Scientists finally verify the obvious...CLOWNS ARE SCARY!

[Gandalf_The_Grey]

Don't send in the clowns - Yahoo! News (http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20080116/od_nm/clowns_odd_dc;_ylt=Amz4AHy1fhs2RIUDt6rDq7HtiBIF)

LONDON (Reuters) - Bad news for Coco and Blinko -- children don't like clowns and even older kids are scared of them.

The news that will no doubt have clowns shedding tears was revealed in a poll of youngsters by researchers from the University of Sheffield who were examining how to improve the decor of hospital children's wards.

The study, reported in the Nursing Standard magazine, found all the 250 patients aged between four and 16 they quizzed disliked the use of clowns, with even the older ones finding them scary.
"As adults we make assumptions about what works for children," said Penny Curtis, a senior lecturer in research at the university.

"We found that clowns are universally disliked by children. Some found them quite frightening and unknowable."

(Reporting by Michael Holden; Editing by Steve Addison)



Who would've guessed!?!

[WeedyBoyWonder]

Clowns try too hard.

[psteve]

But those juggalo's are so cute! How could anyone be scared of them?

[GrinS]

My uncle exposed me to "IT" when I was 6. So clowns, dont scare me, even if they turn into really big spiders and totally ruin a movie.

[ghosty]

Yeah I've never quite gotten a good feeling from grown adults that choose to wear make up and wigs, polka dot costumes, and hang around kids for a living. Unless they're driving funny cars in a parade or at a damn circus, clowns are kinda creepy. Birthday clowns are the worst. Even Ronald McDonald is sorta creepy when you think about it. I mean wtf do clowns have to do with hamburgers?

[DreadConches]

Ghosty, they use Ronald McDonald as a hidden message. The jokes on you, thats not chicken or cow you are eating.
I don't like clowns, but they don't scare me. And yeah, signs all point to pedophile.

[McLeodGanja]

When I was a kid there used to be this puppet/ventriloquist act on TV, the puppet was this kind of lord of the manor type character with a dinner suit and a monocle, the little fucker used to give me nightmares!

Can anyone remember the name?

[Purple Banana]

I think 'clowns' of the Cirque de Soleil type with mime-like actions, beautifully-painted faces, gymnastically-inclined maneuvers and minimal leotard sparkly kind of costumes are the only 'clowns' I will ever watch. It's the whimsy, beauty, quirkiness, and silence of the performers that I like; I appreciate immensely their acrobatics, but as simple performers, they're fantastic.

[Breukelen advocaat]

Mimes, which I hate, are similar to clowns. The truth is finally surfacing about mimes.




TRANSMISSIONS FROM STOP THE MIMES HQ. CONFIDENTIAL.


Our first two transmissions deal with these questions: Who are the mimes? What is their plan?

Transmission #1

Identity: Who are the Mimes?


Mimes are not human beings. This much is becoming well known gradually throughout the more elite classes of society. Mimes are, as their name implies, poor copies of human beings. Mimes are, in fact, space aliens from a distant and hostile world. Mimes are physically and mentally like human beings in most respects, aside from three absolutely critical differences:


Mimes faces are white, totally lacking pigment.
Mimes are unable to talk.
Mimes have telepathic mind-control powers.As you have probably already guessed, many mimes disguise their true nature from unsuspecting human beings. But how?

Deception: How the mimes disguise their true nature


They do this by employing a clever ruse of claiming to wear white make-up and using their telepathic powers to fool all but the most discriminating among us into thinking that they are capable of normal human speech. Most people never suspect that when they "hear" a mime after a "performance" the mime in question is in fact beaming its thoughts directly into their brains, diabolically using the same neural pathways normally used for human hearing. At the same time, the mimes may be subtly causing changes to other parts of the victims brain, rendering another hapless human less able to resist the final takeover.

Transmission #2

Domination: The Mime Plan


Having answered the question "Who are the mimes?" and received the disturbing answer, it is time to ask "What is their plan?". Their plan is simple: to take over our planet and enslave us. Some background on the mimes' home planet will help make this clear.

Backgound: Life on the Mime Planet


Very little is known about the mimes' home planet. But by analyzing known facts of mime physiology and behaviour, this much can be ascertained:
Conjecture #1: The mime planet is very dark.
This fact is supported by the lack of pigment in the mimes faces. Human beings evolved darker pigments, to protect us from the sun. The fact that the mimes skin is pure white suggests that they are not exposed to bright light in their natural environment.

Conjecture #2: The mime planet is very loud.
Loud noise or some other disturbance likely makes normal speech impossible on the mimes' homeworld. On normal planets, such as Earth, evolution favors sentient humanoids that communicate using speech. Only in extraordinary circumstances where speech is impossible will evolution result in the more complex telepathy that mimes use to communicate.

Conjecture #3: The mime planet is not a nice place to live.

Based on conjectures #1 and #2, we see that the mime homeworld is a dark, loud place. Imagine living on the inside of a garbage can that someone was constantly banging on. Does that sound appealing? No. Which leads us to the inescapable fourth conjecture:
Conjecture #4: The mimes intend to take over Earth.
Clearly, the mimes' objective is none other than to take over the Earth as their new home world, enslaving humanity in the process.

Their Methods: Telepathic Puppets



Mimes appear to cluster around street corners, theatres, public parks and other venues involving large numbers of human beings.

The mimes are aware that their human victims are at their least vigilant when relaxing in a city park or strolling down the street. It is likely that the mimes are carefully positioning themselves and observing their would-be victims, waiting for the moment when they seize control of a sizable segment of our population.

The mimes have achieved a high level of control over their own bodies. It is obvious that they do so by using their telepathic powers. From this we can conclude that the mimes will enslave us by taking direct control over our bodies, manipulating the nerves that control our muscles telepathically. Independently of our will, our bodies may convulse as if we were walking in a strong wind, or we may find our bodies resisting motion, as if we were trapped in an invisible box.

The Result: Melting Our Brains


Once the mimes have struck and used their legions of telepathic puppets to achieve hegemony over the Earth, they will have no need of the three and one-half pounds of grey matter that is our brains. Most likely, the brains of the mimes hapless victims will be removed and melted into a protein broth that the mimes will consume in order to enhance their telepathic powers.

Our only defense: Stop the Mimes!


Watch for future transmissions on how we humanity can destroy the mime threat... before they destroy us. Good luck, human brothers!

Mimes (http://www.alangalloway.com/mimes.html)

[nolanfortwenty]

^^HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA wow that is sooooooooooooooo funnyy aha where did u get that?

[420_24/7]

My uncle exposed me to "IT" when I was 6. So clowns, dont scare me, even if they turn into really big spiders and totally ruin a movie.

Same for me, except i was four, and it actually sparked my fear of clowns

[3rdEyeVision]

I've always loved clowns, their pretty fucking awesome in my eyes. I never knew so many people were afraid of clowns though. It's weird, a clown's only job is to make people happy, and everybody just gets scared of them hahahaha.

[psteve]

C'mon!
EVERYBODY loves clowns.


...That's why we keep electing them!

[dragonrider]

If a tree fell in the forest, and landed on a mime, would anybody care? --- Gary Larson

[zbudz4life]

personally, I enjoyed clowns on tv as a kid

i never interacted with em though

if ya wanna see a mildly scary, clown horror movie, try Killer Clowns from Outer Space:rasta::pimp::hippy::rastasmoke: