do you stay with someone even if you hate what they do for a living?

[warmblanky]

say you've been with them for 3 years and you're really attached to them but you hate their occupation. does that matter to you? do you look for someone more financially stable or does "love" win out?

[geonagual]

I guess it depends on the occupation

[M1K3]

Whats more important to you? A Warm Blanky or a security blanky?

[WeedyBoyWonder]

What's the job?

[Conehead]

Depend's on why u dont like their job like is it a moral objection or does the job take up too much time,they come home smelling of road kill . Im reading into things a bit so i could be wrong but it seems u dont like it because they dont bring home enough money. in that case if your just being a snob and want to have a rich partner id find someone else and leave the other to find someone worth their time. If it just cos he/she is a no hopers going no where give them a chance to get it together and if they dont dump their ass. also by the way u say "attached" it doesnt seem like love either ,im "attached" to my fave bong i love my partner. like i said i am reading into things a bit so could be wrong

[dragonrider]

say you've been with them for 3 years and you're really attached to them but you hate their occupation. does that matter to you? do you look for someone more financially stable or does "love" win out?

It depends on the occupation and what it is that you hate about it. Do you hate it because it is not financially stable? Or do you hate it because it is morally objectionable? Or does it have bad hours that cut into your life? Or does it make the person smell bad? There's a lot of things you might object to and some you could overlook, while others you couldn't.

[geonagual]

I am sure it is not enough cash...come on..we are waiting..tell us already, I am on the edge of my seat..wondering..waiting..for the truth..give me the truth dammit..no, really, just wondering.

[dragonrider]

I am sure it is not enough cash...come on..we are waiting..tell us already, I am on the edge of my seat..wondering..waiting..for the truth..give me the truth dammit..no, really, just wondering.

From the "financially stable" part of the post, it sounded to me like the problem was not enough cash too. But it's a wierd way to put the question. If that's tha case, the question should be "Do you stay with someone even if they don't make enough money?" not "Do you stay with someone even if you hate what they do for a living?" Even then, it's a complicated question and would need more info. If it's about money then you have to take into consideration whether they would be able to make more money doing something else, and also consider whether their occupation gives them something else that money can't buy.

[halfassedjediknight]

it sounds like your significant other might not be good at his/her job and isnt making enough money, and is ending up smoking everything, if you know where im getting at.

hahah just a stab in the dark.

maybe you could:postreadfaq:? haha joking.

[geonagual]

Our questions will never be answered..the internet got turned off cause the bill was unpaid.

[stinkyattic]

If I dislike the person's job because I think it is unethical (ex: corporate attorney specializing in representing corporations accused of polluting or shit labor practices), I'm out.

If I dislike the person's crappy income but see that they are happy at their job and responsible enough to live within their means, I'm okay but watching out for signs of leeching.

Bad credit that could impact my future ability to get a small business loan would be an issue.

If I think the person makes shit money because he's fucking off at work, or lazy, or missing work, I see that as shades of things to come. This isn't about the job, then... it's about my strict No More Lazy Bastards rule.

Being alone is easier than letting some ass mooch off ya. Really. If you have a mooch on your hands, cut the ties... it gets MUCH worse after they realize they can get away with it.

[warmblanky]

-it takes up all of his time
-we only hang out about 1-2 hours a day
-he hasnt made any money at it (he started his own business). its been 9 months but he is still determined to make it work and spends all of his time doing it
-his business partner is a jerk off and ignores me all the time. ill ask him a question and he'll pretend like he didnt hear me. and the other day he said something to my boy, and i said "what was that? does the toliet have shit all over it, uh oh, thats not good" (i had misheard him) then he says something like "you misheard me because i wasnt talking to you" and then scoffs and shakes his head and laughs at me


sigh. :(


help please :(

[geonagual]

-its been 9 months but he is still determined to make it work and spends all of his time doing it







as long as he is really working it..it sounds like he is trying really hard and you should support that..9 months isnt that long..is he making some money?

[stinkyattic]

Starting a business is a very time consuming project and props to him for taking that risk.
You should expect that your time together will be limited for a while. My dear friend's husband started one recently and for the first couple years it was very difficult but they found ways to see each other, such as she would go in and help with the paperwork for the business and at least they'd get to enjoy each others' company during those first hard months. And the business brought them closer because they had worked as a couple on it. Their marriage is a true partnership and works well as a result.

It sounds like the bigger issue is that you feel disrespected by his partner. You should be able to communicate to your man about that, first by asking if he has noticed, and then by saying how it makes you feel. Don't start by making accusatory statements; those lead to defensive replies and going off the main subject which is going to be something along the lines of "I feel hurt when your business partner does X".

Your boyfriend may not be aware of your feelings, or even that there is anything wrong. How he responds will tell you a lot about his character.

[warmblanky]

as long as he is really working it..it sounds like he is trying really hard and you should support that..9 months isnt that long..is he making some money?

he makes like 100 every other week or so.


the problem is that i moved away from my family to be with him. like 3,000 miles away. im from the states and he's from canada. we are in canada right now. so i have no family and no friends here really but his family. he has an older sister. shes nice but i would prefer my own family obviously, who wouldnt?

but him and his "business partner" are really good friends it seems. well i mean, how can they not be, they smoke together and are trying to make their business work. so they are going to spend alot of time together.

but here i am with no friends or family. its a really really small town, like 3,000 people so its really hard to find friends here. most of the people my age (21) all have kids and cant really hang out.

so i just feel so alone and depressed because im alone most of the day while he's at his friend's house trying to make money. also im super jealous that he has a friend and i dont. all i have is him.

i also feel like im wasting my youth by not going to school. (you cant go to school in canada if you're from the states without a student visa and probably alot of money which i dont have)


my life is so fucked

[StickyfingahZ]

-his business partner is a jerk off and ignores me all the time. ill ask him a question and he'll pretend like he didnt hear me. and the other day he said something to my boy, and i said "what was that? does the toliet have shit all over it, uh oh, thats not good" (i had misheard him) then he says something like "you misheard me because i wasnt talking to you" and then scoffs and shakes his head and laughs at me


sigh. :(


help please :(

Damn,I wouldnt let someone talk to my wife like that.....or my kids. I'd tell that partner,you shake your head at my family one more time,and I'll shake your head till it falls off.

But if he is really working at it....give him a lil support.The partner dont seem to cool,but......I dunno.

[geonagual]

are you 2 married?

Sounds like you need to come back to the US and get yourself enrolled in school..if not..then you need to find a way to get yourself independent.

[geonagual]

Oh yeah, he needs to make mo money..that is not even close to enough..even for a beginning businesss

[warmblanky]

well i do have a job here, so i will eventually have money after we get ourselves out of debt.




i could easily go to school in the states, my parents have money. alot of it. but i love this guy to death. he is my best friend. so if i left here i would lose my best friend. i have no friends in the states where im from either. well hardly. i have my 2 sisters and my mom and thats about it. but they are busy with their own lives.


we arent married, but we've been dating for 3 years so it feels like we are.

[stinkyattic]

he makes like 100 every other week or so.

How does he pay his rent? :wtf:


the problem is that i moved away from my family to be with him. like 3,000 miles away. im from the states and he's from canada. we are in canada right now. so i have no family and no friends here really but his family.
I hear ya. That's a big leap of faith. Make sure that because you don't know anyone else you aren't becoming clingy. If you intend to stay there, you NEED to make some other friends ASAP.


they smoke together and are trying to make their business work. so they are going to spend alot of time together.
Doing what? Smoking? Are they actually trying to run a business or just playing at it?


i also feel like im wasting my youth by not going to school. (you cant go to school in canada if you're from the states without a student visa and probably alot of money which i dont have)
Probably? have you looked into it? It's good to get an education and a circle of friends at the same time.

Let me give you some advice. Moving away from everyone you love to be with a boyfriend puts a lot of stress on the relationship. I hope that he got down on his knees and BEGGED you to move and treats you well.
I also think that you should go to college. Long distance relationships aren't the worst thing in the world. Community College in Maine isn't a bad idea. You could still see him some weekends. He is busy with the business; why waste your time waiting around for him to find a few moments to keep you company while you could be getting your own career on track? Do you want to have to depend on him to pay the bills when you are living together? If you think you feel trapped now, wait until later when you are living in a country where you do not have citizenship or even a student visa and can't find a job...

