Libertine420
09-09-2013, 03:52 PM
I have an autoimmune disease that causes constant pain, infection, fever, stomach upset, cognitive dysfunction, and poor emotional response.
I can't afford my medication so I went off for one day, and, just like every other time I've tried this, I had a sort of breakdown where I cried all day, couldn't focus, and even left a 3am voicemail to an ex explaining that I finally understood that I was a bad person.
Now it's the morning of the next day and I haven't consumed that medication yet. I feel like I'm going to vomit. I have like 160 pages to read for class tomorrow, and I keep almost crying with shame regarding my behavior yesterday.
The problem, when it comes down to it, is that even loaded up on natural (white willow, cat's claw) or rx (tramadol, lidocaine) pain meds, I just CANNOT CONSISTENTLY WALK WITHOUT IT. Turns out, most activities in life require moving from one place to another. Even if I had a wheelchair, it would have to be electric. I have to smoke throughout the day every day to be sure I can walk. Before constant use of my med, I would often have to lie on the ground or on the floor suddenly , everywhere from campus to craft stores, whenever my energy or legs gave out. Ever since I've started using MJ throughout every day, I've been able to consistently walk. I've asked my dr for something, anything else, that would do this, but he literally cannot think of anything that would make me able to walk besides MJ.
So, I have use it throughout the day, all day, every day, in order to literally stay on my feet. Yet, despite not using only one strain for long periods of time, my tolerance has built up to crazy levels. I NEED to lower my tolerance, but I am UNABLE TO FUNCTION when I go off MJ, so a break isn't in the cards unless someone wants to pay for me to stay in hospital for a week or two to detox. Not like I could take the time off of class, though.
Please help.
I can't afford my medication so I went off for one day, and, just like every other time I've tried this, I had a sort of breakdown where I cried all day, couldn't focus, and even left a 3am voicemail to an ex explaining that I finally understood that I was a bad person.
Now it's the morning of the next day and I haven't consumed that medication yet. I feel like I'm going to vomit. I have like 160 pages to read for class tomorrow, and I keep almost crying with shame regarding my behavior yesterday.
The problem, when it comes down to it, is that even loaded up on natural (white willow, cat's claw) or rx (tramadol, lidocaine) pain meds, I just CANNOT CONSISTENTLY WALK WITHOUT IT. Turns out, most activities in life require moving from one place to another. Even if I had a wheelchair, it would have to be electric. I have to smoke throughout the day every day to be sure I can walk. Before constant use of my med, I would often have to lie on the ground or on the floor suddenly , everywhere from campus to craft stores, whenever my energy or legs gave out. Ever since I've started using MJ throughout every day, I've been able to consistently walk. I've asked my dr for something, anything else, that would do this, but he literally cannot think of anything that would make me able to walk besides MJ.
So, I have use it throughout the day, all day, every day, in order to literally stay on my feet. Yet, despite not using only one strain for long periods of time, my tolerance has built up to crazy levels. I NEED to lower my tolerance, but I am UNABLE TO FUNCTION when I go off MJ, so a break isn't in the cards unless someone wants to pay for me to stay in hospital for a week or two to detox. Not like I could take the time off of class, though.
Please help.