hedgehog
04-24-2009, 04:04 AM
Embracing my inner geek.
It took me to age 30 to get here but I can honestly say I'm happy with the person I've become. I know I have my faults.
I am not proud of my mistakes and I really wish I treated my wife better. I am so grateful to have her in my life.
She has made me so happy in our time together. I should be more patient and not so selfish around her. (So what do I do, write a completely self-centered note).
I know it's weird to even think this, that I'm even writing it down is a further strangeness. I'm proud to be a geek.
I love playing Dungeons and Dragons with my friends. I obsess over the nuances of a certain beer, weed or wine and
God help me now I'm developing a taste for liquor. I even somewhat care who the new companion of the next Dr. Who is. When it gets down to it, I'm a nerd. I love math and science. The Discovery Channel is what I'm probably watching and I'm proud of it.
I worry so much about what people think about me that I let it influence my choices and it's often to a mistake.
I wonder about my choices and what could have been far too much and should focus on being in the present.
Even though I may not show it, I tend to think myself superior to most people I encounter but I allow my
social-phobias to cause doubts.
I regret that I went to University A. I'm happy I met the people I met there but if I really had it all over to do again, I
would have gone to Better University. I wish I wasn't so damn lazy. I didn't want to write their essay and that was before I started smoking pot.
I have an insanely large ego (in the strictly psychological sense). I hope you find this last sentence as funny as I do.
I do wish that people didn't act like my taste in music is so weird. Though it has been odd aging and realizing how much my tastes have changed. This whole aging thing leaves a lot to be desired but it's been really rewarding.
I really do wonder if the world is going to end in 2012, all the coincidentals surrounding that date is more than unnerving to me but my rational self keeps screaming you're being an idiot (my spiritual self screams you'd be an idiot not to notice it).
the screen saver transfixes me. the death of the ego is a good thing. States of consciousness like these should
be opened to everyone. I can see how this truly looking within could be terrifying. It has for me in the past.
I think when we deny the truth is when things go south so to speak. I firmly believe that other peoples vibes
can influence you without any other interaction. I thinking coming down from the peak... Want to head back
up. laugh. no seriously laugh dammit! It's one way to feel alive that's free to all and yet sometimes the most
difficult to obtain. Maybe that's when things are out of hand and control, when there can't be any laughter.
Some cultures would laugh at situations not as a sign of disrespect but in saying they wouldn't let this overpower
them. I don't think I've ever been able to sit down and write like this. I don't know if I ever will again. An
experience is fleeting. Insert snowflake comparison here. Insert witty self-depricating remark here denoting
lameness of using that metaphor and follow for the larger metaphor.
It seems my logical progression has been altered. The gear box is in a jam (music playing). Forward is working
very well, backwards is not happening. Damn time, only moving one way.
That's a tasty beer.
Trips down memory lame are frought with peril. mmm... beer and stream of consciousness. It should be
mandatory. The lack of emotive language will make re-reading this an experience of its own. I find it
humorous now. The need for experience (nomitive) is so ingrained in me. Impulse masters me.
It's a definite fault of mine.
I just realized that my sins are between me and God and that I am forgiven because his son is a better
son than I am. I've very grateful that he did what he did. If my behavior offends him, I am sorry.
The connection from God is within all of us. A rainbow of colors just hit me in a way that defies
explanation. I feel like it would be a sin to simply enjoy it though, the need to document it is
very important. I'm such a grammar holic that the fact I resized the window and it now doesn't match the earlier sizing
realy irks me. and the way I'm going to have to resize again makes me that much more nuts.
The Disco Biscuits are one heck of a band. I'm really impressed with their music, the vibe they produce in me is incredible.
I miss the communal aspects of my core beliefs. I don't think there are many people who share my beliefs.
I cannot believe anyone would reject the existance of God. I can say with certainty that He (used only for simplicity, I firmly believe God beyond gender) exists and He is within all of us in a real way. I think (and hope) that is what the Family is all about. I defiinitely know their work has influenced me.
I'm cold and hope that I don't get lost on my journey. Where's that blanket. I wish my wife and I could sleep next to one another without driving each other crazy. I need to go to the doctor. The old body is breaking down and it sucks.
I'm easily amuzed but often overcritical.
I need to spiritualy grow. I could be so much better than I am right now. And with that even, knowing I could and should be so much better, I'm still happy.
I won't admit to being happy about my physical appearance, weight wise (and hair wise but that's another can of beans or other folksy saying. Part of me is so egotisical that I think this could be important or publishable. The logical part of me laughs and some other small part says that that could be negativity that could and should be depressed, then the crazy part suggests that that effects the outcome of some random event. The crazy part doesn't always seem so crazy.
I highly suggest anyone that's made it to this point to restart while listening to the Disco Biscuits concert on 6-26-07. Make sure to leave a good bit of the media player screensaver up for effect. I can hear myself overpronouncing that word (effect) like Stewie Griffin right now and I don't know whether to laugh or cry. Note to self read above about laughter.
I don't think I'll revisit this in this state again though, So fleeting, then again maybe that's for a reason as well.
I'm glad I got the day off tomorrow [By the time I get around to posting this it will be the next night and I will have work tomorrow]. Being lifted into this realm is amazing but the drop back down can have its toll. You could not convince me its not worth it though. Note to self don't mess with setting when you're having a good time. Now's the time when I write in German.
Finde ich dass ich liebe mein Frau. Sie ist wundabar und schoen. Ich soll sprechen Deutsch mehr.
I sometimes use double-entendre's too often. Case and point.
Haribo Happy Cola is my favorite candy not from my time in Germany but from my memories of going to the German Deli with my family as a kid. That place was a wonderland for a kid my age. It's for the best that I never bought that high% vinegar.
I have very little recallection of eating a thai chile with K, M and R at that thai place in Strawberry Hill. I just remember that I've been using the antecdote for years. Hmm... Beer time? Nah a little bit longer.
If I'm ever gravely ill, I want Awesome Dog to get on the bed and sleep with me but he probably won't. laugh.My current job seems to good to be true in some ways, I just wish the money didn't suck so bad but then again its just money. I'm not too materialistic, though I can't claim to not have any material wants (my needs are met thanks you know who you are!).
I don't have a very well developed sense of taste, I just know my wine regions and bullshit. I'd say and look where it's gotten me but that's not funny, that's sad. laugh. I don't know who Mr. Don is but I think he hangs out with Harry Hood. Where do you go when the lights go out?
I'm getting tired. I'm sure I'll be awoken pretty early. I'm only mildly disappointed with that. I enjoy having my days. Dreams are fine but in the end they leave us with nothing but a fleeting memory, waking day also leaves us but it leaves evidence of its coming and going.
I'm still getting rocked. But still tired... music's too upbeat to go to sleep listening to... or is it? This feels potential profound or very disturbing or a bit of both.
Mr. Don 24:50 on, set your timers. I could have a shot of jager or I could shove my thumb up my ass. Ouch. It's the internal dialouge that I don't write that's the funniest.
There is only one reason to have a screen saver like that and it's not save screens
I think the year that I lived in F Dorm was one of my happiest. I wish I was still built like I was then. Need to get my ass back in shape.
Sleepy time for real.
It took me to age 30 to get here but I can honestly say I'm happy with the person I've become. I know I have my faults.
I am not proud of my mistakes and I really wish I treated my wife better. I am so grateful to have her in my life.
She has made me so happy in our time together. I should be more patient and not so selfish around her. (So what do I do, write a completely self-centered note).
I know it's weird to even think this, that I'm even writing it down is a further strangeness. I'm proud to be a geek.
I love playing Dungeons and Dragons with my friends. I obsess over the nuances of a certain beer, weed or wine and
God help me now I'm developing a taste for liquor. I even somewhat care who the new companion of the next Dr. Who is. When it gets down to it, I'm a nerd. I love math and science. The Discovery Channel is what I'm probably watching and I'm proud of it.
I worry so much about what people think about me that I let it influence my choices and it's often to a mistake.
I wonder about my choices and what could have been far too much and should focus on being in the present.
Even though I may not show it, I tend to think myself superior to most people I encounter but I allow my
social-phobias to cause doubts.
I regret that I went to University A. I'm happy I met the people I met there but if I really had it all over to do again, I
would have gone to Better University. I wish I wasn't so damn lazy. I didn't want to write their essay and that was before I started smoking pot.
I have an insanely large ego (in the strictly psychological sense). I hope you find this last sentence as funny as I do.
I do wish that people didn't act like my taste in music is so weird. Though it has been odd aging and realizing how much my tastes have changed. This whole aging thing leaves a lot to be desired but it's been really rewarding.
I really do wonder if the world is going to end in 2012, all the coincidentals surrounding that date is more than unnerving to me but my rational self keeps screaming you're being an idiot (my spiritual self screams you'd be an idiot not to notice it).
the screen saver transfixes me. the death of the ego is a good thing. States of consciousness like these should
be opened to everyone. I can see how this truly looking within could be terrifying. It has for me in the past.
I think when we deny the truth is when things go south so to speak. I firmly believe that other peoples vibes
can influence you without any other interaction. I thinking coming down from the peak... Want to head back
up. laugh. no seriously laugh dammit! It's one way to feel alive that's free to all and yet sometimes the most
difficult to obtain. Maybe that's when things are out of hand and control, when there can't be any laughter.
