why does everything happen at the same time?

[devils dream]

im just going to have a rant here and tell you all about what's going on with me at the moment. firstly im 24 and at the end of this month having all my teeth removed and false ones fitted. i have a phobia of dentists and it's taken me 5 years to be able to force my self to go but i have been through so much agony even pulled a few of my own teeth out and was even described as looking like i was being shot in the face it literally knocked me backwards. turns out There have been bigger problems and the only thing they can do is surgery. i am terrified and on top of that i have to move out of my house just 3 days after my surgery in 4 weeks time and we have no where to move to and with three kids and summer holidays im finding the packing hard going. to make things worse my boyfriend has become depressed and has blames me for it, he is seeing a councillor once a week but that's it and he is having temper issues and all though he hasn't been violent yet im worried he will end up lashing out as he seems unable to stop his emotions from spiraling out of control. what's worse is i know this is related to his low mood but that doesn't make it any better. i can.t sleep at night and feel like im being dragged down by everything and i don't know if i can manage this time.

[killerweed420]

I hate dentists too. Had my uppers done a log time ago and when I get a few extra bucks going to do my lowers too.
Tell your boyfriend to smoke a little ghanja. Hard to upset when you're high.

[devils dream]

i am terrified about the op as the consultant has warned me there's an increased risk of nerve damage to my jaw and face due to deformed roots. and the thought of going under general anesthetic worries me enough. my boyfriend and i do want to have relationship counseling to help us communicate more effectively but typically we don't have enough money right now to do it. we also can.t afford to ren't privately so are waiting for help from the council my son is autistic so we need to stay in the same town as his school so he can continue to receive the support he gets. unfortunately houses round here are scarce so it looks like we will be homeless on september 8th and as a mum of 3 i can.t think of anything worse than letting them down so badly. i haven't slept in weeks through worry and anxiety even meds from the doc didn't help.

[JohnnyZ]

I've had general anesthetic five times now. I love going under. You have nothing to be worried about, and hopefully you get a cool anesthesiologist. When I had my wisdom teeth out the guy was listening to Mellow Yellow as he put me under. That was trippy awesome. Let the anesthetic start to sink in and then focus on one spot and fight the urge to pass out, you trip out for a bit and experience a little drug induced euphoria for a second or two before you're Doctor Gonzo. This kinda makes me sound like a druggy when I write it out.. oh well.

I feel bad for you but I don't know what to say about your problems. Your right everything kinda got shit on you at the same time. I have a lot of respect for you cause you haven't given up yet, not sure if I could do that. At least you can be proud because you're one tough cookie.

[devils dream]

i cant help but wonder how many times one person can screw things up and have so much shit happen year in year out before they cant beat it any more. how many times can i go through this before i lose? no matter what i do or how hard i try it just never seems to get better long enough to relax for a while is that really so much to want out of life it's not like i expect life to be perfect all the time but to feel settled once and a while to not have major problems lingering over me every month to have a little time to enjoy the small things again without having big things to worry about. is it really that unrealistic? can i ever actually achieve it?

[devils dream]

i have got so much going on in my head it's 4am an i haven't been to sleep to much worryin to do so i thought id get my phone out and distract myself an ended up on here again. see i was wondering if people could give me their opinion on something. my boyfriend recently got diagnosed with depression and a few weeks ago he blamed me for it. outright said he felt i was the cause of his depression and stands by the comment. i just cant get it out of my head. is he right? could i be the reason he is depressed? i cant help worrying he is right and that it's me as my ex was depressed and aggressive was that cos of me too. and if it's me how do i change it?

[irydyum]

So what if he's depressed? You have a bunch of things in YOUR immediate future that you need to concentrate on. Yourself, and your kids wellbeing being number one. I'm sure you know that, but what is he doing to support you through this shitty time? If anything.

