to be like you, we believed the government at face value and accepted the fact that because it's illegal, it must be immoral, too. Then we all grew up a little bit and realized our own experiences should shape the path of our lives, not what someone else tells us to think. If you've never smoked weed, I'd suggest you give it a try, to at least see what all the fuss is about. When you realize it's no big deal, I think you'll realize that it's your boyfriend, not the weed, that has turned him the way he is.

graph this is wonderful... im sig'ing it... it rlly is true and explains everything

[robert42]

Hey,

I rekon your boyfreidn is using weed as a way to deal with certain pressures, speak to him find out whats on his mind. Anxeity is a huge libido problem so he might be smoking to rid his anxiety which i wouldnt say is using weed but abusing it.

Weed aint a miracle drug it wont get rid of your problem no drug will, only YOU can.

Limit his smoking, a very good thing to do would be make a cut off time like he can't smoke till 6pm. Cos if he's waking up and smoking then he's probly gonna spend the rest of the day monged out on your sofa.

Do something differant with him every week, go away together, find a mutual hobbie you BOTH enjoy!

Let us know how things go thought,

All the best

[boogabubbalou]

Thanks for all of the positivety I have had here. As you asked to let us know how things are going, I will send this post as the latest update.............

I am emailing my boyfriend the link to this thread and going to let him read and digest. This is at the risk of loosing him forever.....he may think that I shouldn't vent this in public. I think that I am trying to gain some knowledge on a subject I am very naive about. Trying to understand some of the difficulties he may be facing with trying to quit. Trying to understand why he puts this addiction before me time and time again.

We are right at the point of breaking. He broke my heart again tonight by going AWOL ...........not just my heart, but my children's too who miss him. They were looking forward to telling him about thier first day back at school.

I have to draw a line somewhere and decide that I will not allow myself to be treated as second best 90% of the time. How will I ever know if he really wants me when he puts his addiction before me so often? I deserve the man who I fell in love with.........so I will write this......

Babe, you came into my life which was already wonderful........you put the icing on top of the cake. My world was complete.......my soul mate, my lover, my best friend.
Then it almost came crashing down when you told me about the pot. But I knew there were worse things you could do and I decided to support you in the best way I could, by enhancing the life you wanted; with me and the pot.
But time and again you let me down.........I deserve more.

You say it's ruining your life, that you don't want to loose me, you don't want to be depressed anymore. Then TAKE control. Do something. I will support you 100% . I promise......

What about the plans we had??? Is it worth throwing it all away?

"If I just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world"

I'm fed up of constantly watching for your car to pull up. If you want me, you will be with me. Full stop.

I love you more than I have loved anyone. But my feelings don't count,. I have to put the children first always......and I am turning into someone who's getting depressed and loosing a grip on life. My friends are fed up with me being miserable. Just a few short weeks ago you made me so happy. YOU did.

I have to get my life back. I have to get ME back. I wish I could make you come back babe but only you can do that. Only you can get your life back on track. Only you.

Pot doesn't ruin everyone's lives. Most of your friends are still decent and keep thier wives happy.

Always.......................xx





Again, thanks to everyone who has contributed in a positive way to this post. Even though some of you have said "dump him he's a loser" I still appreciate the time and effort you have taken.
I don't want to give up on this wonderful man as he does have so much to offer when he isn't stoned. Even if we do end up going our seperate ways, I will always treasure the wonderful time we have had together and hold it close to my heart as those good times could not be topped.

He really is an amazing guy and one who I really was hoping to spend the rest of my life with.......until my dying day

[FunkyMonkey]

Hey, thanks for sharing. I was just wondering how things were going with you.
It is too bad to hear that things are not as wonderful as you might have hoped, and obviosly tried to reach. Coming on here to ask for our input is not a betrayal of his trust that should upset him. Rather, it is a positive effort to seek some understanding and knowledge to help you both.
And, were annonymous. A safe place to try to work out a problem.
I respect what you did.
Hopefully he will see it the same way. If not then I would suspect he is not as motivated as you to find some balance in your relationship.

