Attention everyone. Urgent.

[Caruso329]

Hello everyone. I have to tell everyone something. I'm about to write a letter to everyone here and post it as soon as I'm done. I don't know how long it will take to write it. Here's the Cliff's Notes version for now though.

I wanted to kill myself last night and almost did.
I got help.
I'm as close to fine as I can be right now.
Don't worry about me.
My best friend is with me.

The full story of who, what, when, where, why, and how everything happened is coming as soon as I'm done writing the letter. Look for another topic by me soon. I'm not going to be making anymore posts before I post that letter. Until then, take care.

Your brother in the fraternity of the leaf,
Caruso

[lateralus]

Is everyone as afraid to respond as I am? :eek:!!

Things'll get better, man.

[STDzRus]

Damn man. I really don't even know what to say.

[nickx760]

ive never understood suicidal people...makes no sense to me.

but anyways, dont kill urself, cause that would suck.

glad ur feelling a little better

[mrdevious]

Well, I found buddhism, something that worked for me. one of the main points of it is to completely liberate onself from suffering.

[CocaCola]

Aww, man don't do any rash now.

[beachguy in thongs]

:stoned: Don't go, yet, man. You need to find the real Paul Caruso.

[stonercarebare419]

uummmmm......

[Garden Knowm]

Caruso..

send me your address

[email protected]

I want to send you something...
You'll LOVE it

Death is the final frontier.. without contimplation of death there is NO NOW..

JUST watch that thought... But don't act on it...

i love you

Send address asap.. cause I am leaving the country for a month..

i love you

[opiuser]

dude... all i know is this.

No matter how much life may suck at times, no matter how much people treat you like shit, its the best thing you have.

If you weren't alive, you couldnt smoke a bowl, you couldnt get laid, you couldnt do anything.

even if life is 99% shit and 1% good, its worth all the bullshit just for that one bit of good

[king kong bong]

just let go. think positive and everything will work out for you, trust me. my father is a deadbeat who never did anything with me and my brothers or showed us affection of any kind. my mum is a violent alcoholic who drinks everyday, she's a nasty cunt. theres nothing i can do for em so im gettin my life together so i can move on. so i kinda understand the shit you might be going through. so dont do nothing rash just ride it out. only through struggle can you prevail on top.

[emg]

very wise words kingkong :thumbsup:

[ickystkyme]

garden...you are so weird my fellow stoner...

and caruso, i am so confused...wtf man?

[3 Sheets To The Wind]

Caruso/Jonathon, what happened man? Last night we were talking about you coming over to England, and you travelling around Europe. You seemed fine, and quite happy might I add. Don't do anything you will regret, as you know how much it would hurt every single person in this world, that loves you (including Garden Knowm).

Speak to you soon.. I know I will

...Josh :)

[robert42]

damn man are you that stupid?

they win when your soul dies man

whats worth dying over?

u can be a wimp and give up on life man but theres ppl who go thru LIVING HELL daily, think of them before u go take ur life.

u only get 1 shot

[Caruso329]

Caruso will be known to the world when the right time is the present.

[robert42]

WTF

Speak sense

Seek help
not attention

[NightProwler]

happened to me to about a month back, i'll tell you about it in the other thread u make

[jahjahjahjah]

iv'e thought about it alot, things tend to unravel as they should. Have a good one caurso. PS how was everyones Thanksgiving.

[Roadking]

I used to want to kill myself until I got help.

Now I want to kill others!

(ha ha ha) jussssst joking!

[3 Sheets To The Wind]

I used to want to kill myself until I got help.

Now I want to kill others!

(ha ha ha) jussssst joking!

Well now, I'd rather kill someone else than myself :D

Murder murder murder, kill kill kill, it's all good.. as long as it's not to yourself.

(ha ha ha) jussssst joking!

[Roadking]

Well now, I'd rather kill someone else than myself :D

Murder murder murder, kill kill kill, it's all good.. as long as it's not to yourself.

(ha ha ha) jussssst joking!

you can even join the army and keep it all legal!

[king kong bong]

mushi mushi

[3 Sheets To The Wind]

you can even join the army and keep it all legal!

If I completely bugger up the course I'm currently doing at college, that may be an option.
Police would be rewarding, but I won't go into that here, as I know how a lot of people here think of cops. lol :p

[Roadking]

If I completely bugger up the course I'm currently doing at college, that may be an option.
Police would be rewarding, but I won't go into that here, as I know how a lot of people here think of cops. lol :p

I suppose being a cop isn't such a bad thing if you keep things in their proper perspectives.

