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ScarlettCrush
12-03-2005, 06:14 AM
that familiar thickness of blood
metallic and rich like brocade velvet
it wells up against my skin
streaks of heat down my arm
shooting stars through a numb constellation
tickling the ends of my fingers
dotting the floor
little exclamation points
do I feel that
do I feel
fascination with all things internal
we are all busy inside
buzzing with secrets, humming like factories
whirring along like happy idiots
unmindful of all the highways that run inside
all the mechanisms and gears that must turn together
to run this machine
do I feel that
do I feel
diminishing horizon in the distance
wet initials in crimson on the kitchen floor
There is freedom here streaming out in small rivers, running away from me
artfully slumped against the wall, a flawless presentation
this definitely feels like falling

it's the abrupt stop at the end that you should worry about
ScarlettCrush
12-03-2005, 06:18 AM
edited!
xNoa
12-03-2005, 01:03 PM
dosent really flow or have much meaning but at least you bothered
ScarlettCrush
12-03-2005, 06:06 PM
wow thanks for bothering to diss me for a second on something that really felt deep to me.
The meaning is what is is to me and if you don't get it then perhaps you never cut yourself or had a serious surgery that caused you to think about your body and blood in a different way. It doesn't flow and rhyme because I'm not Dre and I prefer freeform prose.
motorcycletony222
12-04-2005, 07:54 AM
For every disliker there is five of us who like, we just dont post very much. I like it, I like things that dont flow, try reading James Joyce. He wrote huge books that dont flow or make sense, but died rich, from poetry. Continue to write and post.
ScarlettCrush
12-04-2005, 08:34 AM
thanks you :)
opiuser
12-04-2005, 09:37 AM
ipoetry doesnt have to rhyme... it doesnt have to have perfect flow. It just has to be, and it has to have purpose.

very good... keep it up
flamingskullballs
12-04-2005, 06:57 PM
yeah, i thats maybe the biggest mistake, and influence, that rap has on poetry...people think it HAS to rhyme...

i like it, good job
beachguy in thongs
12-05-2005, 02:03 AM
You know what's funny? Every time I see this thread at Forums Home, I see "I have something...", I'm thinking, "Herpes?"

I'm so sorry. :stoned: Crush of Scarlett.
robert42
12-06-2005, 09:32 AM
deep,.. good ;)
OR Freebird
12-06-2005, 11:47 PM
The most important part about poetry is getting it out of yourself and into words -- which you did well. Two thumbs up for laying your soul bare online and risking all
WalkaWalka
12-07-2005, 02:21 AM
what do you give a crap if we like it or not its for you. also i don't understand it