Writing a letter need some help!

[Frickr]

OK to start off with, i want only serious answers... if you have any jokes or anything like that, please repect what im asking, and post them in a different thread.

I need some help. I am in the process of writing a letter to my daughter. Her mother and i chose to give let her mothers sister adopt her since we both were young. Well i want to write her a letter explaining who i am, why i made that choice, and things like that. And what im asking, is if you were to write a letter to your child you never have met, what sort of stuff would you put in the letter for them to read when they are old enough to know the truth of what actually happened?

[killerweed420]

Thats pretty serious stuff. I would definitely wait and do it in person and atleast in her teens. Does she really need to know? Is she with a good family now?

[UrMomsGod]

wow... part of me says do it in person and part of my says it might be easier to express yourself in a letter.

just tell her that you made these decisions for her best interest and because being her father, you love her, even though you haven't been around to raise her. tell her that you know this must be confusing and that she might not understand and maybe she'll even be upset with you, but that fact that she is in good hands is all that matters to you.

ah... there's so much you must want to say. i can't even imagine being in your position but I respect what decided to do for your child :)

[Frickr]

Well shes with a great family, i liked that sister the most out of all of my ex's family, but then again, most of the family doesnt like me, so i dont want her to be full of a bunch of crap about me, to grow up hating me.. i want her to have this letter, so that when she gets to be old enough, she can read this, and see that i actually cared about her, and i wanted the best for her enough to put aside my own wants, to give her a life that i know i could never give her. But i want to include it in her christmas present this year. shes just a little over 1 right now, so shes not going to remember it.

[Frickr]

im hoping after she reads the letter, that if there is anything hostile against me, it will resolve that... i know that may sound a bit extreme, how many chirdren are upset with their parents for getting devorces, or giving them up for adoption, its a very serious matter. and from that letter, she will contact me.

[birdgirl73]

I need to ask a couple of background questions before I can answer.

Did you say that the little girl is just a year old? If so, she's not ready to read or interpret or even listen to/understand a letter, as you know, and sending one would mean that someone else would have to keep it and save it for her. If you trust that her adoptive parents would reliably do that, then fine. But if not, one of the things you might do is keep a sort of journal for her and put down what you want to say now and in the future, then give it to her later when she's more grown up and ready to handle what you're saying. Right now, any letter you write is going to be more for yourself than for a one-year-old.

Do you know if the plan is that, once she's old enough, she'll be told the truth about being adopted and that you're her real biological father? When the time comes for you to communicate, is there any legal restriction that would prohibit your contacting her? That is, was it meant to be a closed adoption? Those are things to think about.

That was a very generous and good decision you two made, Frickr, to let her be raised by people who are better able to be parents. I wish more people would do what's best for babies like that.

[Frickr]

well i have talked to the people who are taking care of her now, and they have agreed that a letter from me would be great. and also the adoption agency we went through encurages contact with the real parents. Well thats easy for her real mother because its her sister that adopted her, but im still left out in the blue here. so the letter i send, will be kept for her till she learnes the truth of what happened.

[Storm Crow]

And tell it with love. That's all you need to do. You'll do OK. :thumbsup:

Oh, and I work in education, if you want me to proof-read your letter for spelling errors, etc, I'd be happy to do it! No problem!

My younger half-sister was adopted out (big family scandal :wtf:). It would of been nice if our Mom could have written her a letter explaining the whole mess, but that never happened. As it is, my half-sister wants nothing to do with my brother and me- Mom's passed away. I send her birthday email greetings and ask nothing of her. Her choice. Her loss. :cool: (I found my half-sister after a 20-odd year search.)

I hope things go better for you and yours in the future. And thank you, for being adult enough to realize you weren't adult enough to raise a child. Your daughter, if she has half as much sense as her parents, will thank you too!- Granny:hippy:

[Doctor Whoov]

I can't really imagine being in your shoes. I agree that she's too young to really understand. Perhaps you can find a way to just be involved in her life and eventually when she's old enough to understand explain what happened.
I never met my father or brother or sister. I know they exist but I know I'd be pretty pissed if they showed up now 33 years later.
Good luck in what you decide.
Perhaps you should just go ahead and write the letter. Then you'd have your feelings out on paper and you can give it to her when you are both ready.

[Weedhound]

Well shes with a great family, i want her to have this letter, so that when she gets to be old enough, she can read this, and see that i actually cared about her, and i wanted the best for her enough to put aside my own wants, to give her a life that i know i could never give her. But i want to include it in her christmas present this year. shes just a little over 1 right now, so shes not going to remember it.

Just tell her what's in your heart. I believe that's pretty much what you stated right here.

Ps.....I am an adopted child.....know nothing about my biological parents.....just for a reference. ;) I would love to have a letter like this from my biological parent.

[smokestoomuch]

in person definately - no letters , no phonecalls.

meet her and explain, be real and explain everything in detail from your heart.

Your her Father she will definately want to see you and understand.

I hope it all goes well for you, good luck.

keep toking, keep smiling, keep burning
:rastasmoke: