Nude man charged with having sex with table

[rebgirl420]

Nude man charged with having sex with table

A married father of three faces indecency charges after allegedly having sex with a picnic table.

Art Price Jr, 40, was seen doing the dirty with the garden furniture at his home in Bellevue, Ohio, on four occasions by a neighbour.

The neighbour, who hasn't been named, says that he saw Mr Price turning the table over before performing the sex acts on it.

Police officer Matt Johnson said: 'He was completely nude. He would use the hole from the umbrella and have sex with the table.'

Just to add a touch of class to his furniture-copulation, Price reportedly carried out his naked table-boffing in broad daylight, very close to a local school.

The fourth time, the neighbour videotaped the alleged table-sexing as evidence.

Officer Johnson commented: 'Once you think you've seen it all, something else comes around.'

Nude man charged with having sex with table | Metro.co.uk (http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/article.html?in_article_id=130090&in_page_id=2)

Wow.








Just when you think you have heard it all.

The poor wife, just imagine how bad she feels. I mean her husband would rather have sex with a picnic table than her.

[Breukelen advocaat]

The poor wife, just imagine how bad she feels. I mean her husband would rather have sex with a picnic table than her.
I somehow get the feeling that he didn't have a choice. :D

[rebgirl420]

*badum bump*

Hahahaha

[SunnyD]

Does that put a damper on your mood at all?

I mean...reading this kind of stuff does make me laugh...but it kinda makes me go...wtf inside and just feel bad for the guy almost.

Any therapist information on the story? Anyone know if he's coping with something? Or is he just simply a perv?

[rebgirl420]

I say none of the above.






He's probably just REALLY curious.

[SunnyD]

I Love John

"And the Lord spake, "First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.â?�
-Monty Python

Thanks again, one of my fav movies

I love the way that character talks to

[rebgirl420]

Yeah I was between this quote and the lovely:
King Arthur: I am your king.
Woman: Well I didn't vote for you.
King Arthur: You don't vote for kings.
Woman: Well how'd you become king then?
[Angelic music plays... ]
King Arthur: The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. THAT is why I am your king.
Dennis: [interrupting] Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.

It was tough haha

[SunnyD]

King: Be Quiet!! I order you to be quiet!!
Peasant: HELP HELP I'M BEING REPRESSED!! COME SEE THE VIOLENCE INHERITTING THE SYSTEM!!

[rebgirl420]

My fiance still doesn't "get" Monty Python.

While watching the movie yesterday I barely seen a smile. Except when there was naked people.

[SunnyD]

Well...you gotta laugh at naked people I guess...I mean c'mon, they're F*****g naked

[rebgirl420]

Yeah well when Brian was naked I wasn't laughing



On the contrary, when he was naked I was thinking:





Boom chika wa wa

[SunnyD]

Oh wow, I'm not afraid to compliment another man's fine looks myself

But hey, I'm about to pass out on the keyboard

I'll be back eventually to chat, thanks for all the great threads!

:thumbsup::thumbsup:

Stay Sunny

[fishman3811]

Rebgirl you saw the mans mugshot can u imagine what his wife looks like,maybe the furniture is an improvement over his wife.....

[rebgirl420]

Rebgirl you saw the mans mugshot can u imagine what his wife looks like,maybe the furniture is an improvement over his wife.....

Hahaha true.

For all we know she looks like this:

[fishman3811]

wow that pic would drive me to fuck any hole i see

[rebgirl420]

You know you hit rock bottom when you start jacking off to the Home Depot patio advertisments.

[Greenthing]

He should buy a sheep they have got four legs as well.BAAAAAAAAA

[SnSstealth]

lol....chaffing? ouch?? Fuck your hand man....leave the wood table alone!!! Reb, you always find the good ones!! thanks again for a good laugh....
whiskeytango

[daihashi]

Pretty funny stuff.. lol

Though I wonder... why is the neighbor spying on other people anyway.. I'd imagine you'd have to have a GREAT angle downward to see someone having sex with their picnic table.. and to go up there to watch them on FOUR occassions.

:hippy:

[mmjnoob]

Where I live, we're pretty close to neighbors. Hard not to spy even when you're not trying to. It would be pretty difficult not to notice my neighbors having sex with tables.

Very odd. While I don't typically have much time for offbeat news, this is one of those *huh* stories I just had to read.

Could be worse I suppose. I doubt the table would mind, unlike a helpless animal or child. And at least it's not the lawnmower. But in broad daylight? Wouldn't it be a bit more romantic under the stars with a few candles on the table for ambiance?

~~Noob

[SunnyD]

What if he made all sorts of wierd noises???

Oh my gosh that's really F****d up...

And MMJNoob, I love your profile picture, I Can Haz Cheeseburger is hillarious

[dragonrider]

Of all the possible inanimate objects a person might decide to hump, why a table? How does that thought process go?

[Greenthing]

Well that's going against the grian of human nature for shure.:eek:
I wonder if he likes woodwork, i bet he was good with a drill and sand paper.;)

[dragonrider]

Well that's going against the grian of human nature for shure.:eek:
I wonder if he likes woodwork, i bet he was good with a drill and sand paper.;)

I'd be worried about splinters.