Somehow I missed that there were children involved. This amplifies things quite a bit.
My opinion: As a parent or step parent one cannot be emotionally unavaillable to kids. And as a mother you cannot allow a man in their lives who is. Those kids have to view this man as a wonderful dad or you fail partially as a mother since you chose this man as thier "new daddy" .
If your relationship with him is causing you to be emotionally strained to the point your friends notice a change in you... you can be positive your kids pick up on it more. This is not fair to them.
Please remember my previous posts on this so you know where I am comming from. Im not one who said to dump him etc.
But, with kids involved the pressure for him to make a change and you to make a decision is much greater.
A half assed effort is , in my opinion, simply not acceptable for the children. I feel pretty strongly about things where kids are concerned.
I know first hand what it is like for a child to be raised in a home with an emotionally unavaillable and unreliable step father. Especially for a boy. That is how I grew up. And I am left with some strong resentments for the man, and for my mother for not providing a better father figure simply because she always felt that just around the corner things will get better. 15 years was waaay too long to hang on, and waaay too long to get a fuckin clue.

You said your kids are always #1. I hope they feel that way.

peace, and good luck.

[Fengzi]

Marijuana is about as addictive as cafein(sp).

Not sure what you're trying to say but it's wrong in any case. Caffeine is terribly addictive, weed isn't.

Regarding the whole weed, libido thing, getting high always made me horny as hell. But, that was when I was high. If I've been out smoking with the boys all day, especially if it was something that was predominantly indica, I'd be burnt at the end of the day and would just want to crash on the couch and watch tv.

Anyhow, since you say this has only been going on for two weeks it sounds like there's more than meets the eye. One doesn't simply become a weed junkie and ruin his life like that. Somethings going on in his life that you're not aware of. Try to get to the bottom of it and, depending on what it is, be there for him or dump him because of it.

[boogabubbalou]

Thank you so much.............that really meant so much more than you could imagine. And I know my BF will agree with what you are saying.

Again, thank you

[boogabubbalou]

I should have quoted, that message was for Funky monkey, but thank you to the person above me too !! <feels like I'm digging a hole> lol

[LazySmoking420]

Can he quit?

No one can truely answer that question better than your boyfriend. When you highly abuse cannabis, Like I do. Sure it can and prolly sooner or later will post some minor and even major socal problems in your life. But once you get high and experience the pleasures that cannabis induces on your mind and body. It's like sex, Sure you can live without it but why would you want too?

Maybe some posters could help me out here. It opens your mind to the world. You start to understand. You feel no pain. You feel peace with the world. It's really a nice little life tool to use but not abuse.

Except your man for the patch he chooses or reject your man. And move on.

[Fengzi]

I am saying, that if you have no trouble stopping the use of caffeine, then you would have absolutely no trouble of quitting weed. Unless... weed is truely as addictive as people say.

Ahh, ok. I was looking at it from the other side. I stopped smoking weed for 5 years, quit smoking cigs altogether, but just can't seem to stay out of Starbucks despite the fact that the doc has me on meds for high blood pressure :(

[boogabubbalou]

Can he quit?

No one can truely answer that question better than your boyfriend. When you highly abuse cannabis, Like I do. Sure it can and prolly sooner or later will post some minor and even major socal problems in your life. But once you get high and experience the pleasures that cannabis induces on your mind and body. It's like sex, Sure you can live without it but why would you want too?

Maybe some posters could help me out here. It opens your mind to the world. You start to understand. You feel no pain. You feel peace with the world. It's really a nice little life tool to use but not abuse.

Except your man for the patch he chooses or reject your man. And move on.


Please remember that it's not all good............sure it makes a cloud in the sky look sharp, the sky more blue, the music more soulful, sex (apparently) more intense...........but admit the comedown. Would you rather feel fantastic all the time? Of course, so you either smoke all the time, or accept the negative comedown............he has decided to smoke all the time. And doesn't want to. Like you said, not to be abused. Yet lots do abuse and it's spoling their time on earth. Remeber those people. We are not alive for long. And it's our only life..........no good wasting any time at all. One day wasted will be a regret when you only have 2 hours to live. Probably doesn't make sense but thanks for letting me vent xx

[orangeman]

Hey! My BF smokes every day and is fed up with it ruining his life. It's ruining us. He has no libido (or is that my affect on him). He said he wants to quit.

Fed up with it, ruining your lives, wants to quit. What is he smoking crack? No offence, but I never met anyone that smokes marijuana in your situation. Not saying it isnt possible but, ya know.

[LazySmoking420]

Please remember that it's not all good............sure it makes a cloud in the sky look sharp, the sky more blue, the music more soulful, sex (apparently) more intense...........but admit the comedown. Would you rather feel fantastic all the time? Of course, so you either smoke all the time, or accept the negative comedown............he has decided to smoke all the time. And doesn't want to. Like you said, not to be abused. Yet lots do abuse and it's spoling their time on earth. Remeber those people. We are not alive for long. And it's our only life..........no good wasting any time at all. One day wasted will be a regret when you only have 2 hours to live. Probably doesn't make sense but thanks for letting me vent xx

Point well taken. And I'm glad I'm not to the point of having to be high all the time. If I was I'd prolly have to stop aswell. I wish you good luck with you and your boyfriend. Try not to judge him threw his battles to quit.

Let him have his "one last dance with mary jane to kill the pain."

I do believe that some people were not cut out to live on this plant called earth. Reality.

[yabatab]

Is this possible to do? After 17 years? Tell me it is, please

Bubs xx

After 17 years of smoking herb his problems
have come about recently?

Well I would have to say that his problems have
nothing to do with smoking marijuana at all. More
than likely there is something else that is causing
him to be that way. As for his sexual performance
it could be ED and that could be his reason for the
increase in smoking herb. You need to have a talk
with him and try not to blame his weed smoking he
might actually blame smoking as a way to avoid
telling you the real problem.

[yabatab]

Or maybe heavy smoking is not good for you period?

Now what was I going to say? I forgot :D

[skulltorcha]

He better well should stop smoking.. cigarettes are the most stupidiest things ever, it doesnt give you a high at all, it just make's you look "cool".. if you actually think smoking cigarettes is cool..

But unfortuntly people get addicted and then they cant stop.. your slowly commiting suicide by doing this you're killing yourself.. for what? i dont see how something like cigarettes is legal the government is fucked.

It aslo really pisses me off to see all these smokers because they're not only dangering their health they are putting everyone else's health at risk by all the second hand smoke.

My dad has been smoking more then a pack a day since he was only a kid, now he just got some test back today to see if he has lung cancer.. well he was tested positive and now ive been told he only has 3-12 months to live..

[skulltorcha]

So yeah if i was you id get him off the cigs instead of the weed..

[jimmy_page_is_king]

Lot of thoughtful responses on here with a lot of time and effort involved which impresses me.

I feel kinda infamous, a 4 page fred on the interweb and i am the main ingredient......i am the boyfriend or should i say ex boyfriend......dont worry though i am not blaming anyone here.

Been smoking pot on a regular basis for 17 years now which basically means i have been stoned for half my life which i spose isnt all that good thinking back in retrospect, but i wouldnt call myself a hardcore smoker but i do like a spliff with my mates. I did really calm down on smoking the pot when i met Louise, i still indulged but just once a week without her knowing on a night i knew i wouldnt be seeing her, infact the traditional friday night session with the boys i binned so i could spend it with Louise which i think speaks volumes......the trouble started a few weeks after i broke my collar bone, Lou said i was off sick from work but the reality was i was off work for 9 weeks, not an excuse but i imagine what then unfolded was similar to a drinker or borderline alcoholic- more free time so more time to do the things you enjoy which is when the amount of pot i was smoking grew considerably especially as i couldnt do other things like play golf or go swimming and other such things and when the novelty of not having to go to work wore off then i did start to feel depressed.

Respect to Lou though she did let me smoke it around her but the way in which i did it fucked up how she would think of pot smokers forever!! How? well by me sitting up on the computer the 3 times she let smoke until stupid hours of the morning then going to bed when i was so wasted not because of the pot but because of the tiredness, just had to crash and sleep then because of the shit sleep i was shitty the next day!! Inbetween all this i have gone from doing a night shift at work to a day shift off work so my sleep pattern was invariably all round the wrong way anyway.

We were fine before i done my arm in and thats the truth and now we are no more but i did love her and fancy the pants off her whatever she may say.

Just thought it best to put some input of mine own in.

Ciao

[farmboy762]

I'm taking a gess here but i would say you and your bf have had a strong sexual rlationshipprior to this happening. if that is the case, he may be burnt out on sex.(3 or 4 times aday will drain a man of that which makes him a man; testosterone.) Speaking from personal eperience, pot is not the proplem. I lost a fiance becouase iwas a "worhtless pothead". truth is it wasnt the pot, I just got tired of having sex all the time.

try going on day trips that activate the mind of a stoner, ie mountauns, lake, ocean/beach , going to see christmas light displays etc.

[farmboy762]

dude, you need to smoke more pot

[partyguy420]

.....so he's not going to get sick from quitting. He may be a little irritable and have some sleepless nights, but he should be fine. In other words, he will quit on his own if he feels it is worth it.....

other then the fact that they get sick... he may seam like a meth addict for a while... he wont be all that hungary, sleepless nights, and a little bit irritable...