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IrieAllie
08-05-2005, 08:42 PM
Get ready....this is going to be long....

Okay--so I've told some of you before about mr. irie...sometimes he'll smoke, it'll be great, and he's done...just doesn't smoke for weeks, months, years, whatever. And when HE'S done, he expects ME to be done. Well, I don't ever hide the fact that I smoke. In fact, I ONLY smoke when he's here (if the kids are here). I never smoke in front of my kids--or while I am home alone with them.

So anyhow, last night, I smoked, all was well. Get up this morning, and I am emptying my dishwasher. I usually keep my trusty tiny rubbermaid container of weed up high in the cabinet. So, I could see it up there, but needed to move it, to put something away. EMPTY. I mean this had a 1/4 in there, just put in yesterday. Now, I KNOW my husband took it, for whatever reason. And if he put it down the garbage disposal, I will personally ring his neck. So here's the thing...

What do I do? I feel like I am 15 again, and my mom found and took my smokes. But I am 35. Responsible. Thanks to weed, I no longer have headaches, my stress level has dropped tremondously, and I actually SLEEP through the night (usually, I only sleep in 30-45 minute intervals). Most importantly, my mysterious night sweats have vanished. We are talking waking up, my clothing and hair SOAKED. I have had tests done out the wazoo...checking for lupus, thyroid disorder, you name it....nothing found. Started smoking weed again, and I feel wonderful. Seriously. I mean, I ABSOLUTELY ENJOY the feeling of being high, don't get me wrong....but it HELPS me mentally, physically and emotionally, too.

Now, explain to me why it would be okay to sit out on our deck, and throw shots back in front of the kids, but I can't smoke a bowl or two somewhere away from them? I completely understand the general lack of knowledge by many people regarding the benefits of MJ. But for my HUSBAND of NINE YEARS to be all sneaky, and do something with my weed??? I don't get that. If you have an issue, TALK TO ME. Don't like me smoking? Tell me WHY. WHY would it be just fine and dandy for me to get shitfaced, barf all over the place, and feel like crap? Because it's LEGAL? Never mind the fact that you DO destroy brain cells when you drink. You CAN damage your liver. Drunk people can get nasty, mean and downright RUDE. I mean, even him....if he's drinking, he can go from happy-go-lucky to pissed off in a new york minute--usually over something stupid. But when he's stoned, he's silly, fun, and laid-back. Gee, that's a toss up, eh?

Don't get me wrong here, I like to throw back a few when I am watching a football game or something. But I mean, my father in law was an alcoholic....that was, before he died suddenly, the day after he turned 47. So wouldn't you think that alcohol use/abuse would have the effect on him that my smoking weed does????

I am rambling, I know....but I am really unsure of how to approach this. I mean, I am easy to talk to...but I will defend my smoking...period. Why is it that my smoking is such a terrible thing to him? I am a much happer and relaxed wife and mother, and feel SO much better....yes, I know you will all say "Just ask him." And I will....but it's hard for me not to be pissed when I have always been open with him...yet he feels it's appropriate to address the situation as if I was his teenage child, instead of his wife. So that's what makes my blood boil...the fact that he thinks he has the RIGHT to decide what I will or will not do.

I will not smoke weed because he SAYS so, I will smoke weed because it IS so.

I feel better now...thanks all. But let me know what you think :confused:

o2bn420
08-06-2005, 12:04 AM
I know what you mean...Mr. o2 rarely does and I get the 'look' like I'm Jennifer Connelly in Requiem for a Dream..never mind that I can go to any doctor and get fistfuls of xanax... found out the other day that my daughter's best friend's mom, whom I have known for 9 years, is a closet smoker like me. Her husband works for the school district and of course disapproves...so the other day we were sneaking bong hits and spraying perfume/visine and giggling like we we kids again and didn't want dad to find out. I feel for ya

mlleyeuxbleus
08-06-2005, 01:23 AM
OMG that sucks!!! I feel for both of you. I feel lucky to be single, yikes. Have you confronted him about it, just to ask?

IrieAllie
08-06-2005, 01:15 PM
Well, last night he came home from work--went right for a beer. Comes into my office and says "Looks like we're out of beer." I said "Looks like I'm out of weed, too." He didn't say anything for a bit, and then said "Yeah, I flushed it down the toilet." Which I knew was a lie. He told me that I don't "need" to smoke it...and I reminded him that neither of us "need" to smoke cigs, or "need" to drink alcohol either--but that must not count, since he does both. He's llike "Fine. I won't smoke OR drink." I said "That's not the point. I am not telling you to stop doing anything, because it's YOUR choice of whether or not you WANT to smoke or drink." I got my weed back, needless to say :)

mlleyeuxbleus
08-06-2005, 01:46 PM
Wow, that's good at least (that you got it back!). You made all really good points... I hope he sees the light.

DonnieDarko
08-06-2005, 02:46 PM
It sounds like he's got some issues to work out with you. Hopefully you can talk about this calmly and in detail when you both have some free time. You need to find out if he has legit concerns with you smoking MJ (like kids catching on, or you getting busted) or if it's a control thing.

Only when you get to the bottom of what is troubling him, can you work toward a solution. If he quickly gives in, without discussing really the problem, then you'll likely be revisiting the same problem somewhere in the future.

maryjanemama
08-06-2005, 03:53 PM
Mr. Mary has been smoking again for almost 2 weeks and things around here are smooth sailing. I think I finally got it through to him that there is nothing wrong with a little stress relief, everything in moderation.

IA, I don't know what to say, maybe he's afraid you'll become dependant. The way I get my husband to agree to things is to make him think he has some how made the right choice. He likes to think he's in control, so I let him think he is at certain times. I don't know how to explain it....I hope you know what I mean.

