help me

[lilSmokie]

So...here's my story. I have been taking anti-depressants for several years. About a year ago they put me on 2 diff. meds, it was at that same time that I started smoking regularly. I had my ups and downs but I was doing pretty good. Last week I got fired from a job that I loved and thought I would be at for a long time. I am 33 yrs old and I have nothing. I feel like a waste of space. And now that I need to get a new job I can't smoke. Well it's been 1 week since I smoked. And today I feel like I want to die. I think about killing myself but I know I can't. I don't know how to get through this and I don't know what to do. I want to smoke so bad just so I can stop wanting to die, but I know I need to be clean to get a job. Everything is fucked up in my head and I feel like I'm going crazy. Any advice?

[Killa.Kali]

awww :( cheer up buddy, never say "no way to smoke" cuz theres ALWAYS a way to come up on some cash ;) even if you sink as low as me and my blaze buddy and turn in cans and bottles and shit...hell the pawnshop is my 2nd best friend :D few DVD's here, couple tools there...gets me the money i need to blaze up :D i dont have a job either and i still am able to smoke about a good fat eigth every 2-3 days :) just gotta learn how to hustle, how to come up phat, or just do the dirty and get another job :D i cant wait till i can move out of the this shit hole and live on my own in a phat pad :D im in schooling to be a Registered Nurse :D do that...go back to school :D

*sings*
back to skool
back to skool
to prove to my dad that im not a fool
i got my lunch pak packed
i got my shoes tied tight
i hope i dont, get in a fight

[lilSmokie]

I already finished school, I have a BA. And I have money to buy weed I just know that ALL the jobs here do UA's so if I wanna get a job, I have to be clean. And I HAVE to get a job. I think I'm gonna snap! I don't know whats wrong with me. I'm not totally ugly, but I can't get a boyfriend. I'm a good worker and I'm smart but I can't keep a job. I only have like 3 friends and I can't really talk to any of them about how I feel...so I suffer all alone.

[at420]

ive heard that drinking alot of water would help.like 2 gallons. and when you go for the test dont start in the cup and dont finish in the cup.but thats just what ive heard.just tryin to help

[Killa.Kali]

well in all due respect dont hold in feelings. It seriously fucks up your life, even if the most level headed person holds back emotions they are gonna end up snapping BAD if they hold it in too long or just hold too much in. Talk to ya friends about it, if they are offended, talk down to you, mistreat you, or judge you badly because of it then they arnt true friends. Holding back feelings will fuck you up eventually so just let out, if your friends dont like you or what you do then fuck em they aint worth it :p

Getting a job here is really REALLY hard (unless ofcourse your a wetback who will work for a banana a day paycheck) thats why i want to be a nurse, its a skill that is needed everywhere, i want to travel a lot when i get my life on its feet, so if im a nurse basically anywhere i go i will be needed, that and the paychecks are quite...pleasing :D

[lilSmokie]

well I wish you the best with your career. thanks for responding. I'll try to make it through.

[Killa.Kali]

well i hope your situation improves, just keep this in your mind

Your not beaten when you fall off the horse, your beaten when you dont get back on

[Tripper]

hmmm well iv been on anti-depressants for a few years now...ill tell u my story it userly makes people feel better bout there own lives lol


ok so last year was my last year in high school, and i hated school wid a passion! i was bullied and picked on even by the teachers, i had hardly any friends except for older guys who were useing me :mad: (i wisend up to them tho) and i think i had like mabey 3 actual girl friends...i was hell suicidle, i couldnt keep up wid the school work, i was doin drugs and sleeping around i was hated and since i lived in a small town everyone new me..and how i was...but they only new the bad stuff...then one day my b/f dumped me for one of my so called friends...they had been cheating on me...then that night i hackd into his email and read all the emails they had sent to each other laughing at me and stuff...then i went to the cubourd and took evertything in there (my dad works at a hospitle so there was ALOT of pills) when they hit me..it was mad...like bugs were ripping out of my skin! i coiuldnt walk straight and i just layd down in my bed to die...but i started retching and my dad found me...so i was taken to hospitle and had my tummy pumped and was put on 3 diff drips...of course this made everything at school worse...i was now an attention seeking dumb whore...(yah) then a few weeks later my brother died...that fucked me up so bad...i went to a sike ward for teenagers and ended up getting kicked put because i had supposidly tried to get some other people in there to tp them selves?! its true i had stolen a sharpener from the cubboard but i didnt tell her to use it...:( so yeh evrtything still went really bad from ther.e..i hated my parents they were embarrassed by me ect...yeh life sucked big time...i slit my wrists all the time, i ran out of tears...and to this day i still find it hard to cry...oh and to top things off both my cats had died who i had grown up wid all my life...so i ended up quitting high school and had a 6 month long brake...and it was the best thing i ever did.,..i got a job, now im goinbg to tafe, sure my life is still sad and i dont hav many friends but heaps more tnan b4!, iv stopped sleeping around and i have basically stopped caring what people think of me...iv heard every insult known to man...(all directed at me...) hell thats the short version! there is so much thats hasppend to me over the last year and a half.,..and im so much more wiser now...iv been threw so much.... oh and for giigles sumone wrote a "why lahna should be hated" boook... he wrote like 200 pages and got everyone to write in it 2... so yeh.... this world is ful of fucking imature idiots... grrr now im all fired up lol

well anyway...i dunno if this will even cum threw coz its hell long

ANYWAY advice for you lilsmokie ===== take up smoking just ciggies... :) that'll help wid the stress...dont drink too much and once u find a job (and you will) u can smoke weed again..oh and get in touch with your spiritual side...i did...im wiccan now..and i love it...peace out. sorry bout the longness...

