My dog

[Purple Banana]

I moved out of my parents' house about a month ago, with my boyfriend under rather chaotic circumstances; my mom has severe control and anger issues, and my father was always her enabler. I told my mom the only reason I'd stay is if we got a neutral third-party counselor to work out the obvious issues between us- she's a nurse, so I'd figured she'd at least see that was reasonable. She refused, so I moved out.

My dog, Benson, is at the house. He is more than my dog, he is my brother. I have such a strong connection to him, and I've missed him so much. Any of my siblings, if asked, would claim that Benson is my dog. My mom paid for his vet bills when needed, and he needs shots every month for Addison's disease. I can afford and will pay for this if I take him.

I think her name is on the dog license, and my parents have "threatened" to call the police if I take the dog. 99% chance they're bluffing, though. I stand to extend the complete loathing my mom has for me if I take "her" dog; I used to be the Golden Child, but then she turned away when I made decisions for myself regarding my education which she didn't like.

This isn't about Benson's welfare to her, she's angry at me for leaving, and using this as leverage against me. She's going to be on cruises as a nurse, and working all summer, in between that and Dad's shift work, Benson's condition is going to get worse. I'm looking out for the welfare of the dog, it's irresponsible and cruel to leave hm alone for so many hours. His breed (Bearded Collie) is designed for constant exercise- mental and physical- and it's neglectful to just leave him to lay on a goddamn couch all day with no one to play with him.

She's accused me of abandoning him when I moved out, and now she's pulling this card. It's frustrating. Any ideas on how I should deal with this shit?

[jtsik330]

The dog is not just yours it sounds like it more of a family dog. The dog has called that place home for so many years now I think it may be more wrong to take em outta there. Its a messed up situation but I think best thing is just leave it alone. If your love for the dog is so deep then take the proper steps to be able to see him or have some type of relationship with him. If you were the golden child at somepoint then you should be able to atleast work something out with them.


Also try and just deal with whatever your parents are throwing at just cuz they are your parents. I too am having.a hard time with my parents but am doing everything in my power to hang in there.

[Ub3rB0ng]

Do whats best for the dog,Good karma comes around to those that make the right choices.:thumbsup::jointsmile:

[weedmaster]

it's not right to leave a dog for long periods of time on their own so if you are in fulltime work or education you would be better off to leave the poor dog where he is in familier suroundings if your not i think the dog would probally be happier with you as dogs love human companionship, if your mum and dad have allways worked who has looked after the dog or has the dog allways been left on her own?

[Purple Banana]

It wasn't an issue before I moved out- I had six siblings living at home, and they've all moved out this year. I work part-time, and either my roommate, my boyfriend, or their dog is always home. If there were more people living at my old house, I would leave him be, but there are many hours where he is simply left alone; I was the only one in the family who would take him on long walks, play with him for hours outside, and he was always by my side. He only goes outside now for maybe 10 minutes a day, alone.

According to my sister, he still sleeps on my bed at night, and when she's around to visit him, he's very low-energy and depressed.

[weedmaster]

. I work part-time, and either my roommate, my boyfriend, or their dog is always home. .

maybe i am not understaanding this right but it sounds like you are shareing accomadation so you haven't got your own permanent place and sounds like where you are staying a dog is being left alone allready, i may be getting this totally wrong if so sorry but if that is the case please think of what you want to do is it for the dog or yourself? once again sorry if ihave misunderstood.

[TheChameleon]

Take the dog and then shelter yourself for the fallout... Go with your gut and call her bluff... I have 2 cats and ended up in jail for 6 months a neighbor took the cats and when I got out it took another 6 months to settle in a new home... What I am getting at is the moment the cats seen me it was life as usual it was like they never left home... The dog is yours,,, take it!!!

[Purple Banana]

maybe i am not understaanding this right but it sounds like you are shareing accomadation so you haven't got your own permanent place and sounds like where you are staying a dog is being left alone allready, i may be getting this totally wrong if so sorry but if that is the case please think of what you want to do is it for the dog or yourself? once again sorry if ihave misunderstood.

It's okay! I am living and paying rent with my boyfriend and our roommate. Both are more than supportive regarding my dog issue, and as I mentioned, there is always someone home, if not me. I only work four hour shifts, and my boyfriend and I enjoy staying in with each other, so he wouldn't be alone.

My dog has been with me on several housesitting occasions, and I find he is very comfortable in new environments, as long as I am with him for the first few days. he's very adaptable to new situations, etc.

[weedmaster]

sounds like the dog would be better off with you hopefully your parents will see sence and do what is right for the dog, hope everything works out for you PB

[dark0ne]

The thing about parents is they want whats best for you, and even though your old enugh to be on your own they still look at you as their child. You can't come in like gangbusters demanding this and that it wont work. so wait a bit, and the next time they are home. Invite them to lunch at your place, or someplace comfortable. You have to come off sounding like an adult on their own. i delt with this for years and it's only been recently that i have made amends with my mother.

[BlueBlazer]

The thing about parents is they want whats best for you, and even though your old enugh to be on your own they still look at you as their child.

That is so true. My wife, kids, and I had to stay with my folks for a month between assignments once. Man, they reverted right back to treating me like I was a teenager living at home (I was 34). We drove each other a bit crazy.

Now my youngest is 28. He is successful and independent. I'm proud of him, but I still see him as my baby.

What can you do? :D

[JohnnyZ]

Wait until it's dark, then raid that place like it's fucking Normandy. That's what I would do, anyways. I am a little high though..

[Purple Banana]

The thing about parents is they want whats best for you, and even though your old enugh to be on your own they still look at you as their child. You can't come in like gangbusters demanding this and that it wont work. so wait a bit, and the next time they are home. Invite them to lunch at your place, or someplace comfortable. You have to come off sounding like an adult on their own. i delt with this for years and it's only been recently that i have made amends with my mother.

Unfortunately, my mom has a lot of aggression and control issues- it's been a while since this whole ordeal of me moving out has occurred, and if I stop by the house to get something, she screams and hurls very strong-worded insults at me, though I say nothing to her. When we fought, I NEVER uttered a word of personal insult or any sort of demeaning language towards her- it was very difficult, but I kept repeating that we cannot get along without some outside help, and I've made my mind up about this, etc.

My siblings are all in complete agreement that she has some serious psychological issues going on. I don't really want to delve more into why she's like that- it's rather complicated- but at best, she is a manipulative controlling egomaniac.

My father wants what's best for me, but my mom is just furious because I am no longer under her control.

[Ub3rB0ng]

Wow,forget the dog and save yourself!

[TheChameleon]

A real Mom would want you to be happy you don't have a Mom you have a Nemesis... It's a dog not a pawn!!!

[medicatedman]

The dog is not just yours it sounds like it more of a family dog. The dog has called that place home for so many years now I think it may be more wrong to take em outta there. Its a messed up situation but I think best thing is just leave it alone. If your love for the dog is so deep then take the proper steps to be able to see him or have some type of relationship with him. If you were the golden child at somepoint then you should be able to atleast work something out with them.


Also try and just deal with whatever your parents are throwing at just cuz they are your parents. I too am having.a hard time with my parents but am doing everything in my power to hang in there.

this has got to be the best advise I have ever heard. Keep up the good spirts, you only have one set of parents:stoned:

[medicatedman]

A real Mom would want you to be happy you don't have a Mom you have a Nemesis... It's a dog not a pawn!!!

What I got from here story was that the dog is with mom because that all she has left, but like you said the dog is not a pawn. I think the mother and daughter both need to grow up life is short belive me I know I lost my father when I was fifteen and was always arguing and I wish I could take those time back and change them to pleasent time. Sometime you just got to grin and bare it.:stoned:

[medicatedman]

maybe i am not understaanding this right but it sounds like you are shareing accomadation so you haven't got your own permanent place and sounds like where you are staying a dog is being left alone allready, i may be getting this totally wrong if so sorry but if that is the case please think of what you want to do is it for the dog or yourself? once again sorry if ihave misunderstood.

no dont think you did I think theirs a problem with her and mother that needs to be worked out and I belive she said her sister told her that the dog sleeps on her bed well have the sister take care of the dog make the younger generation have some responsiabilty.:stoned:

[medicatedman]

The thing about parents is they want whats best for you, and even though your old enugh to be on your own they still look at you as their child. You can't come in like gangbusters demanding this and that it wont work. so wait a bit, and the next time they are home. Invite them to lunch at your place, or someplace comfortable. You have to come off sounding like an adult on their own. i delt with this for years and it's only been recently that i have made amends with my mother.

very smart person,:stoned:

[medicatedman]

Unfortunately, my mom has a lot of aggression and control issues- it's been a while since this whole ordeal of me moving out has occurred, and if I stop by the house to get something, she screams and hurls very strong-worded insults at me, though I say nothing to her. When we fought, I NEVER uttered a word of personal insult or any sort of demeaning language towards her- it was very difficult, but I kept repeating that we cannot get along without some outside help, and I've made my mind up about this, etc.

My siblings are all in complete agreement that she has some serious psychological issues going on. I don't really want to delve more into why she's like that- it's rather complicated- but at best, she is a manipulative controlling egomaniac.

My father wants what's best for me, but my mom is just furious because I am no longer under her control.

well it looks like your the bigger person. congrats she will come around:stoned: