Make me laugh - Add a joke or cartoon

[OR Freebird]

Let's all lighten up (pun intended) ... Use this thread to post your favorite joke or cartoon that you want us to see.

Cmon, dare you, make me laugh.

I don't know a lot of good jokes, so I'm going with a cartoon.

[muncheemama]

whats the hardest part about eating vegetables...
wait for it, wait for it, wait for it....
taking them out of their wheelchair first....

[KottonMouthSara]

hehe...how do you confuse a blonde? Put her in a round room and tell her to find the corner :D

[Anonymous]

^lmao

[sToNeDpEnGuIn420]

hehe

[Button Basher]

These are my favourite funny pics from my collection. :D

[beatpixie]

here is a freaky one for ya

[muncheemama]

awwwww

[KottonMouthSara]

how do u know a blondes been on your computer?? there's tippex on the screen (white-out for the americans)!!!

How do u know another blonde's been on your computer? Theres writing on the tippex on the screen!!

Hehe, sorry to all you blondes out there...don't mean to offend anyone :D

Hugs xxxx

[st0n3r]

lmao blondes yup.........lol hehe

ok ive got 1......

There's a bus full of ugly people, and what happenes is they are going along a motorway and they all crash and die(not the funny part). after they die they all go up to heaven, and they are lining outside the gates of heaven. God comes out and calles to all of them '' before you all enter my domain, i shall grant you all one wish each!'', so he goes to the first man in line''what is you wish?'',''make me good-looking!'' he replies, second person''make me beautiful''so on a so fourth, and has god gets down the line he realises that everyone is wishing for the same wish, and he notices and the very end there is a man laughing his head off about everyone's wishes. So god carries along this line full of ugly people, all asking for the same wish ''make me good-looking...'' etc etc. By the time god gets to this man at the end of the line, he is already on the floor laughing his head off. ''What seems to be so funny my fellow man?'' god questioned. by the time he had calmed down and got up, sorted himself out, the man goes 'hhaaa haaa haaa oh nothing nothing, may i have my wish now?'', ''very well'' god replies.''what would you wish like to be?''.......the man points down the long line to the front,''make them all ugly again!''.

[KottonMouthSara]

HAHAHA

[NowhereMan]

These are my favourite funny pics from my collection. :D
man that first pic
shocking and creep as hell is that real ? i keep thinking
"talk about digging for gold there buddy'
then i think the poor guy probly lost his eye and nasal passage some how
and feel sorry for him

[st0n3r]

LOL

[KottonMouthSara]

tee hee

[OR Freebird]

Ok. I'm chuckling.

How about the stoner who finds a genie bottle on the beach. He turns it into a bong, and the first hit he exhales .... a genie appears. Like a good genie he asks "You got one wish, whaddah you want?"

The stoner looks around and sees his bag of green is full ... no prob there. He opens his cooler and looks in -- a 6-pack and a half left. No problem there.

It hits him like a rock. Sex. He turn to the genie and says "Hey wispy old guy, how about a little head?"

And that's how I got this tiny little pin head.

[mellow mood]

heres a good one: what does a stoner take when hes broke? he drinks listerine

LMFAO

[st0n3r]

what do you call a chav in a microwave? bling!

what is a chavs favourite ice cream flavour? mint!

what ya call a chav in a cardboard box? innit

theres a stupid chav, clever chav, santa and the easter bunny, they all jump off a cliff............who hits the bottom first...........the dumb chav..........the others don't exist (sorry 2 dissapoint xnoa who though santa was gunna get him a joint 4 xmas:P)

[KottonMouthSara]

following on from that.....a blonde and a brunette jump off a cliff...who lands first? the brunette, the blonde stopped and asked for directions...HAHAHA Goodnight all xxxxxxxxxxx

[koshea]

a mushroom walks into a bar and the bartender says "im sorry sir, we dont serve your kind here, youll have to leave"

the mushroom replys "why not, im a fungi!?" <<(fungi- fun guy)

[mellow mood]

wow that joke sucked! haha

a man enters in a 10$ dance bar, and ask the woman if she is the one soing blowjobs. the girls answers yes, so the guy says ok wash your hands and make me a sandwich. lol

[koshea]

a man enters a bar and shits on mellow mood for dissing my joke

[jacquelyne]

or liquid paper for australians lol
how do u know a blondes been on your computer?? there's tippex on the screen (white-out for the americans)!!!

