sektorone
08-05-2008, 11:17 AM
Well this will be a rather long post so i hope you bear with me :)
In few words smoking ganja the past couple years has been a different experience for me then it has before i had my first panic attack. I have learned to cope with it but i have come to the point where im seriously considering quitting altogether, though i hope it doesn't come to that.
Briefly, what used to be the best part of the high, the `rising` or the first 20-30 mins of the buzz is usually very anxious moment for me. I only feel 100% good and normal maybe an hour after i smoke, where its just like old times, but no matter what i try 8 times out of 10 that i smoke, i always start out feeling really paranoid, and the pleasant effects only hit afterwards sadly.
Now a little bit about myself, and part of the reason i wanted to share this is that i would hate for this to happen to other stoners and to hopefully raise awareness (though this might be redundant as i have seen many panic attack/cannabis threads) to the experienced smokers out there that this doesn't only affect inexperienced smokers.
My story is as follows, not to sound arrogant but i believe myself to be almost as experienced as it gets :) I am currently 27 years old, I started smoking when i lived in Italy around my freshman year. Most of what i smoked was hashish, moroccan by default, and i was pretty much a casual smoker(weekends) and never had an issue getting stoned. Same goes for 10th grade, and during the summer I made a trip to Amsterdam for the first time and stayed 2 months with my friend. I smoked quite a bit over there, tried mushrooms , etc, and it was all good times. When i came back though for my 11th grade in Italy i was addicted to cigarettes since I pretty much mixed tobaccco into everything I smoked. Normally 10 cigs per day maximum but nevertheless I was a full fledged pot head at this point pretty much smoking a few joints of hash per day and cigs as well. I was on several sports teams and was pretty fit so never had any issues getting high etc.
After 11th grade my family moved to another country this time in South America, and I had to leave behind friends , gf etc and was very depressed at the time. I brought along some hash and eventually scored weed there, and upped my daily smoking considerably, that is to around 5 joints of weed per day. The weed was no problem i never had any panic or whatever, but it was never as satisfying as hash and i felt always like something was missing on my high. Couple years passed, i started doing LSD occasionally and smoking weed with it and no problems. One day I had a bad trip after taking a bit too much, but nothing that cannabis couldn't cure in the folllowing up days. I also grew my own plants that I ordered seeds from Holland, and was probably my best stoner experience , besides going 4 times to Amsterdam of course :)
So my family relocated again, this time to Africa, this was also a blast, and here i toked more then all the years combined, i was around 19-21 at the time and weed was so incredibly cheap and so relaxed that with my african friends we could go through about 10 joints in a sitting, no problem. I did repeat visits to Amsterdam in between those years, and always good times.
Now the problem starts, I move again, however this time I had a small amount of hash to hold me up untill the weed i mailed myself from Africa arrived, and so i ended up rationing it up to 2 small spliffs a day with alot of tobacco. No problem, but i was very anxious every day as to when my weed would arrrive. I would also mention that the previous few months i had spent in Italy smoking strictly hashish , no weed.
Well my hash ran out, and I ended up scoring some weed on the street. By then my tolerance must have been quite low due to the rationing of my hash, but anyhow i smoked small joints of the weed and rationed it as well, as buying on the streets wasn't the most pleasant experience, and i had about 200 grams of fresh outdoor skunk arriving within the week.
Now is the most important part, so i hope you guys have read this far :) Anyway, I receive the news that our stuff had arrived from the movers, and that night i went a bit overboard with the weed smoking a spliff back to back within the hour since i didnt have to worry about rationing anymore. Now this is something that i had done on numerous occasions in the past, but this time around it was quite different...The irony of this whole situation is also the fact that the day my stuff arrived was the day I had been most anticipating for the past 2 months...
First off I would like to note that after smoking plenty hash for months, the weed gave me a odd `trippy` feeling when i first smoked it, i shrugged it off and payed no attention. But after that back to back spliff I laid down and had my laptop and was playing warcraft 3 I believe it was, anyhow i felt a weird sensation on my left arm like a tingling, prolly because i was lying on it kinda or holding my weight. So I glanced at my left arm and looked at my veins, of course nothing was wrong, but at that point I started panicking hardcore. My heart started going fast, i felt a bit faint, and had no idea what was happening.
All I did for the next 5 hours, until my parents woke up was basically drink almost 3 liters of water in sips, as i didnt know what else to do, when i tried to smoke a cig it made the effects even worse. That morning I had my mom take me to the hospital, I claimed it was something that I ate or w/e, in fact I was so convinced it wasn't the weed that I never even gave it a second thought, I just thought perhaps something was wrong with me. Anyhow, I went to a cardio, took blood samples, whatnot and turns out there was nothing physically wrong with me, so I relaxed.
This is where it gets weird, so I end up staying up that whole night, and I open my package finally when we go to our apartment, and I grab my fresh stash i had mailed myself. I had suspected that maybe the weed I had smoked was laced or something, so I just tossed it. So I bust out a nice spliff from my stash that was from Africa and I knew for a fact wasn't laced or any crazy shit. I smoke it, and no problems.
The next day I thought everything was cool, and when I first light up a joint, bam panic attack all over again. This time I was more prepared but nonetheless it was scary. So I decided there and then, that I wasn't gonna smoke. I took a 10 day hiatus, and decided to ease my way with smaller joints, and my birthday was coming up , i would hate to not to be able to toke.
The small joints worked, but I still felt uneasy every time I lit up and ended up getting pissed off at myself that I couldn't feel the way I did when I used to smoke normally. I literally had to smoke with a small water bottle sometimes, just for mental `reassurance` or however it would be called. Was quite sad from someone who has smoked weed on Africa, South America and Europe, and of the best and most varied quality, including growing my own successful plants.
So I was at a loss, I continued to smoke those 2 years up untill now, but it was always the same, I ended up tricking myself by smoking a tiny joint to start the day to reduce stronger anxiety reactions, and work my way up throughout the day. But I always smoked maximum 3 small joints a day, and was scared to put more inside a joint. So it did the trick but I was never 100% comfortable. Occasionally, I would have no issues smoking, and that may be due to particular strains of weed, i do not know for a fact, but some I could handle better then others. After the first bad panic attack I was always able to prevent/anticipate them and stop, but I always had that worry in the back of my mind.
Now the reason I decided to post here, is to possibly get some feedback on what you believe I should do about this. Quit altogether? Do I maybe have a anxiety condition or depression (though I consider myself a pretty happy person) that needs psychiatric evaluation? Are these possible flashbacks from having taken LSD in the past? And finally, is it possible that this only happens with weed as I have always been more comfortable with hash? If I quit cigarettes would this help my weed related anxiety? As it seems that when my buzz settles from a joint, when i smoke a cig an hour later I start feeling a tad panicky.
One strange thing I noticed is that when I go out and have a few beers, and smoke weed, I have absolutely no anxiety etc from smoking weed, in fact I can smoke rather large joints then :) But I'm a social and very casual drinker, so I'll be damned if I have to consume alcohol to enjoy my weed, it sounds ridiculous, but perhaps could this be attributed to the alcohol reducing some of the anxiety?
So Im sorry for the long post, I just felt like I should share this with the stoner community, and see what kind of feedback I could get, people with similar experiences and the like. But it just seems terrible to have to stop, even casually using ganja after a few years. Even if i smoked once a week, it would be great to enjoy it without feeling panicked :(
Im considering quitting cigarettes, and I have been exercising more, however the final test will be when I smoke some hash this summer (its been 2 years) to see if it brings the same effects, hopefully not. I also read about indica plants inducing less anxiety, perhaps that would be something to look into if someone could share some knowledge :)
Cheers and thanks for reading, will appreciate comments/feedback and similar experiences, but I have reached the point where I may just quit, it just seems kinda of pointless to continue.
p.s: when I say I smoked the past 2 years its been very little at that, just the past 6 months I smoked probably a bout 10 grams in tiny joints
In few words smoking ganja the past couple years has been a different experience for me then it has before i had my first panic attack. I have learned to cope with it but i have come to the point where im seriously considering quitting altogether, though i hope it doesn't come to that.
Briefly, what used to be the best part of the high, the `rising` or the first 20-30 mins of the buzz is usually very anxious moment for me. I only feel 100% good and normal maybe an hour after i smoke, where its just like old times, but no matter what i try 8 times out of 10 that i smoke, i always start out feeling really paranoid, and the pleasant effects only hit afterwards sadly.
Now a little bit about myself, and part of the reason i wanted to share this is that i would hate for this to happen to other stoners and to hopefully raise awareness (though this might be redundant as i have seen many panic attack/cannabis threads) to the experienced smokers out there that this doesn't only affect inexperienced smokers.
My story is as follows, not to sound arrogant but i believe myself to be almost as experienced as it gets :) I am currently 27 years old, I started smoking when i lived in Italy around my freshman year. Most of what i smoked was hashish, moroccan by default, and i was pretty much a casual smoker(weekends) and never had an issue getting stoned. Same goes for 10th grade, and during the summer I made a trip to Amsterdam for the first time and stayed 2 months with my friend. I smoked quite a bit over there, tried mushrooms , etc, and it was all good times. When i came back though for my 11th grade in Italy i was addicted to cigarettes since I pretty much mixed tobaccco into everything I smoked. Normally 10 cigs per day maximum but nevertheless I was a full fledged pot head at this point pretty much smoking a few joints of hash per day and cigs as well. I was on several sports teams and was pretty fit so never had any issues getting high etc.
After 11th grade my family moved to another country this time in South America, and I had to leave behind friends , gf etc and was very depressed at the time. I brought along some hash and eventually scored weed there, and upped my daily smoking considerably, that is to around 5 joints of weed per day. The weed was no problem i never had any panic or whatever, but it was never as satisfying as hash and i felt always like something was missing on my high. Couple years passed, i started doing LSD occasionally and smoking weed with it and no problems. One day I had a bad trip after taking a bit too much, but nothing that cannabis couldn't cure in the folllowing up days. I also grew my own plants that I ordered seeds from Holland, and was probably my best stoner experience , besides going 4 times to Amsterdam of course :)
So my family relocated again, this time to Africa, this was also a blast, and here i toked more then all the years combined, i was around 19-21 at the time and weed was so incredibly cheap and so relaxed that with my african friends we could go through about 10 joints in a sitting, no problem. I did repeat visits to Amsterdam in between those years, and always good times.
Now the problem starts, I move again, however this time I had a small amount of hash to hold me up untill the weed i mailed myself from Africa arrived, and so i ended up rationing it up to 2 small spliffs a day with alot of tobacco. No problem, but i was very anxious every day as to when my weed would arrrive. I would also mention that the previous few months i had spent in Italy smoking strictly hashish , no weed.
Well my hash ran out, and I ended up scoring some weed on the street. By then my tolerance must have been quite low due to the rationing of my hash, but anyhow i smoked small joints of the weed and rationed it as well, as buying on the streets wasn't the most pleasant experience, and i had about 200 grams of fresh outdoor skunk arriving within the week.
Now is the most important part, so i hope you guys have read this far :) Anyway, I receive the news that our stuff had arrived from the movers, and that night i went a bit overboard with the weed smoking a spliff back to back within the hour since i didnt have to worry about rationing anymore. Now this is something that i had done on numerous occasions in the past, but this time around it was quite different...The irony of this whole situation is also the fact that the day my stuff arrived was the day I had been most anticipating for the past 2 months...
First off I would like to note that after smoking plenty hash for months, the weed gave me a odd `trippy` feeling when i first smoked it, i shrugged it off and payed no attention. But after that back to back spliff I laid down and had my laptop and was playing warcraft 3 I believe it was, anyhow i felt a weird sensation on my left arm like a tingling, prolly because i was lying on it kinda or holding my weight. So I glanced at my left arm and looked at my veins, of course nothing was wrong, but at that point I started panicking hardcore. My heart started going fast, i felt a bit faint, and had no idea what was happening.
All I did for the next 5 hours, until my parents woke up was basically drink almost 3 liters of water in sips, as i didnt know what else to do, when i tried to smoke a cig it made the effects even worse. That morning I had my mom take me to the hospital, I claimed it was something that I ate or w/e, in fact I was so convinced it wasn't the weed that I never even gave it a second thought, I just thought perhaps something was wrong with me. Anyhow, I went to a cardio, took blood samples, whatnot and turns out there was nothing physically wrong with me, so I relaxed.
This is where it gets weird, so I end up staying up that whole night, and I open my package finally when we go to our apartment, and I grab my fresh stash i had mailed myself. I had suspected that maybe the weed I had smoked was laced or something, so I just tossed it. So I bust out a nice spliff from my stash that was from Africa and I knew for a fact wasn't laced or any crazy shit. I smoke it, and no problems.
The next day I thought everything was cool, and when I first light up a joint, bam panic attack all over again. This time I was more prepared but nonetheless it was scary. So I decided there and then, that I wasn't gonna smoke. I took a 10 day hiatus, and decided to ease my way with smaller joints, and my birthday was coming up , i would hate to not to be able to toke.
The small joints worked, but I still felt uneasy every time I lit up and ended up getting pissed off at myself that I couldn't feel the way I did when I used to smoke normally. I literally had to smoke with a small water bottle sometimes, just for mental `reassurance` or however it would be called. Was quite sad from someone who has smoked weed on Africa, South America and Europe, and of the best and most varied quality, including growing my own successful plants.
So I was at a loss, I continued to smoke those 2 years up untill now, but it was always the same, I ended up tricking myself by smoking a tiny joint to start the day to reduce stronger anxiety reactions, and work my way up throughout the day. But I always smoked maximum 3 small joints a day, and was scared to put more inside a joint. So it did the trick but I was never 100% comfortable. Occasionally, I would have no issues smoking, and that may be due to particular strains of weed, i do not know for a fact, but some I could handle better then others. After the first bad panic attack I was always able to prevent/anticipate them and stop, but I always had that worry in the back of my mind.
Now the reason I decided to post here, is to possibly get some feedback on what you believe I should do about this. Quit altogether? Do I maybe have a anxiety condition or depression (though I consider myself a pretty happy person) that needs psychiatric evaluation? Are these possible flashbacks from having taken LSD in the past? And finally, is it possible that this only happens with weed as I have always been more comfortable with hash? If I quit cigarettes would this help my weed related anxiety? As it seems that when my buzz settles from a joint, when i smoke a cig an hour later I start feeling a tad panicky.
One strange thing I noticed is that when I go out and have a few beers, and smoke weed, I have absolutely no anxiety etc from smoking weed, in fact I can smoke rather large joints then :) But I'm a social and very casual drinker, so I'll be damned if I have to consume alcohol to enjoy my weed, it sounds ridiculous, but perhaps could this be attributed to the alcohol reducing some of the anxiety?
So Im sorry for the long post, I just felt like I should share this with the stoner community, and see what kind of feedback I could get, people with similar experiences and the like. But it just seems terrible to have to stop, even casually using ganja after a few years. Even if i smoked once a week, it would be great to enjoy it without feeling panicked :(
Im considering quitting cigarettes, and I have been exercising more, however the final test will be when I smoke some hash this summer (its been 2 years) to see if it brings the same effects, hopefully not. I also read about indica plants inducing less anxiety, perhaps that would be something to look into if someone could share some knowledge :)
Cheers and thanks for reading, will appreciate comments/feedback and similar experiences, but I have reached the point where I may just quit, it just seems kinda of pointless to continue.
p.s: when I say I smoked the past 2 years its been very little at that, just the past 6 months I smoked probably a bout 10 grams in tiny joints