Daddy issues...

[prettygirlsmokes420]

Just got into it with my pops, and said some pretty mean stuff.
He left my life when I was four and has only stopped in for a couple hours ever few years.
Today he called me and invited me to "family Christmas" with his wife, her daughter, and her two kids.
I been holding how I feel inside me for years, and tonight I finally snapped.
So I'm sitting here on my couch, with my bowl, and some ice cream, feeling awefull about it.
How can I fix this? I can't take the words I said to him back, he also can't take what he did back. I want to justify my rudeness by excusing it with me being upset, but its not helping.
Now he won't text me back and who knows how long untill I hear from him again.
I know this is depressing, but can someone maybe give some advice?
Any fathers out there with adult daughters? After a fight, what does the daughter usually supposed to do? I feel lost because its always just been me and my mom, and my mom doesn't act like my dad so.... Idk what to do or say at this point in time.
:(
Sad night for PGS420...

[painretreat]

Try starting a txt with "Daddy I am sorry!" pr

[CanGroIt]

Sucks to hear....

My pops left when I was young too....well actually my moms kicked him out....:asskick:....

I'm not sure I can give you any real sound advice but I can say that it's good that you released any tension you'd been holding in....

CGI::::::

[painretreat]

One of you have to be the better person! You have to start somewhere. I am sure he understands he has not been there for you. I do recall your previous post of this matter. I guess this is one for Bigsby & dads and all thier infinite wisdom. Ease yourself in and be better than him. You don't have to spoil the special holidays you've had planned on being there. Tell him he needs to start slow and take you to lunch. Don't say much and make your polite list of what you would really like to say. I believe most things can be worked out if aired. Some things-just hopeless.

You are a fine daughter and he'd be proud of you. Except, he had little to do with the tuff times you have survived. You need to politely tell him, in person! It may be touch and go for awhile. But, ultimately your need to follow your feelings! Any help? pr

[prettygirlsmokes420]

Try starting a txt with "Daddy I am sorry!" pr
I tried that a couple times now...
And CGI, I do think I will feel better about releasing that tension after I don't feel so bad about hurting his feelings.

I really do miss him but its been a long time comin...
My mom didn't kick him out, she passed when I was two-ish, and he wasn't married to her. I was later adopted at age five-ish...
hey, its gonna be ok... He needs to realize,
He can run away as many times as he wants... I will still be here.
He will come back eventually,
Hopefully sooner than later.
Yes your always helpful pr.
Glad ur here and thank u.
I'm gonna roll a fat one so ill b back in a bit

:jointsmile:

[painretreat]

My dad passed when I was 30. I never had a chance to see him as an adult, after age 21! Well, that is an old dealt with story. Lets try to make your story a better one. My Dad dropped dead at age 58 of a massive M.I. (oh, Heart Attack)! I went to both his funeral's totally stoned. It helped! But doesn't solve the feelings. It takes time to work them through. Sometimes, we don't always have 'all the time in the world!' hate to tell you my last words to my dad! But, he did deserve it and it would have been nice to have made some effort. Well, I did, I was going to go see him & my mom for X-mas, but work would not let me. He died 2 wks later! pr

[GaGrown]

Just got into it with my pops, and said some pretty mean stuff.
He left my life when I was four and has only stopped in for a couple hours ever few years.
Today he called me and invited me to "family Christmas" with his wife, her daughter, and her two kids.
I been holding how I feel inside me for years, and tonight I finally snapped.
So I'm sitting here on my couch, with my bowl, and some ice cream, feeling awefull about it.
How can I fix this? I can't take the words I said to him back, he also can't take what he did back. I want to justify my rudeness by excusing it with me being upset, but its not helping.
Now he won't text me back and who knows how long untill I hear from him again.
I know this is depressing, but can someone maybe give some advice?
Any fathers out there with adult daughters? After a fight, what does the daughter usually supposed to do? I feel lost because its always just been me and my mom, and my mom doesn't act like my dad so.... Idk what to do or say at this point in time.
:(
Sad night for PGS420...

I wish it was the other Daddy issues! hehe.... Tryin' to break the ice.. I'm so sorry you and him got into it.. I remember that fight me and mine had! She said some things that she'll never be able to take back.. Granted! Here is what might be the issue with him.. He wants to be confronted face to face. I know... Text him and tell him you Love him! I fall for it,with mine..

You still have to face the issue that's at hand! Still it can't hurt,huh? Behave! Be Strong and let him know how you fell in a suttle manner.. He'll understand in most cases. I don't know everything that has happened? Regardless.. He's tryin' to be there,right? This Daddys always got love for ya!

Ga.

[painretreat]

PGS 420 you have a lifetime of pain with parents. It is tough being bounced around at such a young age. And supporting yourself as you have! You are a very strong and mature woman, because you had to be.

It is never to late to have a happy childhood! pr

[painretreat]

I will set up an Im with Yahoo tomorrow. Will talk to you that way. You need some girl talk! O.K.! I have been trying to stay awake so I'll sleep tonigt. I'll use some of my purple urkle for you for now, o.k? Well, this disturbs me for you. Hope I can sleep! Sorry, I so tired!


