following my recent "why does everything have to happen at the same time" thread, soz

[devils dream]

a big sorry to all the people who had to suffer my rantings in my "why does everything have to happen at the same time thread"

i am glad to say after going away and giving myself a giant talking to and getting on with things and a little time to heal and recover from my operation, things are funally looking up! :) after so many things going wrong or set back after set back we have finally found the perfect house, and been accepted its in the middle of nowhere on a farm surrounded by fields and woodlands with a few animals horses and stabling so we could get one too, its so post card perfect, a place i'd dreamed of living in alll my life and its finally happening. i start work next month and will have my new teeth finished at the end of next week so its all starting to finally come together after alot of hard work and positive steps its getting there, i have a renewed sense of optimism and strength.

again im truely sorry to all those who had to suffer my miserable ranting :D

[Dutch Pimp]

good things comes.. to he/she ..who waits...:thumbsup:

[devils dream]

good things comes.. to he/she ..who waits...:thumbsup:

was going to leave you some rep back but it wouldnt let me so.... thank you :thumbsup:

[Twentyinches]

Hey I saw that about the house on the past thread. That is awesome you ended up getting it, I have always wanted to live out in the middle of nowhere like that. sweet.

But I wouldn't be sorry life just sucks sometimes. I hate when shit happens all at once, I'm waiting for my streak of months to come to an end. When it gets hard for me I always refer to Marly to get me by.. Singin': 'Don't worry 'bout a thing, 'Cause every little thing gonna be all right.' :rastasmoke:

[devils dream]

Hey I saw that about the house on the past thread. That is awesome you ended up getting it, I have always wanted to live out in the middle of nowhere like that. sweet.

But I wouldn't be sorry life just sucks sometimes. I hate when shit happens all at once, I'm waiting for my streak of months to come to an end. When it gets hard for me I always refer to Marly to get me by.. Singin': 'Don't worry 'bout a thing, 'Cause every little thing gonna be all right.' :rastasmoke:

whatever gets you through hey lol music helps me too all kinds even at the moment as i have my new teeth and singing plenty to get used to them. :-)

there are many things in my life im sorry for and alot of things that were beyond my control, if i can learn to let go of feeling that way it would prob go a long way to helping me in my future. unfortunately i am the kind of person who seeks resolution to events or wrong doings and i have to adjust my self and release that need as others arent all ways willing to aid in the process of conclusion and i find that hard.

on a happier tone ive also taken up tai chi to help me and it really does lol im loving it, an its harder than it looks been doing it 4 days a week an feel it getting easier an strangly feeling more at ease.

i also havent been on medication through most of this as i realised i was making myself feel bad because i failed again an was back on them. i stopped taking them, i made the decission i had to fight through it and feel every bit of it an if i made it through this time i know i can and without my meds now just by putting other things in place to make me feel better and raise the chemicals in my brain naturally an i again think tai chi was a good way of doing this, for me anyway.

im rambling on now soz bout that lol
;)

(please dont anyone confuse what i was saying about meds, NO ONE should ever feel bad for needing medication to treat depression, this was only my personal feelings in my situation and everyone is different, ive been living with and trying to fight depression for years and i wont give up trying to have a med free stable minded life just yet its just me i dont like conventional medicines)

[devils dream]

well lol time for an update i think...... the dream house hahaha its just that a dream once again as it fell through last week with no explination and a week before we were due to move in how gutted was i..... to top that with only a week left before a court order forces us to leave where we are we cant find any where to live and that week has past we have to be out tomorrow. we have decided to take a different route, we have found a spot on a local farm where we can have a big static caravan, we are trying to now find a static caravan but at least when we find one itll be ours not rented and the next aim will buying a small cheap plot of farmland and work our way up from there we want to get a wooden lodge at some point.

i start work on monday and im stupidly nervous about it but excited to not so much about the job as having a job and a new focus. extra money too.

i must say that i have been surprised at myself lately, the worst thing i could imagine happening atm are happening and i actually feel like im coping with it all just about and hey for me...big achievment lol....:jointsmile::thumbsup:

[JohnnyZ]

Remember when you hit rock bottom, there ain't nowhere to go but up.

[devils dream]

oh if only lol thought things couldnt get any worse but they have. we bought a static caravan with the intention of putting it on an agreed site and guess what after buying the van the plot fell through so we are stuck with a van we cant live in as we cant find somewhere to put it. who would have thought it could be so hard to find a little bit of land in devon its mostly fields ffs surely there has to be a place we can put it but search as i am and still no luck. ive called every local farmer and every campsite or caravan associated businesses to try and find somewhere searched the internet over and over and nothing.

im staying at my dads with my 3 kids my bf has pretty much had some kind of breakdown and ran away for a week is now on anti depressants after he visited a doctor, back with us but not working plus being at my dads means 90 miles from home town and the kids are missing school. i really thought i could get this sorted but ive run out of avenues to try and ive tried all possible avenues several times. top that off with our car breaking down, my snake has escaped from my brother who was looking after it and me losing the job i nearly got to start...... my life is a joke!!!!!

how i am still even here amazes me sometimes and at others i have a huge fight just to get through the day.
wonder whats going to happen to me and my family or how im meant to be able to fix this. what if i cant fix this? i dont know what else i can try and the way things are with kids not being at school i wouldnt be supriised if i end up with social services on my back again i have 2 weeks til the new school term and if the kids arent there they will lose their place and be expected to attand school in bristol which anyone who knew my kids everything they have been through and knew just how much support the get at their school would know how detrimental it would be. my son has autism and recieves full time support at school he wouldnt get it here i looked into it and on average kids here dont get that support within mainstream schools.
well theres my moan done still nothing achieved hate my life right now just want a home is it really too much. what am i doing so wrong that i cant fix this?

[devils dream]

hi everyone. a few people left me rep regarding this thread so i thought id give an update. the last 7 months have been an upward struggle. i have had to fight every step of the way to get a home and bring my family together every single day. i have cried argued panicked frozen but i finally made it. i kept going and i won. im now in a secure home with my family back together. sometimes the only thing that kept me going were reminders from people that they were thinking of me or they believed in me that i could do it. some of those people were on here so thank you it's good to hear. im back in devon and feels like home :-) my relation is on the rocks still but nothing is going to bring me down right now i have fought to hard to get here for that. so overall life is much better. im also doing a course in dog behaviour and rehabilitation, after some research and getting a puppy i have invested a lot of time in training him and have now got a wonderful calm balanced 8 month old dog who will in the near future

[JohnnyZ]

It's great that you're doing great, but I'm so damn interested in this dog's near future now..

[easyg]

im also doing a course in dog behaviour and rehabilitation

would love to hear how this is working out - someting I've thought I might like to try...

[devils dream]

so sorry i used my mobile for my last post and it didnt post all of what id written. back online now though.

as for the dog, dexter is doing amazingly for his age.

as for the course im doing. it is a pretty basic course and doesnt have any great qualifications at the end but for me it was a good starting point. its keeping me fresh and with my goals. my son has just started nursery two days a week so now im getting in more training time than i did before.

to follow on from my previous post dexter will be on his way to helping me rehabilitate and help train other dogs and next year we are hoping to take part in a new program that helps people train their pet dog as an autistic assistance dog. my son has autism and dexter has definately got the right energy to be an assistance dog he is very calm and overall balanced he does have a few seperation anxiety issues if me or my children are away from him, we are working on it though and making steady progress. so next year we should be on top of that and get on well with the training, the course will be in coventry or brighton depending on which date we can make. its quite exciting really and it is such a new concept in the uk it will be good to be a part of it.

sometimes visions take time and lately i have rediscovered a patience an calm feeling that i had lost. for the first time since i was a teenager i have the cocky feeling im going to do this and im going to have a career and business and to show my kids that it doesnt matter who you are or where your from its what you do that controls where you end up.

on a different note my bf still has alot to learn and really i wonder how i ended up with someone so soft. i want a man whos a man not so pacive he wont tell me anything. but life keeps going an and so shall i. i honestly think its just me though and i cant keep a man happy i just bring them down or something cos it all ways starts well and slowly slips away, maybe im destined to be on my own. maybe its better that way.