If this guy likes wood so much, maybe he should get himself a Pinnochio puppet luv toy and stop humping the furniture.

[rebgirl420]

Mmmmmmmm just looking at them makes you think naughty things....

I mean just look at how "wet" that one is.





;)

[dragonrider]

Mmmmmmmm just looking at them makes you think naughty things....

I mean just look at how "wet" that one is.





;)

Oh, yeah, baby! That is soooOOOOOooo HOT!

Boom-chikka pic-nic!
Pic-a-nic-a wow wow!
Yeah!

[rebgirl420]

This is silly hahaha.

But I wonder...


Is it really "Illegal" to have sex with furniture? I mean he wasn't really hurting anyone.















(I in no way condone humping a table btw)

[dragonrider]

This is silly hahaha.

But I wonder...


Is it really "Illegal" to have sex with furniture? I mean he wasn't really hurting anyone.















(I in no way condone humping a table btw)

As long as the table is of age and provides consent, I don't think it should be illegal. If it is so wrong, then shouldn't the table bear equal responsibility? You don't hear about the table being hauled downtown.

[rebgirl420]

Haha yes,

The table seduced him.



Likely story... (I think I seen this before on a episode of Law and Order:Wooden intent)

[SunnyD]

oh wow, he's not known as a "wood elf" in his online video games for nothing...

I think he got charged with public indecency...not having sex with a table...

Wow, I can't believe this happened

[mmjnoob]

And MMJNoob, I love your profile picture, I Can Haz Cheeseburger is hillarious

Hooray for LOL cats!
gsashmoon/LOL Cats - Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting (http://s320.photobucket.com/albums/nn348/gsashmoon/LOL%20Cats/) A few of my favorites.

[dragonrider]

I think he got charged with public indecency...not having sex with a table...


The charge is not furno-philia?

I guess the lesson here would be, if you are going to fornicate your furniture, do it in the privacy of your own home! Not out where the neighbors can videotape you!

Do you think that polishing your furniture this way causes "waxy buildup?"

[rebgirl420]

I wonder if the family still eats off the table?



Or did the police confiscate it?

[Gandalf_The_Grey]

Has nobody considered that this might have been a really, REALLY sexy table? Geez, I thought Hugh Hefner brought about a sexual revolution, but here we remain in the Victorian era.

[stinkybudz]

New Release at the video store: TABLES GONE WILD hot sexy tables just out of the factory and boy they are excited and ready to let loose

[katyowns]

Hooray for LOL cats!
gsashmoon/LOL Cats - Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting (http://s320.photobucket.com/albums/nn348/gsashmoon/LOL%20Cats/) A few of my favorites.

My cat, Big Red, has been featured on there a couple times.

I should also say I didn't make any of them, people have just used my pics as templates.

[rebgirl420]

OMG, WELCOME TO FURNITURE PORN!

Welcome to Furniture Porn!! (http://www.furnitureporn.com/furnporn1.html)

They have bondage!

All amateur!

Office!

and

Hot outdoor action!

[Greenthing]

LOL Rebgirl, I like the one with the trees coz there is a lot of raw material to work on.:D

[Nightcrewman]

Maybe he was trying to make the sideboard jealous, it's those sexy queen anne legs that does it.
Maybe his wife was cheating on him and he decided to turn the tables, or maybe he just got a little board, oh god I better stop now before I am locked up. :)

NCM

[Greenthing]

Maybe he was trying to make the sideboard jealous, it's those sexy queen anne legs that does it.
Maybe his wife was cheating on him and he decided to turn the tables, or maybe he just got a little board, oh god I better stop now before I am locked up. :)

NCM
I definitely wood not cheat it wood not be worth it.
But those sexy queen anne legs they dont make them like that anymore.lol

[Greenthing]

Maybe his wife is an old Dragon.
http://i122.photobucket.com/albums/o240/asgreenasgrass/Dragonbones.jpg
Here i am giving a nice piece of wood a blow job.
http://i122.photobucket.com/albums/o240/asgreenasgrass/MyDidge.jpg

[dragonrider]

Maybe his wife was cheating on him and he decided to turn the tables, or maybe he just got a little board, oh god I better stop now before I am locked up. :)

NCM


I definitely wood not cheat it wood not be worth it.


Guys, I wood table the puns if I were you.

[QueenCheefer]

Ihate to branch away from the "wood" banter but we should really get to the root of the guys problem. I mean what poor sap would wanna stick it where the red fern grows.lol 2ez

[SunnyD]

:giggity::giggity::giggity::giggity:
:giggity::giggity::giggity::giggity:
:giggity::giggity::giggity::giggity:

That's all I gotta say anymore!

[dragonrider]

Ihate to branch away from the "wood" banter but we should really get to the root of the guys problem. I mean what poor sap would wanna stick it where the red fern grows.lol 2ez

Ok, you are now in the club. Good job!

