Confusing relationships..

[DannyMan]

Man.. what is it about girls that makes guys go so crazy for them?
Obviously.. we all know the reason, but I don't mean it this way...this time.

Here's the story...

I kick it at my buddies' appartment fairly often since they moved out because it's our entire group's chill spot, ya know? It's all guys that live there and every night there's new and random girls swinging by to have some fun and whatnot. ;)
Anyhow, a couple weeks ago one of the roomies met this girl, and they've been going out since then. They seemed real happy and everything was great. Now.. I've had the opportunity to get a lot closer with this girl but my subconscious mind keeps telling me to stay away because it would be fucked up of me to get between the two of them.. but damn, this girl is constantly showing signs of interest (like sitting on me all the time, always playing around and flirting with me), which she doesn't do with anyone else. Hell, she barely even does that with her own boyfriend! All this geez is making me go C-R-A-Z-Y!

Now.. I've always been the kind of guy who just doesn't give a fuck and will usually do what it takes to be happy and satisfied. On that note, I stayed away from the appartment, and the girl...and got some loving from somewhere else. Satisfied? Hell no.. all I can think about is that one girl!

What do you think? Is it the fact that I have to stay away from her that makes me want to get closer and closer to her? I mean.. I figured getting laid a couple times and keeping distances would solve the problem.. but unfortunately, not at all. Perhaps I could be in love with her? I'm fucking confused.. just needed to let it out somewhere, thanks.

[DannyMan]

You know what...I'm gonna be smarter about this one..
Only time will heal.

[Thetrippinhippie]

damn, she must be something else. just keep talking to her..if the feelings are mutual, im sure a little time as friends[yeah you know, the kind that flirt back and forth but dont do anything else] getting to know each other more wont hurt anyone. if nothing happens, then she wasent the one and im sure youll run into some more broads along the way. (: good luck with this, compadre

[Breukelen advocaat]

The girl is bad news. If she's got your friend, and is teasing you, stay away. Even if you get her, she'll do the same thing to you that she's doing to your friend - or worse. Girls like this are crazymakers.

[cannabis campbell]

How close are you with this friend??

Close - Stay away

No so close - Fuck her

[El Digital]

No so close - Fuck her

and him too, i suppose. :D

[Pride]

If he's really your friend, you'd have talked to him by now about this. I know I would. How would you feel if your gf betrays you like that? Better for him to know now then for him to find out later when he's in love with her by then.

[DannyMan]

and him too, i suppose. :D

Heheheh,
I'm pretty close to the guy..but when I really think about it..he's not the friendliest friend I have. Close enough to stay away though I suppose.

Crazymakers... they seem to attract me for some reason....

[birdgirl73]

Folks who're attracted to crazymakers generally need a lot of drama in their lives.

[shoi]

fucking drama tho the sad thing is i think im drawn to drama or depression since i see things as overly dramatic and sad and shit.... just wish i could stop being depressive that is

[birdgirl73]

Shoi, you mean you tend to be depressed and are also drawn to depressive types, too?

[shoi]

no im depressive and drawn to happy types

[birdgirl73]

Oh, that's good. That'll help. And certainly it'll be better than a pairing of double-depressives.

[shoi]

ya :p


the funny thing is, is that i can like analize my problems and wats causeing them and like almost take a step back and see whats going on in my head... but unfortunatly i cant bridge this

[birdgirl73]

Can't bridge it to your behavior, you mean? And changing that as a result of realizing what's going on?

[shoi]

ya... no changes even wen i no that i have no reason to be sad and i still have a chance at w/e

[birdgirl73]

Depression'll do that--and it'll make it hard to make adjustments or changes. And it'll show up in the way you feel even when you have no seeming reason to be sad. That's why it sucks. I know. I've struggled with depression at times, too. It's the worst.

[shoi]

that it is.... but im hesitant to rlly do anything abt it... like first i dunno where i could go since i dont speak the language of the place i live and i dont want to seem like im just an emo teenager who thinks they need to be on prozac or w/e

[birdgirl73]

Where do you live, hon?

[shoi]

tokyo

[birdgirl73]

That's quite a distant place to be! Well, are you there with your mom and/or dad? They could probably help you find your way someplace to talk to someone or get some help. With someone who speaks English, I mean. There are lots of folks there who do, you know. Lots of Americans and Brits in addition to English-speaking Japanese.

[shoi]

ya im there with my whole family... dads job (hes not in the military tho :p)


ya we could prolly find a place if i looked

[birdgirl73]

It might be worth looking into, sweetie. And I'm sure they'd help you. Being young is rough enough by itself. Then add depression into the mix and living in a foreign country, and, well, some extra support could help. What's your country of origin? Just curious.

[shoi]

i am american (not even of any asian decent), i was born there and lived there until i was 11

[DannyMan]

Folks who're attracted to crazymakers generally need a lot of drama in their lives.

Drama eh?.. Interesting point.
I've always been living life to the fullest..perhaps exploiting emotions during the process. Could drama maybe be something my subconscious mind might be looking for because of my usual way of looking at life? For example.. everything's always gotta be fucking intense, and whatnot.

Maybe I should chill out and lay off the drama for a while..

That strangely made me realize some things, thanks.

[DannyMan]

that it is.... but im hesitant to rlly do anything abt it... like first i dunno where i could go since i dont speak the language of the place i live and i dont want to seem like im just an emo teenager who thinks they need to be on prozac or w/e

Aye.. I can relate to the feeling.
I used to live in Quebec, CA.. where French is the primary spoken language. I recently (4 years now) moved to California.. and while I was in the process of learning English..I was often depressed thinking I was too different and stuff.

On that note, a little advice I can give you...
The fact that you are foreign has a lot of positives. It makes you someone with a different perspective of things and it can certainly be applied for many reasons, especially with girls!
I don't know how you feel on the matter, but one thing I can assure you is to never think negatively about that..you are experiencing something that MANY young adults can only dream of every night. You know what I mean?

Hope that helps..

[birdgirl73]

Well, maybe so. But I also once heard it explained this way by a very smart and perceptive therapist. When you go in for drama and for crazymakers in relationships, there's always lots of excitement. But there's not always a lot of real intimacy or closeness. All the drama throws a big smokescreen in the way of an actual close relationship. So instead of focusing on emotional intimacy, you're focusing on the various dramatic events. This is easy to understand because being truly close and emotionally intimate is hard. We have to allow ourselves to be very vulnerable in order to do that.

This all made a lot of sense to me when I was a lot younger and still went in for dramatic, crazymaking guys. When I began to be aware of what the drama was getting in the way of, I was able to make the adjustments I needed to to hook up with a stable, tender man who was actually capable of real closeness. I don't know if this'll make sense in your situation, but it did in mine 24 years ago.

[poorprincess]

your probably not in love with her. She's definatly not in love with you. Do you love your friend? Does she?