VENT!

[Soleman]

HI all.. The last couple of days have beeen so shitty to me.. life has just been looking down on me i guess you could say.. it jsut seems like evrything that happens bad happened to me in the last couple days..

im gonna do this thing in paragraphs cause i know u stoners hate reading all bundled shit lol

me and my girlfriend have been dating for 2 years now. shes a sr in highschool in a sophmore in college.. we are 2 yrs apart... well last year some time i heard shit about her and this dude always hanging out but she denied it and i let it go.... but 3 days ago i found out from a friend that she was in my friends hottub with his g/f my g/f and this DUDE ill say DUDE for now on ahha but with this DUDE.. and this friend of mine never had enough courage to tell me till just now.. well i asked her about it and she denied it to the earth swore up and down.. then i finally started to get her to admit things


this is all that she admitted to me.. she admitted to me that last year when i went away to college was when all this shit happened.. around the last 4 months of school is when this all takes place.. i guess she would go to a gazebo by her house and hang out with him like 2 -3 times a weeek... but it was only for like 30 mins or so than she would have to come home to talk to me... so she said this went on for abotu 2 months.. and she idnt know what she was doing nor thinking.. she just liked that he was here and that he would always say nice things to her to make her feeel good when she was down whenever we fought.. and she just liked hearing that cause it always made her happy.. but she said she didnt like him.. but i posed the point...

WHY would u waste 30 mins out ur day just to go talk to this kid at a gazebo around where she lived... if she didnt have feelings for him!?!? SHE keppt deniying she liked him than finally tonight i got her to dmit that she had alittle bit of feelings for him but not that she liked him.. just tjat it was nice to get away and hear the things he would say to her.. and she kept saying the things he would say would braing wash her and stuff.. and that they would laways hang out in school and talk and what not.. but im not a jealous guy i knew about that and did not care at all... but now i find this all out and im furisou.. she also amdited that she smoked cigs everytime she went to the gazebo and she promised me she owuldnt cause i dont like ppl who smoke cigs.. ( no offense to anyone) so basically for the longest time she lied to my face and she had a log manager on aim and she admitted they would talk o nthe compyter and that she woudl delete the logs so i wouldnt get mad.. not cause they are bad just cause id be mad to begin with but i really wouldnt

i dont know what to do or what to believe.. i mean this sounds all childish cause everyones prob gonna be liek ur soo young.. but i mean i really really actually loved this girl.. i tried to do whatever i could to make everything work! i broke up with her for the time being till i decide what i should do.. i mean she did admit everything to me and she came out and said she didnt know what she was doing and shes stupid aand she feels so bad and she ruined everyhting.. and we had a long talk to nigh and she was really rying hard.. i mean i do love the girl to death but will she keep liengto me even though she promised me she wouldnt lie nemore about the stupidest things if it came down to it?

i just dont know what to do and needed to vent.. oh and she also promised me that they did nothing sexual.. kiss touch sex,... nothing in that sort.. i mean i guess i believe her cause she was a virgin until me and she iso noly comfortable with me? maybe she really did jsut use him to hear the compliments and the attention?


any feedback would be appreciated and if u think im lame and what not lol good for you .. but i really doooo love this girl alot... and have given up SO much for her... i just dont know what to do now

[sToNeDpEnGuIn420]

I dont know dude, thats why i hate lying, i hate it because i know way to well how easy it is to do. That's what worries me about my gf, like right now she cant cheat on me or anything cuz we spend like every second together, but when school starts(in less than a week), i just worry. I know i should just trust her, but i know from experience how easy it is just to lie, man like reading your thread, i literally felt like i was reading something that could happen, ahhh never going to college! lol

[Soleman]

she had all my trusti let her hang out with WHOEVER she wanted i had no problem with it ccause i know she loved me... but now that ihear she went behind my back i dunno what to do.. it all sucks.. it ripped out my heart and threw it on the ground! ... i dunno... im trying to see how things are ogign to work out!

but itll be okay man dont worry ... i have been in college 2 yrs and have not cheated on my g/f yet nor get the idea in my head to.. and before i met my g/f i could of beeen called a "pimp" not bragging or bosting but i changed alot for her..

[FunkyMonkey]