I would like to add that this guy who boned his table is not a typical tree-hugger, he is from a splinter group known as The Wood Peckers.

[SunnyD]

Ok, you are now in the club. Good job!

I would like to add that this guy who boned his table is not a typical tree-hugger, he is from a splinter group known as The Wood Peckers.

Just picture Quagmire from Family Guy popping out of the background with a big ol' "OH!"

I love that show

[Mississippi Steve]

Ok, you are now in the club. Good job!

I would like to add that this guy who boned his table is not a typical tree-hugger, he is from a splinter group known as The Wood Peckers.

I started thinking about what would the little ones be like..... and fell off my chair laughing.:D

[QueenCheefer]

I started thinking about what would the little ones be like..... and fell off my chair laughing.:D

Why, they'd be a chip off the old block of course...as we all know the apple doesn't fall far from the tree...
I gotta stop smoking so much...rol

[Greenthing]

:eek:
Ok, you are now in the club. Good job!

I would like to add that this guy who boned his table is not a typical tree-hugger, he is from a splinter group known as The Wood Peckers.
well that adds a whole different dimension to the word WOODPECKER:eek::chainsaw:

[Mississippi Steve]

What was that line from that movie... I think it was Maniquin.....something about getting inturrupted while getting a piece of wood??

[dragonrider]

Having sex with a picnic table sounds great in the beginning, but it gets boring after awhile, because the table just lays there.

[mmjnoob]

Having sex with a picnic table sounds great in the beginning, but it gets boring after awhile, because the table just lays there.

Sounds like those table pics inspired some hands on experimenting.

[SunnyD]

oh my gosh this thread is getting sooooooo wrong!!

I know I'm never gonna boink a picnic table

OOPS!! I don't wanna jynx myself, I better *knock on wood*

[chongman420]

I wonder if they ever get "board" and switch it up, like maybe the table gets on top. Or if they have cookouts with the neighbors: "Hey, Tom, you got some mayonnaise all over your table" "Oh Bill thats not mayonnaise" I bet a park pavilion would be like a desert oasis to him.

[xcrispi]

Too funny sis .
I now have reoccouring images of that robot slammin the jukebox and washing machine on Robot Chicken for some reason .

Happy belated B-day , and 2 yr. anny.
Peace
Crispi :stoned:

[dragonrider]

If I were going to hump some furniture, I don't think I'd go for table. Maybe a big beanbag chair. Hell, yeah! I'd TOTALLY hit dat beanbag chair!

[QueenCheefer]

Wow LOL...too much thought into that.

[dragonrider]

Wow LOL...too much thought into that.

C'mon. Tell me you never thought about the beanbag chair.

[Weezard]

Mmmmmmmm just looking at them makes you think naughty things....

I mean just look at how "wet" that one is.





;)

Aloha rebgirl

Shows how much you know.
All those tables are males.:D



Weezard

[Greenthing]

Aloha
Shows how much you know.
All those tables are males.:D
Weezard

Aloha Weezard,
Oh my god you mean they don't have a hole, that sucks i quite fancied one of them I reckon that would make me a gay table fucker.:eek:
I must make an appointment with my shrink.

[Weezard]

Aloha Weezard,
Oh my god you mean they don't have a hole, that sucks i quite fancied one of them I reckon that would make me a gay table fucker.:eek:
I must make an appointment with my shrink.

Aloha, GT

Gonna be OK.
You just curious
Long as you leave dem end tables alone.:)
Shrink no help, gottum a thing fo' da couch.
Beanbag chair? mmmmmm, do-able, Ainokea;)
But, you mess wit da beanie babies, I gonna tell Hasbro:mad::D

B free,
WZ

Beeg treat heah, sendum photo of da wife

[SunnyD]

I now have reoccouring images of that robot slammin the jukebox and washing machine on Robot Chicken for some reason .

Hahaha, love that show, have you seen the episode where the Godzilla couple has to call in the mechanical godzilla with a spinning ding dong coming out of his chest? that show is so messed up



But, you mess wit da beanie babies, I gonna tell Hasbro:mad::D

HAHAHAHA, not the beanie babies!!!

[psychocat]

When this guy says he loves the new car he really means it.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/2000899/Man-admits-'having-sex'-with-1,000-cars.html

[SunnyD]

When this guy says he loves the new car he really means it.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/2000899/Man-admits-'having-sex'-with-1,000-cars.html

oh wow...he's in the process of creating the bio-mechanical STDs!!!!

Now all cyborgs are in danger of recieving a sexually transmitted disease...

[Weezard]

oh wow...he's in the process of creating the bio-mechanical STDs!!!!

Now all cyborgs are in danger of recieving a sexually transmitted disease...


Cheese! I might have da Dagwoods!?

Now I gotta go see da mech-doc.
T'ink mebee I got da root rust.

Whew! No worry.

I jus, sendem e-pic.
He say no worry, dat be bung burns.:cool:
He faxed me an unguent,
KYWD40, an' a can of 30 weight. :)
Mo' betta now.

P.S. Mahalo fo' da bump, R. G.

Aloha nui
Weezard