Some cultures would laugh at situations not as a sign of disrespect but in saying they wouldn't let this overpower
them. I don't think I've ever been able to sit down and write like this. I don't know if I ever will again. An
experience is fleeting. Insert snowflake comparison here. Insert witty self-depricating remark here denoting
lameness of using that metaphor and follow for the larger metaphor.
It seems my logical progression has been altered. The gear box is in a jam (music playing). Forward is working
very well, backwards is not happening. Damn time, only moving one way.
That's a tasty beer.
Trips down memory lame are frought with peril. mmm... beer and stream of consciousness. It should be
mandatory. The lack of emotive language will make re-reading this an experience of its own. I find it
humorous now. The need for experience (nomitive) is so ingrained in me. Impulse masters me.
It's a definite fault of mine.
I just realized that my sins are between me and God and that I am forgiven because his son is a better
son than I am. I've very grateful that he did what he did. If my behavior offends him, I am sorry.
The connection from God is within all of us. A rainbow of colors just hit me in a way that defies
explanation. I feel like it would be a sin to simply enjoy it though, the need to document it is
very important. I'm such a grammar holic that the fact I resized the window and it now doesn't match the earlier sizing
realy irks me. and the way I'm going to have to resize again makes me that much more nuts.
The Disco Biscuits are one heck of a band. I'm really impressed with their music, the vibe they produce in me is incredible.
I miss the communal aspects of my core beliefs. I don't think there are many people who share my beliefs.
I cannot believe anyone would reject the existance of God. I can say with certainty that He (used only for simplicity, I firmly believe God beyond gender) exists and He is within all of us in a real way. I think (and hope) that is what the Family is all about. I defiinitely know their work has influenced me.
I'm cold and hope that I don't get lost on my journey. Where's that blanket. I wish my wife and I could sleep next to one another without driving each other crazy. I need to go to the doctor. The old body is breaking down and it sucks.
I'm easily amuzed but often overcritical.
I need to spiritualy grow. I could be so much better than I am right now. And with that even, knowing I could and should be so much better, I'm still happy.
I won't admit to being happy about my physical appearance, weight wise (and hair wise but that's another can of beans or other folksy saying. Part of me is so egotisical that I think this could be important or publishable. The logical part of me laughs and some other small part says that that could be negativity that could and should be depressed, then the crazy part suggests that that effects the outcome of some random event. The crazy part doesn't always seem so crazy.
I highly suggest anyone that's made it to this point to restart while listening to the Disco Biscuits concert on 6-26-07. Make sure to leave a good bit of the media player screensaver up for effect. I can hear myself overpronouncing that word (effect) like Stewie Griffin right now and I don't know whether to laugh or cry. Note to self read above about laughter.
I don't think I'll revisit this in this state again though, So fleeting, then again maybe that's for a reason as well.
I'm glad I got the day off tomorrow [By the time I get around to posting this it will be the next night and I will have work tomorrow]. Being lifted into this realm is amazing but the drop back down can have its toll. You could not convince me its not worth it though. Note to self don't mess with setting when you're having a good time. Now's the time when I write in German.
Finde ich dass ich liebe mein Frau. Sie ist wundabar und schoen. Ich soll sprechen Deutsch mehr.
I sometimes use double-entendre's too often. Case and point.
Haribo Happy Cola is my favorite candy not from my time in Germany but from my memories of going to the German Deli with my family as a kid. That place was a wonderland for a kid my age. It's for the best that I never bought that high% vinegar.
I have very little recallection of eating a thai chile with K, M and R at that thai place in Strawberry Hill. I just remember that I've been using the antecdote for years. Hmm... Beer time? Nah a little bit longer.
If I'm ever gravely ill, I want Awesome Dog to get on the bed and sleep with me but he probably won't. laugh.My current job seems to good to be true in some ways, I just wish the money didn't suck so bad but then again its just money. I'm not too materialistic, though I can't claim to not have any material wants (my needs are met thanks you know who you are!).
I don't have a very well developed sense of taste, I just know my wine regions and bullshit. I'd say and look where it's gotten me but that's not funny, that's sad. laugh. I don't know who Mr. Don is but I think he hangs out with Harry Hood. Where do you go when the lights go out?
I'm getting tired. I'm sure I'll be awoken pretty early. I'm only mildly disappointed with that. I enjoy having my days. Dreams are fine but in the end they leave us with nothing but a fleeting memory, waking day also leaves us but it leaves evidence of its coming and going.
I'm still getting rocked. But still tired... music's too upbeat to go to sleep listening to... or is it? This feels potential profound or very disturbing or a bit of both.
Mr. Don 24:50 on, set your timers. I could have a shot of jager or I could shove my thumb up my ass. Ouch. It's the internal dialouge that I don't write that's the funniest.
There is only one reason to have a screen saver like that and it's not save screens
I think the year that I lived in F Dorm was one of my happiest. I wish I was still built like I was then. Need to get my ass back in shape.
Sleepy time for real.