It's been a rough few weeks

[Purple Banana]

Ever since my friend's mom died, I've been beyond depressed... Hell, even before it happened. I find myself focusing more on the inevitablity that we're all going to be a sandspeck in the beach of time, and it feels like everything's just too big for me.

I find myself becoming much more disorganized, more tired, I have more pain, and I just don't feel the way I used to. I go from each day thinking "Oh wow, the world's such a beautiful place" to thinking "Nothing really matters, not my consciousness, not the leaf on that tree, nothing."

I never used to think like that. The differences in though are not nearly extreme enough to suggest bipolar, and I haven't changed the amount of weed I am smoking. Maybe I have SAD?

I don't know, I really don't.

[DaZeDShAdOw]

Just a bump in the road, you will get through it I promise. I think everyone in life goes through stages like that where we all think it will never get better, but it does. Cheer up!

[Canadien.]

I went through the exact same thing. Became depressed, unmotivated, and pretty dormant for a few months...
I had started getting really into philosophy before that, which is what eventually lead me to that belief system. Philosophy, in the end, is what saved me from all that.
I started to realize, and I'd explain this better after a spliff but whatever, that as humans we only have the ability to perceive our unimportance in the universe because we have a brain systematically powerful enough to do so... We're a blip in time, a tiny little particle, our whole planet, solar system, etc. is just a little piece of an enormous, immeasurable mass of energy.
What you have to realize is that everything exists as one. When you die, and your kids die, and their kids die, and the planet dies, and the sun dies along with our solar system, your still there. Just because you have no physical form in which your consciousness can perform action doesn't mean you aren't forever part of this huge endless ball of energy.
What's really bugging you is the lack of purpose thing, I'm guessing?
The only reason you feel this way is because you categorize things with and without purpose... believe me I know where your coming from; If nothing has a purpose, whats the fucking purpose??
really though, We just made up the word purpose. We just categorize shit like that. It doesn't really exist. Yes things scientifically have a purpose, but if we weren't here to categorize it as such... get where I'm going?
When it comes down to it, why do we need a purpose, or a need to matter. Enjoy your life the way our species has adapted to enjoy. It's a pretty crazy, beautiful thing when you look at it for what it is.

one more thing... we're the only planet with the ability to sustain intelligent, if any, life within out solar system. That's just another little one to feel good about,, i donno.

Anyway PEACE! and I really hope you find a way to feel good about life, existence, yah know... all that jazz.

p.s I don't know if you ever have, but if you ever fall in love, like, real honest to goodness just shit your pants kinda love, everything your feeling right now will be... null.

[Weedhound]

Try reconnecting with something you love.....even if it seems boring at the moment. You have to do what it takes to make life "personal."

The death of someone close to you is a very understandable reason for "disconnecting." Part of that is a time thing.....all wounds blah blah.

As for being a sandspeck on the beach of life....that may be but you only have your little grain to work with. Make it count. ;)

[PackAnotherBowl]

Talk to someone you love,who you can share your thoughts with...hope things go better for you bro. :)

[Purple Banana]

Canadien-

That was a very insightful post, and to be honest, it really did help. I'm feeling much better now, actually.

[Ganj]

Try reconnecting with something you love.....even if it seems boring at the moment. You have to do what it takes to make life "personal."

The death of someone close to you is a very understandable reason for "disconnecting." Part of that is a time thing.....all wounds blah blah.

As for being a sandspeck on the beach of life....that may be but you only have your little grain to work with. Make it count. ;)

awesome advice...it reminds me of the idea of God. in the sense that you can develop a personal relationship with him, even while you loathe your existence. it's not my idea to convert you into a religion, pb ...i'm more or less just recollecting my thoughts on similar feelings about disconnecting from yourself.

i went to a party the other day and noticed i was very withdrawn from the crowd--i was standing near the door all by myself, my mind was racing at a million miles a second and i never got off my high-horse long enough to really connect with anyone. i haven't been relaxed with myself for a very long time and so i thought about prayer or 'talking to God.' prayer is really just another route to transcendence, like meditation in the way that you attempt to obtain a deeper understanding of yourself and the world around you through contemplating. just talk to someone who will listen. you can even talk to yourself but just be sure you're listening very carefully. i catch myself in my thoughts and learn to move beyond by an unseen force granting guidance, whether it's my own rationalization or not; it's really a neat trick we humans have inherited.

