All humans are descendents of Adam and Eve...

[minnesota man]

Saw this on baked and had to share.

Oneironaut is gonna love this.

http://objectiveministries.org/kidz/

[Tmar.aLL.DaYmar]

this makes me feel alot better about boning my sister.

[BobBong]

Holy fuck! that's some one sided bullshit religion crap if i've ever seen it!

"Hopsiah the Kanga-Jew"

"Wouldn't you rather have just one God who loves you a bunch than a bunch of gods that don't love you at all?"

WOW.. That shit is I.G.N.O.R.A.N.T...

[BobBong]

Wow! meanwhile there is a link in another tab there to a 21+ site with obviously mature content not meant for the audience of the original website.. that shit is just wrong!
http://objectiveministries.org/shutdown/

yea, it's a link to shutdown the site.. but it's still directly linked from a site that's obviously directed at children.

[Oneironaut]

Hahaha, I've seen this one before. Never ceases to crack me up. You guys know it's a joke, right? I think it was made by the Landover Baptist guys.

[BobBong]

http://htmlgear.tripod.com/guest/control.guest?a=sign&u=objectiveministries&i=2&r=http://objectiveministries.org/

SIGN THE GUEST BOOK.. TELL EM WHAT YOU THINK!

i did.. and it felt fucking goooood.

[BobBong]

Hahaha, I've seen this one before. Never ceases to crack me up. You guys know it's a joke, right? I think it was made by the Landover Baptist guys.

hahah well, it'd explain it.. it's damn funny if it is a joke.. and damn well .. disgusting, if it isn't.

I hope to god (HAHAH) it's a joke.

[Oneironaut]

Yeah it's put out by the "Landover Baptist Church", a website that parodies extreme fundamentalist Christianity.
http://www.landoverbaptist.org/

[LIP]

If we are all children of adam and the woman... i never remember her name, then we are all related. Which sadly means, its our relatives keep pot illegal.

[Jimmicrackedcorn]

Hahaha, thats the first thing i saw this morning,
LOL, means Love Our Lord.
Thank you for the laughs, after a night of surreal dreaming, battling frogs in takeshis castle
"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life"... Isn't that COOL?!
The way it slags off the atheists, and Hubu the elephant's funny aswell
coffee........

[graph]

If you find an Atheist in your neighborhood,
TELL A PARENT OR PASTOR RIGHT AWAY!

You may be moved to try and witness to
these poor lost souls yourself, however
AVOID TALKING TO THEM!

Atheists are often very grumpy and bitter and will lash out at children or they may even try to trick you into neglecting God's Word.

Very advanced witnessing techniques are needed for these grouches. Let the adults handle them.



AHAHAHAHAHAH. Watch out! Sometimes Athiests try to give you candy and touch your naughty places!

[Euphoric]

If you find an Atheist in your neighborhood,
TELL A PARENT OR PASTOR RIGHT AWAY!

You may be moved to try and witness to
these poor lost souls yourself, however
AVOID TALKING TO THEM!

Atheists are often very grumpy and bitter and will lash out at children or they may even try to trick you into neglecting God's Word.

Very advanced witnessing techniques are needed for these grouches. Let the adults handle them.



AHAHAHAHAHAH. Watch out! Sometimes Athiests try to give you candy and touch your naughty places!

hahahaha



LOL, means Love Our Lord.

hahahaha (the h's look vaguely like 6's..and the a's are backward 6's)

[TonyD]

I've been reading some christian message boards its all really funny shit.

[graph]

Wouldn't you rather have just one God who loves you a bunch than a bunch of gods that don't love you at all?

That, coupled with the fact that the "kangajew" is named hopsiah, has caused me to loose all faith in mankind.

I know some pastor somewhere went "hmmm, how can we brainwash children? Show them cute animals with uncredited evidence, of course!"

[knave666]

How fucked up is that site? Jesus, I thought all that american baptist thing was exaggerated a bit, but they are in fact completely fucking nuts! Thats the sickest thing I've ever seen

[Jimmicrackedcorn]

Go to the online store, they got some fuckin funny pictures there.

[Funken Monken]

Yeah, well, isn't there some genetic proof now that really shows A&E to be a complete fabrication? ie no remains, no path to follow from their original existance..bbasically, they never existed.
Which is fine.
Unit you consider that good ol JC went to the cross for the original sin, commited by A&E, but if they didn't exist, he did it....uhh...

There's no god, simple!

[BobBong]

hahahahah someone else signed the guest book with my name... and put [email protected] as a email.. that's funny!!!

Ha...hahaha..

[orangeman]

this makes me feel alot better about boning my sister.

