O.K. we need some humor so......

[Ammie]

I want to hear your favorite Redneck jokes. :D:D
here's a few of mine.


You might be a redneck if.....
you've been married 3 times and you still have the same in-laws.


You might be a redneck if.....
you think Taco Bell is a Mexican phone company.



You might be a redneck if.....
your state has a new law that states when a couple gets devoriced, they are still legally brother and sister.




Hahahaha I love these jokes :thumbsup:

[3 Sheets To The Wind]

I want to hear your favorite Redneck jokes. :D:D
here's a few of mine.


You might be a redneck if.....
you've been married 3 times and you still have the same in-laws.


You might be a redneck if.....
you think Taco Bell is a Mexican phone company.



You might be a redneck if.....
your state has a new law that states when a couple gets devoriced, they are still legally brother and sister.




Hahahaha I love these jokes :thumbsup:

Lol i like them all, but this one especially!

You might be a redneck if.....
your state has a new law that states when a couple gets devoriced, they are still legally brother and sister.

*Woo, first reply* :D :dance:

[Ammie]

ummmm you were supposed to add more :p g0g0g0g0g0g0!

[SensiRide]

picture.......

[3 Sheets To The Wind]

picture.......

Wow that'd be cool:D Incentive for the lonely man to take a leak;)

[3 Sheets To The Wind]

You think Sherlock Holmes is a
housing project down in Biloxi.


You think a stock tip is
advice on worming' your hogs




You like Miss Ammie?
Recognise them?

[STDzRus]

You might be a redneck if...
you mow your lawn and find a car

[3 Sheets To The Wind]

You might be a redneck if...
you mow your lawn and find a car

Lol:D

Rednecks have lawns now?....... and lawnmowers?:what:

[STDzRus]

Haha Maybe.

You miiiiight be a redneck if your name is Jeff Foxworthy

The first redneck on the moving picture thingy!

LOOK THEIR PA! IT'S JEFFREY FROM SIXTH GRADE! GEE PA I ALWAYS TOLD YA HE WAS A FUNNER LOOKIN FELLER!

[beachguy in thongs]

I have no jokes, so here's a 'finger'.

The origin of this classic dates back well before the mid-1970's, but its current manifestation has to thank the television show Happy Days. Ralph Mouth and his gaggle of friends used a G-rated version of this bird by telling the well-deserved receiver to simply sit on it. As time passed, because of its popularity and overuse, it was not insulting enough to just sit on it. In order to reemphasize its intended insult, the receiver was also asked to spin on it.


INSTRUCTIONS

(1)Extend your nesting bird in the direction of the beneficiary of your ire. (2)As you say the words, "Sit on it," (3)slowly rotate your finger in a counterclockwise motion.


TIP
You must truly believe that the bird's recipient is going to sit on it, and this is their punishment for being them.

[3 Sheets To The Wind]

I have no jokes, so here's a 'finger'.

The origin of this classic dates back well before the mid-1970's, but its current manifestation has to thank the television show Happy Days. Ralph Mouth and his gaggle of friends used a G-rated version of this bird by telling the well-deserved receiver to simply sit on it. As time passed, because of its popularity and overuse, it was not insulting enough to just sit on it. In order to reemphasize its intended insult, the receiver was also asked to spin on it.


INSTRUCTIONS

(1)Extend your nesting bird in the direction of the beneficiary of your ire. (2)As you say the words, "Sit on it," (3)slowly rotate your finger in a counterclockwise motion.


TIP
You must truly believe that the bird's recipient is going to sit on it, and this is their punishment for being them.

OMG LOL haha that was so good!!:D

[robert42]

lol good one beachguy

[robert42]

http://koti.mbnet.fi/~soldier/towboat.htm

http://tributetoowned.ytmnd.com/


heres a good joke

A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer. "Certainly, sir, that'll be 1 cent." "ONE CENT - that's awesome!" exclaimed the guy.

So the guy glances over at the menu, and he asks "Could I have a nice juicy T-bone steak, with the works?"

"Certainly, sir, "replies the bartender, but all that comes to real money." "How much money?" inquires the guy. "4 cents," replies the bartender.

"FOUR cents!" exclaims the guy... "Where's the Guy who owns this place?"

The bartender replies, "Upstairs with my wife." The guy says, "What's he doing with your wife?"

The bartender replies... "Same as I'm doing to his business!"

