'Twas the Night Before Solstice

[Torog]

'Twas the Night Before Solstice

By: Bill O'Reilly for BillOReilly.com
Thursday, Dec 08, 2005


Way back in 1822 Clement Clarke Moore wrote a poem called "'Twas the Night Before Christmas," which was first published in the New York Sentinel journal. Moore, the son of the New York Bishop who had presided at George Washington's inauguration, had no idea his verse would become world famous, beloved by people everywhere.
But because there is mention of a certain "Saint Nicholas" in the poem it may, alas, have to be revised in order not to offend Americans who don't believe in saints or even Christmas for that matter. We cannot be having any exclusionary poems now, can we?

So with apologies to Clement Moore and everybody else, I humbly submit this updated poem for your consideration:

'Twas the night before Solstice, and all through the land
the ACLU was watching to keep things in hand.
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
while forces kept Christmas out of their heads.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my bed and heard desperate chatter.
Someone had seen my manger display,
And wailed very loudly - go away, go away.

How could I be so crass, so utterly wrong
To show the infant Jesus and sing him a song?


And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
An ACLU lawyer, looking stern and aloof.
No manger! No caroling! he said with a snort,
And if you don't comply immediately, I'll take you to court!

He was chubby and plump, a right surly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him in spite of myself.
He dallied no more, but went straight to his phone
Lamenting the manger, in a most pitiful moan.

But I in the spirit, said nothing unkind
Christmas is forgiveness whatever you find.
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.

Christmas will survive, the folks will demand it,
Even if secular lawyers will not understand it.
Then I heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight,
Happy Solstice to all, and to all a good night!

[Polymirize]

what a great post. I didn't actually read it, but I skimmed the title.

Happy Solstice indeed,

Its perfect that we have these great examples of solstice stories, they remind me of the old "christmas" traditions, just as those traditions remind me of the old pagan beliefs. Such as decorating with holly and putting up the festive "christmas tree"
I think it's great that we can all put aside our differences and focus on how humanity has, for eons, celebrated the longest darkness and return to light in so many ways, without needing to focus on our own particular favorite way as having any special importance.

Happy Solstice to all!

[Breukelen advocaat]

what a great post. I didn't actually read it, but I skimmed the title.
Happy Solstice indeed,Its perfect that we have these great examples of solstice stories, they remind me of the old "christmas" traditions, just as those traditions remind me of the old pagan beliefs. Such as decorating with holly and putting up the festive "christmas tree"I think it's great that we can all put aside our differences and focus on how humanity has, for eons, celebrated the longest darkness and return to light in so many ways, without needing to focus on our own particular favorite way as having any special importance.Happy Solstice to all!

I know that you've got to be kidding. Bill O'Reilly is not advocating Solstice - he hates it. He goes for the new-fangled, crazy-assed worship of the alleged union between a ghost and a jewish teenaged "virgin" in the middle east two thousand years ago. When she shit out the little bastard "wise men" came with presents for it. The freak is supposed to be a great god that can keep you from burning for eternity in his father's proud kingdom of hell - presided over by another type of god, the "devil" (also created by the fuck-up father), whom the whole lot of the stupid trinity seems unable to control - or perhaps they rely on Satan for their insatiable need for the worship and subservience of humans.

O'Reilly is just an asshole from Long Island that pretends to be "tough". Howard Stern, no great mind himself, told him to shut-up on the "No-Spin Zone" show the other night, and O'Reilly backed down - only to mock Stern the next night when Howard wasn't there.

P.S. O'Reilly is against abortion, AND the death penalty. Of course, he's rich enough to live in luxury and doesn't have to worry much about being victimized by the scum that he'd let loose on the rest of us. He can also afford escorts and bodyguards, because he'd shit in his pants if anybody even remotely was in any way agressive to him when, or if, they were alone. This guy couldn't hold his own against a bar rag, or an intelligent mind for that matter. Even his liberal nemesis Al Frankin could twist him into a pretzel, in a debate OR in a fight.

Happy Solstice!

[Torog]

Howdy Breukelen,

Your reply was so disgusting and offensive,that I could not bring myself to qoute it..and it most likely does not deserve the dignity of a response.

You reap what ye sow..and if you put out such awful,negative crap-then that's what you will recieve in return. May God have Mercy on yer soul..cuz yer gonna need it !

Have a good one ....