[3 Sheets To The Wind]

I suppose being a cop isn't such a bad thing if you keep things in their proper perspectives.

Yeah, I'd like to wrestle unruly drunks to the floor lol.
Get a few sly kicks in maybe hehe :D

I just think it would be interesting and rewarding.

[Roadking]

Yeah, I'd like to wrestle unruly drunks to the floor lol.
Get a few sly kicks in maybe hehe :D

I just think it would be interesting and rewarding.

It must be an interesting job, no doubt.

There was a book out years ago called "the Blue Wall" about the cops in New York City. Sort of on the same lines as the book (movie) "Serpico."

[xNoa]

yeh being a copper aint so bad(in england i must add) its only a job and youre well within your right to let off any smokers u may find which might not be the same story with another cunt

[3 Sheets To The Wind]

yeh being a copper aint so bad(in england i must add) its only a job and youre well within your right to let off any smokers u may find which might not be the same story with another cunt
Yeah it's true. I wouldn't like to do cannabis raids though, I'd feel so bad unrooting someone's plants. I'd like to have a car chase when I can drive, and also be on patrol around the pubs and clubs at kicking out time, anyone steps out of line and they'll feel what an extendable baton (ASP i think) to the back of the legs feels like :)

[Caruso329]

the world's attention must be obtained before the truth can be told

[blastfast]

Caruso, what exactly makes you think that the whole world gives a shit? I don't think that public internet forums are a good place to seek pity, cuz lets face it, you're feeling a bit low, coming on here and announcing your problems, people like you lose track of perspective...you may think you wanting to kill yourself is a big deal, but believe me it's not. If, on that night, you'd just killed yourself, the world wouldn't have stopped for a whole day and mourned in pity...just like it doesn't when everyone else in the world has a problem they've gotta face. suck it up!

[BlueCat00]

Gee Caruso your bouncy little turtle man looks so happy.....

it can't possibly be that bad....

here's a funny joke.....

Jimmy received a parrot for Christmas. The parrot was fully grown, with a very bad attitude and worse vocabulary.

Every other word was an expletive; those that weren't expletives were, to say the least, rude. Jimmy tried to change the bird's attitude by constantly saying polite words, playing soft music... anything he could think of. Nothing worked.

He yelled at the bird, and the bird got worse. He shook the bird, and the bird got madder and more rude.

Finally, in a moment of desperation, Jimmy put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird swearing, squawking, kicking and screaming and then, suddenly, there was absolute quiet.

Jimmy was frightened that he might have actually hurt the bird, and quickly opened the freezer door.

The parrot calmly stepped out onto Jimmy's extended arm and said, "I'm sorry that I offended you with my language and my actions, and I ask your forgiveness. I will endeavor to correct my behavior".

Jimmy was astounded at the changes in the bird's attitude and was about to ask what had changed him, when the parrot continued, "May I ask what the Chicken did?" :)

[Garden Knowm]

BLUE CAT!!

that is funny!!!

i love you

[BlueCat00]

Really? well looking at your avatar I love you too....lol :)

[420purplehaze420]

lets see this full version man i find it interesting to see what can possibly happen to make people pussy out of life in the form of suicide, came damn close my self, depression, anxiety and all that shitty stuff, wouldnt dream of it now

[lateralus]

Really? well looking at your avatar I love you too....lol :)Do you love him, or who he wants to be? :rasta:

[Garden Knowm]

lateralus...


you want some of this?

[Trichome Creator]

lateralus...


you want some of this?

LOL!!! :dance:

[FunkyMonkey]

caruso,
I have been there, and beyond. I have been desperate. I have been empty.
I have felt the void inside. I have been consumed by my own shadows.
Slowly I surfaced, and eventually, I awoke.
I left it behind. But I clearly remember those desperate moments, the bugs in my head scratching, the emptiness, the sensation of detatchment, and the fleeting comfort that the word 'suicide' brought.

I can remember it in my mind, but my heart has forgotten.

The pain that I thought would never end at some point faded into nothingness.
It amazes me that I have grown from immesurable suffering to a strong, determined man who can face anything life has in store.
With the support of friends and family and a little faith I changed my path. Now I look back and see how wrong I was about life in those desperate times.
I can share with you what I learned and how it helped me.
Feel free to email me anytime. I offer you my insight and to share a little about my own dark times and what I did to grow from it ,with the hopes even a scrap of it can help you in some way. Dont worry I wont preach religeon or try to get you to join my cult. :D
sage_wisdom(at)hushmail(dot)com


Keep your friend near.
peace.