[3 Sheets To The Wind]

Haha, that's a good joke Rob:D

Never heard it before.. cheers:stoned:

[robert42]

this is classic aint seen it in like a year:

http://www.savvy.com/videos/funny/priceless_date.aspx

[beachguy in thongs]

Damn, I never got my $12 bottle of wine... :cursing: !!!

[robert42]

some good images
http://content.collegehumor.com/items/2003/05/collegehumor.10595.451xAUTO.jpg

http://www.collegehumor.com/pictures/10565/

http://content.collegehumor.com/items/2003/05/collegehumor.10613.451xAUTO.jpg

http://content.collegehumor.com/items/2003/05/collegehumor.10603.451xAUTO.jpg

[tokosan]

U might be a redneck if your idea of a nice brunch is cold brains and a femur sandwich..


o wait thats zombie jokes ok its early.

[Shane O Mac]

Yo mamma's ass is so hairy, it looks like don king is about to pop out n say "ONLY IN AMERICA!"

[Canadabis]

Hey anyone heard about the gay midget with the cleft palette?

[3 Sheets To The Wind]

Hey anyone heard about the gay midget with the cleft palette?

No, what happened?

[Canadabis]

No, what happened?

He was a social outcast and a material failure. He killed himself 3 days before meeting his soulmate. :dance:

[3 Sheets To The Wind]

He was a social outcast and a material failure. He killed himself 3 days before meeting his soulmate. :dance:


lol:what:

Was that the punchline.. or did it have any meaning? lol

[beachguy in thongs]

THE ENGLISH "BIRD"

Leave it to a country with an international reputation as a place where you can actually be killed with kindness to subvert a gesture of peace and love. The Brits might have invented the bird as we know it today.

The Hundred Years' War (1336-1565). Anticipating victory over the British, the French decided to cut the middle fingers off of all their maptured English soldiers, making it impossible for them to use the longbow so they would be incapable of fighting in future wars or uprisings. When the English won a major upset at the Battle of Agincourt (1415) they began mocking the French by waving their middle fingers at their defeated enemy, saying, "See, we can still pluck yew!" (The longbow was made from the wood of a yew tree.)

A recent revelation suggests the true origins of the bird might go back even further.

In the year 7523 B.C., Robots invented humans to gather raw materials for their war effort angainst their evil intergalactic enemies, the Blabacons. After humans had suffered a thousand torturous years as slaves, a young Neanderthal known as Bird Man (on account of his big nose) lead his people in a revolution. After three failed coups Bird Man discovered that if he placed his middle finger in a Robot's exhaust port, it would fill up with gas and pop like a balloon. He taught a small band of like-minded Neanderthals this tactic. They immediately mounted another revolt, and they were successful until they ran into some unexpected trouble with a group of their own people, whom they called the House Neanderthals. In a small skirmish with this highly trained, heavily funded unit, Bird Man was killed. Using his father's death as a battle cry, Bird Man's son took up the mantle of the revolution. With this gesture he led his fellow Neanderthals to victory over the Robot horde. We unknowingly honor our savior every time we flip...the bird.

The English Bird is used to insult people simply because they are a backward people:

INSTRUCTIONS

(1) Make a peace sign. (2) Twist your wrist so that your palm and fingers are facing you. (3) Throw some bangers and mash at the old boy.

TIP
It is important to say things like "Jolly good" and "Yes, yes, quite right," or talk about the empire shortly before or after making this gesture. This action should defuse any potential hostility of the average Nigel, but if you are dealing with a soccer yob, take the same precautions you might if you were to run into trouble at a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert.

[Ammie]

you know your a redneck if...
someone yell's for a hoe down and you throw your date to the floor :D

You know your a redneck if....
your mama can tell the police officer at her window to kiss her ass without takin the marlbor outta her mouth......

[Bman719]

.... ammie! where have you been lately? lol... Oh and uh.. you know you're a redneck.... if you live in tennessee.

[3 Sheets To The Wind]

you know your a redneck if...
someone yell's for a hoe down and you throw your date to the floor :D
You know your a redneck if....
your mama can tell the police officer at her window to kiss her ass without takin the marlbor outta her mouth......


Lol!

Welcome back:D good to see your thread's still a hit.. make the most of it :thumbsup: :dance:

[3 Sheets To The Wind]

.... ammie! where have you been lately? lol... Oh and uh.. you know you're a redneck.... if you live in tennessee.