I think you're in an unwinnable situation. Go back to school. Get some independence. Get some perspective.

[geonagual]

great advice. ididnt I hear up there that there is a kid involved? what is the deal with that?

[stinkyattic]

Wait, you moved your KID away from your whole family too? Or is it his kid as well?
If he's the father, you've got an international MESS on your hands.
If he's not, get your ass back to your safety net for the child's sake. Kids need family around. You have a responsibility as a parent to make DAMN sure that happens.

[warmblanky]

How does he pay his rent? :wtf:

his sister has lent his mom (we live with his mom) money to pay the rent plus money to buy groceries. we owe her alot of money.


I hear ya. That's a big leap of faith. Make sure that because you don't know anyone else you aren't becoming clingy. If you intend to stay there, you NEED to make some other friends ASAP.

i know for a fact that i am clingy while im up here because there is no one else to hang out with. im scared of hanging out with his sister or his mom's best friend (his mom's best friend is 27, and his mom is like 54, so its kinda weird/cool that they are friends. i wish his mom's friend was my friend) because whatever personal shit i might say to them, would probably get back to his mom because you know how girls talk about everything. also there was a girl i wanted to hang out with, but his mom told me that she has a "bad reputation" in this town, so that made it sound like im not even allowed to hang out with her !


Doing what? Smoking? Are they actually trying to run a business or just playing at it?

i really think alot of the times they just sit around with each other and bullshit about nothing. yea they will smoke weed together so that makes me think they get even less done. how could they not sit around and bullshit with each other while at "work" when they are probably really good friends? they "work"

Probably? have you looked into it? It's good to get an education and a circle of friends at the same time.

well i know that i wont have any money until i get paid on jan 25th. so by that time im sure i will have missed this spring's semester. but you are right i should call them.

Let me give you some advice. Moving away from everyone you love to be with a boyfriend puts a lot of stress on the relationship. I hope that he got down on his knees and BEGGED you to move and treats you well.
I also think that you should go to college. Long distance relationships aren't the worst thing in the world. Community College in Maine isn't a bad idea. You could still see him some weekends. He is busy with the business; why waste your time waiting around for him to find a few moments to keep you company while you could be getting your own career on track? Do you want to have to depend on him to pay the bills when you are living together? If you think you feel trapped now, wait until later when you are living in a country where you do not have citizenship or even a student visa and can't find a job...

I think you're in an unwinnable situation. Go back to school. Get some independence. Get some perspective.

we met online when we were 18 and have been doing the long distance thing for about 3 years, then i moved here when i was 21. im from tennessee and hes from alberta, so i wouldnt be in maine, i would be in TN and its 3,000 miles away from where he is. i dont think he'd want to go back to doing the long distance thing and frankly i wouldnt want to do it again either. its too hard.



there is no kid involved.


sorry idk how to do multiple quotes.
and thank you guys for giving a shit about my fucked up life. i do need advice badly.

[geonagual]

the kid makes the difference in this right now..is it his?

[warmblanky]

i said that most of the girls here my age (21) have kids, so i doubt they would have alot of time to hang out with me.

i myself do not have a kid

[warmblanky]

i dont have a kid nor do i want one

[geonagual]

oh ok...then it is time to do for "you" right now...do you smoke weed?

[warmblanky]

yep i do


but i have no connections in TN so i probably wont when/if i go back home. i cant roll joints. :(

i've gotten weed before in TN and its absolute shit. people will actually sell you bags full of stems and seeds. but the stuff here in canada is all hairy and has crystals all over it. so that is gonna suck. to not have that anymore

[WeedyBoyWonder]

so if i left here i would lose my best friend. i have no friends in the states where im from either. well hardly. i have my 2 sisters and my mom and thats about it. but they are busy with their own lives.
if you had no friends where you were from, surely you can't use that as a reason to be unhappy where you are now?
I would guess maybe join a hobby club type thing, I can't remember what they are called, or an evening class etc etc to get out and about and meet people and have the social interaction you're craving. Then, it is just down to your relationship and his job?
I couldn't even begin to put myself in your situation, but I hope you work it out.