[Tripper]

hmmm well iv been on anti-depressants for a few years now...ill tell u my story it userly makes people feel better bout there own lives lol


ok so last year was my last year in high school, and i hated school wid a passion! i was bullied and picked on even by the teachers, i had hardly any friends except for older guys who were useing me :mad: (i wisend up to them tho) and i think i had like mabey 3 actual girl friends...i was hell suicidle, i couldnt keep up wid the school work, i was doin drugs and sleeping around i was hated and since i lived in a small town everyone new me..and how i was...but they only new the bad stuff...then one day my b/f dumped me for one of my so called friends...they had been cheating on me...then that night i hackd into his email and read all the emails they had sent to each other laughing at me and stuff...then i went to the cubourd and took evertything in there (my dad works at a hospitle so there was ALOT of pills) when they hit me..it was mad...like bugs were ripping out of my skin! i coiuldnt walk straight and i just layd down in my bed to die...but i started retching and my dad found me...so i was taken to hospitle and had my tummy pumped and was put on 3 diff drips...of course this made everything at school worse...i was now an attention seeking dumb whore...(yah) then a few weeks later my brother died...that fucked me up so bad...i went to a sike ward for teenagers and ended up getting kicked put because i had supposidly tried to get some other people in there to tp them selves?! its true i had stolen a sharpener from the cubboard but i didnt tell her to use it...:( so yeh evrtything still went really bad from ther.e..i hated my parents they were embarrassed by me ect...yeh life sucked big time...i slit my wrists all the time, i ran out of tears...and to this day i still find it hard to cry...oh and to top things off both my cats had died who i had grown up wid all my life...so i ended up quitting high school and had a 6 month long brake...and it was the best thing i ever did.,..i got a job, now im goinbg to tafe, sure my life is still sad and i dont hav many friends but heaps more tnan b4!, iv stopped sleeping around and i have basically stopped caring what people think of me...iv heard every insult known to man...(all directed at me...) hell thats the short version! there is so much thats hasppend to me over the last year and a half.,..and im so much more wiser now...iv been threw so much.... oh and for giigles sumone wrote a "why lahna should be hated" boook... he wrote like 200 pages and got everyone to write in it 2... so yeh.... this world is ful of fucking imature idiots... grrr now im all fired up lol

well anyway...i dunno if this will even cum threw coz its hell long

ANYWAY advice for you lilsmokie...start smoking ciggies and dont drink too much and when you find a job (and you WILL) then u can smoke weed again... oh and get in touch with your spiritual side
peace out.

[mellowman420]

hey tripper, if you lived here me i would be your friend. im so sick of everyone i know being so critical of everyone else. almost everyone i know can be nice and funny if you give them a chance. i can't imagine being sad living in a place like Australia, it's a paradise. would you need to do is get your friends and make a book on the person that made a book on you. hope life goe's good for you, peace.

[lilSmokie]

Thans Tipper. I am really sorry all that happened to you. I know that my life isnt as bad as others, but that doesnt stop the suicidal thoughts from happening. I guess we are all stronger than we realize. I am glad things are getting better for you. I am sure my trun will be soon. Thanks for your support.

[187]

dude u can smoke and then when u find a job u can just clean your system out

[lilSmokie]

Yeah but I'm a girl and I am not skinny and I have a slow metabolism and when I find a job they'll probably want me to take a UA within a couple days. So I have to be clean now. It sucks. I can't take the chance of failing.

[Tripper]

wow i was so wasted when i wrote that! and i seemed to have sent it twice... hehehe... i love weed and alcahol... but yeh everything i said is true... good luck lilsmokie!!! and go the shrooooomzzz!!

[TonyD]

Keeping busy is the key to not going off your head.

There's time's when i don't have weed and it makes me crack up, but i already am fucked up in the head anyway. I refuse to go on meds for mental problems, i can live with my own problems but not the ones that those meds create.

I used to take a lot of valium but i just used that to get wasted in association with other drugs, i didn't even pay for the valium a guy i met once in my whole life gave me 80 of them for free once.

[lilSmokie]

well I dont think valium is gonna help my situation. I just need a job so I can smoke a bowl. I'm tryin to keep busy but it's difficult with no money. You can only spend so long lookin for a job. Then I have the rest of the day to feel like a pile of shit.

[Whos Carl]

if thats u in the picture than u got a friend for life and your right. Always someone worse as they say.

[Breukelen advocaat]

So...here's my story..... Last week I got fired from a job that I loved and thought I would ?

Can't you get unemployment insurance? When you say you were "fired", does that mean "with cause", or were you laid off? If you believe that it was the latter, but the employer says otherwise, you could challenge it.

If you can work a little off the books while collecting, you'll probably make out better.

Don't give up. Life is one long battle, and a job is nothing compared to your health. Just tell yourself that, "It's only a job".

If you need professional counseling, or job placement assistance, take advantage of any free services your local and federal agencies have available. Sometimes getting the boot causes you to get something better. You cannot apply too much, and you never know what's right around the corner. I'm sure that things will work out for you if you just have the right outlook.

Good luck.

[lilSmokie]

Thanks Breukelen, I applied for Unemployment, I doubt I'll get it but it doesnt hurt to try. I have a shrink already. And I'll look into job placement assistance. Thank you for the good wishes. I am sure I'll find something. I just wanna find it fast so I can start smokin again..:) but I'll be patient.