How do u know another blonde's been on your computer? Theres writing on the tippex on the screen!!

Hehe, sorry to all you blondes out there...don't mean to offend anyone :D

Hugs xxxx

[looseends]

Buckwheat & Darla were in school, and the teacher asks Darla, "How do
>you spell 'dumb'?"
>
>Darla says, "D-u-m-b, dumb."
>
>The teacher says, "Very good, now use it in a sentence."
>
>She says, "Buckwheat is dumb"
>
>The teacher says, "Now spell 'stupid'."
>
>Darla says, "S-t-u-p-i-d, stupid."
>
>The teacher says, "Very good, now use it in a sentence."
>
>Darla says, "Buckwheat is stupid."
>
>Then the teacher calls on Buckwheat and says, "Buckwheat, spell
>dictate."
>
>Buckwheat stands and says, "D-i-c-t-a-t-e, dictate."
>
>The teacher says, "Very good, now use it in a sentence."
>
>"I may be dumb and I may be stupid, but Darla says my dictate good!"

[esrabalamir]

This one kept me laughing for a while :)

A couple was dressed and ready to go out for the evening. They turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on the phone line, covered their pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard. They phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and the couple opened the front door to leave their house. The cat they had put out into the yard scoots back into the house.

They don't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird. The wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, the man in hot pursuit.

Waiting in the cab, the wife doesn't want the driver to know the house will be empty for the night. She explains to the taxi driver that her husband will be out soon. "He's just going upstairs to say good-bye to my mother."

A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab. "Sorry I took so long," he says as they drive away. "Stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. Had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off so I grabbed her by the neck. Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. It worked. I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!"

The cabdriver hit a parked car

[Sentinel]

A man walks into a bar and orders 7 shots of vodka. "Why so much alcohol?" the bartender asks. " I had my first blowjob today", he tells the bartender. "Congratulations!, in that case have another shot on the house says the bartender. So the man says, "Thats alright, if 7 doesn't get the taste out nothing will."

[esrabalamir]

A man walks into a bar and orders 7 shots of vodka. "Why so much alcohol?" the bartender asks. " I had my first blowjob today", he tells the bartender. "Congratulations!, in that case have another shot on the house says the bartender. So the man says, "Thats alright, if 7 doesn't get the taste out nothing will."


lol good one ,classical canadian joke
thats why i like these canadians ppl :)

[jacquelyne]

This isnt exactly a joke but about a year ago i took my brothers to see our dad he lives in the bush.The whole way in the car he kept on saying pull over pull over i gotta push one out it was disgusting but fuck it was making me laugh as the toilets were very few and far between.Anyways i didnt pull over so he could push one out but he was very very happy when we drove through a town and he seen mc donalds.I said there ya go now get pushing and hurry up lol

[mikeo14]

knock knock
who's there
Tuna
Tuna who?
You can Tuna piano but you can't tuna fish

What do you call cheese that isn't yours? .... Nacho cheese

[OreO]

i like ur avatar...is that u>? the rainbow?

[NoosaHeads]

Whats the difference between a Mail box and a donkeys asshole.>?

[smokey]

read this in a blokes mag
i saw michael jackson in tescos at the weekend with a trolley full of dairylea
i said yo michael what the hell u doing with all tht dairylea
he replied "well u know kids will do anything for dairylea"

[NoosaHeads]

Whats the difference between a Mail box and a donkeys asshole.>?




somones supposed to say.
I dunno what.

then i say well im not getting you to post any letters for me then..... :o

[NowhereMan]