:eek: haha

[Ammie]

hey!! I have been here there and everywhere.


btw your redneck joke sucks ;)

[3 Sheets To The Wind]

hey!! I have been here there and everywhere.


btw your redneck joke sucks ;)


I was offended, i live in Tennessee!

[Ammie]

Lol!

Welcome back:D good to see your thread's still a hit.. make the most of it :thumbsup: :dance:
my threads are always a hit. take some notes kiddo im the master. :cool:
w0000t g0 me!

[Bman719]

lol, i know the joke sucks lol.... i was just uh.. trying to stay thread related while wondering where ammie had been lol (and my best friend lived in tennessee up until four years ago... so i agree the joke sucked) and ammie... why aren't you in chat?! lol

[3 Sheets To The Wind]

my threads are always a hit. take some notes kiddo im the master. :cool:
w0000t g0 me!


*Gets notepad and a pen*

Ok, shoot!

[Ammie]

well........my I have been really busy with school, kids,life,work,ect and ect. and im not in chat because this computer sucks ass and wont let me be :(



oh and you know your a redneck if.....
your family tree grows stright and dont branch off :D

[Bman719]

Ghosttoker is gone Ammie :( and I'm glad you're life is going well now :)

[Ammie]

Ghosttoker is gone Ammie :( and I'm glad you're life is going well now :)
What do you mean Ghost is gone?? He was just here the other day!

[Bman719]

Yeah I know... i don't really know what happened, he made an account and they banned him from "spamming".... it's just too bad that they didn't ban 3sheets instead.... lol. but yeah, i'm pretty sure he's gone.

[3 Sheets To The Wind]

What do you mean Ghost is gone?? He was just here the other day!

Danse Macabre was him and the account got banned earlier with no reasons... ahh well he was very sour!

[Ammie]

HEY! I like 3 sheets too so you gotta play nice. I hope its not a long ban for Ghost I miss him already Hes my wittle wub bug ;)

[3 Sheets To The Wind]

Yeah I know... i don't really know what happened, he made an account and they banned him from "spamming".... it's just too bad that they didn't ban 3sheets instead.... lol. but yeah, i'm pretty sure he's gone.

Look at your sig. it applies now:)

Just take off the fact i'm 16, that doesn't need to be said.

Also, he got banned for goig to every single thread and just typing "spam" it wasn't for spamming!

[3 Sheets To The Wind]

HEY! I like 3 sheets too so you gotta play nice. I hope its not a long ban for Ghost I miss him already Hes my wittle wub bug ;)

Woo thanks.. suckin' up backfired for you, eh Bman?:p nah nah!

[robert42]

Im sure ghost was just on a off day, yes he went round saying spam spam spam and yes some words were exchanged by a few ppl but im sure he was just havin a off day, and i don't beleive in anybody that makes a post calling for someone else to get banned

were all marijuana smokers thats 1 thing we have in common,
yes if you get a biggroup of ppl there will be arguements
but i guarentee this board has the least

my2 cents

[Bman719]

Woo thanks.. suckin' up backfired for you, eh Bman?:p nah nah!
what are you talking about? When did I "Suck up"? Ammie and I used to chat all the time... so I am quite happy to see her actually.... so I wouldn't say it "Backfired"... you're a dumbass man. For Ammie, however, I will try and be pleasant around you when she's here.

[3 Sheets To The Wind]

Im sure ghost was just on a off day, yes he went round saying spam spam spam and yes some words were exchanged by a few ppl but im sure he was just havin a off day, and i don't beleive in anybody that makes a post calling for someone else to get banned

were all marijuana smokers thats 1 thing we have in common,
yes if you get a biggroup of ppl there will be arguements
but i guarentee this board has the least

my2 cents

Yeah i agree:D

Ok Bman, you might have unprovoked problems with me, but please don't share what you're thinking with everyone.. unless it's something constructive for you to add :thumbsup:

[Ammie]

TY brent I dont like all this anger :S Its about to make me go back to hiding. so ya'll play nice. I gotta get to work.

[3 Sheets To The Wind]

what are you talking about? When did I "Suck up"? Ammie and I used to chat all the time... so I am quite happy to see her actually.... so I wouldn't say it "Backfired"... you're a dumbass man. For Ammie, however, I will try and be pleasant around you when she's here.


