Parenting Teenagers - I'm Busted!

[IncognitoDad]

I have always hidden my cannabis smoking from my kids for obvious legal reasons and because I don't want them smoking as adolescents as I did. I recently became too relaxed and smoked in our home and my step-son (17) has told his mom that he smelled marijuana a number of times (My wife of nearly two years is not happy with my cannabis use as I kept it hiddent from her - a post for another day). I'm busted and I am trying to figure out the best way to handle it: Never smoke in the house again; Argue that I can smoke in our house and continue (involves a discussion of legal questions (Canada-Ontario), health issues and questionable behaviour on his and others' parts (eg. downloading/buying new movies illegally; Quit smoking.

I would love to see some posts about how others have handled this. I am more likely to apologize and smoke elsewhere, but would love to see others' experiences. :(

[killerweed420]

I would just sit down with the 17 year old and have an adult conversation with him. Explain both the upside and downside of drug use. Just the facts not rhetoric and allow the kid to make an educated decision on what he thinks. And be sure to ask for his thoughts on it. As an adult we have a different viewpoint on a lot of issues but its important to see how the kids are coming to there conclusions and maybe try to help them see where they might be making errors in judgement.

[zeitgeist]

yep. You're going to have to have a conversation with him. Dont try to avoid it. Educate him. And who knows, I think it will bring you two closer, because marijuana is not something that the average kid can talk about with his parents

[michaelpeg]

IMO your step son is a little pussy, no offense man but im only 18 and i know my dad smokes weed and i have known since the age of about 14 and still kept my mouth shut and if i knew it would jepordize his relationship i definitly wouldnt say anything. i bet when he goes to his friends houses he smells marijuana too. I dont know where you are from but at my school they did some kind of annonymous survey and it proved 85% of students smoked weed and this shouldnt be too much of a shock to him. if i were you i wouldnt share anything with him and i wouldnt try to bond either but thats only my opinion and it doesnt matter what i say because i am not a parent or gaurdian of any kind.

[Breukelen advocaat]

If you have to keep something like pot smoking hidden from your wife, you're not a man - so don't expect a 17 year old to have any respect for you once he knows how pussy-whipped you are.

[THClord]

As one of the younger generation, here is what we think.

We laugh at parents who smoke but try to keep it hidden from us. At the same time we really want parents who smoke, because parents who don't smoke weed wouldn't understand.

Definately talk with your son, and be 100% honest.

[carinia]

Wow you gys, stop dogging on the guy!!

I didn't smoke pot until I was in college, (18) and I remeber trying to 'hide' it from my parents during my summers at home. Eventally they found out, and it was actually a bonding experience b/c I fond ou tthey did all the time before my time. They don't smoke now except for special occasions, but its still an experience I can share with them.

That being said, don't try to go out and smother him over to your side or anything. :) Just be honest with him, that you do smoke, and your reasons for doing it. Let him know that you don't want him to b/c of your reasons for wanting him to wait. Hes old enough to understand that. Its what my parents did for me, as well as share their experiences behind their reasons so I could see where they were coming from.

It was actually waht got me into growing instead of buying from shady people - the worry of laced product was their main concern. So, even tho Im still smoking they feel safer about it.


Anyhow, thats just my two cents. :)

[happiestmferoutthere]

I've never tried to hide it from my daughter. ( she is 20 now) I tried not to smoke in front of her, but sometimes she would just show up. I feel like you have to "lie" about your true self in public all day long. I did not want to lie in my house. I felt at home I had every right to be "me".
I simply explained to her it was my choice as an adult to smoke pot. I explained some people are really against it, but these same people drink alcohol like theres no tomorrow( I RARELY drink). She could certainly tell my behavior was "better" than her friends moms that drank. I was happier, more patient, more fun!
Of, course, since I never hid it from her I never had to deal with her "finding" out.
My husband is also a big pot head, so I didn't EVEN have to hide it from him.(except to keep him from smoking too much).
Good luck with your problem. :(

[stinkyattic]

Part of your discussion with your son should include a reminder that it is far better to wait to use any type of drug (that's why you wait until 18 to drink alcohol up there in the north eh) until the brain has finished developing, which is why you feel it is safer for an adult to use cannabis than a child.
As an adult, what you choose to do in private is more your own business than a minor, who is still being looked after by his parents.

Although if your son knew that his mother would be upset, and that you were hiding it from her, too, you've unfortunately set a poor example of communication that you will now have to think about and improve by taking the initiative to talk more openly to the whole family about what goes on in the house, from pot smoking to illegally downloading media.

[Mr. Clandestine]

Part of your discussion with your son should include a reminder that it is far better to wait to use any type of drug (that's why you wait until 18 to drink alcohol up there in the north eh) until the brain has finished developing, which is why you feel it is safer for an adult to use cannabis than a child.

That'll be one of my biggest talking points with my son when he's old enough to have this discussion. Hopefully by that time many laws will have changed. Hopefully I won't be viewed as much of a hypocrite for telling him he can't break the law, while I'm upstairs in the library with the door locked and an incense burning to cover up telltale odors. Not to mention, I wasn't exactly an honor student in high school... we used to get blazed on the football field before damn near every class... and the apple rarely falls far from the tree.