[Oneironaut]

I know that you've got to be kidding. Bill O'Reilly is not advocating Solstice - he hates it. He goes for the new-fangled, crazy-assed worship of the alleged union between a ghost and a jewish teenaged "virgin" in the middle east two thousand years ago. When she shit out the little bastard "wise men" came with presents for it. The freak is supposed to be a great god that can keep you from burning for eternity in his father's proud kingdom of hell - presided over by another type of god, the "devil" (also created by the fuck-up father), whom the whole lot of the stupid trinity seems unable to control - or perhaps they rely on Satan for their insatiable need for the worship and subservience of humans.

O'Reilly is just an asshole from Long Island that pretends to be "tough". Howard Stern, no great mind himself, told him to shut-up on the "No-Spin Zone" show the other night, and O'Reilly backed down - only to mock Stern the next night when Howard wasn't there.

P.S. O'Reilly is against abortion, AND the death penalty. Of course, he's rich enough to live in luxury and doesn't have to worry much about being victimized by the scum that he'd let loose on the rest of us. He can also afford escorts and bodyguards, because he'd shit in his pants if anybody even remotely was in any way agressive to him when, or if, they were alone. This guy couldn't hold his own against a bar rag, or an intelligent mind for that matter. Even his liberal nemesis Al Frankin could twist him into a pretzel, in a debate OR in a fight.

Happy Solstice!
Hahahaha, that had me in stitches. Keep it up.

http://www.rotten.com/library/bio/entertainers/pundits/bill-oreilly/

[weirdo79]

"Happy solstice to all and too all a good new year within 6 months of this time said!" (within the next 6 months or so covers every cultures new year doesnt it>? not actually sure bout that one he he)

[Stoner Shadow Wolf]

OMG OMG OMG i want a zombie jesus for christmas!

[Breukelen advocaat]

Hahahaha, that had me in stitches. Keep it up.]
OK, here's a nice little poem I found. I'm working on the REAL story of the "virgin birth", and will probably finish it before long.

- The Night Before Christmas -

Twas the night before Christmas, and God it was neat.
The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat.
The doors were all bolted, the phone off the hook,
It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook.

Momma in her teddy and I in the nude,
Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube.
When out on the lawn there arose such a cry,
That I lost my boner, and momma went dry.

Up to the window I sprang like an elf,
Tore back the shade while she played with herself.
The moon on the crest of the snowman we'd built,
Showed a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt.

When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangey reindeer.
With a fat little driver, half out of the sled,
A sock in his ear and a bra on his head.

Sure as I'm speaking, he was high as a kite,
And he yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right.
Woa Shithead, woa Asshole, woa Stupid, woa Putz,
Either slow down this rig or I'll cut off your nuts.

Look out for the lamp post, and don't hit the tree,
Quit shaking the sleigh, 'cause I gotta go pee.
They cleared the old lamp post, the tree got a rub,
Just as Santa leaned out and threw up on my shrub.

And then from the roof we heard such a clatter,
As each little reindeer now emptied his bladder.
I was donning my jockies, to cover my ass,
When down the chimney Santa came with a crash.

His suit was all smelly with perfume galore,
He looked like a bum and he smelled like a whore.
"That was some brothel," he said with a smile,
"The reindeer are pooped, and I'll just stay awhile"

He walked to the kitchen for himself poured a drink,
Then whipped out his pecker and pissed in the sink.
I started to laugh, my wife smiled with glee,
The old boy was hung nearly down to his knee.

Back in the den, Santa reached in his sack,
But his toys were all gone, and some new things were packed.
The first thing he found was a pair of false tits,
The next was a handgun with a penis that spits.

A box filled with condoms was Santa's next find,
And six pair of panties, the edible kind.
A bra without nipples, a penis extension,
And several more things I shouldn't even mention.

A fuck ring, a G-string, and all types of oil,
And a dildo so long that it lay in a coil.
"This stuff ain't for kids, Mrs. Santa will shit,
So I'll leave 'em here, and then I'll just split."

He filled every stocking and then took his leave,
With one tiny butt plug stuck under his sleeve.
He sprang to his sleigh, but his feet were like lead,
Thus he fell on his ass and broke wind instead.

In time he was seated, took reigns of his hitch,
Saying, "Take me home, Rudolf. This night's been a bitch!"
The sleigh was near gone when we heard Santa shout,
"The best thing about pussy is you can't wear it out!!"
anon.- collected on the internet
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
And the day will come when the mystical generation of Jesus, by the supreme being as his father in the womb of a virgin will be classed with the fable of the generation of Minerve in the brain of Jupiter. But may we hope that the dawn of reason and freedom of thought in these United States will do away with this artificial scaffolding, and restore to us the primitive and genuine doctrines of this most venerated reformer of human errors.

-Thomas Jefferson, Letter to John Adams, April 11, 1823

[Myth1184]

O'Reilly is just an asshole from Long Island that pretends to be "tough". Howard Stern, no great mind himself, told him to shut-up on the "No-Spin Zone" show the other night, and O'Reilly backed down - only to mock Stern the next night when Howard wasn't there.

----

I can tell you didnt watch the show

[Breukelen advocaat]

I can tell you didnt watch the show

Not the whole thing. It's hard to take two assholes, one worse than the next.

I saw Stern threaten to beat him up - joking, of course, but O'Reilly was silent for a while.

The other thing O'Reilly did was focus an inordinate amount of time on whether Stern would take advantage of his new job, on pay-to-listen satellite radio, and spend most of his time mouthing off with foul language. Stern denied this, reminded O'Reilly that his (Stern) work is considered comedic, and that he's only trying to provide a better radio show, to the widest audience, since his right to freedom of expression has been minimized by censorship. I don't even tune-in to Stern, but he's got a right to be on the air if people are interested in listening to him. The following night I heard O'Reilly read a viewer's letter that blasted Stern.

Since I didn't see either show entirely, it's likely that I am missing something.................... but who the hell really cares about couple of rich, lame-brained middle-aged dolts, both of whom cater to the lowest common denominators in their respective audiences, lol?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

[lemonboy]

Your reply was so disgusting and offensive,that I could not bring myself to qoute it..and it most likely does not deserve the dignity of a response.You're the one that started this by posting MULTIPLE threads making fun of solstice and those who celebrate it. The fundamental problem with Christianity has been and will always be it's follower's mission to convert the rest of the world. Only a very weak person would be so easily swayed.

[Polymirize]

I know that you've got to be kidding. Bill O'Reilly is not advocating Solstice - he hates it. He goes for the new-fangled, crazy-assed worship of the alleged union between a ghost and a jewish teenaged "virgin" in the middle east two thousand years ago. When she shit out the little bastard "wise men" came with presents for it. The freak is supposed to be a great god that can keep you from burning for eternity in his father's proud kingdom of hell - presided over by another type of god, the "devil" (also created by the fuck-up father), whom the whole lot of the stupid trinity seems unable to control - or perhaps they rely on Satan for their insatiable need for the worship and subservience of humans.


Of course I was kidding, you read the first sentence right?

But my main point being, hey, happy whatever-the-hell-you-want-to-call-this-particular-season, because most people seem to celebrate about now regardless of their background.

And yeah, O'Reilly sucks ass, I get it...

[Breukelen advocaat]

Of course I was kidding, you read the first sentence right?But my main point being, hey, happy whatever-the-hell-you-want-to-call-this-particular-season, because most people seem to celebrate about now regardless of their background. And yeah, O'Reilly sucks ass, I get it...

Despite my misgivings about christinsanity, I enjoy the xmas (winter solstice) season. We have 50,000 years of genetically programmed backgrounds of celebrating the conquest of light over darkness. My most psychedelic winter was when the brotherhood of eternal love came out with the famous "Christmas Acid" years ago.

As long as idiots like O'Reilly have the bully pulpit, it's up to the rational people like us to speak up for freedoms and traditions that are our birthright. Fuck him - that stupid religion of his has caused more misery, ignorence, death and bloodshead than any other movement in history.

Happy Solstice

[kuulbns]

Yeesh! Does anyone here understand sarcasm? lol

[Stoner Shadow Wolf]

doesnt look it :D

[Polymirize]

... I enjoy the xmas (winter solstice) season. We have 50,000 years of genetically programmed backgrounds of celebrating the conquest of light over darkness...


Actually I'm opposed to the concept of conquest. I prefer to think of my own perspective as a merging of the apollonian and dionysian virtues if you follow me... (?)

:thumbsup:

[Breukelen advocaat]

Actually I'm opposed to the concept of conquest. I prefer to think of my own perspective as a merging of the apollonian and dionysian virtues if you follow me... (?) :thumbsup:

Nietzsche, Dionysus and Apollo

Nietzsche does not fit any ordinary conception of the philosopher. He is not only remote from the world of the professorial or donnish philosopher, from tomes and articles, footnotes and jargon -- in brief, from the more modern image of the philosopher. He is equally far from the popular notion of the wise man: serene, past passion, temperate, and Apollonian. But this is clearly -- for those of you willing to explore -- part of Nietzsche's point: that is, to offer a new image, a philosopher who is not an Alexandrian academician, nor an Apollonian, but Dionysian.

Apollonian and Dionysian are terms used by Nietzsche in The Birth of Tragedy to designate the two central principles in Greek culture. The Apollonian, which corresponds to Schopenhauer's principium individuationis ("principle of individuation"), is the basis of all analytic distinctions. Everything that is part of the unique individuality of man or thing is Apollonian in character; all types of form or structure are Apollonian, since form serves to define or individualize that which is formed; thus, sculpture is the most Apollonian of the arts, since it relies entirely on form for its effect. Rational thought is also Apollonian since it is structured and makes distinctions.

The Dionysian, which corresponds roughly to Schopenhauer's conception of Will, is directly opposed to the Apollonian. Drunkenness and madness are Dionysian because they break down a man's individual character; all forms of enthusiasm and ecstasy are Dionysian, for in such states man gives up his individuality and submerges himself in a greater whole: music is the most Dionysian of the arts, since it appeals directly to man's instinctive, chaotic emotions and not to his formally reasoning mind.

Nietzsche believed that both forces were present in Greek tragedy, and that the true tragedy could only be produced by the tension between them. He used the names Apollonian and Dionysian for the two forces because Apollo, as the sun-god, represents light, clarity, and form, whereas Dionysus, as the wine-god, represents drunkenness and ecstasy.

Finally, a word or two from Walter Kaufmann:

Nietzsche's ideas about ethics are far less well known than some of his striking coinages: immoralist, overman, master morality, slave morality, beyond good and evil, will to power, revaluation of all values, and philosophizing with a hammer. These are indeed among his key conceptions, but they can be understood correctly only in context. This is true of philosophic terms generally: Plato's ideas or forms, Spinoza's God, Berkeley's ideas, Kant's intuition all do not mean what they would mean in a non-philosophic context; but scarcely anybody supposes that they do. In Nietzsche's case, however, this mistake is a commonplace -- surely because few other philosophers, if any, have equaled the brilliance and suggestiveness of his formulations. His phrases, once heard, are never forgotten; they stand up by themselves, without requiring the support of any context; and so they have come to live independently of their sire's intentions.[Source: Walter Kaufmann, From Shakespeare to Existentialism: An Original Study (Princeton: Princeton University Press, 1959), pp. 207-8.]

[Breukelen advocaat]

Actually I'm opposed to the concept of conquest. I prefer to think of my own perspective as a merging of the apollonian and dionysian virtues if you follow me... (?) :thumbsup:

Nietzsche, Dionysus and Apollo

Nietzsche does not fit any ordinary conception of the philosopher. He is not only remote from the world of the professorial or donnish philosopher, from tomes and articles, footnotes and jargon -- in brief, from the more modern image of the philosopher. He is equally far from the popular notion of the wise man: serene, past passion, temperate, and Apollonian. But this is clearly -- for those of you willing to explore -- part of Nietzsche's point: that is, to offer a new image, a philosopher who is not an Alexandrian academician, nor an Apollonian, but Dionysian.

Apollonian and Dionysian are terms used by Nietzsche in The Birth of Tragedy to designate the two central principles in Greek culture. The Apollonian, which corresponds to Schopenhauer's principium individuationis ("principle of individuation"), is the basis of all analytic distinctions. Everything that is part of the unique individuality of man or thing is Apollonian in character; all types of form or structure are Apollonian, since form serves to define or individualize that which is formed; thus, sculpture is the most Apollonian of the arts, since it relies entirely on form for its effect. Rational thought is also Apollonian since it is structured and makes distinctions.

The Dionysian, which corresponds roughly to Schopenhauer's conception of Will, is directly opposed to the Apollonian. Drunkenness and madness are Dionysian because they break down a man's individual character; all forms of enthusiasm and ecstasy are Dionysian, for in such states man gives up his individuality and submerges himself in a greater whole: music is the most Dionysian of the arts, since it appeals directly to man's instinctive, chaotic emotions and not to his formally reasoning mind.

Nietzsche believed that both forces were present in Greek tragedy, and that the true tragedy could only be produced by the tension between them. He used the names Apollonian and Dionysian for the two forces because Apollo, as the sun-god, represents light, clarity, and form, whereas Dionysus, as the wine-god, represents drunkenness and ecstasy.

Finally, a word or two from Walter Kaufmann:

Nietzsche's ideas about ethics are far less well known than some of his striking coinages: immoralist, overman, master morality, slave morality, beyond good and evil, will to power, revaluation of all values, and philosophizing with a hammer. These are indeed among his key conceptions, but they can be understood correctly only in context. This is true of philosophic terms generally: Plato's ideas or forms, Spinoza's God, Berkeley's ideas, Kant's intuition all do not mean what they would mean in a non-philosophic context; but scarcely anybody supposes that they do. In Nietzsche's case, however, this mistake is a commonplace -- surely because few other philosophers, if any, have equaled the brilliance and suggestiveness of his formulations. His phrases, once heard, are never forgotten; they stand up by themselves, without requiring the support of any context; and so they have come to live independently of their sire's intentions.[Source: Walter Kaufmann, From Shakespeare to Existentialism: An Original Study (Princeton: Princeton University Press, 1959), pp. 207-8.]

[Breukelen advocaat]

Howdy Breukelen,
Your reply was so disgusting and offensive,that I could not bring myself to qoute it..and it most likely does not deserve the dignity of a response. You reap what ye sow..and if you put out such awful,negative crap-then that's what you will recieve in return. May God have Mercy on yer soul..cuz yer gonna need it ! Have a good one ....

Hereâ??s my debunking of the virgin birth myth. Itâ??s pretty graphic, so be forewarned.

Mary herself was never pregnant. Her cousin Elizabeth, across town, had been knocked up again. Mary wanted to be the virgin mother of â??he that is born King of the Jewsâ?�, so she devised a plan. She got a local boy named Joseph to marry her, but she didnâ??t have vaginal intercourse with him. Instead, she had him drill her up the ass every night, and gave him oral sex when she got too sore down there to accept his member. During the daytime, whenever possible, she stretched her sphincter with all manner of fruits and vegetables until her asshole was expanded enough for Joseph to clasp his hands together, like a prayer and, with some lubrication purchased from the local drug store, push both his hands far up into her poop-chute.

She then started spreading rumors, and telling the local rabbi, that she was hearing voices and seeing visions about her being chosen by god to be the mother of his savior-son. She consulted a number of midwives, and found out the best ways to give birth to a premature, and underweight child. She promised her pregnant cousin Elizabeth 20% of the take if she would give Mary a prematurely-born baby boy to raise and bring up as her own. Now, the local rabbis werenâ??t stupid. They knew that there would have to be witnesses to the â??virgin birthâ?�, so they brought-in the â??wiseâ?� men to check out and verify this potentially great thing. So, the â??officialâ?� story is that they came AFTER the birth, is true â?? but they werenâ??t so â??wiseâ?�, as explained below.

So, cousin Elizabeth acts on the advice on inducing a premature birth. She has the baby early, which was fortunately a boy, wraps it up in oilcloth, and runs over to the barn where Mary is waiting. Joseph greases the baby up good by slathering it with pig manure, and, while Elizabeth pulls open Maryâ??s anus using both hands, Joseph proceeds to shove the newborn up Maryâ??s gaping anus headfirst. After they get the rest of the lad inside her, they run out to where the wise men are, and alert them that the big event is about to take place. The guys enter the barn, and Mary, completely naked, puts on a skirt, squats down with her dress coming down to the floor in front of herself, and shits out Elizabethâ??s baby boy feet first onto a pile of hay. The infant is covered in feces and urine, but the witnesses couldnâ??t see past Maryâ??s skirt, and figured that she â??lost controlâ?� during her heroic delivery. A little while later, the religious leaders had Maryâ??s hymen inspected by doctors and midwives, and it was intact. There was also the absense of an umbilical cord. A miracle!

The rest is, as they say, history. When you start out with a lie, as all religions do, nothing good will result from it.

Have a good one today!

[highinspain]

Keep up the good work............I like seeing Torag the great get pissed, especially at Solstice time

[Torog]

Keep up the good work............I like seeing Torag the great get pissed, especially at Solstice timeHowdy highinspain,

Wow..I didn't realize that you had such a high opinion of me..to call me 'great'..thanx for the kind words ! :D

However,I do not seek greatness,I try not to be an egotist,I try to be humble..and if what I do-amounts to greatness..then so be it..like the country song says.."it's hard to be humble .." :D

Have a good one !