You've had a pretty tuff week! Your pal's wife and now this! I hate to abandon here, if you like, I will stay up and try to set up a IM with Yahoo right now, remember I da computer idiot! pr

[prettygirlsmokes420]

Thank you pr, I appreciate your acknowledgment of my attempted maturity..lol
I know how to take care of myself, yes. But there's still a lot of progress for me to make emotionally.
I realize now (bouthalfway through my jay of the Detroit kush) that my dad was reaching out to me,
He wanted me to be with him on christmas, and I fucked it up.
Well I guess ill just shoot for the next one.
He smokes too, so I should just show up at his house with a fat sak and talk it out...
If I knew where he lived....
:(
But I don't, so... I play the waiting game...
Goodnight pr, plz don't lose sleep over this,
It will be ok for me it always works out somehow or another
:)

[painretreat]

He startled you and you reacted to a lifetime of pain. Don't fault yourself. You may not be ready for a Dear Daddy Holiday. Holidays are special to you. Don't fuck up the plans you have! Since, that was your initial desire. You reacted to a sudden shock..

I guess you have his phone #? Don't do anything, until you really work through your feelings and are sure of yourself in this situation! O.K.? You don't want to open up yourself for more pain and disappointment, especially during the holidays. Think it through, you are good at problem solving! pr

[painretreat]

Are you O.K. for now? I will set up a IM tomorrow? O.K? I am punched right now and will most likely screw it up. Should have done it before! Sorry! Being tossed around at such a young age scars one! I feel for you! I am sure I can safely say, we all do!=pr

[prettygirlsmokes420]

Yes pr I'm fine, Thank you now sleep! Before you fall over... Idk if my phone does im but its pretty highteck so I'm sure there's an app.
Ttyt( talk to ya tomrw))
And thanks agn for the support, I'm very grateful :)

[painretreat]

You need to know you protected yourself and that is what you are suppose to do! It was his job to do that and he failed you. You have a process to go through before you can really sit with him! O.K. pr

[williboy]

Wow, just came into this, sure struck a cord. Great advise from pr. I, like you, was seperated from my dad when I was very young. It is tough and no one can go through it without pain, and if you don't feel it now you will when you do decide to deal with it. It took me a longer time to deal with it than I wish had been the case, and I felt the same things that you are feeling for a long time, but in the end I forgave myself for all the imagined faults that I had thought I had, and then I was able to forgive the PAST for my father, with that I was able to begin a dialog with the man who would be a friend. My hope for you is that you do take a day or two to process all this and then maybe you might 'reach' back and just ask if you both can start over. It was just as hard for me to rekindle the relationship with my own daughter when it had been strained from divorce too. Gives unfortunately, a not so rare perspective, one of serial family breakups. It is strange to have this view from the child's as well as the parents's perspective, but I can tell you, this is very hard for a father too.
But, I must agree with pr, that you have a responsibility to yourself, take some time. He did fail. Doesn't mean he always will. He did reach out, it's up to you when you feel that you want to reach back. I wish you peace, and to that end I will now light-up my peace pipe. Mmmmm Bluberry.

[kayakush]

prettygirl...i dont know what to tell you as i m not a family counselor, but some points. Your father left your life at an early age. He made mistakes. You grew up without knowing what is really up or any communication. Now, he reached out and wanted to be with you for the holidays. You said he smokes, so that is something you have in common and its not a bad idea to ask if he wants to just chill, smoke and talk. i hope you get in touch with him.....both of you need to be logical about this, with a little bit of love....hope it works out for you

[prettygirlsmokes420]

Thank williboy and kayakush, I appreciate the advice.
My dad texted me early as Hell, saying that I hurt his feelings.
He he didn't know I felt that way and he's gonna need some time.
I feel awefull,but at least he texted back.
I said ok I love you and I'm sorry.
Things will work out, but like pr said,I feel like I need to protect myself from getting hurt again.
I'm sure it will be hard, but I do believe we can work this out over time.
;)
I'm going back to sleep now,
Thnks guys...


PGS420

[GaGrown]

Good to hear! Just so ya know... We care!

Ga.

[prettygirlsmokes420]

Good to hear! Just so ya know... We care!

Ga.
Thank you Ga:)
And id like to thank pr as well.
And the others who posted as well, specially those who shared.

Thnx
:)

[painretreat]

Goodmoring PGS, just getting my last coffee of the A.M. and trying the IM thing! No relationship is absolutely perfect. I am sure many could share a lot of the same!

Now, computer skills. I think the cannacom setting page has a IM set-up. Starting there. Hope Yahoo is easier these days. Catcha soon! pr

[bigsby]

Just reading through this thread now. I'm not sure I agree with everything that's been offered as advice. That doesn't make it wrong but my take is a little different.

He walked out on you and your life and dropped in every few years just to remind you of what was missing. That's a world of hurt for a child / young adult. I recognize that every story has its other side but an adult has responsibilities to his children. Either be there or don't. The half in half out BS is far worse. Now he's getting older and perspective and time have made him reconsider his missteps earlier in life. And that's all well and good but he can't just expect that you are in the same place. Just because he's making nice gestures now doesn't absolve him of the past. At some point he must acknowledgement your pain and the role he played in those earlier years. And that may be as close as you get to an apology. What I saying is, you needed to speak your mind and you should not feel bad or apologize for that; you had every right to sound off. If he truly wants to win back a role in your life then he will step up and recognize your pain so that the two of you are able to proceed together. You aren't asking for much. Not at all. Hell, many people in your place would have told him to piss-off from the get go. Give him time, let him process and then try again.

[painretreat]

A parents love should be unconditional.

A parent should be available 24/7 for their children! pr

[bigsby]

"should" being the operational word in those sentences...

[GaGrown]

Welcome to a new day!

[GaGrown]

gonna go shoppin'

[GaGrown]

I may go float the river.

[GaGrown]

Jump in this boat,gurl! Lets go to China!