Luckily, I've got a while before I have to worry about this little talk... but that definitely doesn't mean I'm not thinking about what I'll have to say.

Oh God, dunno why I haven't really thought of this until now, but I may have created a monster... :(

[Droplet]

I say come out with the fact you smoke it, then offer it to everyone :)

[happiestmferoutthere]

Hopefully I won't be viewed as much of a hypocrite for telling him he can't break the law, while I'm upstairs in the library with the door locked and an incense burning to cover up telltale odors.

Really, with teenagers it doesn't matter what you do.... you will always be a hypocrite. I suggest you get real used to the word. LOL! If you stay out til 2, and insist they come home at midnight, your a hypocrite. If you ask them to eat their veggies, and you dont ,your a hypocrite. If you ask them to clean up after themselves, and you forget to pick up your mess, your a hypocrite. Frankly I don't think you can be as an effective of a parent if your not somewhat hypocritical. I mean, You cant let them do whatever they want just because you did it. You are trying to raise a responsible adult ... not a party animal!:p (Thats what your 20's are for!!)

[420_24/7]

Youre kid's almost old enough to make his own decisions.
IMHO you should just talk to him, tell him you smoke; tell him the good and the bad about weed; tell him that the legality is not so much of an issue as the morality (meaning that if something is illegal, but it isnt morally wrong, one should give themselves the right to decide whether they would like to do it.)
Then after all of this, if he seems open minded, offer to smoke with him. He's not really an adolescent any more. My thinking is that he's most likely going to try it sometime in his life. Why not have that time be with his father in a safe secure environment, instead of out somewhere where he could get caught.

edit: Hey happiestmferoutthere, that thing is your sig reminded me of this thing my friend always says.
"The beatings will continue until moral improves."
idk if its a quote or what, i just think its funny.

[Mr. Clandestine]

Really, with teenagers it doesn't matter what you do.... you will always be a hypocrite. I suggest you get real used to the word. LOL! If you stay out til 2, and insist they come home at midnight, your a hypocrite. If you ask them to eat their veggies, and you dont ,your a hypocrite. If you ask them to clean up after themselves, and you forget to pick up your mess, your a hypocrite. Frankly I don't think you can be as an effective of a parent if your not somewhat hypocritical. I mean, You cant let them do whatever they want just because you did it. You are trying to raise a responsible adult ... not a party animal!:p (Thats what your 20's are for!!)

This is very true. It's when I think back on all the hard times I gave my parents that I really begin to see why rules needed to be followed... regardless of how relevant I thought they were. Oh, and by the way, my party animal years were pretty much spent during late teens and early 20s. After I got out of college is when my youngun was born. ;)

'Tis cool though, now I can focus all my energy on how I'm going to become one of the "cool dads" when my boy is old enough to judge me! I'll try not to be too hypocritical, though... because I should know as well as anyone that 'kids will be kids'. :jointsmile:

[rebgirl420]

I've always known my parents smoked. Their old hippie/bikers. My parents are both hard working people. My father working two jobs and my mother working full time also. They were always honest with me and when I was 16 they began to smoke with me.

I was smoking for 4-5 years before that however. It's a great bonding experience if your kids can handle it.

[fiddyonefiddy]

If you have to keep something like pot smoking hidden from your wife, you're not a man - so don't expect a 17 year old to have any respect for you once he knows how pussy-whipped you are.

im gonna have to go with this comment, not to be rude about it but this comment is the reality of the matter.
i wouldnt be married to anyone who lied to me about such a trivial deal because they would lie about other things.
honesty is always the best policy, my kids know i smoke and i have had the talk with them about it and the sex talk too .
i told my wife i was worthless and so did all my friends and told her she was totally phucking up by getting married to me and that it would never last. they had a pool and no one bet over six month's.
it has been 17 years now.

[Storm Crow]

"If the truth won't do, then something is wrong!"

Be as honest as possible. The chances are that your kids already have experienced cannabis. And if not them, then their close friends! (Do a search on teen usage!)

I have never hidden my cannabis use from my (now adult) kids. It was a "secret" on the same order that "My Dad sometimes walks around in his underwear". It was just-"Mom and Dad smoked another kind of plant material in some of their cigarettes." It was never a big deal.

May I also suggest using a vaporizer? They cut WAY down on the smell! I have a Vapor Brothers- reasonably inexpensive and good quality. It gets rid of the "smoker's cough", too.

If you have teenage kids, your use may be medical. If so, hit the link in my sig for studies to support your usage. - Granny:hippy:

[blizz]

i have had to cover for my dad over the years, i would never tell my mom who is a recoverd alchy and believes anyhting mind alterting is the devil. My pops was not cool about it ever, to this day he still gets on my case even though he smokes, if my mom knew she would divorce him.. ITS A very bad situation expecially when you had a freind with a big mouth when u were 16. live and learn. but anyways i think the best way to handle the situation is to tell your wife why you smoke and explain that your not a harcore drug abuser and if she wants to to quit that you will if you truly care about her, if you let marijuana intervein with stuff thats most important in your life, i believe that proves that you are in early stages of being a future addict. idk just my 2 cents, coming from a pot smokers son :thumbsup: