Graehstone
03-20-2006, 03:38 PM
I know that some of you suffer from them as well as I do . I would like to share with you my "impression" of the first and worst I have ever had. It seems that I have had them all my life and just didn't realize it till "the big one" hit.
This is what it felt like:
Picture a pin, an ordinary pin that you would find sticking in a pin cushion in your sewing basket. Now imagine this pin being a bit on the longer side, as far as pins go, say maybe the length of your middle finger, and that it is shiny and new and pointy, very pointy.
Now take this pin and hold it in your hand, look at it and marvel at its simplicity and its function.
Raise the pin slowly up into the air and take a closer look at it, look at the material it is made out of. Look at the texture on the metal see the miniscule nicks and scratches on its surface. Now look at the tip, look even closer at the tip, the business end of the pin, the tip of the pin is flawless, it??s beautiful.
Now imagine your hand holding the pin as you look at it closely, very closely, as you study the tip of the pin wanting to see every single indentation, scratch, ding on its surface, you move it closer to your eye in order to see it better.
When all of a sudden pure terror takes hold of you as you realize you no longer are the master of your limbs, they move of their own volition and they have their own agenda.
The pin is now pressed between your thumb and forefinger in your left hand and as your fingers caress it, turning it side to side, letting it play between your fingers as it gets turned half a turn clockwise and half a turn counter clockwise, faster, faster still until the pin becomes warm between your fingers, your thumb and finger become warm and your hand moves closer, closer still to your left eye.
You can??t move your head, or feel your legs, you can??t move ? anything, other than your left hand, the one holding the pin.
The pin is now the only thing in your world; it fills your vision obliterating everything else.
As it ever so slowly enters your eye, fingers still twirling it, rotating it, little stars dance in front of you, pain is an old friend and he has returned with a special gift this time.
Rooster tails of color shoot in all directions as it slides deeper.
What would happen if you pushed, twirled, just a little more, just a little deeper, would the color and pain go away, would you find bliss, peace, release?
The pin enters your brain and the universe explodes. Planets are tossed from their orbits, Tidal waves crash onto the beaches tearing everything in their wake to shreds. A thousand train whistles erupt inside your head and Lava flows from your ears. The world has ended, there is no light, there is no solid ground there is only the pin as it drives deeper and deeper into your brain.
The wife and I were already in bed when a slight pressure began to build up behind my left eye, within minutes it had gotten to the point where I was ice cold from head to toe and perspiring profusely at the same time. The pressure peaked in a crescendo of pain and my mind exploded. My wife says this ??episode? lasted eight to ten hours and that the last four of them I was stretched out over the toilet and retching my miserable guts out all the while the explosions kept going off in my head.
The Doc says it was a Migraine headache and that I had in all likelihood had them all my life and never knew it. They were just never this bad before.
Since this explosion in my head I have had several close calls where I was able to avoid that damn pin entering my brain again. It just sticks there in my left eye waiting for me to push it in further and further.
And so I sit in fear and pray it won??t happen again.
The severity of this headache is caused by all the medication that I am on to keep me from going insane because of lower back pain.
So I am stuck between a rock and a very hard place. Stop taking the pain meds for my back and Satan won??t come out to play with my left eye but will use my spine to jump rope with instead, or continue taking the pain meds so I can keep functioning as a human being (sort of) and run the risk of having one of these headaches when my wife is not home which would probably be the end of me.
Never in my life have I ever thought of killing myself, I am no stranger to pain, pain and I are old friends and we know how to live with each other, but this, this was pure evil erupting inside of my head and had I been physically able to, during this episode, I would have ended it right there and then without a seconds hesitation.
I tire.
There are good days and there are not so good days. I am keeping my fingers crossed that the good ones will outnumber the not so good ones.
I am thankful for ? friends and their help, they are lifesavers.:smokin: in every sense of the word (Ok, except for them not being candies, that would be silly :stoned: )
I marvel at the strength and resilience of my most wonderful and beautiful of all mankind??s wives, Mine.
