Doctor mj
06-01-2006, 12:03 AM
Well this is for my English Writers Craft class.
I gotta write a story with flashbacks and dialouge and the typical bullshit the teacher wants.
Tell me what you think and if you feel there are any errors or something that needs to be added or removed please comment.
Tell me how you think the story should end.
Its about a guy forced to plead guilty when in reality he is innocent.
It was Sept 17, 2004 in the urban area of Morocco. There was a man laying in his bed with shorts and a white wife beater, his alarm clock read 4:20am, he wasn??t scheduled to wake up until 6. But all of a sudden his front door was smashed into by people in SWAT uniform with heavy artillery, there were also 2 men in all black business style suits looting at beigh folders with paper and pictures inside. One of the men in black came up to the just awoken man, still in his shorts and asked him if his name was Mohammed Algzeera, he said ??yes?!? and asked about why there is police in riot gear and his house turned upside down in a very thick Arabic accent. One of the men in black told Mohammed that he was being investigated for a murder case. Mohammed asked ??why me?? The men in black suits didn??t answer and just left the room, while the Moroccian SWAT team handcuffed him and had also confiscated many items in Mohammeds room such as computers,VHS tapes and cassette tapes.
Mohammed was stuffed into the back of the SWAT van, which was all white with two parallel benches and bars that laid behind the bench, were he was handcuffed. He had no clue where they were taking him, so much was going through his mind, he had just found a job in the city of Moroco, and just came back from America after doing a low paying job where he struggled to make a living over the poverty line, doing janitorial work in a private airline agency building. He thought American would have gave him a million opportunities, especially with his degree in accounting from a University in Iran. But no one hired him and janitorial work was all he can find. He needed the money desperately because he had to pay for the medical bills, since his wife was sick with Lung Cancer. Everything was so hectic for him at that time, especially after seeing the tramatic Sept, 11 unfold on his black and white T.V. in his small apartment living room.
The Swat van door opened and he was taken into a unknown building with what looked like to have about 6 or 7 floors and entered through the back of the building. Mohammed had no clue to where he was and was taken into a room which was about 8 x 8 ft wide. He was left alone still in his handcuffs, while random thoughts ran through his head, like the time he was working at the airline agency and his locker was broken into and only his passport was stolen, while his Rolex watch and leather jacket was left alone and untouched. Or the good times he had with his university buddies, but recently heard one of his friends died by doing a suicide bombing to a British embassy in Yemen.
The door opened in the small room and 3 men entered, 2 of them were the men in black suits that were at Mohammeds apartment earlier and the other guy was a armed soldier just standing by the door not saying a word.
The men in suits began questioning him about his old friends in University and his past history working in Miami, for a Private airline agency. Mohammed began answering truthfully by saying he hasn??t seen his old friends from University for about 7 years and at the airline agency all he was doing was cleaning offices. But the men in suits repeatedly asked the same questions like they didn??t believe Mohammed??s truthful answers.
The men in suits were slamming their palm on the table and demanded he tell the truth because it would save him. Then one of the men in suits asked about his whereabouts during Sept, 11. Mohammed replied by saying he was at work and explains that was the same day his passport was stolen out of his locker. The men in suits looked at each other and began showing pictures of Mohammed??s old buddy that committed a suicide bombing, and how they have evidence of him connected to the bombing and the killing of 12 Bristish Embassy workers. Mohammed open his eyes wide and his jaw dropped, with confusion and started to explain he hasn??t even spoken to any of his old friends, and demanded to see his lawyer. One of the men left the room and come back with another guy in a suit and a briefcase and introduces himself to Mohammed as David Silverstein attorney lawyer and explains he is willing to help Mohammed out of this situation, only if he listen and obeys Silversteins orders.
Silverstein lays it down to Mohammed by saying ??If you confess to the 9/11 attacks you??ll be free after 25 years.? Mohammed with his eyes stone cold in confusion and anger replies ??I haven??t done any attacks, Im not a terrorist im just a hard working citizen.?
One of the unknown men in suits interrupts and says ??That??s not what the evidence says.?
??what evidence?? Mohammed replies
The unknown man pulls out his badge which read ??Tim Bones C.I.A. agent?? and opened a beige folder which had Mohammed??s old Passport, Which was stolen back when he was working as a janitor.
??this passport was found in New York City??s JFK airport Sept 13, 2001? says Tim.
??you stole that! From me!? Mohammed says in anger
Silverstein comes in by saying ??who do you think the judge is going to believe, The cops that found the passport or your word.?
Mohammed understood he fit the typical terrorist description but knew he was innocent.
??we can help you? says Silverstein
??how??s that, your framing me and I can??t do anything about it? says Mohammed.
??If you confess or plead guilty to the 9/11 charges you??ll be put into maximum security and you??ll be fed daily and exercise whenever you want, and your wife??s medical bills will be paid off and your wife will receive a monthly cheque of $2000? Silverstein explains.
??What if I don??t?? Mohammed says.
??You??ll be found guilty anyways, the evidence is there, and who do you think the judge and jury is going to believe?? Silverstein says.
Mohammed knew he was screwed and just thought about what he should do and how serious this situation was.............