A man walks into a bar and orders 7 shots of vodka. "Why so much alcohol?" the bartender asks. " I had my first blowjob today", he tells the bartender. "Congratulations!, in that case have another shot on the house says the bartender. So the man says, "Thats alright, if 7 doesn't get the taste out nothing will."
that was just plain funny even if ya re run it

thsi is no joke but its pretty funny for real life

Boozing Bear Throws His Own Party
Posted 6/14/2005 01:47 PM

The bear ripped through a Summit Lake campsite, eating two campers' food and three beers.
Story by The Associated Press
It sounds like something you'd see in a commercial.
Two brothers camping at Summit Lake near Richwood last Friday had to cut their trip short after a black bear ate their food and guzzled their beer.
Dunbar resident Larry Gaynor said the bear dragged the cooler about 30 yards into the woods and flung it against a tree, scattering a case of Coors Light.
The bear drank three cans.
Gaynor said it's a good thing the beer wasn't Budweiser or the bear would have downed all of them.
http://www.wowktv.com/story.cfm?func=viewstory&storyid=3364
see man i wasnt joking

[Lily420]

here is a freaky one for ya
WHOA!!!!!!!!!!!! :D Dat is awesum!!!!

[OR Freebird]

Tiger Woods is having a tough day on the course. He can't quite seem sink his putts, they keep curving to the left.

His caddy looks at him and says, "Hey, Tiger, it looks like you're pulling your putts"

Tiger looks at him and says, "Nah, I'm just trying to get my pencil out of my pocket."

[Marko123]

[QUOTE=mellow mood]heres a good one: what does a stoner take when hes broke? he drinks listerine

I was not expecting that one. Very, very fuuny.
:D

[muncheemama]

somones supposed to say.
I dunno what.

then i say well im not getting you to post any letters for me then..... :o
I dunno, what?

[Cheery Cherry]

A little boy goes to his father and asks "Daddy, how was I born?" The father answers: "Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a blessed little Pop-Up appeared and said: You've Got Male!"

[Zero Revolt]

Cheery Cherry if that's your ass in that avatar I think I'm in love.

[pez]

ok, i love jokes as much as the next guy but most are not realistic, here are some of the more realistic versions of some jokes/ jokes w/ realistic endings:

What's the difference between the Pope and Michael Jackson?
The Pope is dead

What do you get when you're gay?
Made fun of.

What do you get when you cross a chicken with a centipede?
A media circus about the debate over the morals and ethics of genetic engineering.

How do you drown a blonde?
Hold her head underwater until she can no longer breathe and stops struggling.

Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?
Repeated absences and stealing.

Why did the deaf man take his parrot to work?
He was weird.

What's the difference between a post box and a vagina?
A post box is a public container for the deposit of outgoing mail, and a vagina is the passage leading from the opening of the vulva to the cervix of the uterus in female mammals.

Why do Mexicans not like going out in the rain?
It's wet.

A Blonde and a Brunette jump off a tall building at the same time. Who hits the ground first?
Both of them hit the ground at the same time. Hair colour doesn't affect acceleration due to gravity.

What's worse then finding a worm in your apple?
The Holocaust.

Why was six afraid of seven?
It wasn't. Numbers are not sentient and thus incapable of feeling fear.

How do you know when a Frenchman has been near your house?
You don't, really, unless you were there to see him or if one of your neighbors saw him. I wouldn't worry about it, really.

Why couldn't Helen Keller drive?
Because she was blind and deaf.

What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza?
A Jew is a person adhering to the Jewish faith and a pizza is an oven-baked, flat, usually circular bread covered with tomato sauce and cheese with optional garnishes.

What do you get when you turn 3 blondes upside-down?
An embarrassing situation

Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?
She was a schizophrenic

How do you confuse a blonde?
Paint yourself green and throw forks at her

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a shopping bag.
One is a famous singer songwriter facing charges of child molestation and the other's a shopping bag

[SomeDude]

there was a brave captain and his crew sailing on the high seas, when suddenly a pirate ship appeared and was going to attack them. The captain yelled out an order to his first mate: "bring me my red shirt!!" They all fought bravely and a week later two pirate ships appeared about to attack them. Again, the captain called out to his first mate: "bring me my red shirt!" They fought bravely and won again. A week later three pirate ships appeared, ready to attack them, and the captain gave the same order for his red shirt. after the battle, the men asked the captain why he always asked for his red shirt before a battle. The captan replied, "so that if I am wounded in battle, no one will see the blood, and you will all go on fightng unafraid." The crew was touched at the captain's bravery, and suddenly, ten pirate ships appeared off the pot bow ready to attack. The whole crew looked to the captain, awaiting his order, when he finally shouted out to his first mate: "Bring me my brown pants!"