[Canadien.]

yo, glad I could help!
I pretty much have gone through the exact same thing so yah..

peace, and I hope your still feeling better.

[Ghengis Chron]

I went through the exact same thing. Became depressed, unmotivated, and pretty dormant for a few months...
I had started getting really into philosophy before that, which is what eventually lead me to that belief system. Philosophy, in the end, is what saved me from all that.
I started to realize, and I'd explain this better after a spliff but whatever, that as humans we only have the ability to perceive our unimportance in the universe because we have a brain systematically powerful enough to do so... We're a blip in time, a tiny little particle, our whole planet, solar system, etc. is just a little piece of an enormous, immeasurable mass of energy.
What you have to realize is that everything exists as one. When you die, and your kids die, and their kids die, and the planet dies, and the sun dies along with our solar system, your still there. Just because you have no physical form in which your consciousness can perform action doesn't mean you aren't forever part of this huge endless ball of energy.
What's really bugging you is the lack of purpose thing, I'm guessing?
The only reason you feel this way is because you categorize things with and without purpose... believe me I know where your coming from; If nothing has a purpose, whats the fucking purpose??
really though, We just made up the word purpose. We just categorize shit like that. It doesn't really exist. Yes things scientifically have a purpose, but if we weren't here to categorize it as such... get where I'm going?
When it comes down to it, why do we need a purpose, or a need to matter. Enjoy your life the way our species has adapted to enjoy. It's a pretty crazy, beautiful thing when you look at it for what it is.

one more thing... we're the only planet with the ability to sustain intelligent, if any, life within out solar system. That's just another little one to feel good about,, i donno.

Anyway PEACE! and I really hope you find a way to feel good about life, existence, yah know... all that jazz.

p.s I don't know if you ever have, but if you ever fall in love, like, real honest to goodness just shit your pants kinda love, everything your feeling right now will be... null.


I was going through the same exact shit. It got pretty serious for a while. Until I made this realization that there's no point in thinking about our purpose. I don't want to be just another brick in the wall, but when it comes down to it, we're living our own lives the way our minds think we should. And each of our lives are interconnected to form this wall of sorts. Since then, I just go about my life as it comes. I enjoy friends' company, I enjoy a beautiful sunrise or sunset, I enjoy having sex with my girlfriend, I enjoy exercising, I enjoy a lot of things in life that are miniscuel, but when you add them all up, that IS my life.

[nightlight]

Ever since my friend's mom died, I've been beyond depressed... Hell, even before it happened. I find myself focusing more on the inevitablity that we're all going to be a sandspeck in the beach of time, and it feels like everything's just too big for me.

I find myself becoming much more disorganized, more tired, I have more pain, and I just don't feel the way I used to. I go from each day thinking "Oh wow, the world's such a beautiful place" to thinking "Nothing really matters, not my consciousness, not the leaf on that tree, nothing."

I never used to think like that. The differences in though are not nearly extreme enough to suggest bipolar, and I haven't changed the amount of weed I am smoking. Maybe I have SAD?

I don't know, I really don't.

Kinowing that you will die someday is all the more reason to rejoice now! don't waste your life contemplating what matters, or what happens after. just go with it.

[Innominate]

Life is meaningless, that's why we make ourselves extraordinary.

I've gone through the same phase, and Canadien is right about living without purpose. I believe we haven't found the real purpose of us, and to try and find it could lead us into our own dismay.

Sometimes you just need to find a good strain to smoke, and forget about all of this depressing shit.

[thcbongman]

PB, cheer up girl.

Life is full of ups and downs, sometimes to the extreme. What you are going through is only natural. It shows you care and you are human.

Time will heal all wounds. But no matter how desolete you feel inside, you gotta be strong. You know, you got it in you!

I'm glad to see you are still around!!