How should it end? and how would i end it?
was it a good story?
I gotta write a story with flashbacks and dialouge and the typical bullshit the teacher wants.
Tell me what you think and if you feel there are any errors or something that needs to be added or removed please comment.
Tell me how you think the story should end.
Its about a guy forced to plead guilty when in reality he is innocent.
It was Sept 17, 2004 in the urban area of Morocco. There was a man laying in his bed with shorts and a white wife beater, his alarm clock read 4:20am, he wasn??t scheduled to wake up until 6. But all of a sudden his front door was smashed into by people in SWAT uniform with heavy artillery, there were also 2 men in all black business style suits looting at beigh folders with paper and pictures inside. One of the men in black came up to the just awoken man, still in his shorts and asked him if his name was Mohammed Algzeera, he said ??yes?!? and asked about why there is police in riot gear and his house turned upside down in a very thick Arabic accent. One of the men in black told Mohammed that he was being investigated for a murder case. Mohammed asked ??why me?? The men in black suits didn??t answer and just left the room, while the Moroccian SWAT team handcuffed him and had also confiscated many items in Mohammeds room such as computers,VHS tapes and cassette tapes.
Mohammed was stuffed into the back of the SWAT van, which was all white with two parallel benches and bars that laid behind the bench, were he was handcuffed. He had no clue where they were taking him, so much was going through his mind, he had just found a job in the city of Moroco, and just came back from America after doing a low paying job where he struggled to make a living over the poverty line, doing janitorial work in a private airline agency building. He thought American would have gave him a million opportunities, especially with his degree in accounting from a University in Iran. But no one hired him and janitorial work was all he can find. He needed the money desperately because he had to pay for the medical bills, since his wife was sick with Lung Cancer. Everything was so hectic for him at that time, especially after seeing the tramatic Sept, 11 unfold on his black and white T.V. in his small apartment living room.
The Swat van door opened and he was taken into a unknown building with what looked like to have about 6 or 7 floors and entered through the back of the building. Mohammed had no clue to where he was and was taken into a room which was about 8 x 8 ft wide. He was left alone still in his handcuffs, while random thoughts ran through his head, like the time he was working at the airline agency and his locker was broken into and only his passport was stolen, while his Rolex watch and leather jacket was left alone and untouched. Or the good times he had with his university buddies, but recently heard one of his friends died by doing a suicide bombing to a British embassy in Yemen.
The door opened in the small room and 3 men entered, 2 of them were the men in black suits that were at Mohammeds apartment earlier and the other guy was a armed soldier just standing by the door not saying a word.
The men in suits began questioning him about his old friends in University and his past history working in Miami, for a Private airline agency. Mohammed began answering truthfully by saying he hasn??t seen his old friends from University for about 7 years and at the airline agency all he was doing was cleaning offices. But the men in suits repeatedly asked the same questions like they didn??t believe Mohammed??s truthful answers.
The men in suits were slamming their palm on the table and demanded he tell the truth because it would save him. Then one of the men in suits asked about his whereabouts during Sept, 11. Mohammed replied by saying he was at work and explains that was the same day his passport was stolen out of his locker. The men in suits looked at each other and began showing pictures of Mohammed??s old buddy that committed a suicide bombing, and how they have evidence of him connected to the bombing and the killing of 12 Bristish Embassy workers. Mohammed open his eyes wide and his jaw dropped, with confusion and started to explain he hasn??t even spoken to any of his old friends, and demanded to see his lawyer. One of the men left the room and come back with another guy in a suit and a briefcase and introduces himself to Mohammed as David Silverstein attorney lawyer and explains he is willing to help Mohammed out of this situation, only if he listen and obeys Silversteins orders.
Silverstein lays it down to Mohammed by saying ??If you confess to the 9/11 attacks you??ll be free after 25 years.? Mohammed with his eyes stone cold in confusion and anger replies ??I haven??t done any attacks, Im not a terrorist im just a hard working citizen.?
One of the unknown men in suits interrupts and says ??That??s not what the evidence says.?
??what evidence?? Mohammed replies
The unknown man pulls out his badge which read ??Tim Bones C.I.A. agent?? and opened a beige folder which had Mohammed??s old Passport, Which was stolen back when he was working as a janitor.
??this passport was found in New York City??s JFK airport Sept 13, 2001? says Tim.
??you stole that! From me!? Mohammed says in anger
Silverstein comes in by saying ??who do you think the judge is going to believe, The cops that found the passport or your word.?
Mohammed understood he fit the typical terrorist description but knew he was innocent.
??we can help you? says Silverstein
??how??s that, your framing me and I can??t do anything about it? says Mohammed.
??If you confess or plead guilty to the 9/11 charges you??ll be put into maximum security and you??ll be fed daily and exercise whenever you want, and your wife??s medical bills will be paid off and your wife will receive a monthly cheque of $2000? Silverstein explains.
??What if I don??t?? Mohammed says.
??You??ll be found guilty anyways, the evidence is there, and who do you think the judge and jury is going to believe?? Silverstein says.
Mohammed knew he was screwed and just thought about what he should do and how serious this situation was.............
How should it end? and how would i end it?
was it a good story?