Funny stuff

[Zandor]

I thought this was funny!

THE MIRACLE OF TOILET PAPER
Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror, complaining to my
husband that my breasts are too small.
Instead of characteristically telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically
comes up with a suggestion: "If you want your breasts to grow, then every day
take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds.
Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and I stand in front
of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts. "How long will this take?" I ask.
"They will grow larger over a period of years," he replies.
I stop. "Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day
will make them larger?"


Without missing a beat he says, "Worked for your butt, didn't it?"
He's still alive, and with a great deal of physical therapy, may even walk
again. Stupid, stupid man .

[Jdog7000]

Iv'e heard that before but it was still funny. lol

[LIP]

lmao!

[turtle420]

Hahahhaa!

That's a good one...

That dude, got none for various months...

[Garden Knowm]

LOL

SWEEEEEEEEEt

[cactusman23]

Last night, my wife and I were sitting in the living
room and I said to her, "I never want to live in a
vegetative state, dependant on some machine and fluids
from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the
plug."

She got up, unplugged the TV and then threw out my
beer.

BITCH...

[busteruk7]

pmsl :)

[Jdog7000]

U.S. Navy releases Al Qaeda Terrorist - I can't believe it!!!!!



The US Navy today announced that it has released a senior Al Qaeda terrorist after questioning him extensively for 27 days while being held prisoner aboard a US aircraft carrier in the Arabian Sea.

In a humanitarian gesture, the terrorist was given $50 US and a white 1962 Ford Fairlane automobile upon being released from custody.

The attached photo shows the terrorist on his way home just after being released by the Navy.

[Zandor]

LOL dog lol

[cactusman23]

A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things so they decide to go to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.

Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. His wife asks, "Where are you going?"
"To the kitchen" he replies.
"Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"
"Sure."
"Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" she asks.
"No, I can remember it."
"Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. You'd better write it down because you know you'll forget it."
He says, "I can remember that! You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."
"I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, so you'd better write it down!" she retorts.
Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it!
Leave me alone! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!" Then he grumbles into the kitchen.
After about 20 minutes the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.
She stares at the plate for a moment and says - "Where's my toast?

Keep Reading


Three old guys are out walking.
First one says, "Windy, isn't it?"
Second one says, "No, its Thursday!"
Third one says, "So am I, let's go get a beer."

Keep Reading


A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect."
"Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?"
"Twelve thirty."

Keep Reading


Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"
Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc. 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't say that at all. What I did say was 'You've got a heart murmur - Be careful."


Keep Reading


A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"
"No," he replied, "Arthritis."

[busteruk7]

nice very nice cactusman
heres one for ya

theres this bloke that owns a barber shop, he works there with his assistant when this man walks in and said how long for a hair cut the baber replies looking at the cue about 2 and a half hours, the bloke says cheers and walks off
that same bloke comes back the next day walks in and says how long for a haircut the barber replies looking at the cue about an hour and a half
the bloke says cheers and happily walks off
this same bloke comes back again the next day and says how long for a haircut the baber replies looking at the cue about an hour
the bloke says cheers and walks off again
the barber looks at his assistant and says dont ya think this is wierd that bloke has been in here for the past 3 days asking the same question and hasent even had a haircut the assistant replies yes
anyway the barber tells his assistant to follow this bloke to see where hes been going
the assistant returns and said that bloke is going to your house !!!!!!!
cheers all :)

[Legalizdahurb]

LOL