Advice Please....

[WhiskeyGirl]

Hey all,
If you would read this and give me your opinion. My 17 yr old son , has had his jr. liscence for about 2 months, which means he cant drive past 11 pm.Im not sure what by law, the consequences are, any way, when he came home at 1230 am, I said "you know what time it "? And yes he smokes weed.Any way he said I had to take a couple kids home, and I had a bad nite and went in his room, well I went in, mind you I was pissed and worried cause I told him I would call him on his cell close to 11 to make sure he was on his way home. Well, I just said well ok, this is the 2nd time he came home after 11) No driving , except to work for a month, he will be 18 on sept. 18th. He goes" I aint losing my car". I left his room n went to sleep.The next day I told my hubby,his step dad, he works 3rd shift ,he started off by calmly saying , what time did you get home last night, well after telling him what could of happened, my son said-- I heard enough of this shit n went i his room- my hubby followed , him I didnot, but my hubby said he grabbed him by the neck cause when he went after him he slammed the door in my hubbys face.So , what do yall think? I agree in the fact that he must go by our rules n pay the price, but i kinda didnt feel good about him grabbing my son by the throat :(
please give sum input n opinions.
thanks
sorry so long....
ps, my husband has done alot of things for my 3 boys and this is the first time he grabbed him.

[Bong30]

My first thoughts whiskey..

you guys need to sit down and say sorry....

Talking..... not fighting

If you want to solve this....You and your husband need to bite the bullet, and start things off. He is looking for reasons to rebel...hes 17.

In my eyes...at 17 I was a Man. I had been the man of the house for a while, but I still made bad decisions.........

Tell him when he is 18...His curfew is up to him, but he should respect the others in the house and come in at a reasonable hour....


Punishment should fit the crime....1 month no car, for 1.5 hours late????

i would have been pissed too......... maybe he is the one with the sense?

Remember...that is his step dad ( I had 3).... if one had layed his hands on me..... I would have kicked his ass..... your husband needs to respect him too.

Does a slammed door deserve...assault? < thats is what your son is thinking

IMO sounds like your husband need to start with the appoligys...then let you talk... your son has no respect for him....They bolth need to work on respect.
who is the adult, who should know better?

WG, time to talk to your son about moving out.

I see he cant drive past 11 by law..... let the police deal with him.


Hang in there..............

[SmokingPlatypus]

That was good advice Bong30, couldn't agree more. Looking back, if my parents had done what you'd suggested, there wouldn't be such a schism as there is now.

[WhiskeyGirl]

My first thoughts whiskey..

afterwards, my husband did say he was sorry, out side as my son was walking to his friends house, he said you wanna choose your friends over your family, keep walking he did, then he had to be at work in about 45 min. he went.. i really hope the 3 of us can talk, but your right the respect isnt there--- either way:( i just get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, i just want every 1 to get along, and they were -- heck my hubby even smoked a bowl with him and drank a beer. but i dunno....... grrrrrrrrrr
well thanks again bong .
you guys need to sit down and say sorry....

Talking..... not fighting

If you want to solve this....You and your husband need to bite the bullet, and start things off. He is looking for reasons to rebel...hes 17.

In my eyes...at 17 I was a Man. I had been the man of the house for a while, but I still made bad decisions.........

Tell him when he is 18...His curfew is up to him, but he should respect the others in the house and come in at a reasonable hour....


Punishment should fit the crime....1 month no car, for 1.5 hours late????

i would have been pissed too......... maybe he is the one with the sense?

Remember...that is his step dad ( I had 3).... if one had layed his hands on me..... I would have kicked his ass..... your husband needs to respect him too.

Does a slammed door deserve...assault? < thats is what your son is thinking

IMO sounds like your husband need to start with the appoligys...then let you talk... your son has no respect for him....They bolth need to work on respect.
who is the adult, who should know better?

WG, time to talk to your son about moving out.

I see he cant drive past 11 by law..... let the police deal with him.


Hang in there..............
thank you

[jamstigator]

I got grounded for a week for being ONE MINUTE late once. Was the punishment harsh? Yeah, or at least it sure felt like it at the time. On the other hand, it sure cut way down on my ever being late again. ;)

[WhiskeyGirl]

I got grounded for a week for being ONE MINUTE late once. Was the punishment harsh? Yeah, or at least it sure felt like it at the time. On the other hand, it sure cut way down on my ever being late again. ;)

Hey does any 1 know the jr driving laws in pa? At 18 can you drive till 12 pm? or is it 21?
thanks for any in put, i think you can but im not sure , and my 17 yr old never knows any thing -- always says I DUNNO!!
he dosent care about any thing with his car, which he worked for to buy, dosent know how to change a tire or any thing!! :( but he does know how to pick up his friends when they need a ride, he is right there! when will he learn :(?
i wish he would not focus on this so called band he is in and his friends and focus o n passing 12 th grade, heck he went to summer school the last 3 yrs and he isnt stupid by far!! ( except when it comes to fixing cars!) lol

[birdgirl73]

Hey, Whiskey Girl. I don't know about Pennsylvania, but down here in Texas, curfews for teens vary from municipality to municipality. Call your city's police department and ask them. Then if you want to ask about statewide nightime licensing restrictions or driving limitations for teens, call the dept. of motor vehicles/dept. of public safety or visit their Web site.

Doesn't it worry the heck out of you to have your young male child out on the road in a car? It does me. My son's 20 and away at college now, but I still worry about him. Statistically, they're a high-risk group behind the wheel of a car. I think back on what a knucklehead he was at 16 and 17 and cannot believe it was legal for someone with his judgment and impulse control at that time (it's better now) to get a license to operate a motor vehicle. Good luck to you!

[napolitana869]

Try talking to him again. Maybe what he did by taking those people home seemed like the best idea at the time. Maybe those kids were drunk or something and shouldnt have been driving and your son just wanted his friends to be safe. He still should have treated you and his step father better, and your husband may have taken it too far but it seems like if you sit down and talk it shouldnt be hard to work out. if you treat him more like an adult maybe he'll act more like one.

[BabyFacedAbortion]

Hey, I'm 16, I don't drive but I can relate. Kids don't say they had a bad night when they didn't, obviously something went wrong and he doesn't want to talk about it. I don't knom, I was never raised with punishments, they never taught me anything and always made me more angry. I honestly don't think punishments SOLVE anything, they may prove a point but there are other ways to do it. I think your husband was really out of line, too. Parents should NEVER put their hands on their children, no matter how old and no matter what reason. I don't mean to lecture because you didn't do it but that's really screwed up. I would really sit him down and just talk to him, unless your son typically breaks rules (which you said he's only done once before) then maybe try to go easy on him. I'm not going to tell you how to parent but honestly, punishment doesn't do shit (IMHO) but really explain that you were worried and upset that he said he'd be home at a certain time and wasn't. Also go into the laws, but honestly not many teenagers care :(

[graph]

Your husband needs to learn a thing or two from your child.

Make sure your husband learns that you shoukd rule with respect, not fear. I believe that as soon as a finger was laid on him, your son became fixated on pride and protection in his own house. I've been there, it's not a good place to be.

I think you should let your son off of the hook for the simple reason that if you plan on punishing your son for his wrongdoings, you should be punishing your husband as well.

Oh, and make sure to calmly remind your husband that as he gets older and more feeble, your son will get stronger and wiser. If he plans on putting his hands on your child, he better be ready for when your child fights back.

[yoda]

im sorry, but grabbing his throat? inexcusable. if my mom's bf did that shit to me, all hell would break loose.

[Love Street]

your husband has some appologizing to do

if i had a step dad and he grabbed me by the throat he would be in intensive care

getting strangled because you were out past curfew and slammed a door? wtf?

[litoz22]

im 15 so ye i understand... im usually late.. but maybe by 30 minz.. if i wanna stay longer i jus call my mom n ask.. if she says no im still late but not logner than 30 minz.. she jus gets mad.. but 1:30.. i dun think u should punish him for a month .. maybe lik 2 weeks the most.. but after what ur husband(his step dad) did to him.. frigg u should let him off the hook.. my parents are divorced.. and i do have a step dad.. he does have rules for me and i do respect them but he has n oright to lay a finger on me.. i swear if he woulda touched me.. i woulda knocked him down n kicked his ass.. i dun think hitting ur kids is right but to a certain extent.. we all need to get hit sumtimes i think to get sum sense knocked into us.. i dunno.. i dun think ur husband(step dad) shoudla touched him.. he can yell at him ro w.e.. for disrespectin hiom by shutting the door but not choking him..

[WhiskeyGirl]

He should not have put his hands around his neck ,
but he did appologize to him, this has been a long time coming, my son disrespects me and is smart to me, my husband saved my son's $$ for him , so he wouldnt blow it and he helped him buy a car insurance , all set up , even helped and showed him how to fix things on his car. My son talked t me last nite after my husband left and was talking about his check, every week he gets paid, he gives it to my husband and my husband always asks him what he wants to do with it . Usually my son says half in bank and he keeps half for what ever, well now he isnt talking to my husband so he said to me last night, 3 days after he got his ck, i forgot about my check, i wanna get some kinda distortion for my guitar!!???
When in about 10 days school starts and he has nothing yet for it, he wants a new computer, which he should have for his tech class , he will be a senior. So i have my hands full , i know i need to talk to both of them..... like i said my husband has been managing his $$$ , which my son wants it that way ( he knows if he had his whole ck. way to much would go to his friends and or drugs ( weed) so i guess im in a pickle. damn!! I will keep u guys posted and let me know if ya have any other ideas, i know , we have talked about him moving out, so thats an option but he needs to finish school 1 st. Which he dosent put much effort in, cause he went to summer school the last 3 yrs.

[graph]

Well first thing's first, your kid needs to get his priorities straight. At 17 he should be able to handle his own money, keep in mind he'll be old enough to get a bank account next year. Also, he really needs to get his schooling in order. Threaten to take stuff away, ground him, keep him from driving, whatever, just DON'T touch him him. Your husband's not his father and never will be, and ever that at 17 his father would be asking for trouble. You don't want your kid feeling uncomforatble in his own house, do you?

I had a father who would get violent in his punishments. Now I don't talk to him. Read a chapter in my textbook, don't make the same mistakes.

[WhiskeyGirl]

Well first thing's first, your kid needs to get his priorities straight. At 17 he should be able to handle his own money, keep in mind he'll be old enough to get a bank account next year. Also, he really needs to get his schooling in order. Threaten to take stuff away, ground him, keep him from driving, whatever, just DON'T touch him him. Your husband's not his father and never will be, and ever that at 17 his father would be asking for trouble. You don't want your kid feeling uncomforatble in his own house, do you?

I had a father who would get violent in his punishments. Now I don't talk to him. Read a chapter in my textbook, don't make the same mistakes.

My son will be 18 on sept. 18 th of this yr. One of the first things he bought with his paycheck money was his electric guitar, so thats an option if he cant obey the rules, i do not believe in hitting either , my step father grabbed me cause i was going the wrong way walking for the school bus and I hated him for the longest time.... like I said this is the first time he layed a finger on him , we've been together since he has been 9, his real father is illerate and on SSI, my hubby works , but still i dont condone what he did, i will talk to him, I am sure he will get defensive tho. But he loves the heck out of all my 3 boys, 23, 17 and 13.

[graph]

My son will be 18 on sept. 18 th of this yr. One of the first things he bought with his paycheck money was his electric guitar, so thats an option if he cant obey the rules, i do not believe in hitting either , my step father grabbed me cause i was going the wrong way walking for the school bus and I hated him for the longest time.... like I said this is the first time he layed a finger on him , we've been together since he has been 9, his real father is illerate and on SSI, my hubby works , but still i dont condone what he did, i will talk to him, I am sure he will get defensive tho. But he loves the heck out of all my 3 boys, 23, 17 and 13.
Sorry if I seemed to harsh with your husband. Some of this hits close to home, you know? I'm not trying to undermine your judgement, but I really think your son could use a GOOD father-figure in his life. I think your husband has probably been a good person to them, but still.

Sorry if I came off too condescending, but I'm closer to your son's age than your husband's, so my opinion may be biased.

[ShadowGate420]

yo your husbands a dick. i had the same problem with my stepfather. he used to put his hands on me until one day when i was 17 i beat the crab out of him and put him in the hospital for a few weeks. needless to say he was embarassed to come back so i won. if he initiates the violence ur son will finish it.

[invision]

damn you guys act like her husband is a bad person the none of you know the situation and if my son got flip with me it would be more than a neck grab boy some kids need a beating plain and simple if he thinks he can do what he wants and breaks the rules then a ass whopping is needed.

last thing we need in this world is another 17yr old cocky bastard to deal with cause if she or her husband dont do something someone on the street will which in turn could be alot more than him getting beat.

if it was me he would have no car he didnt like get the hell out and the step dad needs to be the authority as well doesnt matter if hes not the father or not he is involved in his life he is the man of the house and if he needs to deliver a beating to this boy than so be it.

[ShadowGate420]

Yo fuck you invision. You have no idea how much physical abuse from a step father fucks your head up. I beat my stepfather within an inch of his life when i got bigger than him cuz he hit me when i was 9 years old. Abuse never solves anything it just makes the problem worse (ie: need for revenge)

[invision]

sometimes people need to learn the hard way in life i myself will not tollerate shit from a 17yr old punk

[friendowl]

i agree with the step dad
sometimes we get out of line with the disrespect
your husband set some boundaries with that move
i bet your son wont slam no more doors in his face
tough love is needed in situations like this
your husband probobly does love your boys
theyll get over it
smoke a blunt together and thats it

if your husband was not a step dad and he would do that
you wouldnt say nothing.how do you expect to him to act like a dad
when you dont treat him like one.

life is hard when shit like this happens

[Love Street]

h
damn you guys act like her husband is a bad person the none of you know the situation and if my son got flip with me it would be more than a neck grab boy some kids need a beating plain and simple if he thinks he can do what he wants and breaks the rules then a ass whopping is needed.

last thing we need in this world is another 17yr old cocky bastard to deal with cause if she or her husband dont do something someone on the street will which in turn could be alot more than him getting beat.

if it was me he would have no car he didnt like get the hell out and the step dad needs to be the authority as well doesnt matter if hes not the father or not he is involved in his life he is the man of the house and if he needs to deliver a beating to this boy than so be it.

are you fucking kidding me? he stayed out a little past curfew so you say beat the fuck out of him? get help, im having a hard time beleiving you even smoke pot

[the image reaper]

... a little ass-whuppin' now and then may keep his smartass out of prison some day ... if he disrespects the parents putting a roof over his head, either clamp down, or throw his ass out ... :smokin:

[robert42]

It was wrong for ur husband to do what he did,

does he have temper problems?

[Skink]

Oh christ I did not read the thread,but I,m sure there is good advice in it... I say go with your gut,the dude was wrong PERIOD!!!

U will never teach a good lesson,via a bad example...

[FeastonThisSHITT]

Interesting sitiation. The stepfather can not touch the child in an aggressive way period. I believe that kids need proper discipline but there is a rhyme and a method.

Unfortuanately you have tough circumstances with the biological father. A step-father has no right to put his hands on a child that isn't his period. YOU choose the stepfather, he did not choose to bring that man into his house. Why should he chose to allow him to touch him?

The fact of tha matter is, if the kid doesn't respect the stepfather, he doesn't have to. It is not his father, he is YOUR man.

I understand that he loves, and does things for the boy's but that doesn't give him authority to take over as a father figure if the mutual respect isn't on both ends. YOU have to take priority in the punishments.

This kid needs to learn some hard life lessons it looks like. At his age, it's too late to bring it back down to thelevel of a 6 yr old.

I don't mean to be offensive to you, but it sound slike this noy wasn;t properly disciplined from a young age and now he has bad habits and a bad attitude. Life has to teach him now. He is 17, the time for learning respect from your parents is over at that age, you should have already learned it.

I don't even cuss in the presense of my mother or father out of pure respect. If i was to swear in front of them I'd be ashamed of myself. This is because of the programming they intilled in me when I was a lad.

To be honest, at this pint in life the only way he is going to learn things he should have already learned is by life problems.


Good luck.


Keep the stepfather's hands off the boy. You are fucking with primal instincts here. The other brothers may get involved if that issue isn;t resolved... then you have an ugly situation on your hands.




I had a stepfather of sorts when I was a teen. He started off knowing his place, but eventualy he became comfortable and complacent. Eventualy he started to get in on the discipline. BIG mistake. It wasn;t that we didn;t need discipline, it was that we were not about to accept it from some guy our mom brougt in the house. We did not respect him as an authority figure. Needless to say one day things got out of hand. I was arguing with my mother and he stepped in trying have me end the conversation.

He said "It's over, you understand me? No more out of you." I reply, "Who the fuck do you think you are talking to me like you are my father? You can smoke a cock." Furious, grabbed me by the shoulders and slammed me into the wall. Before the night was over he was in the hospital having surgery on his jaw. He has a full row of fallse teeth and his jaw has metal spikes implanted to keep it stable. Moral of the story..... DON'T FUCK WITH OTHER PEOPLE'S KIDS. OR YOU GET FUCKED UP.

I;m gettin all pissed just reliving this story so that is where this post ends. :P

[FeastonThisSHITT]

i agree with the step dad
sometimes we get out of line with the disrespect
your husband set some boundaries with that move
i bet your son wont slam no more doors in his face
tough love is needed in situations like this
your husband probobly does love your boys
theyll get over it
smoke a blunt together and thats it

if your husband was not a step dad and he would do that
you wouldnt say nothing.how do you expect to him to act like a dad
when you dont treat him like one.

life is hard when shit like this happens


Because he is NOT their Dad. Just because a mother brings a man into the house doesn't instill the fatherly respect into the children.

You bet her son won't sla mdoor into his face anymore? Something much worse than a slammed door could result from this, trust me from experience.

I am the eldest brother of three siblings. They live with my mother and her boyfriend. He is a cool guy, but if I ever caught wind of a story like I am reading here the man wouldn't know what hit him. I'd be on my way to their city and at the house within the day with hell to pay. I mean hell. You don;t touch OTHER people;s kids period.

They need to learn respect? YOU are not the one to teach them unless you are the father, OR they RESPECT you as the father figure.

[WhiskeyGirl]

I need to be more strict , and at times I feel I am cause my 17 yr old is always saying mom " chill" grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!! yeah right!!!
Sometimes it takes a man for them to listen, I know as a kid growing up , My mom spoiled me and I took advantage of her, but as it turns out , she has passed ( at 60 ) and I am not speaking to my dad. Like I said me and my husband have been together 8 yrs, this is the first and I am sure the last time he will touch him , other than rough housing. My son is fine right now joking with his friends, he wants his life to be one big party!! He is into smoking pot with his pot head friends, which i feel is better than alcohol cause alcohol in excess can really fuck you and other people's lives up!!
My son does not appreciate all that my husband has done for him ,and when he is working ( my hubby ) in the yard or on his car ---- never once did my 17 yr old say , ya need a hand?? But my 13 yr old does almost ever y time. Now , you tell me, who respects who???
Thanks for all you guys that stuck up for my husband :)
I tend to be too easy - going and it takes ALOT to piss me off (ya know like being a door mat) which is not good! But thats the way I was brought up , respect your elders, and the only thing I did wrong when I was growing up was got pregnant at 17, which I dont regret casue I luv my boys, and I have been working all my life!
So criticize me if you will, but thanks to you guys who support me and my hubby, I still want all 3 of us to sit down and talk this out.........
take care all
WG

I just wanted to add I did graduate from St. Pius X HS in 1982. sO MY SON GRADUATING IS very important to me.

[NightProwler]

harming a kid is wrong.

[WhiskeyGirl]

... a little ass-whuppin' now and then may keep his smartass out of prison some day ... if he disrespects the parents putting a roof over his head, either clamp down, or throw his ass out ... :smokin:



So true are you image ---
I also have a 23 yr old , who lived with me his stepfather , my X and my other son was little yet any way, we lived real close to my mom and when my son needed discipline and my husband tried to step in , she would get all pissed off at us, eventually he was in a detention ctr at 14 got out , after going a couple other places for dilinquent kids , then lived with my mother. I loved my mom to death, but she thought she was helping him by buying him what ever he wanted , but instead she was his enabler, buying him a car and he didnt even have a permit!! and he treated her like crap BIG tIME!! SHE bailed him outta jail numerous times, whould have sold her house for him, he has adhd , by the way. after she died , he was shit outta luck , he was into drugs , and just recently he told me ,Herion!! :( Before I knew this me and my husband helped him out , but he didnt wanna get a job, and when he did have 1 he fell asleep because he was so out of it! Thats why my 17 yr old was told he has to get a job, pay for his car which he did and he is still working. my 23 yr old? well he will probably be on probabation until for ever cause he dosent wanna work, he'd rather steal. so he cant live here. But he is my son and I do keep in contact with him, the only time he straightened out a bit is when he and this girl had a relationship for about 2 yrs, he was off the drugs working the most he ever did, then I guess he got back into the drugs, went to jail and now she wants nothing to do with him. Go Figure?
Just wanted to tell yas alil about my oldest son.

[latewood]

I get a kick out of everyone assuming WG brought this step father into her house...I didn't see that. Sounds to me like the man works his Ass off and a 17 year old is a young man, not a child...If he wants to act like a punk...then treat him like a punk. One final word of advice...don't assume that just because a Man is older...that he can't wipe the street with your ASS.

He breaks the law when he is out past curfew...but, that doesn't matter to all you other punks, huh...Just let the punk Kids run rampant over their parents with no guidelines of appropriateness...

I feel for You WG...But you guys let him smoke pot while he is still a minor...you are going to continue to have problems, unless you draw the line.

goodluck, peace

[latewood]

Yo fuck you invision. You have no idea how much physical abuse from a step father fucks your head up. I beat my stepfather within an inch of his life when i got bigger than him cuz he hit me when i was 9 years old. Abuse never solves anything it just makes the problem worse (ie: need for revenge)

CONSIDER YOURSELF WARNED. We do not tolerate personal attacks here. since you are new, I will warn you this time, but if I see you verbally assault another member like you did here; You will be gone!

Everyone is entitled to their opinion...period!
Peace Damnit!!!

[FeastonThisSHITT]

I agree. Kids need a male figure to discipline them. Especialy male kids. Also, I agree that the kid is acting like a punk and meeds male discipline. I also agree that the man sounds like he works hard and deserves a level of respect for all he does.

So don't get me wrong I am not "against you" at all. I feel for your situation and your husband sounds like a good man.

What you need to understand is that you can not force a male figure onto a son as a father discipline figure if the kid doesn't accept him as a father figure. It simply will not work, he isn NOT his father and any discipline he does will just make the situation worse.


Latewood.... ok maybe they moved in with him? Either way, she brought HIM into the KIDS life. The kids didn't make this choice. You can't choose a child's father for him just because the biological father is not sufficient.

This man can work his ass off, and do everything he can for the kids. He can love them, buy shit for em, help em, do anything and everything in his power to assist the kids. Yes, this does entitle him to respect. he did NOT deserve to have the door shut in his face, that was disrespectful. Despite all of this.... if the kid doesn't accept his mom's husband as a father figure it just is NOT going to work out. In the kid's mind a man who is not his father is trying to act like his father and is invading in territory where he doesn't belong.


You can disagree with me all you want, but that is like disagreeing that 1+1 =2. If he is not his father in the kids mind, than attempts to act like a father WILL fail. That is just how it is. It feels unatural to have a man who is not your father try to discipline you as though he was.

[latewood]

but, WG actuallt said the Son does accept the stepdad...He let himn handle his money...he let him advise hom on financial decsion's...sounds like a DAD to me.

On the other hand if son want s to get computer, then he better forego the luxuries and chip in.

all I have to say. not comfortable with draggin WG's business any furhter...peace

[Yikers]

smoke weed...it will all be better

[WhiskeyGirl]

but, WG actuallt said the Son does accept the stepdad...He let himn handle his money...he let him advise hom on financial decsion's...sounds like a DAD to me.

On the other hand if son want s to get computer, then he better forego the luxuries and chip in.

all I have to say. not comfortable with draggin WG's business any furhter...peace

Very much so accepts him, he remembers his biological dad and what he was like and he was 9!!!! his real dad would do donuts with my kids in the car when he had them on weekends, not give them baths and sulk cause we werent together , very unstable man, like i said before he is illerate was on ssi and still is and y? because he was in special classes in HS, but he is fully able to work!!! so there ya have it yes, he ( my hubby ) has been saving money for my son for the 4 yrs my son had been working , in that time my son has saved alot of $$$$$$$$$ and has bought what he wanted also, he wants to get a newer computer , so we will probably talk to him and maybe say we will purchase the computer , with a credit card and he will pay us back , my son is a good worker been working at the same place since he was 14, he will be 18 next month, not the greatest money,, but its close to home and he does not pay rent at this time , i buy his groceries and clothes, but if there is clothing that he wants that is expensive , he buys it!! LOL
He even asked his step father if he could camp out back , we have alot of land and a make shift fire place, so him and a couple kids from the neighbor hood pitched a tent no harm, but me , being the worrier that i am said , i dunno, i thought they would be up all night and i wouldnt sleep- but they werent.my hubby is on third shift, i am on workman's comp right now. And as far as who is living with who, when i met him 8 yrs ago , we had both left our spouses, met on here after 5 months of talking , which was cool when we finally met cause i felt like i knew him, in the mean time we lived with our mom's. then we got an apt together. then about 4 yrs ago we built a house. four car garage with 2 acres. and we work together money wise, it works out great. its funny cause when we first moved in together yrs ago , my son was like i wanna move back in with my dad ,the next day he changed his mind--- realizing his dad has NOTHING, dosent work and is probably in a 2 room section 8 house , i dunno ,he was told to have no contact with the kids, because of his prior actions. But if he really wanted to see them , he has my address, he could have contacted his "FREE" LAWYER and demanded to see them, cause this took place right after we split up. must be nice to just forget you have kids. and here my husband, who never had kids of his own , is raising them with me and loves it!! I feel like he is a big kid too, he is the best thing that ever happened to me n my kids.
sorry so long guys :)
peace
WG:thumbsup:

[graph]

I'd just like to ass that in my first comment, I wasn't really aware of how much your husband really is a father to your kids. I figured you had gotten remarried maybe when your kid was 14 or so (again, stupid assumption). So, keep that in mind I guess.

[WhiskeyGirl]

thanks for the comment graph :)

[graph]

Oh, and I meant add instead of ass. I'm sure you know that, but it was a big enough typo that I should make a post about it.

I hope you and your family's doing alright now. If your kid steps outta line again, give him a big smack across the face and say it was from graph.

[FAllout]

Hey all,
If you would read this and give me your opinion. My 17 yr old son , has had his jr. liscence for about 2 months, which means he cant drive past 11 pm.Im not sure what by law, the consequences are, any way, when he came home at 1230 am, I said "you know what time it "? And yes he smokes weed.Any way he said I had to take a couple kids home, and I had a bad nite and went in his room, well I went in, mind you I was pissed and worried cause I told him I would call him on his cell close to 11 to make sure he was on his way home. Well, I just said well ok, this is the 2nd time he came home after 11) No driving , except to work for a month, he will be 18 on sept. 18th. He goes" I aint losing my car". I left his room n went to sleep.The next day I told my hubby,his step dad, he works 3rd shift ,he started off by calmly saying , what time did you get home last night, well after telling him what could of happened, my son said-- I heard enough of this shit n went i his room- my hubby followed , him I didnot, but my hubby said he grabbed him by the neck cause when he went after him he slammed the door in my hubbys face.So , what do yall think? I agree in the fact that he must go by our rules n pay the price, but i kinda didnt feel good about him grabbing my son by the throat :(
please give sum input n opinions.
thanks
sorry so long....
ps, my husband has done alot of things for my 3 boys and this is the first time he grabbed him.

Ok this is comign form a 17 year old kid...
Your son is guna be pissed for a week or two and might not talk to your husband or you..

Also about him leaving I leave all the tiem sence its summer and ownt be home till 4 or 5 in the morning some times : P

Aslong as you raised him to be abole to chose for him self and stay away form hard drugs hes guan be alright.

[FeastonThisSHITT]

but, WG actuallt said the Son does accept the stepdad...He let himn handle his money...he let him advise hom on financial decsion's...sounds like a DAD to me.

On the other hand if son want s to get computer, then he better forego the luxuries and chip in.

all I have to say. not comfortable with draggin WG's business any furhter...peace

Lol... I trust my financial advisor with my finances. I guess that entitles him to be my father figure.

Finances.... and you say that sounds like a dad to you? I would hop a Dad means much more to you than that.

If not... to each his own.

[FeastonThisSHITT]

Very much so accepts him, he remembers his biological dad and what he was like and he was 9!!!! his real dad would do donuts with my kids in the car when he had them on weekends, not give them baths and sulk cause we werent together , very unstable man, like i said before he is illerate was on ssi and still is and y? because he was in special classes in HS, but he is fully able to work!!! so there ya have it yes, he ( my hubby ) has been saving money for my son for the 4 yrs my son had been working , in that time my son has saved alot of $$$$$$$$$ and has bought what he wanted also, he wants to get a newer computer , so we will probably talk to him and maybe say we will purchase the computer , with a credit card and he will pay us back , my son is a good worker been working at the same place since he was 14, he will be 18 next month, not the greatest money,, but its close to home and he does not pay rent at this time , i buy his groceries and clothes, but if there is clothing that he wants that is expensive , he buys it!! LOL
He even asked his step father if he could camp out back , we have alot of land and a make shift fire place, so him and a couple kids from the neighbor hood pitched a tent no harm, but me , being the worrier that i am said , i dunno, i thought they would be up all night and i wouldnt sleep- but they werent.my hubby is on third shift, i am on workman's comp right now. And as far as who is living with who, when i met him 8 yrs ago , we had both left our spouses, met on here after 5 months of talking , which was cool when we finally met cause i felt like i knew him, in the mean time we lived with our mom's. then we got an apt together. then about 4 yrs ago we built a house. four car garage with 2 acres. and we work together money wise, it works out great. its funny cause when we first moved in together yrs ago , my son was like i wanna move back in with my dad ,the next day he changed his mind--- realizing his dad has NOTHING, dosent work and is probably in a 2 room section 8 house , i dunno ,he was told to have no contact with the kids, because of his prior actions. But if he really wanted to see them , he has my address, he could have contacted his "FREE" LAWYER and demanded to see them, cause this took place right after we split up. must be nice to just forget you have kids. and here my husband, who never had kids of his own , is raising them with me and loves it!! I feel like he is a big kid too, he is the best thing that ever happened to me n my kids.
sorry so long guys :)
peace
WG:thumbsup:



Well there ya go, if the kid accepts him as a father there shouldn't be any problems :p

The guy I call Dad wasn't my biological father. He was just dad all throughout my life wince I was 1 year old. I never met my biological father he was a drunk insane bastard.

If you were to ask your son if your husband grabbing his throat felt unatural and wrong because he isn't the bio father.... and his response was yes.... well there is your answer, regardless of what people on the internet say....

If he says no, than he doesn;t feel unerved by the man... he DOES in fact accept him as a father figure... and again,,,, there is your answer.... again... regardless of what people on the internet, or even yourself thinks.

[daima]

My first thoughts whiskey..

you guys need to sit down and say sorry....

Talking..... not fighting

If you want to solve this....You and your husband need to bite the bullet, and start things off. He is looking for reasons to rebel...hes 17.

In my eyes...at 17 I was a Man. I had been the man of the house for a while, but I still made bad decisions.........

Tell him when he is 18...His curfew is up to him, but he should respect the others in the house and come in at a reasonable hour....


Punishment should fit the crime....1 month no car, for 1.5 hours late????

i would have been pissed too......... maybe he is the one with the sense?

Remember...that is his step dad ( I had 3).... if one had layed his hands on me..... I would have kicked his ass..... your husband needs to respect him too.

Does a slammed door deserve...assault? < thats is what your son is thinking

IMO sounds like your husband need to start with the appoligys...then let you talk... your son has no respect for him....They bolth need to work on respect.
who is the adult, who should know better?

WG, time to talk to your son about moving out.

I see he cant drive past 11 by law..... let the police deal with him.


Hang in there..............

Sounds good.

dai*ma:stoned:

[WhiskeyGirl]

By the way, they are talking to each other again :)
in fact my son came home from work and wanted to talk to him, his mirror on the inside of his car was ready to fall off, you know the 1 in the windshield, and he thought super glue, lol but he asked him I dunno know what he told him , think i heard him say something about going to like pep boys for special stuff to make it stick. But this is what im talking about , he has no clue about cars and he is always there for him, to answer his questions! Me , i woulda tried SUPER GLUE????? LOL Dont it work for every thing??
well, guys n gals Have a good 1 and thanks again for all Advice ,it was very much appreciated!!!!
WG

[latewood]

Lol... I trust my financial advisor with my finances. I guess that entitles him to be my father figure.

Finances.... and you say that sounds like a dad to you? I would hop a Dad means much more to you than that.

If not... to each his own.

I was bringing up the trust issue...but as usual...people on forums interpret statements in their own way.

whiskey girl agreed with me though...Huh?

[latewood]

whiskey girl...since this happened quite a few days ago, and you have about all the advice you can take...I am closing thread. I hope everything works out for you guys, but I feel we needn't drag this incident out any further. If you have a big problem with this, contact me and I will re-open it, but I felt like perhaps it is better for eveyone if you are allowed to move past this day...peace