Lord knows I'm having problems...

[Dream of the iris]

So I have this roommate who is about 9 years older then me (I'm 21) and although he's a really cool person to hang out with and is really nice, he's starting to piss me off. At first we were having a pretty good time living together because he treated me like just another friend but after living for a few months he began to adopt this new outlook of me from just an ordinary friend to a little brother. Now you would think this is an honorable title to have from someone who isn't related to you, but he literally treats me like a little brother now.

Every time he comes home from work he starts horse playing with me like we're little kids. He'll give me indian rub burns and all of that other immature bullshit that you were supposed to get over a long time ago. The problem is, he's ten times my size so there is literally nothing I can do about and even though I tell him to stop he just won't do it.

But it gets worse. You see, he's what one would call, over critical in social situations to the point where it feels like your in an academic decathelon rather than a normal social setting. It's annoying as hell because he'll correct every tiny little thing I say to the point where I feel very insecure when we converse. Granted I'm not the smartest person in the World but I would certainly think that I'm at least some what above average, yet for some reason when I talk to him now, he makes me into a complete idiot. I mean I even tell myself that I'm being stupid and it's so frustrating because this is not the true representation of myself.

Around him I'm an awkward idiot whose really quiet and whenever I say something he somehow completely owns me. It's embarrassing because whenever we have guests over, everyone thinks of me as this dumb ass and of course I get pissed off so then it makes me look like an idiot ass hole. Whenever I'm hanging out with my friends exclusively, I'm myself. I can speak clearly, I'm very social, but best of all I'm not an idiot.

I was tolerating this mental block he somehow imposed on me because before it was only happening around him but now it's starting to affect the rest of my social life. I can't help but second guess everything I say now so I'm not funny or even interesting in social situations anymore. Anything I contribute is pure small talk and nothing significant but what's even worse is the fact that I can't talk to girls anymore. I used to be hot in the game but now I'm afraid to talk to them because of how much my roommate puts me down.

He's a nice guy who does a lot for me and we do have normal conversations sometimes but because of his extreme criticism, it's placing my social abilities in the lowest denominator. I know what I need to do but I don't know how to let him know in a nice way anymore because every time I try to explain it to him, he just thinks I'm kidding. I don't want to be a douche but I feel like it's the only way I can get his attention so that he'll stop.

I think I might just act super pissed off and start cussing him out. I don't know, what do you guys think I should do?

[josemartinez915]

I think you just need to tell him straight up, to cut the shit. Explain to him in a serious tone that the way he is treating you is very rude, demoralizing, and inappropriate. Cussing him out most likely will not help the situation.

[dmahny88]

Sucks. A serious tone could be a good thing like jose said. I know my roomate can become "over critical of social situations" as well and it is annoying as hell when you are just trying to act normal and corverse with someone without the worry of saying something your roomate thinks is wrong. Screw that! Tell him whats up and remeber to just try to always be yourself :)
PEACE

[NextLineIsMine]

Wow man I had an extremely similar situation, im 20 and my "older bro" flatmate is 25. I think it just naturally happens when you end up buddies, live together, and theres an age difference. We'd been really good buddies since I moved in, after like a year he did fall into this attitude of being the eldest wisest. I didnt confront him, im not the "we need to talk type". I didnt make a show of it but I started shrugging him off when he said anything that seemed to figure me out as younger and less mature. I started hanging out with my friends down the street and doing my own thing without him.

When he saw I liked him but didn't look up to him everything went back to normal again

[Trip06]

I knew a few people like this, They might like this 'idea they get' about wanting to help you but they end up needing to boost themselves off you all the time, you know. Makes them feel more secure bout themselves. Give some shit back, next time he puts you down in front of people, say I didnt know my mom was here.

[LOC NAR on probation]

Man I grew up with this. He is stepping on you to make his ass seem better. You need to stop it or move. It sounds like it'a already effecting you now. It can only get worse.

Are you sure he's not brokeback mountain on ya ?

[Dream of the iris]

lol no I'm pretty sure he's straight. You guys have some good advice but like most things, it's easier said than done. It wouldn't be so hard if he was just older but he's older and I would say significantly smarter and wittier then me so If I have to formulate a rebutle it has to be solid because one slip up and that's it.

Also interesting theory on making himself feel better. That makes a lot of sense for him because even though he has friends and what not, he's gained some weight over the years and he has girl issues sometimes. Maybe because he's a 30 year old dude with a low paying job and no wife, he's frustrated so he's giving himself an ego boost by preying on weaker people. Btw, he has that low paying job because he was tired of his high paying stressful job and decided to take the pay cut for the cooler more fun job. So I can admire him for that.

[Trip06]

You admire him for taking a low paying cooler job....? To me that sounds like he is just a slacker, Lifes tough you work hard. And no you dont need to sit and form a rebuttle. Lifes TO SHORT for that shit, you just tell him to Knock it off and thats it. You tell him like a man. You either tell him off or move out. Solved. .

[Dream of the iris]

He took a low paying job not because he doesn't have to do any work...if anything he has to do more work. He took the job because that was his dream. He's a sound tech who wants to run his own sound crew one day for famous bands. Before he had this job, he was an insurance rep, so yes I most certainly admire him for going after his dreams even if it means giving up half of his salary and working his ass off. Anyway this issue is solved. He agreed to chill out about that stuff so everything seems to be getting back to normal.