You sick fuck lol, but yeah I always knew someone back then had feelings for their family members :p

[Kush Over]

^ Incest. Yeah, ew.

Anyway. Love that Giraffenstein -- the fact carbon-14 and other methods of dating indicates that dinosaur fossils are much older than 10,000 years -- as he states -- baffles me.

And the fact they still roam the fucking planet!

Shyeah.

[Oneironaut]

You sick fuck lol, but yeah I always knew someone back then had feelings for their family members :p
Hey, don't knock incest. It's in the Bible. These two chicks get their father drunk and have sex with him to preserve the family line. Check it out:

And Lot went up out of Zoar, and dwelt in the mountain, and his two daughters with him; for he feared to dwell in Zoar: and he dwelt in a cave, he and his two daughters.

And the firstborn said unto the younger, Our father is old, and there is not a man in the earth to come in unto us after the manner of all the earth:

Come, let us make our father drink wine, and we will lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father.

And they made their father drink wine that night: and the firstborn went in, and lay with her father; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose.

And it came to pass on the morrow, that the firstborn said unto the younger, Behold, I lay yesternight with my father: let us make him drink wine this night also; and go thou in, and lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father.

And they made their father drink wine that night also: and the younger arose, and lay with him; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose.

Thus were both the daughters of Lot with child by their father.
Oh yeah right, like they just came in, gave him an erection and had sex with him without him noticing. :rolleyes: Still, it's funny.

[orangeman]

Well call me stupid or what ever but I find it hard to believe anything that is written today on something that took place beyond the 1800's (years). I mean there were no cameras, no audio. The only thing we can go by is what was "written" and what was told by mouth, and if people were the way that some people are today the stories are probably all twisted around and crap.

[Toffee]

www.truechristian.com fucking unbelievable!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[del...]

yes but if you believe in all that then you can get the genetic bottleneck even closer to us with noah and his sons, the only survivors of the flood.

[Oneironaut]

www.truechristian.com fucking unbelievable!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That is what you get when people turn to ancient texts for answers to modern problems. I just like to smile at these fundies with the smug feeling that I'm intellectually far more evolved than their ilk. They can waste their lives believing in stupid crap if they want, but their religion is doomed. Religion is dying because science (or as these guys call it, "the religion of Satan") has been explaining for hundreds of years things that religions had always invoked God to explain, like earthquakes, disease, weather, the stars, the origin of life, human consciousness, etc. Also, modern humans are beginning to realize that they are capable of constructing their own ethics using nothing but logic and the inborn ability to feel empathy for others. They don't need to rely on ancient texts and holy men to decide how to live their own lives. As Bill Hicks put it, "the reason our institutions, our traditional religions, are all crumbling, is because ... they're no longer relevant!"

[Oneironaut]

yes but if you believe in all that then you can get the genetic bottleneck even closer to us with noah and his sons, the only survivors of the flood.
Also remember Noah and his family must have had every sexually transmitted disease known to man, or else they would have all died out. Those must have been some screwed up incest babies.

[Oneironaut]

www.truechristian.com fucking unbelievable!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
After looking at that site some more, I've decided that too is a joke. What gave it away was the "pi = 3.00" bit in their logo for "Christian Science", which is a reference to 2 Chronicles 4:2:

Also he made a molten sea of ten cubits from brim to brim, round in compass, and five cubits the height thereof; and a line of thirty cubits did compass it round about.
Also there's this hilarious page, which is about a real Bible story by the way: http://www.truechristian.com/kidzbears.html

[andruejaysin]

Kangajew has me confused. Does this mean kangaroo meat is kosher?

[robert42]

also wouldnt it be true to say if the adam and eve theory was true there should only be a white race? not saying im saying there should only be a white race just saying how did other races evolve from that theory? lol why am i calling it a theory? dam i really need to start smoking weed agen lmao ... but i dunno maybe im confused by the adam and eve theory (there i go again)

damn i wish i posted this with a better avatar lol

[robert42]

http://www.truechristian.com/confessionbooth.html WOW

[Oneironaut]

also wouldnt it be true to say if the adam and eve theory was true there should only be a white race? not saying im saying there should only be a white race just saying how did other races evolve from that theory?
God did it. He can do anything. Even fix big gaping holes in logic. Didn't you know that?