[LOVElife]

Ive recently started a new job in TESCO supermarket on the alcoholic beverages section! Yesterday a man of an ethnic minority was browsing the shelves, when my manager decided I should give this man some assistance!....

I approached the Indian fella and asked "Can I be of any assistance Sir?"...
...he replied "OOO YIS, I AM LOOKING FOR A NICE PORT!".....

I said "DOVER...NOW FUCK OFF"!!!!!!!

hahahahaha

[g23456]

haha

[Fengzi]

From Letterman

Top Ten Ways George Bush Can Regain His Popularity


10. Dip into social security fund to give every American free HBO

9. Use diplomacy to bring peace to Brad, Jen and Angelina

8. Try fixing Iraq, creating some jobs, reducing the deficit and maybe capturing Osama

7. Figure out a way for the Yankees to win a game

6. Replace his "country simpleton" persona with more lovable "hillbilly idiot" image

5. Use weekly radio address to give Americans a Van Halen twofer

4. Get Saddam to switch to boxers

3. Ditch the librarian and make Eva Longoria First Lady

2. Resign

1. Jump on Oprah's couch while professing his love for Katie Holmes

[nuggetgirl]

This Joke Is kinda corny but it's my fave.

There once was this Old man with 3 sons,
they were broke so he gave them each a duck.
Whoever brought back the most for his duck,
would be the prized son of the house.....
The first son saw a guy on the side of the road,
He bought the duck for 5 dollars.
The second son walk to the feed store, sold his duck for 10 dollars.
The third son had been walking around all day, and could not sell his duck.
It was getting dark, a woman stopped him and told him she'd fuck him for his duck, so he did, and started to walk away.
He remembered he had to bring back money for the duck so he told the girl he'd fuck her back for the duck, so she did, and he walked away with the duck.
All of a sudden a semi-truck came outta nowhere, the duck flew out of his arms and SPLAT it hit the duck.
The driver stopped, apologized, and told the son he'd give him a dollar for the duck.
The Son agreed, and walked home.
The father stepped outside, and the sons told him how much they made.
Son 1 said, I got 5 bucks. Son 2 said, I got 10 bucks.
Son 3 said, well Dad, I GOT A FUCK FOR A DUCK, A DUCK FOR A FUCK, AND A BUCK FOR A FUCKED UP DUCK.

[maryjanemama]

How about a little Hasselhoff?

[NoosaHeads]

What did the Normal Baby say to the test tube baby.?.









'your dads a wanker.

[OR Freebird]

How about a little Hasselhoff?
Why is that so scary?

[OR Freebird]

I offer up this as well ...

[unmeg]

Why did the Blond climb the chain link fence?



To see what was on the other side!

[Marko123]

These are good for a chuckle.

Things to Ponder

A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.

How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the
dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?

Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how
many people a company can operate without.

Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone
else looks?

Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job.

No one has more driving ambition than the boy who wants to buy a
car.

There are no new sins....the old ones just get more publicity.

There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at
4 AM. It could be a right number.

Think about this..., No one ever says "It's only a game" when his
team is winning.

Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag
his tail.

The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts
tomorrow.

If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably don't have any
sense at all.

Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.

I've reached the age where the happy hour is a nap.

Be careful reading the fine print. There's no way you're going to
like it.

The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same
size bucket.

Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of
old ladies running around with tattoos?

Money can't buy happiness -- but somehow it's more comfortable to
cry in a Corvette than in a Yugo.

After a certain age, if you don't wake up aching in every joint,
you are probably dead.

[NoosaHeads]

I dunno why but here ya go...:D