If you want something to suck... i have something for you!

Try and be nice when Ammie isn't around too!

[3 Sheets To The Wind]

TY brent I dont like all this anger :S Its about to make me go back to hiding. so ya'll play nice. I gotta get to work.


Bye bye Ammie, it should be settled and sorted by the time you get back:D

xxx

[Bman719]

TY brent I dont like all this anger :S Its about to make me go back to hiding. so ya'll play nice. I gotta get to work.
Ahh... ok ok, I'm done with the anger... just been a bit stressed lately and 3sheets and rasta get on my nerves.... and damnit we need ghost back lol... either way... I'll behave ;) lol.

[3 Sheets To The Wind]

Ahh... ok ok, I'm done with the anger... just been a bit stressed lately and 3sheets and rasta get on my nerves.... and damnit we need ghost back lol... either way... I'll behave ;) lol.

Not to start shit back up but why does my extreme posting get on your nerves?
It's not spamming i'm doing, it's just posting a hell of a lot:)

[Bman719]

Not to start shit back up but why does my extreme posting get on your nerves?
It's not spamming i'm doing, it's just posting a hell of a lot:)
It actually never really "Bothered" me until you stated I was a cunt in a previous post. And I don't think i'd ever posted any shit about you before... so that's actually what kind of pissed me off, since i'd never really said anything bad to you or about you.... and then, since you post so much, It annoyed me having to read a post in every thread about a guy that thinks I'm a cunt.... that's really all it is. I don't feel like starting shit back up anymore, just trying to explain why I was pissed.

[robert42]

Im glad the tension is dying down :)

now lets all be friends ok

[3 Sheets To The Wind]

It actually never really "Bothered" me until you stated I was a cunt in a previous post. And I don't think i'd ever posted any shit about you before... so that's actually what kind of pissed me off, since i'd never really said anything bad to you or about you.... and then, since you post so much, It annoyed me having to read a post in every thread about a guy that thinks I'm a cunt.... that's really all it is. I don't feel like starting shit back up anymore, just trying to explain why I was pissed.


Oh ok, well that's it then.. i'm done, lets never speak of this again.. it's all good, i take back calling you a cunt:p


Im glad the tension is dying down :)

now lets all be friends ok

Lol i like the pic;)

[Bman719]

Alright man, I agree... it's all good... I'm done with the arguing... Let's all just chill and smoke a bowl... 3 Sheets, Smoking this one in honor of our.. uh... peace. lol.

[robert42]

tokin up for u bman and u 3 sheets and Ghost and ammie and rastabilland whos carl, and stoner, and lovelife and buzz and lily and cherry toker and hardon and budmail and harrybud and all them mail order people and del and toroq and jack and physcho4bud and some1 somebody and sensiride and MJM and lulu and ocram and all the mods and ron and tokosan and STDz and me and every1

to every1!!!

[Bman719]

tokin up for u bman and u 3 sheets and Ghost and ammie and rastabilland whos carl, and stoner, and lovelife and buzz and lily and cherry toker and hardon and budmail and harrybud and all them mail order people and del and toroq and jack and physcho4bud and some1 somebody and sensiride and MJM and lulu and ocram and all the mods and ron and tokosan and STDz and me and every1

to every1!!!
LOL, now that was a big dedication bowl ;) hehe.

[3 Sheets To The Wind]

tokin up for u bman and u 3 sheets and Ghost and ammie and rastabilland whos carl, and stoner, and lovelife and buzz and del and toroq and jack and physcho4bud and some1 somebody and sensiride and MJM and lulu and ocram and all the mods and ron and tokosan and STDz and me and every1

to every1!!!


Cheers man, and i'll smoke a bowl for you, Bman later.. my last bowl so enjoy it!

That was a quick turnaround from what was being said yesterday/earlier:D

[robert42]

YOUR TELLING ME......

[3 Sheets To The Wind]

YOUR TELLING ME......


C'mon, pass it before it goes out!!

[Bman719]

Cheers man, and i'll smoke a bowl for you, Bman later.. my last bowl so enjoy it!

That was a quick turnaround from what was being said yesterday/earlier:D
Yeah man... it's all good... I'm going to enjoy it lol... and I'll pack my bowl Bob Marley style for you man... after I take a shower... I feel dirty.... lol. So i'll be back in like 20 mins after a shower.... hehe.