[NextLineIsMine]

Well you've already got your baggage, now you just need a plane ticket and you're good to go, positivity

[devils dream]

my bf an i have been together a year an a half tho that's not very long we.ve had a lot of troubles in that time mostly circumstantial things that neither of us could prevent just go through and try to fix and we didn't do too badly at it an overcame problems its over the last 4 months that things have changed since depression started the pressure got to him and i can.t blame him when it gets to me too. im sure he'd probably say i wasn't doin much to support him right now and that's because im barely able to handle me let alone be support for someone else. also in his defence the problems with my teeth stem from my phobia of dentists and he has been There every step of the way to hold my hand take me to and from appointments and even acted as middle man to get me go with a dentist as i couldn't bring myself to do it. so to go back to my original question... could it be my fault he is depressed? and also to top things off for me at the moment my window got smashed yesterday by my next door neighbour mowing

[devils dream]

.... his lawn sendin a stone flyin into my window. he didn't notice an i don't know him so without proof im left footing the bill. also i've just found out it's gonna take 4 or more weeks to get my dentures made and they won't start til after i've had my op so im gonna be without teeth for 4 or more weeks. is that right? im not going to be able to eat or talk properly? im Freakin out about it. i need a little luck in my life before i lose the fight in me completely.

[JohnnyZ]

This is one of those situations where absolutely no one is going to be able to give you advice because of how fucked up everything is. Like seriously what do you want us to say, that everything is going to be alright? Think positive? I'm sure you're past all that, so I really don't know what to tell you. Besides smoke more weed. And don't you even think about turning to alcohol or drugs. I'll fly across the ocean and punch you square in the face if you do.

[headshake]

i have got so much going on in my head it's 4am an i haven't been to sleep to much worryin to do so i thought id get my phone out and distract myself an ended up on here again. see i was wondering if people could give me their opinion on something. my boyfriend recently got diagnosed with depression and a few weeks ago he blamed me for it. outright said he felt i was the cause of his depression and stands by the comment. i just cant get it out of my head. is he right? could i be the reason he is depressed? i cant help worrying he is right and that it's me as my ex was depressed and aggressive was that cos of me too. and if it's me how do i change it?

if depression is a disease then you by no means could have been the cause of it!

possibly it's him being defensive because he's depressed. it's something he can't control. it's easier to blame someone else then to say "i'm screwed up".

-shake

[devils dream]

i guess i was hoping someone else out There may have been through similar problems and tho i don't expect anyone can give me overall advice i hoped for some little bits Anythin that might help me get through this time. as i have no one i can really talk to or even sound off to about all this shit so i turned to airing my suffering on here to try and get through it an to see if this type of thing is happenin to anyone else or just me.

[headshake]

bad things happen to good people everyday. like they say, it usually gets worse before it get's better. and i'm not saying that your situation will get worse, nor do i hope it does.

there is nothing wrong with being scared, sad, upset, angry or any other emotion. nor is there anything wrong with crying. our emotions can make us do amazing things. (and sometime's not so amazing!) emotions are perfectly normal.

any one can give you advice. you still have to decide what's best for you and what you need/have to do.

the bf, even if you love him, isn't worth the time unless he apologizes to you. if he's gonna use you as a scapegoat (especially in your time of need) then screw him. also keep in mind, that words are just words. no matter what ill-intent is behind them, we CHOOSE to get offended or not to get offended. so don't let his petty words infect your head.

that's just lame. as far as his violence, well that absolutely cannot be tolerated. especially with the little ones around. no one deserves that.

there is obviously nothing you can do about your teeth. or any advice that one can give. just come to peace with that as quick as you can. no one deserves it, but what can you do?

with the housing, keep your nose to the grind. there is something out there. you can find it!

if you are doing the best you can do, and you love your babies, they don't care about all of that other stuff. they love their momma! and as long as you love them unconditionally and try your best you will always be perfect to them. and they have your back no matter what. remember that!

enough with that talk about not being able to make it! that's not an option. everything might not turn out the way that you want it, but you can make it. and you will make it. but part of that comes from your mentality. you have to believe that you can beat anything that life throws at you. you have no choice but to make it!

you have to get out of this why me mentality though (at least that's the way you sound.) i'm not trying to be rude or funny. i'm simply telling you what i think you need to hear, probably not what you want.

i hope that you get everything worked out.