[lateralus]

lateralus...


you want some of this?Bring it on, tons of fun!

[SensiRide]

Caruso, what exactly makes you think that the whole world gives a shit? I don't think that public internet forums are a good place to seek pity, cuz lets face it, you're feeling a bit low, coming on here and announcing your problems, people like you lose track of perspective...you may think you wanting to kill yourself is a big deal, but believe me it's not. If, on that night, you'd just killed yourself, the world wouldn't have stopped for a whole day and mourned in pity...just like it doesn't when everyone else in the world has a problem they've gotta face. suck it up!


I've just noticed recently you never have anything nice to say. Why not try saying something positive or just dont bother posting at all.

The boards dont need your negative attitude.

Peace. Hope you feel better soon Caruso, just remember nothing lasts - good or bad and you will pull through because you have to, and if anything is ever bothering you dont be afraid to post and ask for advice or even just post to get something off your chest. I'm happy to listen :thumbsup: mwaah! xx

[reefergrl]

Hey Caruso, I'm glad to hear to you're feeling better. We all get down sometimes but Sensirider is right nothing lasts forever and it will pass. I don't know how old you are but the teenage years were the hardest for me. I thought about it too. Luckily didn't do it. I promise you life gets better as you get older. Man, I didn't even start living til I was almost 30. Dude life is great. How you feel at 17, 18, or 19 is not how you will feel at 25. People go thru a lot of changes in their lives. I hope when you're 30, you'll look back at this and say , Hey those folks were right It's so worth being here. Post anytime on anything, there is always someone here who will talk or listen. Good luck my friend and don't do anything stupid. It hurts a lot of people who are left behind. Trust me , I speak from experience. That kind of hurt lasts a lifetime and you will be missing out on all the good things coming your way in life.

[beachguy in thongs]

I've just noticed recently you never have anything nice to say. Why not try saying something positive or just dont bother posting at all.

The boards dont need your negative attitude.

Peace. Hope you feel better soon Caruso, just remember nothing lasts - good or bad and you will pull through because you have to, and if anything is ever bothering you dont be afraid to post and ask for advice or even just post to get something off your chest. I'm happy to listen :thumbsup: mwaah! xx

Why can't you just choose, Sensi??? Good or bad? Positive or negative? That's the most indecisive post I've ever seen. Don't post, or even just post?

Ya' Scotty-eyes are a-confusing me. :stoned:

[SensiRide]

Why can't you just choose, Sensi??? Good or bad? Positive or negative? That's the most indecisive post I've ever seen. Don't post, or even just post?

Ya' Scotty-eyes are a-confusing me. :stoned:


:( **bawls**

[buddymyfriend]

Such a cruel world...

[blastfast]

Sensiride, that's unfair. Really, i don't have lots of negative things to say, i'm an optimistic person...it's just that when i see people banging on about suicide and titling the topic... "Urgent" ...what the fuck is so urgent about his problems that i've got to urgently look at this thread? Do i not have problems of my own? Sensi, if my pessimism on this one occasion offends you, take a long hard look at the thread.

See? Attention-seeker...plain and simple. No sympathy here.

[SensiRide]

Sensiride, that's unfair. Really, i don't have lots of negative things to say, i'm an optimistic person...it's just that when i see people banging on about suicide and titling the topic... "Urgent" ...what the fuck is so urgent about his problems that i've got to urgently look at this thread? Do i not have problems of my own? Sensi, if my pessimism on this one occasion offends you, take a long hard look at the thread.

See? Attention-seeker...plain and simple. No sympathy here.

No its not just on this occasion, every time I read one of your posts, its negative. Maybe its just a coincidence though and I havent really seen the real you?

Peace
:thumbsup:

[beachguy in thongs]

:( **bawls**
:stoned: **hugs** ...(yeah, right, I wish.)

[CrAzYpOtHeAd]

Yeah, i was sucidle abut a month ago and tried to slit my wrist. But its ok now, i now meditate and am alot more calm now.

You'll get through it :thumbsup:

[jahjahjahjah]

killing fuzzy cute little animals is wrong

[blastfast]

No its not just on this occasion, every time I read one of your posts, its negative. Maybe its just a coincidence though and I havent really seen the real you?