She is my light, my life.
Thanks for reading ;)
This is what it felt like:
Picture a pin, an ordinary pin that you would find sticking in a pin cushion in your sewing basket. Now imagine this pin being a bit on the longer side, as far as pins go, say maybe the length of your middle finger, and that it is shiny and new and pointy, very pointy.
Now take this pin and hold it in your hand, look at it and marvel at its simplicity and its function.
Raise the pin slowly up into the air and take a closer look at it, look at the material it is made out of. Look at the texture on the metal see the miniscule nicks and scratches on its surface. Now look at the tip, look even closer at the tip, the business end of the pin, the tip of the pin is flawless, it??s beautiful.
Now imagine your hand holding the pin as you look at it closely, very closely, as you study the tip of the pin wanting to see every single indentation, scratch, ding on its surface, you move it closer to your eye in order to see it better.
When all of a sudden pure terror takes hold of you as you realize you no longer are the master of your limbs, they move of their own volition and they have their own agenda.
The pin is now pressed between your thumb and forefinger in your left hand and as your fingers caress it, turning it side to side, letting it play between your fingers as it gets turned half a turn clockwise and half a turn counter clockwise, faster, faster still until the pin becomes warm between your fingers, your thumb and finger become warm and your hand moves closer, closer still to your left eye.
You can??t move your head, or feel your legs, you can??t move ? anything, other than your left hand, the one holding the pin.
The pin is now the only thing in your world; it fills your vision obliterating everything else.
As it ever so slowly enters your eye, fingers still twirling it, rotating it, little stars dance in front of you, pain is an old friend and he has returned with a special gift this time.
Rooster tails of color shoot in all directions as it slides deeper.
What would happen if you pushed, twirled, just a little more, just a little deeper, would the color and pain go away, would you find bliss, peace, release?
The pin enters your brain and the universe explodes. Planets are tossed from their orbits, Tidal waves crash onto the beaches tearing everything in their wake to shreds. A thousand train whistles erupt inside your head and Lava flows from your ears. The world has ended, there is no light, there is no solid ground there is only the pin as it drives deeper and deeper into your brain.
The wife and I were already in bed when a slight pressure began to build up behind my left eye, within minutes it had gotten to the point where I was ice cold from head to toe and perspiring profusely at the same time. The pressure peaked in a crescendo of pain and my mind exploded. My wife says this ??episode? lasted eight to ten hours and that the last four of them I was stretched out over the toilet and retching my miserable guts out all the while the explosions kept going off in my head.
The Doc says it was a Migraine headache and that I had in all likelihood had them all my life and never knew it. They were just never this bad before.
Since this explosion in my head I have had several close calls where I was able to avoid that damn pin entering my brain again. It just sticks there in my left eye waiting for me to push it in further and further.
And so I sit in fear and pray it won??t happen again.
The severity of this headache is caused by all the medication that I am on to keep me from going insane because of lower back pain.
So I am stuck between a rock and a very hard place. Stop taking the pain meds for my back and Satan won??t come out to play with my left eye but will use my spine to jump rope with instead, or continue taking the pain meds so I can keep functioning as a human being (sort of) and run the risk of having one of these headaches when my wife is not home which would probably be the end of me.
Never in my life have I ever thought of killing myself, I am no stranger to pain, pain and I are old friends and we know how to live with each other, but this, this was pure evil erupting inside of my head and had I been physically able to, during this episode, I would have ended it right there and then without a seconds hesitation.
I tire.
There are good days and there are not so good days. I am keeping my fingers crossed that the good ones will outnumber the not so good ones.
I am thankful for ? friends and their help, they are lifesavers.:smokin: in every sense of the word (Ok, except for them not being candies, that would be silly :stoned: )
I marvel at the strength and resilience of my most wonderful and beautiful of all mankind??s wives, Mine.
She is my light, my life.
Thanks for reading ;)