[Toffee]

After looking at that site some more, I've decided that too is a joke. What gave it away was the "pi = 3.00" bit in their logo for "Christian Science", which is a reference to 2 Chronicles 4:2:

yes but what disturbs me is that there are still believe in creationism, and that the world is flat and it was created some thousands of years before (with an exact date)
i also saw two different films on MGM(metro golden Mayer) (or was it TCM Turner classic movies) anyway... about a teacher who was teaching Darwin's evolution theory, and he got jailed, and had the whole town against him, though i forgot the name of the film.
it amazes me that people like thses still exist

i am a roman catholic, and i believe in God and Christ and practice my religion and try to live a good life. i follow the Ignatian spritiuality, (the one of the jesuits) but i do not believe in all the stuff above, and i do not take the bible word for word

IMO the bible is like a huge box full of all kinds of pills to cure anything, if you take all the pills at once and mix everything you end up fucked up (in the case of the bible lots and lots of contradictions) but if you take the right one at the right time it will help you

hope i explaned good whick IMO i did

[robert42]

God did it. He can do anything. Even fix big gaping holes in logic. Didn't you know that?

i do now

PRAISE THE LORD

[Oneironaut]

http://www.truechristian.com/confessionbooth.html WOW
It's so obviously a joke. Just look at their explanation of Noah's Ark:
http://www.truechristian.com/kidznoah.html
http://www.truechristian.com/kidznoah2.html (caution: contains drawing of Noah naked and drunk with the word SLUT written on his forehead)

Kidz, God loves you! A long time ago though, God was really mad about something though. So God did something about it!

God loved everyone very much, so He said, "Nuff' said, I'll kill them all! The men, women, and the children!!". Though God didn't want to destroy everything He created! So He found an alcoholic named Noah. God told Noah to build Him an ark to hold all the animals in the world!!!

God said 2 of each of the animal species in the world got to go on the ark!! Now since there has only been about 50,000,000,000 animal species that have existed, that means Noah gathered 100,000,000,000 animals onto his ark!

Back then, people used a measurement called cubits! In America, a cubit is 1.5 feet! That means that Noah's Ark was 450 feet long, 75 feet wide, and 45 feet tall! Noah's ark was also only 3 stories tall, tall like a building!!!

Wow!! Isn't that the coolest! Noah's ark had about 101,205 square feet, or about 988,094 animals per square foot! WOW! Isn't God just amazing how He works! God and Noah both planned well and survived the 40 day and 40 night trek as the world flooded, and the 6 month period after the water receded after the 40 days and 40 nights.

[robert42]

lmfao at the noah pic :))

[eddievanzant]

Is that a real site? It seems fake.

[Oneironaut]

Of course it's fake. And it's fuckin hilarious.

[Kush Over]

^ LoL. Almost spilled my bong looking at those pictures.

[Jimmicrackedcorn]

God did it. He can do anything. Even fix big gaping holes in logic. Didn't you know that?

Hahahaha, fair play man.
Why do you need more proof really?
Why does it rain when the clouds are grey in the sky? God did it.
The tides come in as the moon traverses the sky? God did it you tit!
Thats enuff for me, oh and religion is far from dying, because it's such a pile of shit book (I say this without personal emotion, its a fact, its a work of fiction) and words already have millions of interpretations, you can interpret God is Love into any-fuckin-thing you want, and be right, take any passage from the bible and make it a completely abstract analogy, and it'll be right. This is good and all, as anybody can turn to the stories for inspiration, but what does this say of the concepts of right and wrong? the absolute fundamental concept of biblical bollox, I mean stories. And in general people love to have opinions, makes em feel all important and individual, and as the story of the incestuous whores tells, the english is worthy of a five year old, so any motherfucker can understand it, and interpret it, and it'll be right.
Praise the Lord!
Amen!
And Jesus, he did cometh DOOOOOOOWN from the heavens!
Amen!!
And Jesus proclaimed that he was the SOOOOOON of GOooooooD!
Amen!!!
And Jesus doth, cometh to errr.....speaketh of alleth that matterseth!
Amen!!!
Blindly believe this crazy motherfuckin hippy, and be acceptedeth in to the kingdom of heaven once you die!
Amen!!!!
For God is love, WHO IS God, who is love, who IIIIIIS beloved!!!!!
Amen!!!!!!!
Love, love, LOVETH, BELOVED, LOVE LOVE, BELOOOOOVE THE LOVED, YOU ARE LOVED, GoooooD is Love, Love is everything, YOU ARE LOVE!!! JEEEEEEEESUS WALKS!!!! He is Love! who is beloved! Who is GOOOOOOOD! Thank ye! thank ye! Jesus Loves Ya! Amen! NOW deposit the motherfuckin money in to the basket bitch! Love is free, but my time isn't!! Love!!!

Religion is scary as fuck, I hate talking to religious people, they freak me out! Its not there opinion ure fighting against, but to them the word of God, who is the all singing all dancing ringleader of existance, what a bunch of fucked up ppl we are, I don't believe anything to the letter of the law, the only certainty I have in life is what I feel, and I employ words to describe them, when people start trying to let words tell you how you should feel, you are a crazy, neurotic, insecure individual, who is in for one hell of a mindfuck. I can't believe it exists hahaha! I'd love to meet the author of the Bible.

[da haze meister]

LMFAO
im a jew
and i find this funny
jesus was nothing but a stupid fucking jew hippy.
he was crucified
so the fuck what

[da haze meister]

oh btw jesus was black. just so ya'll know. black jew. we started civilization. recognize, bitch!

[puffpuffand away]

Tmar.all.daymar...u r 1 sick pig...wat u said is the most discusting thread i have seen on this site ...u make me wanna puke...PIG

[Oneironaut]

Tmar.all.daymar...u r 1 sick pig...wat u said is the most discusting thread i have seen on this site ...u make me wanna puke...PIG
Oh, come on, it was just a little joke about incest. What's so disgusting about incest? If you'd read the story of Sodom and Gomorrah, you'd know that incest isn't nearly as bad as, say, homosexuality. God saves Lot and his family from the destruction of the towns because they're the only moral people there, and then Lot's daughters get him drunk and fuck his brains out with no punishment from God.

http://www.truechristian.com/kidzlot2.html

And Lot went up out of Zoar, and dwelt in the mountain, and his two daughters with him; for he feared to dwell in Zoar: and he dwelt in a cave, he and his two daughters.

And the firstborn said unto the younger, Our father is old, and there is not a man in the earth to come in unto us after the manner of all the earth:

Come, let us make our father drink wine, and we will lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father.

And they made their father drink wine that night: and the firstborn went in, and lay with her father; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose.

And it came to pass on the morrow, that the firstborn said unto the younger, Behold, I lay yesternight with my father: let us make him drink wine this night also; and go thou in, and lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father.

And they made their father drink wine that night also: and the younger arose, and lay with him; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose.

Thus were both the daughters of Lot with child by their father.

And the first born bare a son, and called his name Moab: the same is the father of the Moabites unto this day.

And the younger, she also bare a son, and called his name Benammi: the same is the father of the children of Ammon unto this day.

[Reefer Rogue]

Funny shit.

[Kitty Kat]

One word...Ok two words...haha

[LIP]

How fucked up is that site? Jesus, I thought all that american baptist thing was exaggerated a bit, but they are in fact completely fucking nuts! Thats the sickest thing I've ever seen

Indeed. People who belive that strongly should be put into secure sells and left with a bible... They've lost it... and its not normal.... seriously not normal.

[LIP]

It's bullshit. Theres so many contradictions... Were not allowed to breathe!!

[Oneironaut]

Indeed. People who belive that strongly should be put into secure sells and left with a bible... They've lost it... and its not normal.... seriously not normal.
I think it would be funnier if they were left with a copy of Darwin's Origin of Species and a Hustler.

[whitewalltoker]

h-o-l-y shit, I went to that truechristian site, they have a picture of muhammed saying behead all those who say islam is barbaric, Iwish i could get whoever drew that slap him on the face, shove his face in my shit, shove his face in his own shit, piss on him, then hold him at gunpoint while he says "Jesus is the best lover ever."

I mean way back when, the muslims actually trolerated christians, you know it was like you leave us alone we leave you alone, then the crusades fucked it all up, that and people trying to convert them and saying shit like "your religion is a piece of shit with a severed cock on it"

[whitewalltoker]

whoops, I guess it was a joke, I didn't think it was at first glance, I looked at "why evolutionismists are so dumb, and saw a picture of an ugly apparently communist evolutionist and a gay creationist and realized it was a joke

[Jimmicrackedcorn]

http://www.truechristian.com/kidzjob.html
The tale of Job is always an interesting one, I remember getting told this when I was a kid, and thinking of it in the same way that it is portrayed there.

[StOneD.aS.FuK]

i beleive all relegious people are brainwashed. its just the way they grew up, mabey their parents would encourage religion and they would learn to respect it and it would be part of their lives, i use to beleive in god, until i releised i dont want to respect a god that hasnt proven its existance and has made such a fucking helll for us all to live in.
people using god as an excuse for their existance is pathetic.

of coarse all you relegious..."people" would object to that...but im sorry to say U ALL HAVE BEEN BRAINWASHED AT BIRTH, U KNOW NOTHING BETTER.

all us others know the truth...and the truth is that relegion is a passing fase and we know living with or without the bible, will result no different.