3 Funniest Jokes ever

[SomeGuy]

Ok.. One day a donut walks up to a captain on a boat and says "Hi, Im a donut. Whats your name?" The captain says "Im captain John and this is my ship" and the donut walks away.
The next day the donut comes back and says "Hi, Im a donut. Whats your name?". THe captain again replies "Im captain John and this is my ship, and if you come back tommorrow Im going to throw you overboard" . THe donut leaves. Again the next day the donut comes and says the whole thing over again....



SO the captain throws the donut overboard!


A duck walked into a store and asked, "got any grapes"? The manager said no. The duck walked out.
The next day the duck walks into the store again. He asked the manager if he had any grapes. After the manager said no the duck walked out.
This continued for a few days until the manager had enough of it. To the duck he said "If you come in here and ask for grapes one more times I will nail your feet to the floor."
The next day the duck walks in and asks the manager do you have any nails". The manager says no.
The duck then asks if he "got any grapes?"



Ok...One day this man decided to ask his girlfriend to marry him. He was really in love with this girl, and asked the jewler for the most expensive ring he could find. He bought this girl a ring covered in HUGE diamonds. HE took her out on the peer and right as he was about to give her the ring a giant fish jumped out of the water and swallowed the ring up. The next day to make her feel better he took her to a restruant, and out of spite she ordered fish. To her amazement as she began cutting open the fish inside was the ......................




donut!






Funny as hell if you hear them all in the right order (you can change the middle joke to whatever you want)....because your not expecting the last answer...I could not stop laughing when my friend told me this...anyone else got an amazingly funny jokes?

[hardon]

holy shit, that made absolutely NO sense

[sir smokes alot]

umm the middle joke is misleading i was expecting a duck...but w/e

[OreO]

hhahahahaha
i wasted my time reading that!!!!


hahahaha



how bout u?!

[sir smokes alot]

ya me 2

[GHoSToKeR]

"A duck walked into a store and asked, "got any grapes"? The manager said no. The duck walked out.
The next day the duck walks into the store again. He asked the manager if he had any grapes. After the manager said no the duck walked out.
This continued for a few days until the manager had enough of it. To the duck he said "If you come in here and ask for grapes one more times I will nail your feet to the floor."
The next day the duck walks in and asks the manager do you have any nails". The manager says no.
The duck then asks if he "got any grapes?"

I've heard that joke before.. That's how come I could understand it. All that shit aout donuts made absolutely no sense, but then again, i'm not high.

[rysk8er420]

Stupid.

[Encatuse]

I get it. It could be funny if said out loud maybe?

[LOVElife]

FUNNIEST JOKES EVER!!!!! THATS DIDNT EVEN MAKE ME SMILE NEVERMIND LMAO

[Hydrocolo]

dose it have to be a donut?...

[mellow mood]

man thats really funny muahhahahaha thx for the good joke lol.

[amsterdam]

whats the difference between a pizza and a jew?

[mellow mood]

jew are hated, pizzas are loved





LOL

[amsterdam]

the pizza dosent scream when you put it in the oven.

[mellowman420]

all i can think about is hardon's avatar. i love when a bnig breast s bounced up and doiwn like that( whacking off) . sorry that was a bit much but i love the jew joke.

[LearyS Disciple]

the pizza dosent scream when you put it in the oven.
shit man. that is fucked up

[Edgar]

I liked it. Funny. (Not the jew joke, ive heard that one b4) Not the best joke ever, but funny. Plus yeah, it was prolly alot funnier outloud and after gettin stoned.

[Edgar]

Guy walks into a bar. In the bar there's a sign that reads: Handjobs 10$, ham sandwich 5$. Guy asks the woman at the bar; Are you the one givin' the handjobs? Yeah she says, so he says; OK, wash your hands then make me a ham sandwich.

[LearyS Disciple]

haha.
heres one:
theres two gay guys that are screwing on a bed. one guy gets up and says "i have to go to the bathroom, and dont cum without me." so he goes to the bathroom and comes back and there is gizz everywhere. when he sees this he says" what the hell i told you not to come without me!" and the guy on the bed says "i didnt. i farted"

[LearyS Disciple]

and another:
a guy goes into a bar and says "i need some shots. im celebrating my first blowjob." so the bartender gives him 3 shots and the man downs them all and downs 5 more after that. the man asks for another shot and the bartender refuses. the man tries to bargain saying that it was his first bj, so the bartender gives in and gives him one and says its his last one. the man lookes at it sadly. the bartender asked why he is sad and the man replies "i dont know what im gonna do if this last shot doesnt get the taste out of my mouth"

[Edgar]

Ha ha, Nasty.

[hardon]

all i can think about is hardon's avatar. i love when a bnig breast s bounced up and doiwn like that( whacking off) . sorry that was a bit much but i love the jew joke.

there shall be no masterbating to my avatar!!!! :eek: :eek:

[koshea]

i got so many racial jokes but i am in no way racist, id post them but people would get mad

[XTC]

Those jokes were insanely Lame.

[Sensi Super Skunk]

Sorry, but I found those three jokes humorless, man. Lol.

[Encatuse]

Sorry, but I found those three jokes humorless, man. Lol.

Then why are you laughing out loud?

:p

[Sensi Super Skunk]

Then why are you laughing out loud?

:p
It's kind of a...complimentary laugh. It was as if I were telling him, 'Nice try'.

[mellowman420]

joke time=
what is the diff. between a dead nigger in the road and a dead dear in the road?
the dear has tire tracks in front of it and the nigger does not.
(no one stops for a nigger)

[GHoSToKeR]

joke time=
what is the diff. between a dead nigger in the road and a dead dear in the road?
the dear has tire tracks in front of it and the nigger does not.
(no one stops for a nigger)thats lame. shut the fuck up.

[LearyS Disciple]

yeah man what the fuck...

[NoosaHeads]

Whats the difference Between a Mail Box and a Donkeys arse Hole.?.

'dont know you say.?.

Well Im not gettin you to Post any letters For me......;)






Little Johnny @ school.
and the teacher says OK Kids Today were gonna do Rhymes and they Have to end In.
IF I CAN IF I CAN IF I CAN...
Little Steevie Puts up his hand.
OK steevie Lets hear it said the teacher..
stevie stands up and starts..
"When I grow up to Be a Man I'll Go to Germany and Japan.
If i can If i can If i can.

Verry Good said The teacher who's Next.

Little suzy Puts up her Hand....
"ok Suzy" said the teacher.

Suzy stands upand starts...
"When I grow up to Be a Ladie I want to have 10 little Babies.
If i can if i can If i can..

Verry Good suzy said the teacher whos Next..

Little Johnny Sticks up His hand..

OK Johnny Lets hear it Said the Teacher..

Johnny Stands up and starts..
"Wen I grow Up to Be a Man FUCK germany and Japan. and I'll Help Suzy with HER plan.
If i can if i can if i can....


;)

[EverydayJunglist]

One day Katie wants to take out her dads truck to go to a party.So she walks into her dad's room,and asks for the keys for the night.
The dad says,you know the drill katie(as he points to his dick).So she starts slobbing on his knob.
All the sudden katie takes her head off her dads weiner and says "dad how come your dick tastes like shit?"
He replies"Oh thats right.......your brother's got the truck tonight."

[Juggalotus]

i think that was the point...

[BalliN]

those jokes were about as funny as AIDS.

[BalliN]

a funny joke:

one day a young man walks into a ice cream parlor, he asks for 1 strawberry cone, 2 vanilla, and 3 chocolate

the old man behind the counter says, sorry sir, we dont have any choclate would u like to change the order?

the young man says yes, lemme get 2 vanilla, 2 choclate, and 1 strawberry

the old man replies,(assuming the customer didnt hear him) we dont have any chocolate sir..

the young man then asks for 3 strawberry 1 vanilla and 1 choclate,

at this point the old man is getting pissed and replies

young man, do u see the word straw in strawberry?

he answers yes

do you see the word van in vanilla ?

the young man says yes

do you see the word 'fuck' in chocolate?

the young man replies, no i dont see fuck in chocolate

the old man says, yea thats right theres no fuck-in chocolate so get outta my store.

[NoosaHeads]

and that ^^^^^ was better.????.

[slipknotpsycho]

actually it is kinda funny....since it sounds about like something i would say in the same situation....so it's only funny cuz i can see myself doing that...

[jenniferny2phx]

ok, I have a good joke....
there was a guy who has a speech problem and he was waking to a few stores to shop. He went to a corner market and asked the clerk for some bum, the clerk said, do u mean gum? yes some bum. He then went to another store and asked the clerk if he could buy a fuckit, do you mean a bucket, replied the clerk. yes a fuckit. Then the man went to a pet store and asked the clerk if he could buy a cockensmackit, do u mean a cocker spaniel? replied the clerk. yes a cockensmackit. So the man bought his 3 things and was walking down the street, all of the sudden his dog got away and started running. The man ran over to this lady and said can u hold my bum and fuckit while I catch my cockensmackit?

[Stedric]

whats the difference between a pizza and a jew?
Whats the difference between Elvis and a smart Republican?

Elvis has been sighted.

[zarathustra]

When i was little, I had an ant farm. Those fuckers didn't grow shit.

[towelly]

When i was little, I had an ant farm. Those fuckers didn't grow shit.

That one was pretty funny. I was half stoned at work the other day and someone sent me this and I laughed my ass off.

The Boss was in quandary. He had to fire somebody. He had it narrowed down to one of two people, Debra or Jack. It was an impossible decision, they were both super workers. Rather than flip a coin, he decided he would fire the first one who used the water cooler the next morning.

Debra came in the next morning with a horrible hang-over after partying all night. She went to the cooler to take an aspirin.
The Boss approached her and said: " Debra, I've never done this before, but I have to lay you or Jack off."
"Could you jack off?" she says. "I feel like shit."