-shake

[devils dream]

[quote=headshake]bad things happen to good people everyday. like they say, it usually gets worse before it get's better. and i'm not saying that your situation will get worse, nor do i hope it does.

there is nothing wrong with being scared, sad, upset, angry or any other emotion. nor is there anything wrong with crying. our emotions can make us do amazing things. (and sometime's not so amazing!) emotions are perfectly normal.
as far as his violence, well that absolutely cannot be tolerated. ...... first thing i have to say is my bf has NEVER been violent towards me or anyone. he gets aggressive and by that i mean shouting bein overly argumentative and disrespectful slamming doors that sort of thing which has only been in the last 4 months. should he ever lay a finger on me we would be over instantly. i know i seem to have a why me attitude right now and honestly it's cos i feel like why the Fuck is it happenin to me. rightly or wrongly it's how i feel as i've had to fight through so many difficult situations i've had to drag myself out this black pit so many times and i really believed if i fought for my life and the life i want to give my kids i could make it happen and then every time i think im getting somewhere life screws me over some more and i end up back in the same mess and misery. i try so hard to not make the same mistakes time an again yet it seems even when i do things differently i still fail an it's not fair on my kids that even though i love them unreservedly an they know it i still keep failing them with fundamental things like havin somewhere to live. they deserve a mum without the sadness and failure.

[devils dream]

just to update, not that anyone really giveaway crap but i cant sleep. i have heard back from the council and have been calling them regularly and bidding on houses in the homefinder setup and have been told by the council that basically if i want them to help then i should squat in my house when the tenancy ends until the courts force us to leave and charge us court costs an that'll show we need housing help. wtf is wrong with the world when that's the local councils advice to a young couple with 3 kids. is it just me who thinks this is warped? i have roughly 6 hours until im due to be admitted to hospital for all my teeth out. im genuinely scared an feel stupid cos im scared. this time tomorrow i will have no teeth not even dentures as my dentist wouldn't make a temporary set for me so still gonna be about 4 weeks until i have any teeth again. im heading for some testing times as things begin to peak.

[vej33]

..so. how is everything? okay, i hope.

[devils dream]

..so. how is everything? okay, i hope.
well im still alive. just about! i had op an have no teeth waitin4 new teeth.not got far with housing.we r squatting and i cant leave the house just in case. waiting 2 hear about an over priced tiny house that's smaller than the 2bed flat i had in eastsussex for a family of five it's stupid and gonna cost nearly £700 a month on rent an is miles away from my friends an support network. i will need to get two busses a day just2 pick kids up from school daily nearly an hours trip 1way. my depression is back and my bf is not only finding it hard 2 deal with me but cos of that i bottle it all up so it dont bother him. last week i tried2 slit my wrists. i dont need grief for it i know its cowardly but i cant help feelin things would be better without me messing it up. psychocat if u read this i desperately need a friend i can talk to right now. please get in touch. x

[Twentyinches]

hey don't do anything stupid, it's a permanent solution to a temporary problem..

[devils dream]

hey don't do anything stupid, it's a permanent solution to a temporary problem..

i'm still going! its all ive ever done and habbits are hard to break.

i would love to say that everything was resolved now, its not but i am overjoyed to at least be able to say its looking up! :)

i have got a job its only on the checkout in a big tesco store thats opening near by soon,but we desperately need the money and i think its time for me to get some work in and feel like i am equally contributing to my childrens financial security and at least it'll get me out doing something different and meeting different people.

good news on my teeth they should be done by 23rd oct so plenty of time to get used to them before my new job starts. its been a long hard struggle without any, i never realised just how much you could miss chewing!

we also had alot of shit happen during the time ive not really been on here which im hoping to put behind us soon, we had another house move fall through after being charged admin fees, which we really could have done without .so we are still squatting in the same house we should have left over a month ago. and the local council have decided we dont need their help, that if a family struggles to pay the rent and high bills for this place then fall behind with those payment that means we made ourselves intentionally homeless and they dont have an obligation to help house us, dicks just make shit up so they dont have to help. on the plus side we have been looking at a house thats on a farm in the middle of farmland and woodland the kind of place i dream of living and its cheaper than the last 2 houses we have lived in, so far so good, the owner of the house seems to be focusing on us moving in there and soon just need to get the £2000 deposit and first months rent up together and we'll be sorted as he set a high deposit instead of refrences and credit check which we would fail, just need the recent spell of good luck to hold out for this one. i need ever bit of good i have ever done in my whole life needs to come back to me now in good karma or something cos it would just be perfect! fingers crossed we'll know for sure by wednesday. wish i knew now its like torture waiting.