I said, "You know we should really call (dealer) because you've been so stressed at work, and these kids are driving me crazy. I could use a break, couldn't you?" He said yes immediately and we've been smoking ever since. So it was my suggestion and I made it sound like it would be really good for him, too. But, ultimately it was his call, so he felt like the testosterone oozing manly man he thinks he is,....and, of course, he went for it.

IrieAllie
08-06-2005, 05:07 PM
Thanks all for your help! Well, I see all sides here...Mr. IA knows about the drug problems I've had in the past..mainly cocaine. Haven't touched it in 10 years, and really have no desire to ever again. I believe that he doesn't fully understand the effects (good AND bad) of different drugs. I mean, cocaine is a nasty addiction to have...and I went through the whole realm of it pretty much (before he and I were engaged, etc), and other than the short amount of time the high existed, the rest of the day was pure hell. Weed is enjoyable at all times...before, during and after. And when the high is coming down, that's OKAY. in fact, it's enjoyable. It's not like "shit, I need more if this immediately!!!!!". It's an experience, with a beginning, middle and end. Coke ended up being--for the most part--the middle. All the time.

So to me, I understand that if I can't be happy with 1/2-1 bowl an evening, like I am now, then I see a problem. I work from home during the day, and am here with my kids. Those are my priorities--kids being first, ALWAYS. Now, when I have had a shit day, the kids have tried to overthrow me, the cats are having a hairball puking contest, and my dog is running around with a clump of shit on her ass....yeah, I want to have a few puffs. And when Dan gets home, and the kids are out playing or have gone to bed, no big deal.

I really believe that, since he's contemplating looking for a new job, he can't smoke....he would absolutely have a pre-employment drug test done, so he doesn't want to jeopardize anything. Which is completely understandable. But, Mr. IA is of the mentality that if he can't do something, no one else should either. If he has to get up at 3am to go into work early, he DAMN SURE makes it a point to let me know he is awake. Lights on everywhere, closet doors opening and closing, you name it. This is just another "If I can't sit there and smoke, you can't either." I believe that. It's just kind of his "pattern". So, we'll see. I told him that I would gladly pop out onto the deck after everyone is asleep, and smoke then. But why he didn't like THAT idea was because he'd "know" what I was doing. WTF is that???????

Anyhow...don't know if I am any better off then when my weed went missing. Oh hell, of COURSE I am!!! LOL

Breukelen advocaat
08-06-2005, 06:59 PM
Well, it isn??t ??fair?!

This reminds me of an amusing childhood incident I had some 40-odd years ago. My younger sister and I were with our parents near Rockefeller Center, in NYC, when we were about 5 and 7 years old. Our parents had bought us both helium balloons. As we were walking along, my sister accidentally let go of the string on her balloon, and it floated up above the skyscrapers. She looked over at my balloon, and immediately grabbed the string from my hand and released it into the air.

I think that this is interesting, and related:

Experiments involving apes show that giving better, or bigger, portions of food as rewards causes animosity and unwillingness to participate by the creatures because they have an instinct for "fairness". If they see their fellow critters getting ??better? rewards for doing the same tasks, they resent it ?? and will make no bones about letting the researchers know that they feel it unfair.

The capuchin monkeys in this research are, I believe, the little ??organ grinder? type.

??In a series of 100 trials, when a pair of capuchins were both rewarded with cucumber bits for their work, they each were satisfied and did their work by exchanging the granite tokens with Brosnan 95 percent of the time.
But if one member of the pair observed her companion getting a grape instead of cucumber for the same work, the aggrieved partner completed the token exchange only 60 percent of the time, Brosnan said.
And then, if one partner did little or no work but still got rewarded with a tasty grape, the other monkey went on what any human union member might call a work slowdown, or even a kind of one-monkey strike, stopping work altogether?

http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2003/09/0917_030917_monkeyfairness.html
http://www.bioedonline.org/news/news.cfm?art=524
http://lists.envirolink.org/pipermail/ar-news/Week-of-Mon-20030915/006683.html

Breukelen advocaat
08-06-2005, 07:00 PM
Sorry, I posted the previous one twice - so I deleted it from here.

likemclever
08-09-2005, 12:56 AM
you have every right to be pissed. That's what I have against marriage. You put a ring on your finger and your mate starts thinking of you as a possession. You handled it well, using way more tact than I would have been able to muster. Congrats and good luck.

naluman
08-09-2005, 06:31 PM
ever think about getting med pot license? then this way he cant be against it...because of the doctors orders,.,,,cant sleep..stress ..is a common everyday problem with really no cure......another thing is .....hes your husband....and this is who you made a family with....communication is very important and understanding ones needs is too....it may take a awhile but he will come around.....good luck......

IrieAllie
08-10-2005, 12:01 AM
you have every right to be pissed. That's what I have against marriage. You put a ring on your finger and your mate starts thinking of you as a possession. You handled it well, using way more tact than I would have been able to muster. Congrats and good luck.

Just when I was getting withdrawals from Sex and the City :p I do love the single gals...and miss it sometimes!!!!

I agree...and I am not doing--or NOT doing--something that makes me feel better, that I ENJOY, and that has no effect on my work, parenting or relationships because a man says so. He's free to have his opinion, and I respect it. Just as he will respect mine (whether he knows it or not!!!!).

I told him that if he'd rather me sneak around, instead of him being open minded, he's going to have one HELL of a problem when our kids get older. Now, not that I would say to my 14 year old "Hey, go up to your room and smoke pot." Kids WILL experiment with alot of things...drugs, alcohol, sex, you name it. It's the values you instill in them NOW (at 4 and 6) that (I believe) will determine how they HANDLE experimentation.

By the way....still smokin', sleepin like a baby, and NO SWEATS!!! :D