[warmblanky]

if you had no friends where you were from, surely you can't use that as a reason to be unhappy where you are now?
I would guess maybe join a hobby club type thing, I can't remember what they are called, or an evening class etc etc to get out and about and meet people and have the social interaction you're craving. Then, it is just down to your relationship and his job?
I couldn't even begin to put myself in your situation, but I hope you work it out.

well i guess i can consider my sisters and my mom to be my friends. thats more than i have up here that is for sure.

i dont even think its really worth to give up the life i had in the states where i could go to any school i wanted and see my family every day. i dont have any of that here.

all i have here is a shitty ass gas station job and a boyfriend who is too busy for me.


my boyfriend has his "business" here, his friend, and all of his family in the same town as him. and he could go to school if he wanted cos hes a citizen.

i dont have any of that

[stinkyattic]

Why did I think you lived in Nova Scotia? That's why I suggested college in Maine btw.

So all you have up there is a boyfriend who doesn't make time for you, and better weed.
Let me tell you sister, you can grow your own sweet sweet Tennessee weed in those long summers.

You owe his mom money.
You work at a gas station.
Your boyfriend is basically pretending to run a business.
Your situation is making you clingy enough to recognize it in yourself.

Run, fast, while you still can. Call your mom and get her to buy you a plane ticket YESTERDAY. You need to plant your feet back on your own territory. There's nothing for you there.
If you were going to make a life for yourself as a person, rather than as half of a relationship, you would have started working on it the moment you set foot on Canadian soil.
This advice is coming from a woman who recently gave up the chance to move to Alaska with the man I love for all those reasons... my family is here, and my job, and my house: These things spell independence to me.
Find your own independence.

[geonagual]

no worries girl..we got your back...you can do this:jointsmile:

[warmblanky]

i feel so much better now about going back.


thanks so much guys :)

[dragonrider]

Depend's on why u dont like their job like is it a moral objection or does the job take up too much time,they come home smelling of road kill


It depends on the occupation and what it is that you hate about it. Do you hate it because it is not financially stable? Or do you hate it because it is morally objectionable? Or does it have bad hours that cut into your life? Or does it make the person smell bad?

Conehead, I think it is funny that we posted almost exactly the same thing, right down to the smelling bad part (props for bringing in the roadkill --- that's a nice touch!).

Warmblanky, this is a bad situation, and you need to look out for yourself. You should go home and get enrolled in school. Thiere is a lot more wrong with this than the idea that he has a bad occupation. You sound like you have some good prospects back home, but it doesn't sound like this guy is heading anywhere, and in the meantime you are getting in a deeper and deeper hole. Friendship is one thing, but it sounds like you aren't even getting much of that if he's only around an hour or two a day, so what are you gaining by staying? Make up a list of pros and cons, and this thing is going to get pretty clear pretty fast --- its a losing situation.

[geonagual]

pros and cons lists RULE!

they spell it out

[dragonrider]

pros and cons lists RULE!


Pros and cons lists have their good points and their bad...

[warmblanky]

^haha

[Dutch Pimp]

Let me tell you sister, you can grow your own sweet sweet Tennessee weed in those long summers.

Amen...:bigsmoke:

[beachguy in thongs]

I'd go back to Tennessee, and, tell him to bring himself and his business.

And, let me know if you plan on starting a garage band.

I'd tell her to bring herself. And her business. Her student loans, too.

[beginerbuddah]

the other day he said something to my boy


ive just bin sitiing here thinking im sure she sai she ha a kid going back and reading it like 20 times just realised ^^^^thats why lol
im way too stonned for reading:jointsmile:

[stinkyattic]

I'd go back to Tennessee, and, tell him to bring himself and his business.

Solid advice from a very practical fella.

Would he do the same for you that you've done for him? Heh heh... (How much you wanna bet he wouldn't even CONSIDER that... one more reason to be gettin' to the jettin'.)

[beginerbuddah]

well said stinky :thumbsup:

[geonagual]

ive just bin sitiing here thinking im sure she sai she ha a kid going back and reading it like 20 times just realised ^^^^thats why lol
im way too stonned for reading:jointsmile:

thats what I thought.

[dragonrider]

"Boy" must be boyfriend. If it had been Hilder420, the quote would have been, "The other day he said something to my dick." Then we would have been even more confused...

[geonagual]

she has a dick..that is confusing. lol