Peace
:thumbsup:

Surely not, i'll give you that i can often be cynical, but people like this who assume everyone cares about their problems...vexes me somewhat. It just screams FEEL SORRY FOR ME. I'd have not said anything negative had caruso not presented it in this way, just reminds me of the kind of thing you'd hear from a 15yr old cyber-goth with serious delusional qualities.

[Bman719]

:stoned: **hugs** ...(yeah, right, I wish.)
Yeah you do.... hell, who wouldn't? lol.

Anyway Caruso, hope everything is going well for you... life is to short the way it is, so committing suicide isn't going to help matters... just think positive and hope everything turns out well for you! :)

[Bman719]

Surely not, i'll give you that i can often be cynical, but people like this who assume everyone cares about their problems...vexes me somewhat. It just screams FEEL SORRY FOR ME. I'd have not said anything negative had caruso not presented it in this way, just reminds me of the kind of thing you'd hear from a 15yr old cyber-goth with serious delusional qualities.

I think he told us that in the confidence that he considers most of us friends. Maybe you haven't been around the boards here long enough, but for the most part this is like a big ass pot smoking family. So do I think he was purposely trying to scream out "Feel Sorry For Me?" hell no. If you didn't like what he posted the respectful thing would have been to shut the fuck up and post in a different thread without negativity.

[blastfast]

Attention Everyone - Urgent.

That was the title. It even summarises the whole topic....think about it.

[Caruso329]

This topic has lost its purpose. If anyone wants to know the truth then call me at 478 414 6403

By the way, I'm not suicidal at all anymore, I wasn't even truly then I just considered it more than I ever had before. But now I have to to much left to do. I have at least one nobel prize to win, I have to share with my people my theory about perpetual energy. I have to colonize. I have to lead the revolution. And I have to be remembered. So if you want to be remembered too, you're welcome to join.

4784146403

[3 Sheets To The Wind]

This topic has lost its purpose. If anyone wants to know the truth then call me at 478 414 6403

By the way, I'm not suicidal at all anymore, I wasn't even truly then I just considered it more than I ever had before. But now I have to to much left to do. I have at least one nobel prize to win, I have to share with my people my theory about perpetual energy. I have to colonize. I have to lead the revolution. And I have to be remembered. So if you want to be remembered too, you're welcome to join.

4784146403

Man, hope everything's cool, and good luck in all you do.

[Roadking]

REVOLUTION!!!

[Caruso329]

the

REVOLUTION!!!
has already begun
and I am its leader

[Stoner Shadow Wolf]

ive never understood suicidal people...makes no sense to me.

but anyways, dont kill urself, cause that would suck.

glad ur feelling a little betterim suicidal, but i will never kill myself.

call me a masochist, i call it morbid curiousity.



i already know, for a fact, my life isnt gonna improve at all, and yet, as badly as i want, nay, need out, i just cant do it...

that morbid curiousity of what happens tomorrow? although i already know it'll suck...


hey... maybe one of you can do me in? :D

nah.. . not going to improve anything... maybe that's why i dont kill myself, to spit in y'alls faces and say FUCK YOU im gonna TAKE what makes my life better...


yeah that'll happen.. i start robbing stores for happyness...


*sigh*

[Roadking]

No matter how hard you try, you can't stop us now
No matter how hard you try, you can't stop us now

We're the renegades in this atomic age
This atomic age of renegades
Renegades in this atomic age
This atomic age of renegades

- Rage Against the Machine

[Roadking]

Man, to kill yourself would only hurt the ones who love you. Hurt them real bad for life.
Wouldn't do you one bit of good neither.

[Caruso329]

my phone has not rung yet. one of you must be searching for the answers.

[Stoner Shadow Wolf]

Man, to kill yourself would only hurt the ones who love you. Hurt them real bad for life.
Wouldn't do you one bit of good neither.oh yeah, i forgot about that another reason i cant die... damn people who care about me!!! stop caring about me and let me go in peace! :(


heh not that it would actually help... i just have a lot of shit to deal with, and none the paitence...

[ADaisyChain]

welcome to astroworld I hope you all have a really good time. this forum is becoming bizzaroworld, no lie.

[Stoner Shadow Wolf]

im probably the source :P

[Caruso329]

I got my first phone call just now. They were anonymous. If they would like to step forward, let them do it.

[ADaisyChain]

lol, what did they say?