Hey Soleman. Sorry to hear your shitty news.
Ive got some insight based on my own experiences, and of course its gonna be in my long winded style so have a stretch and take a pee and get comfortable hahaha.Ok ready?
If I could say one thing bluntly it would be that once you have lost trust in someone a relationship is over. The intimacy that is the relationship is just gone. As long as you have that nag in your mind that she may be witholding shit from you itll eat you from inside. Always second guessing her words, moves, promises and intentions is what becomes of a lack of intimate trust. And when you dont feel the trust , she will sense that .
It will create a distance between you that will only grow into resentment and bitterness.
It is up to you to decide where to go from here based on your gut feelings. I cant advise or speculate on that, only you know.
If you can move beyond the distrust by having faith that she is being forward now then great. But if you have any doubt I would think that doubt needs to be settled before you can reinvest in your relationship with her.
She needs to be completely forward with you and clean out the closet before you can decide if she is worth it, and if you can get past whatever has happened with her and DUDE.
If she is clean, and you are able to see a future in this relationship, then maybe forgiveness is in order. Only you can have that insight into what you are willing and capable of doing to make it work. Forgiveness for emotional betrayal is a difficult thing, but not impossible. The work it takes can really strengthen a relationship.
If you take the time to work it out in your mind and in your heart and decide it is something you want to work on then more digging needs to be done.
There was obviously something she felt she was missing for her to look to dude for it. None of us like to admit that we might have let something slip or have a shortcoming when it comes to fullfilling our partners needs but it happens to everyone . Its just easy to slip into a comfortable state and just not notice the other person maybe wanting something more unless they speak up. It is also easy for many people to put aside something that is important to them in order to focus on being that perfect someone for that other person. It happens in every relationship. But balance must always be reached if a relationship is to flourish and last, and be fulfilling for both people. ( or all 3 if thats yer thing lol...jk)
Everyone needs to feel loved, respected, and needed.
So my point is that you both need to examine how eachother meet the needs of the other and how each of you fall short. Then its time to decide what you can do to work on filling those holes for each other.
Its a practicle process that demands complete honesty .
If you can fill those holes you have a future, if not there is no better time to part as friends. Something was missing or she wouldnt have wandered. Only you know if you can provide what she went looking for and found in dude.
Nobody can sit here and dole out advice as to what you should do in reaction to what you have learned. We can point out things you could do and show you options you might not see from your emotional perspective.
Im sure youll get lots of advice to weigh and see what fits best for your situation. The best advice reminds you what you already know but are blinded to by emotion.
Dont listen to the guys who will say shit like 'fuck that ho' because that only stirs negative emotions that wont help you any. Itll cloud your mind and judgement and lead you to bad results that will be regretted once you calm.
Dont jump into anything. You are obviosly intelligent enough to recognise that you need to think this one out before making any decisions since you are open to outside feedback and insight.
I know your head and heart can work together on this one since they seem to be a pretty good team as it is.
Heres to wishing you the strength to listen to your internal wisdom and follow through with what you know to be right.
peace bro.

[mike jones]

If you really love her as much as you say you do, you will have no choice but to look past this and move on. If she didn't do anything, you really can't be that mad. If you don't believe her and you really think she cheated on you, then your future as a couple is up to you. But if you believe her, then you will have to get back together with her, for your own sake... until the next girl comes around :) Luckily for me, when I fucked up my longest and deepest relationship ever, I met another great girl that I got really close with. That was the only thing that ever made me stop thinking about the last one haha.

[Soleman]

thanks for the reply funky.. and whoever else has put input into this...

i mean i really reallly am going to take my time.. to see what happens.. she still is in school now and is around that dude all the time from what i hear.. i told her if i hear of one time that something goes wrong i could care lesss if it is fake or true.. i am done.. i am even giving her the chance.... im usually the type of person to say BYE but this one is different and im going to try to make it work! i really dont think she did nethign with him at all but thats my opinion.. i just think other ppl are running their mouths to make the situation worse... but thanks for the insight funky

as for you mike jones hahahah.. i cant be too mad at her? all i know is for the last 3 days i have felt nothn but emptiness like i lost a part of me.. it tore me apart to hear what i heard about her because i NEVER expected it.. even though they ddint mess alround of what not she STILL LIED to my face for 2 months straight.. and thats bad.. i hate liars thats the worst trait in someone well i have to go.. thanks all!

[dontsmoketheroach]

I think that if she is going behind your back with another guy and lying to you about it deleting every trace of him as she goes and this has been going on for a year, then maybe you should end it because if she loved you as much as you love her, and if she knew how much you love her, then she would have been able to tell you thins in the first place like it was no big deal, and it would all just blow over

but then again i think if my bf was doing that then yeah id want him to tell me but i wouldnt be able to end our relationship, but i really think its the best thing to do. ive just learnt through bad paranoia, that i cant trust anybody, but im asking you to trust me now, just end it with this girl because if she really loved you she would have never gone to that guy in the first place let alone kept it a secret from you.

im probably not helping but im just putting my point across.

[Krippysmoker]

Solomen....come to pgh dude. All my friends are strippers. I will have you forgettin about your GF in no time at all. :)

[ScarlettCrush]

I read what you said and it seems like this.

She had a friend.

Maybe she didn't tell you because it seems like you might have blown it out of proportion...and she was right. you did.
Cool out, it is ok to have friends that are guys. If he made her feel better and less lonely well....isn't that what friends do? She wasn't replacing you, but she has feelings too and needed someone around to talk too. Why are you begrudging her that?
You are the one she goes too when she is lonely and needs a friend but you where gone and your relationship was changing. She needed another perspective, and maybe she felt guilty for it, because she wasn't talking to you; but she has a right to have feelings and friends. Get over your emotional stuff, and get her to communicate without fear, then ya'll will be good.
(not being scared to tell you things will help her feel like she can tell you anything)

[420purplehaze420]

o yeah man girls love attention so i would believe her about the only going there cause she liked the compliments, but honesty is such a huge thing in relationship as soon as someone lies to me and i catch them doing it i lose alot of respect for them that isnt regainable(if there isnt a good reason for it). especially when its over little things that she should have not had any problem telling me in the first place. but yeah man give her another chance and if she fucks up again end it right there