Anxiety, Self-Doubt, and Perfectionism

[TheSmokingMonkey]

Question is not necessarily cannabis-related, but here goes.

I am very anxious about what other people think of me and I'm very competitive, want to perform well, etc. I think this is called "Perfectionism" by a lot of psychologists.

Sober, it makes me really high strung.
High, it really kills my buzz!

So in both cases... what are some things to help me reframe my attitude and get rid of my perfectionism??

It's a little different than anxiety. It's like a really specific anxiety related to what other people think or about how I compare to others.

[Coelho]

Have you ever stopped to think about why does you are this way? What do you expect from people, why does you want so badly to seem good in their eyes? Why cant you ignore what people thinks about you? What do you want to prove to them? Why cant you be ok by yourself, why do you need other people approval? I think if you find a good answer to this questions, half of your problem will be solved. :thumbsup:
Anyway, finding answers wont be very easy... so good luck! :)

[irkenelite]

Have you ever stopped to think about why does you are this way? What do you expect from people, why does you want so badly to seem good in their eyes? Why cant you ignore what people thinks about you? What do you want to prove to them? Why cant you be ok by yourself, why do you need other people approval? I think if you find a good answer to this questions, half of your problem will be solved. :thumbsup:
Anyway, finding answers wont be very easy... so good luck! :)

This is very good advice. live your life like you want to live it, not how other people want you to.

[THClord]

I kind of had the same thing. A was trying to get ahead so bad that I didn't enjoy life.

Instead of writing an essay for you, I'll post a vid. Smoke up and watch it a couple times, I think it'll help you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BvKbGQRrWCM

[THClord]

Here's the link so you can watch it fullscreen. :D

YouTube - Dj Tiesto - Just Be (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BvKbGQRrWCM)

[TheSmokingMonkey]

Good advice everyone - & thanks for the link!

I will be doing some introspection on this topic. Keep the suggestions coming if anybody has any others - I really appreciate your time & value your input.

[excitebike]

When I'm sober I'd say I'm very self concious and I get very worried about what people think of me. I think this is much like your "Perfectionism", so you're not the only one. When I'm high though, I tend to relax more, and I tend to be more comfortable with the situation. But, sometimes I don't relax and it leads to a not so good high.

I think Coelho asked some very good questions. Get those answered and it will help solve your problem tremedously.

Keep us posted on how it goes!

[shuteyesx3]

I can relate with the specific anxiety...

perfectionism.. w/e you want to call it.
Asking questions is a critical step in becoming more and more comfortable with yourself. Also try just going outside and do WHAT YOU WANT. Try letting your mind debate on its own, just kind of sit back and let it go. Let all your thoughts positive and negative combine and just watch yourself naturally figure them out...

Also another thing.. try to think about the specific things that your afraid of happening.. in those specific situations. Also just pointing out the good things bout yourself and your talents is good.. like to yourself.

but in reality... Its just about balance.. if you can truthfully point out your weakness's but also truthfully point out your strengths your pretty much set..


Yah sorry if that was long or w/e.. Hope it helps..

good luck on da journey bro, jus message me if you ever jus wana talk or w.e

[2Nate6]

Heyy.i was actually in the same boat as you man.i used to get prtty bad anxiety lots of the time and i would always worry about wht others were thinking about me.

So i started taking sum anxiety medication for it and i blow sum kill 3-4 times a week.But i think the main thing that helped me was jus learning to accept you for you and not always worrying wht otheres think of you.If you feel like you r constanlty trying to impress ppl youll never just act yourself and theyll never see your true colors.

Basically, just do you bro!:thumbsup:
(Sorry for this being long and what not)

[TheSmokingMonkey]

"if you can truthfully point out your weakness's but also truthfully point out your strengths your pretty much set.. "

Hey I thought that was really interesting advice.

I tend to be defensive if others criticize me or really elated if they praise me. I am thinking, after reading your comment, that if I could be more honest with myself about strengths/weaknesses and accept the weaknesses better (and more constructively), I probably wouldn't rely so much on others' opinions for self-esteem.

You guys are so supportive! I love that this place exists. :smokin:

[Trip06]

Same here. I think its normal to be self critical. Like with dressing and looking good for example. Its normal to want respect from your peers. Who wants to get shit all the time or think they have a problume? Maybe you dont have a problume. If your going overboard like with anorexia and lots of worrying then you got a problume. Just say fuck it and do what makes you happy. Its not like lots of people you may or may not know are out to critisize everything about you or someshit(thatd be just wack as fuck). Don't let the 'perfectionism' label get you confused with setting good standards for yourself. Maybe the people you hang around are competitive? If not do they put you down a lot? If your uncomfortable about where your at set goals to get there, and dont worry bout a hater or someone whos better off than yourself.Theres always going to be someone hating on you or better off than you. 9/10 times they wont even say shit to your face because there pussy.

[birdgirl73]

I struggle with the competition thing, too, Smoking Monkey. Always want to knock the top out in some way, usually grades but also in fitness, health, achieving physical goals, even silly stuff like getting chores done around the house. It's now like I've totally created a way to drive myself to achieve (really, I mean overachieve). The strange thing is it has mostly ceased for me to be about how others regard me when I achieve. It's something I've internalized so the expectations are my own of myself. When I was younger it still had more to do with what others thought.

I'm pretty sure that, for me, this only represents a little progress. I need to ease up on myself. I know that. I've known that for years. But I'm compelled to keep striving for perfection. A very good shrink once explained that that was really about low self-esteem instead of high. He said that once I had the confidence to know I could fail or falter or even just perform at a slightly lower level but feel reassured that I was still on track with my own expectations of myself, then I'd have made the true jump to sanity and peace.

I, of course, still drive myself onward and upward. That hasn't clicked into place with me yet. The whole it's-OK-to-falter thing, I mean. I despair that it never will. Frankly, when people are in the midst of medical school, I don't see how it does.

You must be the bravest person in the world for relinquishing school at the point you did! I happened upon that post not too long ago. I applaud you and am in awe of you. That couldn't have been easy.