[Caruso329]

they asked me what I was on, if I was crazy, and what I thought... they asked how long the revolution would take, I said within 6 years, they said they'd call me back in 7

[ADaisyChain]

Okay, it was me then. Good luck with the revolution, seek help or call me back if you get sick of trying to make a change. Otherwise, just don't kill yourself and good luck. Still not sure what you're revolting against though.

ps - george bush is out of office in less than 6 years and can't be re-elected, so how is he going to destroy the world..?

[Caruso329]

Because he is going to set the destruction in motion. And Cheney can still run for presidICK after that. Happy 666 posts.

[Stoner Shadow Wolf]

i'd call ya, but my ears are anti-technology; i cant hear TV, radio, or phone worth shit.

although i can hear CD quality sound/music fairly well, it still comes out as garbled speach to me :(

feel free to chat with me on MSN though :D

[lateralus]

I'd call you in a heartbeat, but I'm too conceited to not be the leader. :rasta:

[Caruso329]

I'm still looking for leaders to lead for me, call me if you'd like to just discuss ideas.

[Trichome Creator]

I attempted suicide once by swallowing 64 sleeping pills and it was the dumbest fucking thing I ever did in my life. But personally I think your full of shit because the last thing I thought of doing at the time was posting it on some internet forum. So my advice to you is to umm.....get a fucking life?????

[Bman719]

Ok... Caruso, you're a cool guy and all... but do you really think it's intelilgent to post your phone number on the internet for everyone to see? ESPECIALLY with this being a site about an illegal drug and all.... Sounds a little crazy to me. Anyway, good luck with the revolt... but I'm afraid I can not join you for the simple fact that i'm sure my sanity is still intact. If however, I end up going insane, I'll give you a call.... (seriously though dude, is this topic necessary? especailly you posting your phone number.... I really don't think it is... you're a pretty cool guy but if you ask me, this one is a bit over the top...)

[Caruso329]

over the top is the only way I'm getting everyone to listen

[mellow mood]

ok i have only two things to say caruso:

first: RETARD

second:BANNED

[ADaisyChain]

He's actually pretty cool when he's not going apeshit mania style. -laughs-

[Caruso329]

ok i have only two things to say caruso:

first: RETARD

second:BANNED
You get rid of the ones you fear. You fear them because they have different ideas. You fear their ideas because you know they're right. You fear them because you think they're crazy. If they're crazy and their ideas are right, then if you're ideas are wrong, maybe you're the crazy one (retard).

Two crazy people cannot get along because neither one of them knows they're both crazy.

[brad66]

um, i dunno

[brad66]

Read "a power of now" or "a course in miracles" Both books helped me get out of feeling bad. i'm happy now. Its all in the way you think. You have to direct your mind yourself.

[Roadking]

R-E-V-O-L-U-T-I-O-N (http://www.che-lives.com/home/)

[king kong bong]

what revolution?
im leading a revolution when martial law is declared. maybe ill run into some of you.

[rastagal]

Cookoo cookoo!
yep, I agree with Trichome, if YOU really felt sucicidal the last place youd be is on an internet site.

Nice try though.

[Stoner Shadow Wolf]

Cookoo cookoo!
yep, I agree with Trichome, if YOU really felt sucicidal the last place youd be is on an internet site.

Nice try though.just to point out, as im tempted to believe you're ignorant to your post; that was a prejudice post.

suicidal people arent all the same, some suicidal people are such for life, but are "too weak" to kill themsleves, i see them online all the time.

[NightProwler]

one time, i got so sad that i left outside at 1 in the morning in the poring rain in nothing but socks, pants and a t-shirt. and it was like 45 degrees outside and i passed out in a puddle and my friend finally found me and brought me inside but not before i cought hypothermia. and i was so fuckin miserible for a while, i thought life would never get better. but it did :D

[Stoner Shadow Wolf]

arent you the lucky one?

[dark0ne]

I wanted to kill myself last night and almost did.
I got help.
I'm as close to fine as I can be right now.
Don't worry about me.
My best friend is with me.

sorry man, i have been there myself. My ex feance lied about doing drugs, lost our kid, and cheated on me. In responce to all this i tried like hell to od on heroin...... didn't work. push that idea out of your head man, your whole life is ahead of you. many fun times to be had. if you realy need to talk my e-mail is [email protected] .

later

[blastfast]

*Caruso's number noted*

*Makes 'affordable rentboy cards' and distributes in every phonebox in Leicester*

Hilarity ensues.....