Do I have a chance?

[Jibboom]

Hey all, dunno whether this is the right forum or not to be posting this in, or whether i should bother posting it at all but here go's..
so there's this girl at my workplace (i work part-time) who has mostly the same shifts as me. We met and started hanging out at work around about last summer. We really hit it off for the first few weeks that we knew each other, but things kind of cooled down for a bit. Then about october time she was smitten with me lol. She'd always be around me at work. Pinching my ass and just general flirty things like that. Then one night when she was very drunk she sent me a text message saying that she loved me and wanted to have sex with me. The first time we spoke after that, she was embarassed but i just said stuff along the lines of 'i know you were drunk and didn't mean it'. But i never asked her whether she did actually mean it or not! i know im an idiot. I wasn't really interested in starting a relationship then for reasons i won't get into so i guess thats why i didn't really give her the chance to admit she felt like that. After that i kinda backed off a bit at work and whenever she'd be hanging around with me i'd be quite distant and wasn't really particularly friendly at all (another stupid move). So fast forward to recently, and my feelings for her have been growing, quite a lot! But she's told me about this other guy who she likes but he has a girlfriend and he's not prepared to leave her. I don't know how far they've gone, she said she hadnt slept with him though, not that it's any of my business anyway i know. I sure pick my times don't I? :thumbsup: Anyway, i was just wondering if anyone had been in a similar situation or if anyone had any opinions on whether i should tell her how i feel, just be a friend etc.. I know it probably sounds like i only want her cus someone else has her but that's not the case. Just really bad timing! Well if you've read this far well done and thanks :P . Sorry if you were expecting any juicey details or anything there's not really anything to tell hehe. There may be soon hopefully, depends how things work out, and maybe depends on the advice i get from fellow board members hehe. Thanks :)

[Powder Puff]

Just confront her, say you didn't know how to react when she sent that text.. Just tell her you'r REALLY sorry you didn't tell her whatever.. (I'm REALLY HIGH right now:stoned: ) I know.. you get drunk, and send her a text similar to the one she sent you.. Just a little less sexual..!:p Tell her you want her, but instead of sex, say kiss!:)

I love you.. <---- Bit to extreem.. Ask her out!! How old are you??:)

[Herbus]

Let her know be honest i know it's difficult. If you don't you will never know and that's worse then some potential embarassment.

[beachguy in thongs]

I sure pick my times don't I? :thumbsup: Anyway, i was just wondering if anyone had been in a similar situation or if anyone had any opinions on whether i should tell her how i feel, just be a friend etc.. I know it probably sounds like i only want her cus someone else has her but that's not the case. Just really bad timing! Well if you've read this far well done and thanks :P . Sorry if you were expecting any juicey details or anything there's not really anything to tell hehe. There may be soon hopefully, depends how things work out, and maybe depends on the advice i get from fellow board members hehe. Thanks :)
So, twenty years down the road, what do you wish you would've done in this situation? Do it. Some girls only have one man in there life, don't wait until after she's had her's.

[Ganjasaurusrex]

A girl in your workplace. Flirting.
Things cooled down a bit after a couple of weeks of knowing one another.
Things picked back up again.
Just be a friend or tell her feelings?/feelings are growing alot.
She's telling you about another guy, but he has a girlfriend.
You didnt really want a relationship.
She sent you a message while intoxicated saying she wanted you and you said "I know you really didnt mean it". Because she was intoxicated.
You "backed off" and called it a stupid move.



Your obviously interested in her. The problems I see is that your on the verge of blowing it all together.

Telling her your feelings a.k.a "spilling your guts" is a huge mistake. There is an old saying, "Dont wear your heart on your sleave". Be honest always. But be very careful about openess about your feelings. Its important to NOT let her know where she stands with you. Be an emotional challenge. I want you to keep this to yourself, no conformations. Words like "might", "maybe" etc. are better mindsets.

You MIGHT have feelings for her is what you must tell YOURSELF. Do not project YOUR interest level into her. When you do this it becomes about YOUR interest level. It needs to be about HER interest level and the things you can do to increase that.

Spilling your guts by telling her how YOU feel will do several things along with making her feeling obligated, which is what you dont want. Adoration is also bad in that your feet are off the ground and your not thinking straight. Then again it becomes about YOU which is what you dont want. Keep yourself grounded or you will get sloppy. Let her be the one to enjoy the adoration not you.

Always pay attention to HER body language and bottom line HER actions. Telling her your feelings is a wrong approach. She is more interested in how YOU make HER feel. Men and women must come together slowly in relationships. If something isnt feeling right back off, dont do more of.

She probably interpreted your NOT wanting a relationship and the fact that you backed off at work as a challenge, which is a good thing! The only thing is you think this is bad and regret it????

It is always best to move slow with a woman. Go in slow, stop then backup and let her come to you. You inadvertantly were doing the right things and didnt know it.

You have to show her you can live without her and establish respect as early as possible in the relationship when she tests you on it. That means not taking her back on disrespect. Very important. You draw that line verbally or non verbally to let her know you are to be respected. This seperates you from the "nice" guy who gets no respect therefore no love.

In a woman's world, no respect for yourself = no love. Even the nicest women will test you, so expect it. Dont take it personally just know what to do.

Also expect jealousy and possesiveness tests. Where she hugs or flirts with another guy in front of you. Its important not to show negative emotions of jealousy and possessiveness in front of her.

Act like you could care less and be ready to walk if she goes to far with another guy and you see it with your own eyes. Never fight to win someones love it goes against mother nature. Just walk away, be patient and watch what happens.

Being a "Friend" means not being a lover. That parallels being "nice", same thing.
Dont allow yourself to fall into the "friend" or the "nice" catagory.

Your about to enter both.


Nice means in woman language that your NOT being an emotional challenge.

Its important to be chivalrous, polite and have manners, that is the gentle part of gentleman. Dont confuse that with what she means by nice. If you spill your guts she will see you as a nice/friend. So play your cards close to your chest with openess.

Open up very, very slowly. Let her do more so than you.Keep her wondering. And challenge her emotionally, your independent and have things to do, yet when your around her you give her the things she needs. Make her work for you. Dont hand yourself to her. That is boring to her.

She is talking about a guy she likes but he has a girlfriend. What she is really saying is chase me. Ignore the talk about other guys. Sure, she has a boyfriend he just happens to be in Antarctica right now. lol. Typically they all have boyfriends. I never ask. And I dont care to know if she likes me or not because I look at the body language and see if they match the words. Bottom line her actions toward you.

If she is flirting in the first place what does that tell you from the beginning? Your following the words and not paying attention to what she is really saying, which is, "I am interested in you".

Roughly 60 days is the groundwork for your relationship. It is too early for romance and still a little early for affection. A little affection is ok to let her know there MIGHT be more of that in the future. Respect her always.

Go easy on affection. Use it lightly like well chosen sincere compliments. A little goes a long way. If your too heavy on those two things it can kill it. So going lightly this will make her want more, especially if you make yourself less availble and present yourself as a challenge.

You can induce emotional dependence by being a good reflective listener.
Listen to her talk and be quiet. Then verbalize the scope of her thoughts in your own words and say it back to her in your own words.

Remember to cut your time short together and you be the first to leave on a high note.

So being a good reflective listener, complimenting lightly and showing affection lightly and making yourself less available, and creating availability perception will make her chase you.

You must show confidence, self-control and be challenging. That is what she needs from you most in the beginning. Later you introduce a little more affection & romance, but respect is always given regardless.

Give her a single red rose after about 60 days when you think your relationship is set. A little more affection at this point and add some romance. Keep it light and regular.

Dont talk on her answering machine until after this point. You give up self-control and patience when you do.

You must show her confidence and lead.

Plan dates. Say, "Give me your home telephone number". wait 5-9 days to call her. She wont forget you. She will be anticipating your call. Dont call the next day. Patience and challenge go hand in hand. Take her out on a weekday.

You are not available on weekends for at least the first 3 weeks into dating. Disappear on the weekends. Have something to do. Its all about perception. If she makes a counter offer for a weekend. You are not available. Counter back with another weekday, accept a Sunday if she only has weekends off. But no Fridays or Saturdays for 3 weeks into dating.

She will be wondering, anticipating which is what you want, confirmations kill the challenge. If she says why you didnt call? Say, I just did. Its not written anywhere that you have to call, maybe you are busy.

Make yourself less available. You be the one to leave first, end the phone conversations first etc. Women always cut things short first. Why do you think that is?


Leave on a high note. By that I mean when you two get together briefly for conversation that at some point in your conversation when it reaches a high point, Politely leave. Leave on a high note. She will be thinking about you when she cant see you.

Never say "Ill call you" , that is anti-challenge. No conformations remember. Wait 5-9 days to call her again. or tell her to call YOU.

You need to create a situation where this whole thing becomes her idea of her having chose you and chased to catch you. As opposed to you asking for acceptance in showing her your feelings.

Reread the above paragraph.


If she sent you a message while intoxicated saying she wanted to have sex with you,
but you turned around and said she didnt mean it because she was intoxicated.

There is the gentle in gentleman, chivilrous, manners, commands respect. And there is the MAN in gentleman.

Dont play this down by saying to her she didnt really mean it.
She's hinting to you and maybe she really was sober. Or maybe she was intoxicated and is telling you how she feels about you and it slipped out.

Mr. Man. dont disguise your sexuality. You are a gentle-Man.

















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[Its a Plant]

man, almost the same situation happened with me a few years ago. Really, it felt like I was the one who wrote that. Man, just listen to the advice on here and do what your heart (or your kakk) tell you to do.

[Jibboom]

Hey all thanks very much for the advice. I really appreciate it :)
Ganjasaurusrex, what you say makes a lot of sense i wouldn't mind asking you a couple of questions about this, have you got msn? if you wanna add me 'find all posts' of mine and there are a few with my address in.

i forgot to say a couple things..

She said a few days ago that she was feeling down about the fact that this person won't leave his girlfriend for her. and that she was thinking of just giving up on him. i get so many mixed messages from her i'm just really confused. i would love to believe that she still likes me but i don't know. she always seems to make an effort to make me jealous if another boy that she knows is around..or perhaps she's just being flirty like she was with me and i'm thinking i'm special when i'm not..

i like to think i can tell when a girl isn't interested. i seem to have known quite clearly in the past with other ppl. it was obvious a couple months back that this girl liked me tho. alot i think hehe. and i dont think she does as much now..i dont THINK anyway, it's not as overt (right word?) as it was. but you know how when a girl isn't into you and you'll make some comment that would elude to going out/being together they usually back off or play it down or something. but this girl at the moment doesn't. like i jokingly mentioned that when i got back into my town after a nite out at about midnight that i was gonna call her and see if she wanted to meet up (i didnt say it so formally but i cant remember my exact words) and she was like 'ah you should have. i'd have come out' then the conversation got a bit awkward cus how do you really follow that up lol. i'm trying to give you all a clear picture so you can make the most informed decisions you can but i don't think im doing a very good job. if any of you wanna talk to me over msn about this for whatever reason follow instructions at top of post i gave to ganjasaurus. cheers :)