LSD Jihad thwarted in Washington DC Starbucks

[WeedGremblin]

GOOFORDIAN - LSD Jihad thwarted in Washington DC Starbucks
By: Katie Elliott

A terrorist plot was uncovered and thwarted on Wednesday, March 31, in Washington, D.C. The attackers, presumed to be members of pro-drug terrorist group the PPP, planned to put highly potent lysergic acid diethylamide, commonly known as LSD or 'acid,' into the dairy products in every Starbucks on Capitol Hill.
According to CIA-released information, the terrorists intended to poison the creamer in at least 42 Capitol Hill-area Starbucks locations.
Homeland Security Experts estimate that over 40,000 people would have been hit if the attack had succeeded.
"These terrorists obviously did their homework," Homeland Security spokesperson Richard Reynolds said in a press conference Thursday morning." Studies show that 99.4% of politicians take cream in their coffee, and after drinking that coffee, they'd have been tripping."
Homeland Security responded to the attempted act of violence by forming a special committee, the Starbucks Incident Defense League (SIDL), to investigate this internal terrorism. High-ranking SIDL officials now believe the aggression targeted both politicians and civilians and aimed to influence legislation with a regime of fear and mass chaos.
"In situations like this, situations of such brutal abuse of personal liberty, we must ask ourselves a few questions," said League Security Adviser Alphonse Malone. "Why did they do this? Here it seems evident that they want us tripping. Why? So we couldn't make wise decisions, and might just legalize drugs. And what can we do about this? Kick 'em out of the country."
The plot was discovered as a result of stringent new security measures Starbucks recently introduced to combat internal terrorist threats. The corporation advocates a tough 'don't wait 'til its too late' security policy that emphasizes prevention and preemptive security through exhaustive employee and customer background checks.
The regulations responsible for foiling this act of terrorism enforce strict employee identification and require all dairy-handlers to use a computerized fingerprint entry code.

Continued...

http://www.guilfordian.com/news/2004/04/02/World/Goofordian.Lsd.Jihad.Thwarted.In.Washington.Dc.Sta rbucks-653360.shtml


As much as I am against duping someone into taking a psychedelic, I have to admit some politicians really could use a good trip and fall ;)

[jcrook5]

wow, i wish they had a newsletter saying where these guys were goin to hit casue i could always use some free drugs. ... and some coffee i guess

[Euphoric]

omg that would of been great!! it would of been priceless. too bad they got caught. these guys are my heros now.

[The Figment]

The PPP? Since 1959?? Giving Cigeretts to small children?? "Followed the trail of tye-dye and just arrested the Hippies"?? Oh please,Get Real...This is someones idea of a very poor Joke!!! Its crap like this that gives Redneck-Neocons the wepons to keep people like us listed as Criminals...If you belive this you really don't think for yourself!! This is simply how Urban Legends get started.

[The Figment]

Pothead Pandemon-ium Posse, or PPP.
"The PPP is the new face of evil," Reynolds said. "Forget Saddam Hussein, forget Al-Qaeda. The PPP are the ones we must eradicate now. They present the new potential threat to the American people and the allies of America, and we wouldn't be surprised if they were responsible for the Sept. 11 attacks too."
The PPP has been active since 1959 and have been responsible for more the drug use of over 150,000 people in the last decade, according to the Foundation for Reefer Research.
Many Americans are still outraged by the attempted aggression on their homes and nation's capitol.
"These people are crazy," said Christine McArthur, a DC resident and regular Starbucks patron. "They're on some kind of drug jihad and they'll stop at nothing to get what they want. Putting LSD in creamer, giving cigarettes to small children. They make me sick."
Others speculate that this attack had the potential to destroy the nation's security and undermine the internal workings of the entire political system.
"They'd have had every politician in Washington tripping," said Gwen Kilmore, a Political Science Professor at Guilford College. "Mass chaos would ensue. Clearly these guys were using LSD as a weapon of mass destruction. More brain cells would have been lost in this attack than in 9-11." Though no one has confessed, 26 people have been arrested, half of them college students and Starbucks employees. Police say they were able to follow the path of tie-dyed shirts to the criminals.
Questioned about their apprehension of the criminals, SIDL Law Enforcement remained humble, calling it a matter of patriotism and duty. "It was pretty easy to tell who was responsible," Starbucks Security Agent Warren Hughes said. "We just arrested all the Hippies

Personally I find this not at all Funny,in poor taste,and breaks one of the Carnal Sins of Hippiedom-"Never Dose One Unwittingly or Unkowningly"
You may not agree with someones politics or they with yours, but Dosing someone without their knowlage is beyond stupid!!

[shoi]

i think they could like use LSD to torture some one


give them crazy amounts with out them noing and they be fucked for the rest of their life.... and they mite tell u everything u want to no ;)

[EternalEnemy]

Well, im with them, BUT, i think they would first of all have no idea they are on acid, and once they would realize they are having some drug in them, they would think about every piece of anti-drug propaganda and think they are gonna die, and then they would get negative and actually think they are gonna die, and it would get worse and worse. The result of that? Not "wow, i had mind expanding awesomeness, lets legalize this" but "i went through crazy hell and i want a payback, lets set a law where everyone somehow involved in drugs can be shot at sight."

BUT, things could get no more nazi than they are, so, it would be just funny to see what actually would have happened. Maybe some politicians would have realized what bastards they are.

[OniEhtRedrum781]

omg that would of been great!! it would of been priceless. too bad they got caught. these guys are my heros now.

my thoughts exactly

[iwantFUEGO]

could you imagine cops... politicians... civilians... all walking around the streets trippin face everywhere? We would literally have no functional government for about 8 hours... that woulda been huge!
what a crazy plan.

[Breukelen advocaat]

This is a dead giveaway that the whole story is just a put-on:
"League Security Adviser Alphonse Malone"

Didn't anybody catch the similarity of this name to that of the famous prohibition-era gangster? :confused:

How about, "Gwen Kilmore, a Political Science Professor"?

[Breukelen advocaat]

"GOOFORDIAN - LSD Jihad thwarted in Washington DC Starbucks
By: Katie Elliott
A terrorist plot was uncovered and thwarted on Wednesday, March 31"

What's the day after March 31? :cool:

They also, for this story, spelled the paper "Goofordian". The actual name is "Guilfordian".

[johnnyAKABob]

this is clearly a made up story but it still put a strange pic in my head of george bush walking into starbucks "can i have a moca, a blueberry muffin and 2 tabs of your finest acid" lol

[jamstigator]

Aw, too bad it didn't work out, that would have really boosted ratings on C-SPAN and stuff. Lol, buncha senators and congressmen tripping balls and talking politics, that woulda been priceless! ;)

[suhl]

this was obviously fake as hell i could pick pretty much any sentence out of this to prove the point but ill take this one.

"Studies show that 99.4% of politicians take cream in their coffee, and after drinking that coffee, they'd have been tripping."

that is utter bullshit statistics show no such thing

[IanCurtisWishlist]

yeah this is bullshit. who the fuck posted this crap?

[jamstigator]

Well, if it's fake, which it probably is, it's still not a bad plan. I mean, could our politicians do any worse tripping balls than they've done NOT tripping balls? ;)

[Inferius]

"Why did they do this? Here it seems evident that they want us tripping. Why? So we couldn't make wise decisions, and might just legalize drugs. And what can we do about this? Kick 'em out of the country."
what a fucktard. Like you're going to be doing anything for 8 hours even resembling making a "descision". As if as soon as you take acid you turn into a drug hippie who swallows everything that comes his way.